I got married 2 days before my man got deployed. My parents were in a different state so they could not attend. It was a fast decision and we wanted to get married before he left. My mother is dealing with this extremely hard. She doesn't know my husband that well and she feels like she is loosing me to a stranger. How can you explain a deployment to your mother? How can you explain something that can only Truly be understood by the one that deals with it each day? I feel stretched as it is with work, school and now a mother that wants to break up a marriage.Husband is deployed and my mother feels like she is loosing her best friend?
Explain to her that this is the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, and that you need her support of your decision. She will create a lot of stress and tension for you if she does not. Deployments are hard on both the servicemember and the one left at home; her lack of support makes it even worse.
I had a similar situation when I married interracially. My father was very opposed to it at first, but over the last year came to understand that it was my decision, not his, and he could either accept her as my wife or risk losing me as his son.Husband is deployed and my mother feels like she is loosing her best friend?
If you and your mother have been close throughout, then she's feel particularly hurt by you getting married without her being present. You can explain to her that it was a spur of the moment thing, and possibly have some sort of a gathering, family party or something upon your husband return. That way he can meet the family and they can get to know him better.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
My Trini People!?
Remember what it was like when T.V. used to sign off?
Remember watching the last few minutes of signed off T.V. waiting for
Sesame
Street to begin?
Remember when one T.V. channel was all you needed, and a remote was
unheard
of and you used to be happy when yuh picking up channel nine?
Remember when Dominic Kalipersad was the man on TV from 7pm and you used
to
wish news was never a show?
Remember when Judy Alcantara and Allyson Hennesey used to come on the TV
every day around lunch time?
What about de weatherman Robin Maharaj?
Remember when Channel 6 come on de air, how that was like the biggest
thing
on TV?
Remember when a Donkey Kong or an Atari game was cool?
Remember when chicken and chips was Kentucky and you always wanted a
Kentucky kids pack to get a Jo Jo dollar?
Remember pitchin' marbles, pickin' mangoes, peltin' stones, shooting
caps
guns, checkin' guavas for worms, flyin' kite, lightin' flambo, bussin
bamboo, runnin' races?
Remember home work?
Remember when as soon as you reach on the beach you want to run in de
water
fast fast? Remember when yuh wanted to see how deep yuh could dig a hole
in
de sand and if you could reach water?
Remember when walking arm in arm (sober) with a guy wasn't gay?
Remember when it was no big deal to kiss your father and your mother's
lipstick stayed on your face for the whole day of school? (Fuh real with
the
lipstick ****!!)
Remember Alladin lunch kits and Trinpad copy books that had the national
anthem and ';I solemnly pledge'; on the inside cover?
Remember snakes and ladders, ludo, chinese checkers, go to pack, suck
the
well, rounders, red light green light one two three, I spy, scooch and,
kiss
catch- girls catch the boys (never wanted to get caught, but deep inside
wanted to get kissed).
Remember Star Wars, Buck Rogers, Star Trek, MacGyver, Equaliser, Simon
and
Simon, Super Friends, the adventures of Batman and Robin, Teen Talent,
Scouting for Talent, Twelve and Under, pick a pan in Mastana Bahar, No
Boundaries, Turn of the Tide.
What about Ralph Maharaj in Cross Country?
Remember Wendell Constantine in Party Time? G-Force, Terror Hawks, Super
Gran, Star Fleet, He-Man, Street Hawk, Fall Guys. A-Team, even the old
people shows like Knots Landing, Falcon Crest and JR and Bobby in Dallas
and
as much as I hate to admit it- Circle Square? (I used to love Circle
Square
J)
What about when Kiskidee Caravan was the biggest concert out. Dan it up,
Shot call, Ambush and Edoo Edoo pom pom. (bloy bloy)
Remember when an RX 7 was de coolest car. When yuh see a black RX 7 it
was
always de Knight Rider car. What about those Knight Rider lights?
Remember when Cinema was the big lime, south people remember going
Gulf City to go in de cinema upstairs?
Remember when Chinese Laundry dub tapes or rhythm nation, Dr Hyde was
most
wanted. Remember when Papa Rocky was a big time DJ?
Remember when de only soca tune yu liked was ';Dey say ah too young for
soca,
oy yoo yoyy dey making joke'; and roll up de tassa, and Sparrow's never
eat a
white meat yet. Oh gawdd, what about bump and wine?
Wait Wait, what about Nelson's Soca Daddy (She fall and ... she uh uh)?
Remember when the only two ladies you knew who used to sing Calypso was
Denyse Plummer and Drupatee? Never did you think ayyy we going to see a
sexy
woman on stage! (That is just wrong)
What about acid wash or stone wash jeans or hood tops with Malcolm X on
it?
(cyah cyah, fuh real!)
Girls what about jeans with all dem fancy patches on it and yuh wearing
big
belt too and shoes with fancy colour lacing?
Remember when shorts for girls used to reach all by they knee and you
would
be like ';she looking nice';?
What about Rikki Tikki and Uncle Ian who used to draw all kind of lines
and
say this is the sun and that is the forest? Remember shouting
';HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!'; into d TV believing with all your heart that d Rikki
Tikki in-studio audience could hear you???? LOL!!!!
Remember when goin Intercol was the biggest lime after school? Either
yuh
looking to go Skinner Park or in de Stadium.
What about those two to eight limes? Or when hanging by the video arcade
was
cool?
What about the Penal Convent bazaars or the Fatima College dances?
(Dread!
Fuh real! May Fiesta.)
Remember when going in the direction after Hilton was like going on some
hike in some weird area? Never heard about Coconuts then?
The only reason you going around the savannah was to go in the zoo or by
de
botanic gardens.
Remember wanting to catch the maxi with the biggest sounds?
Remember when ';race'; was a word used to describe a running competition,
';colour'; was used to describe yuh water paints or yuh drawing book and
religion was remembering the ';our father'; and ';thank you for the food we
eat';?
Remember when a fight was a few hard cuff and ended with a simple sorry?
Remember when disease was the cold, starvation was a belly ache, a cold
drink was a big red, a solo or a tall pepsi and how high you got
depended on
who was pushing the swings?
Remember when the Prime Minister was just a name in Social Studies and
politics was just a word in your spelling book? (Remember the Students
Companion????)
Remember when guns were full of water and knives were made of plastic?
Do you remember....... my Trini people?My Trini People!?
I think we were born in the same decade...I remember all those things and more.
Remember Intercol (CIC, we want a goal!)
For TV shows - don't forget Meditation and Sugar Cane Arrows (with chunkalounks David Rudder!)
Remember Machel Montano in a diaper and with a giant baby bottle (dey say ah too young to soca..)
Remember singing all dem parang songs and not knowing what the hell you were singing about (que rede, que rede, la Pascualidad...)
Thanks for the memories!My Trini People!?
Me an You is probly from d same times becus I rember all dat. Do you remember all that broken language the old folks use to speak. Eh! Times certainly have changed. How about that song ';bring back d ole time days'; by Nappy Meyers. I wish those days were really back. Long ago use to be so... its unexplainable. Even as I write this now I feel butterflies in my stomach. Thanks for the returned memories.
yah my moms from trinidad n she told me stories about tht........
Fuh real. Trinidad has changed a lot since then.
i do
Yes to all. It's nice to hear from another Trini on this website. Drop me a line.honeymoon cabin rental
Remember watching the last few minutes of signed off T.V. waiting for
Sesame
Street to begin?
Remember when one T.V. channel was all you needed, and a remote was
unheard
of and you used to be happy when yuh picking up channel nine?
Remember when Dominic Kalipersad was the man on TV from 7pm and you used
to
wish news was never a show?
Remember when Judy Alcantara and Allyson Hennesey used to come on the TV
every day around lunch time?
What about de weatherman Robin Maharaj?
Remember when Channel 6 come on de air, how that was like the biggest
thing
on TV?
Remember when a Donkey Kong or an Atari game was cool?
Remember when chicken and chips was Kentucky and you always wanted a
Kentucky kids pack to get a Jo Jo dollar?
Remember pitchin' marbles, pickin' mangoes, peltin' stones, shooting
caps
guns, checkin' guavas for worms, flyin' kite, lightin' flambo, bussin
bamboo, runnin' races?
Remember home work?
Remember when as soon as you reach on the beach you want to run in de
water
fast fast? Remember when yuh wanted to see how deep yuh could dig a hole
in
de sand and if you could reach water?
Remember when walking arm in arm (sober) with a guy wasn't gay?
Remember when it was no big deal to kiss your father and your mother's
lipstick stayed on your face for the whole day of school? (Fuh real with
the
lipstick ****!!)
Remember Alladin lunch kits and Trinpad copy books that had the national
anthem and ';I solemnly pledge'; on the inside cover?
Remember snakes and ladders, ludo, chinese checkers, go to pack, suck
the
well, rounders, red light green light one two three, I spy, scooch and,
kiss
catch- girls catch the boys (never wanted to get caught, but deep inside
wanted to get kissed).
Remember Star Wars, Buck Rogers, Star Trek, MacGyver, Equaliser, Simon
and
Simon, Super Friends, the adventures of Batman and Robin, Teen Talent,
Scouting for Talent, Twelve and Under, pick a pan in Mastana Bahar, No
Boundaries, Turn of the Tide.
What about Ralph Maharaj in Cross Country?
Remember Wendell Constantine in Party Time? G-Force, Terror Hawks, Super
Gran, Star Fleet, He-Man, Street Hawk, Fall Guys. A-Team, even the old
people shows like Knots Landing, Falcon Crest and JR and Bobby in Dallas
and
as much as I hate to admit it- Circle Square? (I used to love Circle
Square
J)
What about when Kiskidee Caravan was the biggest concert out. Dan it up,
Shot call, Ambush and Edoo Edoo pom pom. (bloy bloy)
Remember when an RX 7 was de coolest car. When yuh see a black RX 7 it
was
always de Knight Rider car. What about those Knight Rider lights?
Remember when Cinema was the big lime, south people remember going
Gulf City to go in de cinema upstairs?
Remember when Chinese Laundry dub tapes or rhythm nation, Dr Hyde was
most
wanted. Remember when Papa Rocky was a big time DJ?
Remember when de only soca tune yu liked was ';Dey say ah too young for
soca,
oy yoo yoyy dey making joke'; and roll up de tassa, and Sparrow's never
eat a
white meat yet. Oh gawdd, what about bump and wine?
Wait Wait, what about Nelson's Soca Daddy (She fall and ... she uh uh)?
Remember when the only two ladies you knew who used to sing Calypso was
Denyse Plummer and Drupatee? Never did you think ayyy we going to see a
sexy
woman on stage! (That is just wrong)
What about acid wash or stone wash jeans or hood tops with Malcolm X on
it?
(cyah cyah, fuh real!)
Girls what about jeans with all dem fancy patches on it and yuh wearing
big
belt too and shoes with fancy colour lacing?
Remember when shorts for girls used to reach all by they knee and you
would
be like ';she looking nice';?
What about Rikki Tikki and Uncle Ian who used to draw all kind of lines
and
say this is the sun and that is the forest? Remember shouting
';HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!'; into d TV believing with all your heart that d Rikki
Tikki in-studio audience could hear you???? LOL!!!!
Remember when goin Intercol was the biggest lime after school? Either
yuh
looking to go Skinner Park or in de Stadium.
What about those two to eight limes? Or when hanging by the video arcade
was
cool?
What about the Penal Convent bazaars or the Fatima College dances?
(Dread!
Fuh real! May Fiesta.)
Remember when going in the direction after Hilton was like going on some
hike in some weird area? Never heard about Coconuts then?
The only reason you going around the savannah was to go in the zoo or by
de
botanic gardens.
Remember wanting to catch the maxi with the biggest sounds?
Remember when ';race'; was a word used to describe a running competition,
';colour'; was used to describe yuh water paints or yuh drawing book and
religion was remembering the ';our father'; and ';thank you for the food we
eat';?
Remember when a fight was a few hard cuff and ended with a simple sorry?
Remember when disease was the cold, starvation was a belly ache, a cold
drink was a big red, a solo or a tall pepsi and how high you got
depended on
who was pushing the swings?
Remember when the Prime Minister was just a name in Social Studies and
politics was just a word in your spelling book? (Remember the Students
Companion????)
Remember when guns were full of water and knives were made of plastic?
Do you remember....... my Trini people?My Trini People!?
I think we were born in the same decade...I remember all those things and more.
Remember Intercol (CIC, we want a goal!)
For TV shows - don't forget Meditation and Sugar Cane Arrows (with chunkalounks David Rudder!)
Remember Machel Montano in a diaper and with a giant baby bottle (dey say ah too young to soca..)
Remember singing all dem parang songs and not knowing what the hell you were singing about (que rede, que rede, la Pascualidad...)
Thanks for the memories!My Trini People!?
Me an You is probly from d same times becus I rember all dat. Do you remember all that broken language the old folks use to speak. Eh! Times certainly have changed. How about that song ';bring back d ole time days'; by Nappy Meyers. I wish those days were really back. Long ago use to be so... its unexplainable. Even as I write this now I feel butterflies in my stomach. Thanks for the returned memories.
yah my moms from trinidad n she told me stories about tht........
Fuh real. Trinidad has changed a lot since then.
i do
Yes to all. It's nice to hear from another Trini on this website. Drop me a line.
POLL: Deal For Shawn Johnson - WOULD YOU TAKE IT?
DEAL:
You have to Run for 24 hours straight in one day NON STOP, you cannot go under 5 mph at any time during the 24 hour period (only the second or two it takes to reach 5 mph).
If at any time you stop or go under 5 mph someone punches your mother in the face and the deal is off.
If you succeed in this challenge, you will get an entire 24 hour period of just you and Shawn Johnson alone.
she will not have any information on how you got this 24 hour period alone with her, nor will she question how you got this time with her, it will all just make sense to her no questions asked.
Keep in mind she will be in her normal state of mind and have no predisposed opinions of you
It is up to you what you do with her, all state laws (you pick the state US only) and regulations apply.
All this is is opportunity, if you're an intriguing individual or a smooth talker or just a main man, then you'll probably fare well with her assuming you will try to court her as would I.
SO,
Would You Take This Deal?POLL: Deal For Shawn Johnson - WOULD YOU TAKE IT?
Ok i probably would not take the challenge just because my mother would get punched the whole 24 hours. But if I did however complete this deal I would just talk to her for most of the day and see where it gets if you catch my drift. I would choose one of those southern states that allow marriage to young people (like alabama)POLL: Deal For Shawn Johnson - WOULD YOU TAKE IT?
She's just a kid.
this is an awkward question
I'ts just a boy
Well Shawn is too young for me...
But I'd sure like to get down with Nastia Liukin. She is hotter in my opinion too.
However, I would not try that run just because I get along really well with my mom and I don't want her getting hurt or **** like that.
Well thats hard.. but i will do it too meet Michael Phelps =]
BTW: Im not GAY =]
If i could run that long without dying, hell yeah
Oh and the legal age in WA state is 16 :)
If i could last i would
No because I dont find Shawn Johnson that fascinating. I live in Iowa so I see her all the time on TV....are you obsessed with her?
No but for michael phelps i would!
Isn't that a felony?
How do you deal with parents that hate your spouse despite a number of attempts to work things out?Any ideas?
Six months ago it become apparent that my parents, more so my mom had a real dislike for my wife. After many conversations with my wife I finally convinced her that we needed to both take babysitting and daycare previlages away as both my mom and dad watched our kids, but also confront them about this. This did not go well at all and after a month we finally convince them to seek counseling with us. After four counseling sessions it became obvious that my mother never respected or liked my wife for nothing more than being who she is. My wife is a loving and caring person to both me and our kids and I am lucky to have her. Thus, I would not stand for this treatment and decided that unless my parents want to treat my wife with respect that we would not have a relationship with them. I do feel sad that it has come to this, especially because our kids are missing time with their Grandparents. However, certian things in life cannot be comprmised and this is one of them.How do you deal with parents that hate your spouse despite a number of attempts to work things out?Any ideas?
You deal with it exactly how you did. I commend you for not subjecting your wife to abuse. So many men choose their parents over their wives that it is sickening. They are little boys who cannot cut the cord or are they ready for a man-woman relationship. You gave your mother every chance to be reasonable and she turned it down. Maybe this decision will wake her up. Some people though never learn and think life is all about them and no one else. Sad but it happens. Your wife is also lucky to have you.How do you deal with parents that hate your spouse despite a number of attempts to work things out?Any ideas?
just see them at Thanksgiving and Christmas...sorry ive been there and my former mominlaw grew to love me fianlly and now here i have another new one who is even nicer!
I think you did a wonderful thing. I know it hurts to turn your back to your parents, but your wife and children deserve to be treated well. I love seeing true men and women like you. Good luck.
Dam baby that is cold........... But you did the right thing your wife is very lucky to have you most men would cower to there mothers
You are so wise. Good job protecting your wife. Kudos!
My mother-inlaw wasn't crazy about me either. Hubby had our phone number changed and wouldn't give it to her for a very long time until she straightened up.
Again, good job!
I think you did the right thing! I know it is hard, I don't allow my kids anywhere near my mom (for different reasons) and my husband's mom is passed. And we both have strained relationships with our fathers. so, I know the whole feeling down about them not having the grandparents in their lives. But, your family now, is your wife and your kids. And, they come first no matter what. It sounds like you know that! I have to applaud you because not many men would stick up for their wife that way. You sound like a VERY good man!
I feel bad for you and your wife, but I think you have done the right thing for now. Can your parents be more specific about why they don't like your wife? Maybe they heard some gossip about her that is wrong and you can correct their misperception. Even if they hate your wife, they should realize that this is the woman you love and she is the mother of your children. They need to learn to be tolerant of her and at the very least treat her with respect. and if they cant, they will suffer in the end as they will lose your respect as their sone and they will not develop a loving relationship with their grandchildren. Best wishes.
you need to talk to your parents and explain to them the way you feel! my mom does'nt really like my husband because of the things that he's done to me in the past ,but she gets along with him for my kids and i!! that's part of being a parent! however your part in this is to get over it and accept that your mom does'nt like your wife and she's prolly not ever going to and more than likely she has a reason behind it even if you don't know what that reason may be! you have to be the bigger person and allow your children to see their grandparents!!!!!! it is NOT the kids fault that all have problems and by keeping the kids away from the grandparents it is hurting your kids more than you know and believe me when i say they will see this when they get older!!!!! change things before it is too late!! that's your mom,dad,wife ,and kids! be the peace maker even if you can't make everyone like eachother try to get them to get along for the kids and if everyone loves the kids they will!
Kudos to you for standing up for your wife! From what you've said, it sounds like your parents need to step up to the plate. You mentioned ';more so my mom';.. perhaps speaking to your Dad alone will shed some light on how he feels. Maybe he can be the go between to convince your Mom that she needs to accept your wife and family. If counseling has not mended the fences between you and your parents, maybe time and space will. Allow some time to pass which may show your Mom that she is truly missing out. I think your situation is sad and you have handled it well, despite the fact that you had to make a choice between parents and wife. You definitely made the right choice.
I do not know how far they go to being disrespectful. But I WAS in the same shoes. I felt looked down on everytime I turned around. I felt I was never good enough. .It was very noticeable in front of others as well. We have had words and arguments.
Theres nothing you can do, but stick by your wife and stand up for her when needed. You don't know how much it means to her when you stand by her. I know it is hard having a parent be against your spouse. I saw the pain in my husbands eyes one too many times.
There was a lite at the end of my tunnel. Something happened to my husband where he was in the hospital and I saw a complete change in my inlaws towards me. I am so grateful we are bonding after 14 years we are JUST now really bonding.
I would not take away the grandkids. I have 3 of my own. I would have never wanted to cause them heartache. the children have done nothing wrong and deserve their grand parents just as much as the grand parents deserve the children. I know its hard, I know the pain. I was that wife at one time and I was angry, and hurt. But we have to be the adults. I pray that there will be a light for both of you on the matter.
Look at it this way. One day at a time. don't stoop to their level. chin up! love your mother,but love your wife more and stand by her.
You did the right thing. Sorry it's painful. Your immediate family is the priority, and your wife and kids are very lucky that you are such a good husband and dad... (Not a suckup mama's boy)
I had the same problem with my kids grandmother. I would suggest still having the kids send holiday, birthday cards and pictures. It teaches the kids to be bigger people, and shows you are teaching them manners. Also, let them know they are ALWAYS welcome if they are pleasant and cordial to the entire family, that you are a family unit.
Hopefully, they will break down when they get older. If the kids ask what's going on, just say something benign like 'they're busy but they're always welcome here.'
Usually kids are pretty self-absorbed and that will suffice. When my kids became teenagers, they kind of figured it out, but at that point, they were okay with it. They loved them, accept them for their limitations, were happy with their infrequent birthday cards, and limited contact and weren't hurt or angry.
It's the best you can do with what you got.
Good luck.
I agree with your actions in protecting your wife-great job there. However, it sounds as if your kids have an ongoing relationship with your parents that you've yanked away. I was in the same position as your wife. It isn't fair to the kids to cut their relationship off because you four cannot come to an agreement. I'd still let them see the kids because the children need that relationship with them-unless of course they are behaving badly with the children (saying inappropriate things about mom, etc). And, not for daycare and babysitting-those are your privileges that they give to you, not you to them. Visiting with the kids are their own time as they request is a privilege that you give to your parents-don't confuse the two. Ultimately, your mom will probably want to come to a resolution because she'll want to see you. It sounds as if she is having jealousy issues with your wife (wife isn't good enough but cannot give a definite reason why). My m-in-law was a jealous woman who would rather see my husband than my kids. She treated me horribly. When he cut the cord and said there would be no more visits with him (she could still see the kids), she straightened up. It took her awhile and she tried to trick him into visits, but he stood his ground.
Cut off contact with them.You said it best at the end. Certain things cannot be compromised. Congratulations for standing by your wife and respecting her. Your children will live well even though they will not see their grandparents, don't worry. In fact you wouldnt want them near them to pick up the toxic vibes, would you? You need reassurance that you are doing the right thing and I guarantee you , you are. This is quite prevalent unfortunately as I read on this site, that mothers of boys simply wont get over who they choose as a wife. It is sad but very basic and almost sub conscious act. PLEASE start a new life without them and more importantly, feel good about it, like you did the right thing. You are a fine man protecting your little family and I wish you the best. Years from now, although you will always have a sad feeling about the fact of what could have been, you will still know that it was not your fault and you did all that you could. The counseling was over and above what you should have had to do with your time and money.
Best wishes.
you have to choose, parents or spouse. You should try viewing form your parents place and see what they are talking about first. You may have to just see them on holidays without him and he will go to his family
:\
Good for you!! You love your wife very much. She is a great wife and a great mother. The problem lies with your parents. We don't get to pick who our parents are. We are stuck with them. But we do get to pick who we marry and love for the rest of your lives together. Focus on your wife and children and be happy. Life is too short to be angry and misserable. Love your wife and don't expose her to them anymore. Eventually they may talk badly about your wife to your children. We don't want that.
You know your wife, you said that she's loving and caring. It is very possible that you parents or your mother are jealous of your relationship. She, of coarse was the first woman you ever loved ya know. It sounds like they still can't let go of their little boy who is now a grown man. Them being disrespectful to your wife also includes them being disrespectful to you. Don't they trust that they raised a man who can make good decisions, which included the partner you chose for life? It sounds like you have tried to mend fences with them and it is hurtful that they don't see the beauty in your wife like you do. You will have to come to terms with this, but as far as your children go, if your parents refrain from bashing their mother in front of them, I wouldn't take the kids away from their grandparents. All of them need that relationship especially if your parents love your kids and your kids love them. Kids can never be leverage when adults can't get along.
Continue to love your wife and understand that parents can't always be what we need them to be. Enjoy your life that you've made together and try to forgive your parents for their ignorance. Forgiving doesn't mean that you accept their behavior, it just means that it will help you sleep better at night and know that you've done all you can do to make things right. But if they truly love your children, care for your children and don't harm them by insulting your wife in front of them, please let them continue the relationship. But, tell your parents that in front of the children, they have to be nice to your wife. If they can't do that, then consider your children not seeing your parents.
Good luck and continue loving your wife like you do. They should be grateful that you found someone that makes you happy and complements your life.
I have to ask, there is a difference between respect and liking, did they show respect at all? I know my parents weren't really crazy about my choice of husband but they always were respectful of him and our relationship. It took several years for a liking to grow between them. Seeing us still happy 15 years later has helped with that liking a ton.
You're right to demand respect for your wife and she's lucky to have a husband who does that. Much more than that may take time.
Have you said anything to your parents about your wife prior to getting married. Something that may have set in motion your parents dislike for her, I know there are people who hate their in laws for all kind of irrational reasons but sometimes the dislikes are valid . My mother tried to get along with my sils always treated them with respect always welcomed them in her home. She did voice her concerns to my bros only when they revealed information about them like them having a kid no one knew about or an ex husband calling them telling them not to marry that broad, stuff that we wouldn't know unless they gave the information. When my bros. would call and talk to my mother about troubles they were having in the marriage yes of course she would give advice but it only with the information they would give her. It got to a point my mom didn't want to hear it anymore yet she was labeled mil from hell, Now the relationship is strained and she's not hasn't spoken to my sil in about 3yrs which effected the relationship with my nephew. Don't get me wrong if they can't get along don't have your wife around them but be very careful about banning the grandkids from your parents as long as they are not bad mouthing their mother in front of them then don't destroy that relationship. I've seen it up close that my mother is hurt though she tries not to show it.finance Fish
You deal with it exactly how you did. I commend you for not subjecting your wife to abuse. So many men choose their parents over their wives that it is sickening. They are little boys who cannot cut the cord or are they ready for a man-woman relationship. You gave your mother every chance to be reasonable and she turned it down. Maybe this decision will wake her up. Some people though never learn and think life is all about them and no one else. Sad but it happens. Your wife is also lucky to have you.How do you deal with parents that hate your spouse despite a number of attempts to work things out?Any ideas?
just see them at Thanksgiving and Christmas...sorry ive been there and my former mominlaw grew to love me fianlly and now here i have another new one who is even nicer!
I think you did a wonderful thing. I know it hurts to turn your back to your parents, but your wife and children deserve to be treated well. I love seeing true men and women like you. Good luck.
Dam baby that is cold........... But you did the right thing your wife is very lucky to have you most men would cower to there mothers
You are so wise. Good job protecting your wife. Kudos!
My mother-inlaw wasn't crazy about me either. Hubby had our phone number changed and wouldn't give it to her for a very long time until she straightened up.
Again, good job!
I think you did the right thing! I know it is hard, I don't allow my kids anywhere near my mom (for different reasons) and my husband's mom is passed. And we both have strained relationships with our fathers. so, I know the whole feeling down about them not having the grandparents in their lives. But, your family now, is your wife and your kids. And, they come first no matter what. It sounds like you know that! I have to applaud you because not many men would stick up for their wife that way. You sound like a VERY good man!
I feel bad for you and your wife, but I think you have done the right thing for now. Can your parents be more specific about why they don't like your wife? Maybe they heard some gossip about her that is wrong and you can correct their misperception. Even if they hate your wife, they should realize that this is the woman you love and she is the mother of your children. They need to learn to be tolerant of her and at the very least treat her with respect. and if they cant, they will suffer in the end as they will lose your respect as their sone and they will not develop a loving relationship with their grandchildren. Best wishes.
you need to talk to your parents and explain to them the way you feel! my mom does'nt really like my husband because of the things that he's done to me in the past ,but she gets along with him for my kids and i!! that's part of being a parent! however your part in this is to get over it and accept that your mom does'nt like your wife and she's prolly not ever going to and more than likely she has a reason behind it even if you don't know what that reason may be! you have to be the bigger person and allow your children to see their grandparents!!!!!! it is NOT the kids fault that all have problems and by keeping the kids away from the grandparents it is hurting your kids more than you know and believe me when i say they will see this when they get older!!!!! change things before it is too late!! that's your mom,dad,wife ,and kids! be the peace maker even if you can't make everyone like eachother try to get them to get along for the kids and if everyone loves the kids they will!
Kudos to you for standing up for your wife! From what you've said, it sounds like your parents need to step up to the plate. You mentioned ';more so my mom';.. perhaps speaking to your Dad alone will shed some light on how he feels. Maybe he can be the go between to convince your Mom that she needs to accept your wife and family. If counseling has not mended the fences between you and your parents, maybe time and space will. Allow some time to pass which may show your Mom that she is truly missing out. I think your situation is sad and you have handled it well, despite the fact that you had to make a choice between parents and wife. You definitely made the right choice.
I do not know how far they go to being disrespectful. But I WAS in the same shoes. I felt looked down on everytime I turned around. I felt I was never good enough. .It was very noticeable in front of others as well. We have had words and arguments.
Theres nothing you can do, but stick by your wife and stand up for her when needed. You don't know how much it means to her when you stand by her. I know it is hard having a parent be against your spouse. I saw the pain in my husbands eyes one too many times.
There was a lite at the end of my tunnel. Something happened to my husband where he was in the hospital and I saw a complete change in my inlaws towards me. I am so grateful we are bonding after 14 years we are JUST now really bonding.
I would not take away the grandkids. I have 3 of my own. I would have never wanted to cause them heartache. the children have done nothing wrong and deserve their grand parents just as much as the grand parents deserve the children. I know its hard, I know the pain. I was that wife at one time and I was angry, and hurt. But we have to be the adults. I pray that there will be a light for both of you on the matter.
Look at it this way. One day at a time. don't stoop to their level. chin up! love your mother,but love your wife more and stand by her.
You did the right thing. Sorry it's painful. Your immediate family is the priority, and your wife and kids are very lucky that you are such a good husband and dad... (Not a suckup mama's boy)
I had the same problem with my kids grandmother. I would suggest still having the kids send holiday, birthday cards and pictures. It teaches the kids to be bigger people, and shows you are teaching them manners. Also, let them know they are ALWAYS welcome if they are pleasant and cordial to the entire family, that you are a family unit.
Hopefully, they will break down when they get older. If the kids ask what's going on, just say something benign like 'they're busy but they're always welcome here.'
Usually kids are pretty self-absorbed and that will suffice. When my kids became teenagers, they kind of figured it out, but at that point, they were okay with it. They loved them, accept them for their limitations, were happy with their infrequent birthday cards, and limited contact and weren't hurt or angry.
It's the best you can do with what you got.
Good luck.
I agree with your actions in protecting your wife-great job there. However, it sounds as if your kids have an ongoing relationship with your parents that you've yanked away. I was in the same position as your wife. It isn't fair to the kids to cut their relationship off because you four cannot come to an agreement. I'd still let them see the kids because the children need that relationship with them-unless of course they are behaving badly with the children (saying inappropriate things about mom, etc). And, not for daycare and babysitting-those are your privileges that they give to you, not you to them. Visiting with the kids are their own time as they request is a privilege that you give to your parents-don't confuse the two. Ultimately, your mom will probably want to come to a resolution because she'll want to see you. It sounds as if she is having jealousy issues with your wife (wife isn't good enough but cannot give a definite reason why). My m-in-law was a jealous woman who would rather see my husband than my kids. She treated me horribly. When he cut the cord and said there would be no more visits with him (she could still see the kids), she straightened up. It took her awhile and she tried to trick him into visits, but he stood his ground.
Cut off contact with them.You said it best at the end. Certain things cannot be compromised. Congratulations for standing by your wife and respecting her. Your children will live well even though they will not see their grandparents, don't worry. In fact you wouldnt want them near them to pick up the toxic vibes, would you? You need reassurance that you are doing the right thing and I guarantee you , you are. This is quite prevalent unfortunately as I read on this site, that mothers of boys simply wont get over who they choose as a wife. It is sad but very basic and almost sub conscious act. PLEASE start a new life without them and more importantly, feel good about it, like you did the right thing. You are a fine man protecting your little family and I wish you the best. Years from now, although you will always have a sad feeling about the fact of what could have been, you will still know that it was not your fault and you did all that you could. The counseling was over and above what you should have had to do with your time and money.
Best wishes.
you have to choose, parents or spouse. You should try viewing form your parents place and see what they are talking about first. You may have to just see them on holidays without him and he will go to his family
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Good for you!! You love your wife very much. She is a great wife and a great mother. The problem lies with your parents. We don't get to pick who our parents are. We are stuck with them. But we do get to pick who we marry and love for the rest of your lives together. Focus on your wife and children and be happy. Life is too short to be angry and misserable. Love your wife and don't expose her to them anymore. Eventually they may talk badly about your wife to your children. We don't want that.
You know your wife, you said that she's loving and caring. It is very possible that you parents or your mother are jealous of your relationship. She, of coarse was the first woman you ever loved ya know. It sounds like they still can't let go of their little boy who is now a grown man. Them being disrespectful to your wife also includes them being disrespectful to you. Don't they trust that they raised a man who can make good decisions, which included the partner you chose for life? It sounds like you have tried to mend fences with them and it is hurtful that they don't see the beauty in your wife like you do. You will have to come to terms with this, but as far as your children go, if your parents refrain from bashing their mother in front of them, I wouldn't take the kids away from their grandparents. All of them need that relationship especially if your parents love your kids and your kids love them. Kids can never be leverage when adults can't get along.
Continue to love your wife and understand that parents can't always be what we need them to be. Enjoy your life that you've made together and try to forgive your parents for their ignorance. Forgiving doesn't mean that you accept their behavior, it just means that it will help you sleep better at night and know that you've done all you can do to make things right. But if they truly love your children, care for your children and don't harm them by insulting your wife in front of them, please let them continue the relationship. But, tell your parents that in front of the children, they have to be nice to your wife. If they can't do that, then consider your children not seeing your parents.
Good luck and continue loving your wife like you do. They should be grateful that you found someone that makes you happy and complements your life.
I have to ask, there is a difference between respect and liking, did they show respect at all? I know my parents weren't really crazy about my choice of husband but they always were respectful of him and our relationship. It took several years for a liking to grow between them. Seeing us still happy 15 years later has helped with that liking a ton.
You're right to demand respect for your wife and she's lucky to have a husband who does that. Much more than that may take time.
Have you said anything to your parents about your wife prior to getting married. Something that may have set in motion your parents dislike for her, I know there are people who hate their in laws for all kind of irrational reasons but sometimes the dislikes are valid . My mother tried to get along with my sils always treated them with respect always welcomed them in her home. She did voice her concerns to my bros only when they revealed information about them like them having a kid no one knew about or an ex husband calling them telling them not to marry that broad, stuff that we wouldn't know unless they gave the information. When my bros. would call and talk to my mother about troubles they were having in the marriage yes of course she would give advice but it only with the information they would give her. It got to a point my mom didn't want to hear it anymore yet she was labeled mil from hell, Now the relationship is strained and she's not hasn't spoken to my sil in about 3yrs which effected the relationship with my nephew. Don't get me wrong if they can't get along don't have your wife around them but be very careful about banning the grandkids from your parents as long as they are not bad mouthing their mother in front of them then don't destroy that relationship. I've seen it up close that my mother is hurt though she tries not to show it.
Advice on dealing with my mother?
Background: I'm half-Viet, half-White. I'm a junior in college (I live in an apartment nearby.) My parents were divorced when I was young. I lived with my mom but Saturdays and other random days I'd hang out with my dad. I'd ask my dad but he passed away in January of 06. I pay for everything (room/board/bills/school), either through inheritance, loans, scholarships or financial aid.
Since junior year of HS I've had problems with her and they've continued to escalate. We fight mostly over criticisms (they include not dressing up 'girly,' losing weight, my supposed 'laziness,' my 'dependence' and 'lying'). Most of what she levels have no grounds. When I show evidence to the contrary she just says, ';No. No. You must listen me! I'm your mother.'; I know there is a culture difference, so I've tried many ways to get her to understand: letters (she read 1 sentence), calm conversation, ignoring and full out arguing. Any ideas on how I can get her to hear me out?Advice on dealing with my mother?
No she is not going to change. Soon you will be on your own. Time to detach while still honoring her as your mother and being gracious, move on mentally.Advice on dealing with my mother?
Don't waste time aruging with her. Do what you want and you can in your own place.
i think you are fighting a loosing battle
oh boy i have been there i tried eveything to get her to listen then i asked my grandma for help her mom would know excatly how to get her to listen and it worked i took her to a resaurant and she couldnt fight with me in a public place and she couldnt get loud either unless she wanted to embarass herself so i met her there dont tell her what you are doing this for then make your point in the most respectful way and listen to her to dont interup as hard as it may be and she will have to listen and if she still doesnt go to her mom for help if you can or someone close to her that usually always works good luck!!!
okay maybe try this approach..ask your mom if u 2 can talk over a cup of coffee tea etc. my therapist suggested this and it worked for me.start by telling your mom how important she is still in your life, how you still need her help and guidance since she has seen so much and been through so many life experience's and somehow made it through as a strong loving giving person..then say i just wanted to say i feel that i may have inadvertently done or said something to hurt your feelings and would like to do whatever i can to try to correct whatever it maybe..some time's the smallest thong we do can hurt someone and we don't even realize it..but then again you may not have done anything at all...but as long as you keep your mom from feeling ';attacked'; or accused'; of something then she will open up and you 2 should be able to have an open conversation..to get the ball rolling.when both people are on the defense then everyone shuts down and cannot ';HEAR';what the other person is trying to say..make sure you try to start all sentence's with not I feel but DO I make you feel etc..so she feels in a safe place to open up emotionally to you hope this help's bless u and you be proud of yourself your an amazing strong caring person even with all you yourself has been through {mental hug} and good luck smile's
Since junior year of HS I've had problems with her and they've continued to escalate. We fight mostly over criticisms (they include not dressing up 'girly,' losing weight, my supposed 'laziness,' my 'dependence' and 'lying'). Most of what she levels have no grounds. When I show evidence to the contrary she just says, ';No. No. You must listen me! I'm your mother.'; I know there is a culture difference, so I've tried many ways to get her to understand: letters (she read 1 sentence), calm conversation, ignoring and full out arguing. Any ideas on how I can get her to hear me out?Advice on dealing with my mother?
No she is not going to change. Soon you will be on your own. Time to detach while still honoring her as your mother and being gracious, move on mentally.Advice on dealing with my mother?
Don't waste time aruging with her. Do what you want and you can in your own place.
i think you are fighting a loosing battle
oh boy i have been there i tried eveything to get her to listen then i asked my grandma for help her mom would know excatly how to get her to listen and it worked i took her to a resaurant and she couldnt fight with me in a public place and she couldnt get loud either unless she wanted to embarass herself so i met her there dont tell her what you are doing this for then make your point in the most respectful way and listen to her to dont interup as hard as it may be and she will have to listen and if she still doesnt go to her mom for help if you can or someone close to her that usually always works good luck!!!
okay maybe try this approach..ask your mom if u 2 can talk over a cup of coffee tea etc. my therapist suggested this and it worked for me.start by telling your mom how important she is still in your life, how you still need her help and guidance since she has seen so much and been through so many life experience's and somehow made it through as a strong loving giving person..then say i just wanted to say i feel that i may have inadvertently done or said something to hurt your feelings and would like to do whatever i can to try to correct whatever it maybe..some time's the smallest thong we do can hurt someone and we don't even realize it..but then again you may not have done anything at all...but as long as you keep your mom from feeling ';attacked'; or accused'; of something then she will open up and you 2 should be able to have an open conversation..to get the ball rolling.when both people are on the defense then everyone shuts down and cannot ';HEAR';what the other person is trying to say..make sure you try to start all sentence's with not I feel but DO I make you feel etc..so she feels in a safe place to open up emotionally to you hope this help's bless u and you be proud of yourself your an amazing strong caring person even with all you yourself has been through {mental hug} and good luck smile's
Any people dealing with ex gf, specially if she is mother of your child, how u manage your relationship?
Do you just pay child support, or also play some important role in childs life, how do u manage two lifes, dont u feel like going back to hr, what about kid how do u deal with that and what about ur current gf and all that.
Please advice me how to deal with such a situation, how painful it is to break up with ur pregnant but cheater gf.Any people dealing with ex gf, specially if she is mother of your child, how u manage your relationship?
You ask that question as if its either or. You do all. You pay your child support. You be there for your kids. You have to keep some type of communication with the mother for the sake of your kids.
I know its painful but you must be strong and move on. But just be careful next time you're with anyone -- you don't want to have different kids with different women. Thats more child support you'll have to pay and going to work would seem pointless 'cause you won't have any money left for yourself after paying C/S.
Take things one day at a time. It'll be all right. You probably wanted answers from other men/dads.....but I was with someone that has 3 kids and has to deal with his ex/kid's mother constantly. And thats a challenge cause she isn't the most civil person.
Just do the best you can. It may not seem like its gonna get better - but in time, it will. Good luck sweety.Any people dealing with ex gf, specially if she is mother of your child, how u manage your relationship?
Well if she is pregnant and a cheater, it just might not be yours. Don't be a dope and make sure to get a paternity test right after the child is born. You would be surprised how often it turns out negative.
Yes you should pay support and have an important role in your child's life. However you need to keep the interaction with the ex to a minimum. This is very important as it can have a huge impact on future relationships. Girlfriends for some odd reason don't like you dealing with the ex...amazing isn't it? Set it up so you have standard visitation and a neutral drop off and pick up site (like her mothers house, etc). Even just showing up at her house for a few minutes to pick the kid up can be huge sources of conflict.
The people who keep these contact points to a minimum have a lot less drama in their lives then those who don't. Make sure you get her the payments on time and in full, otherwise there will be huge problems.
When you have a child you have more responsibilities then just paying child support.If thing's didn't work out between you %26amp; your child's mom that is fine but your child deserves to have two parent's.Not only is it important that you pay child support but you also need to continue to be a father to your child.You may find it uncomfortable having to deal with your ex but you are the one's that chose to bring an innocent child into this world.You have every right to move on into another relationship but you also have to be honest with your new partner and let them know that you have a child from a previous relationship and you have to continue to be a parent.You never put anyone else infront of your child your child is what really matters.Good Luck %26amp; Best Wishes
run off to ukraine
Please advice me how to deal with such a situation, how painful it is to break up with ur pregnant but cheater gf.Any people dealing with ex gf, specially if she is mother of your child, how u manage your relationship?
You ask that question as if its either or. You do all. You pay your child support. You be there for your kids. You have to keep some type of communication with the mother for the sake of your kids.
I know its painful but you must be strong and move on. But just be careful next time you're with anyone -- you don't want to have different kids with different women. Thats more child support you'll have to pay and going to work would seem pointless 'cause you won't have any money left for yourself after paying C/S.
Take things one day at a time. It'll be all right. You probably wanted answers from other men/dads.....but I was with someone that has 3 kids and has to deal with his ex/kid's mother constantly. And thats a challenge cause she isn't the most civil person.
Just do the best you can. It may not seem like its gonna get better - but in time, it will. Good luck sweety.Any people dealing with ex gf, specially if she is mother of your child, how u manage your relationship?
Well if she is pregnant and a cheater, it just might not be yours. Don't be a dope and make sure to get a paternity test right after the child is born. You would be surprised how often it turns out negative.
Yes you should pay support and have an important role in your child's life. However you need to keep the interaction with the ex to a minimum. This is very important as it can have a huge impact on future relationships. Girlfriends for some odd reason don't like you dealing with the ex...amazing isn't it? Set it up so you have standard visitation and a neutral drop off and pick up site (like her mothers house, etc). Even just showing up at her house for a few minutes to pick the kid up can be huge sources of conflict.
The people who keep these contact points to a minimum have a lot less drama in their lives then those who don't. Make sure you get her the payments on time and in full, otherwise there will be huge problems.
When you have a child you have more responsibilities then just paying child support.If thing's didn't work out between you %26amp; your child's mom that is fine but your child deserves to have two parent's.Not only is it important that you pay child support but you also need to continue to be a father to your child.You may find it uncomfortable having to deal with your ex but you are the one's that chose to bring an innocent child into this world.You have every right to move on into another relationship but you also have to be honest with your new partner and let them know that you have a child from a previous relationship and you have to continue to be a parent.You never put anyone else infront of your child your child is what really matters.Good Luck %26amp; Best Wishes
run off to ukraine
How do you deal with people who constantly argue with you about your kids?
Silly stuff that gets irritating. For example, my pastor's wife, who wants me to allow my one-year old to wander the halls alone during choir practice, even letting her in the copy room by herself. Or my pastor who wants me to let her wander around the sanctuary alone, even letting her climb up the stage by herself where it is open electrical outlets galore (and yes, she does try occasionally). They don't have kids, and they are both driving me nuts, but his wife will actually argue with me (and continue to argue with me until she gets in the last word), whereas he will not. They also think I am overprotective for not allowing her in the nursery when there are five preschoolers who swoop down on her while the nursery worker (aka, the minister's wife) pays no attention. Someone knocked her over the other day giving her a hug and almost a concussion, too.
Then there is my narcissistic mother-in-law. . .
Argh! How to gracefully handle the situation before I blow up in someone's facHow do you deal with people who constantly argue with you about your kids?
Find a different church? or new mother in law lol? j/k on the 2d...but seriously consider the first one...pastor and his wife are waaay out of line in my book!
but barring those ideas, gently but FIRMLY explain to them your concerns, tell them it is their responsibility as the pastors to honor the ';family';...then say to them that as a parent it is your right to make decisions regarding the wellbeing of your children and they should mind their own business...and then keep your child by your side at all times. Don't put your child in any place where you don't feel comfortable..I don't care who it is. If the minister's wife doesn't like it, then that is her problem.
If there are possibly safety issues at the church, they may be violating a code. Consider making an anonymous report on them to the appropriate city authority...before someone gets hurt.How do you deal with people who constantly argue with you about your kids?
I've heard tell of pastor's wives that don't keep an eye on their own kids, but they tell everyone about how awful yours are- including you. I'm so glad that doesn't happen in my church. Life is hard enough!
what do you expect from religious fanatics?
Firstly, I would stop arguing. By debating the point with them you are allowing them to make you question your reasoning, rules and discipline.
Time to get a little bit tougher, and start telling others ';that's fine for you, but I'm not doing it';. End of story.
You don't have to be rude. You can be very very polite, respectful of their feelings and opinions, and accepting of their advice. The key is not to follow it.
Nod and smile, say something like ';oh, maybe when she's a bit older I'll let her run around, but for now I think I'll keep my eye on the little mischief maker!';, and stand firm!
Your child, your way!
Good luck, I hope this helps.
Either don't take your child or hold her when you go. Maybe you should take a break from church untill your daughter is trained to behave how you wish.
This is an easy solution....they are your kids! You are responsible for their health, happiness and safety. I would tell them that although you appreciate their advice and concern you will do for your children what you see fit. Good Luck!
Okay, so you need to find a new church these people are not supporting you! Having to have the last word? That is not only immature, but does not sound like a person who should be guiding you in the ways of the Lord. That is just crazy. As far as anyone giving you advice, as long as you are not hurting your child and you are doing things right for you and your child, I would just nod my head, smile, and go along with what I am doing.
Simply tell them, ';I am her mother and mom knows best.'; Tell them that you aren't going to argue with them about it. Lay down the law and tactfully tell them that's how it's going to be.bird make printer work
Then there is my narcissistic mother-in-law. . .
Argh! How to gracefully handle the situation before I blow up in someone's facHow do you deal with people who constantly argue with you about your kids?
Find a different church? or new mother in law lol? j/k on the 2d...but seriously consider the first one...pastor and his wife are waaay out of line in my book!
but barring those ideas, gently but FIRMLY explain to them your concerns, tell them it is their responsibility as the pastors to honor the ';family';...then say to them that as a parent it is your right to make decisions regarding the wellbeing of your children and they should mind their own business...and then keep your child by your side at all times. Don't put your child in any place where you don't feel comfortable..I don't care who it is. If the minister's wife doesn't like it, then that is her problem.
If there are possibly safety issues at the church, they may be violating a code. Consider making an anonymous report on them to the appropriate city authority...before someone gets hurt.How do you deal with people who constantly argue with you about your kids?
I've heard tell of pastor's wives that don't keep an eye on their own kids, but they tell everyone about how awful yours are- including you. I'm so glad that doesn't happen in my church. Life is hard enough!
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what do you expect from religious fanatics?
Firstly, I would stop arguing. By debating the point with them you are allowing them to make you question your reasoning, rules and discipline.
Time to get a little bit tougher, and start telling others ';that's fine for you, but I'm not doing it';. End of story.
You don't have to be rude. You can be very very polite, respectful of their feelings and opinions, and accepting of their advice. The key is not to follow it.
Nod and smile, say something like ';oh, maybe when she's a bit older I'll let her run around, but for now I think I'll keep my eye on the little mischief maker!';, and stand firm!
Your child, your way!
Good luck, I hope this helps.
Either don't take your child or hold her when you go. Maybe you should take a break from church untill your daughter is trained to behave how you wish.
This is an easy solution....they are your kids! You are responsible for their health, happiness and safety. I would tell them that although you appreciate their advice and concern you will do for your children what you see fit. Good Luck!
Okay, so you need to find a new church these people are not supporting you! Having to have the last word? That is not only immature, but does not sound like a person who should be guiding you in the ways of the Lord. That is just crazy. As far as anyone giving you advice, as long as you are not hurting your child and you are doing things right for you and your child, I would just nod my head, smile, and go along with what I am doing.
Simply tell them, ';I am her mother and mom knows best.'; Tell them that you aren't going to argue with them about it. Lay down the law and tactfully tell them that's how it's going to be.
Would you stop speaking to your parents in this situation?
I have always had issues with my mom and step dad. he makes comments and she lets him. We had issues when i was 17 and after i had sex with my boyfriend of one year my parents flipped out and wanted to get him for rape(he was the same age) the second worst thing i ever did was attempt to make wine but never had a drink of alcohol till age 20 when my boyfriend(same guy) was 21. Anyhow We are now both 27 still together and have a beautiful daughter together but i still can't get a break. i decided to go to school and my step dad made comments about how he didnt think i would make it and just being very cruel and negative but i passed my college math class( going to school for phlebotomy soon) and my mother still supported his comments. so now my sister who is 18 is getting into trouble with them and they are making comments to her about how she's acting like me. So i confronted my mother about it and said i was hurt and wanted it to stop and she got an attitude and said if she is acting like you im going to tell her so. so i got upset and started crying and said this is hurting me can't you see that? don't you care? I have always growing up been made to feel i was the worst person ever being called stupid and other terrible things. So i told my mother i was done. she just said i was a drama queen and i would be back. Im furious but honestly its making me feel better not to have them dragging me down anymore. but my older sister is upset. how would you deal with this type of situation? do you agree with my decision to cut out the negative people in my life?Would you stop speaking to your parents in this situation?
it isnt a one event situation which makes your decision justified. Especially because you actually confronted your mother and she dismissed what you had to say and completely disregarded your feelings - not fair. and now they are doing it to your younger sister. . i dont think i would completely cut them from my life (this is only my decision based on the little facts i actually know!) but definitely reduce the contact i have with them, the only reason for keeping them in my life is maybe because of my daughter but then again, if they aren't positive around her then ur probably right whats the point. It sounds like your partner is supportive, loving and the three of you have a beautiful little family so its not as if your mum and stepdad are your only source of love and support. You also sound like a very intelligent woman who is strong enough to get by without them - especially if you have gotten through everything theyve said and done with relatively little harm and realisation that they are in the wrong and their comments aren't true. Well done - i admire that strength!Would you stop speaking to your parents in this situation?
Agree. Let your parents know the hard way you need a break.
What your parents are doing to you is wrong, you are right to cut them from your life, you don't need nor should you want people in your life who only make you feel bad. Focus on those that love you and support you.
I'd stop speaking to them. Family is very important to me and I'm all about giving people second (third, forth) chances. But it sounds like you've given them chances and they've proven they just don't care. Forget about them. They'll be the ones crawling back in a few years.
sometimes we need to accept our parents are not the people that we want them to be and never will be -you cant make someone care or act the way you want them to. I have issues with my mother that have been going on for 10 years or so at the start I used to argue my point, fall out with her storm out etc but I have now decided the best thing is not to cut myself off from her as I would only be hurting myself - carrying around a feeling of hate or hurt I would only be affecting myself, In the past I had tried talking to her, telling her how I felt but she could never see it from my side so I gave up now I take little to do with her, im not nasty but I dont go out my way with her - when I speak to her I am pleasant I only talk about day to day things and what my 2 year old is up to (she isnt the best grandmother either in my opinion, but again there is no point in telling her this either) I would say I had a superficial relationship with her and it works for me, you have a loving family with your partner and child and other family members, dont forgive or forget the past but move on - Goodluck
I believe you did the right thing by cutting ties from both of your parents. They have not been supportive of you and have only been putting you down and are now doing the same to your sister. From the additional info you gave your mom was even abusive to you. If both of them won't care about you then you did the right thing by cutting off all ties because there is no point in talking to someone if they are just going to hurt you in the end.
I wouldn't be talking to them either. My mom has always been supportive, but her ex was horrible. Told me I'd never make it in my profession. I did though. For your health and your daughters, it might be better this way until they can at least be polite.
there is a point were it needs to stop, but at the same time your mother is right, youll be back.
it isnt a one event situation which makes your decision justified. Especially because you actually confronted your mother and she dismissed what you had to say and completely disregarded your feelings - not fair. and now they are doing it to your younger sister. . i dont think i would completely cut them from my life (this is only my decision based on the little facts i actually know!) but definitely reduce the contact i have with them, the only reason for keeping them in my life is maybe because of my daughter but then again, if they aren't positive around her then ur probably right whats the point. It sounds like your partner is supportive, loving and the three of you have a beautiful little family so its not as if your mum and stepdad are your only source of love and support. You also sound like a very intelligent woman who is strong enough to get by without them - especially if you have gotten through everything theyve said and done with relatively little harm and realisation that they are in the wrong and their comments aren't true. Well done - i admire that strength!Would you stop speaking to your parents in this situation?
Agree. Let your parents know the hard way you need a break.
What your parents are doing to you is wrong, you are right to cut them from your life, you don't need nor should you want people in your life who only make you feel bad. Focus on those that love you and support you.
I'd stop speaking to them. Family is very important to me and I'm all about giving people second (third, forth) chances. But it sounds like you've given them chances and they've proven they just don't care. Forget about them. They'll be the ones crawling back in a few years.
sometimes we need to accept our parents are not the people that we want them to be and never will be -you cant make someone care or act the way you want them to. I have issues with my mother that have been going on for 10 years or so at the start I used to argue my point, fall out with her storm out etc but I have now decided the best thing is not to cut myself off from her as I would only be hurting myself - carrying around a feeling of hate or hurt I would only be affecting myself, In the past I had tried talking to her, telling her how I felt but she could never see it from my side so I gave up now I take little to do with her, im not nasty but I dont go out my way with her - when I speak to her I am pleasant I only talk about day to day things and what my 2 year old is up to (she isnt the best grandmother either in my opinion, but again there is no point in telling her this either) I would say I had a superficial relationship with her and it works for me, you have a loving family with your partner and child and other family members, dont forgive or forget the past but move on - Goodluck
I believe you did the right thing by cutting ties from both of your parents. They have not been supportive of you and have only been putting you down and are now doing the same to your sister. From the additional info you gave your mom was even abusive to you. If both of them won't care about you then you did the right thing by cutting off all ties because there is no point in talking to someone if they are just going to hurt you in the end.
I wouldn't be talking to them either. My mom has always been supportive, but her ex was horrible. Told me I'd never make it in my profession. I did though. For your health and your daughters, it might be better this way until they can at least be polite.
there is a point were it needs to stop, but at the same time your mother is right, youll be back.
Mother's or to be... Do you bottle-feed your baby and how do you deal with the breastfeeding fanatics?
Was it by choice that you chose to bottle-feed or for convenience? Just curious and I won't judge anybody!! I'm 28 wks pregnant with #2 (it's a boy!!) and I was going to try and breastfeed this time round after failing with my daughter... I had a lack of milk supply and my nipples are slightly inverted. BUT!! I'm already stressing out and both my husband I have decided to bottlefeed our baby as the stress isn't healthy for nor myself or the baby.
If you are coming on here to make harsh judgements don't even think about it!! This is a friendly discussion!!Mother's or to be... Do you bottle-feed your baby and how do you deal with the breastfeeding fanatics?
I have bottle fed all 3 of my babies, and Ill probably end up bottle feeding my current baby when he is born on Thursday. For me breastfeeding is horribly painful. With my first I didnt get milk for 2 weeks after she was born, the poor girl would have starved to death waiting. I just couldnt do it. I know breast milk has its advantages, but I just couldnt do it.
Now that being said, I could have dwelled on the fact, and been stressed and upset that I was a failure for my baby, but life is just too short for that.
Sometimes we as moms have to make decisions. Not everyone in this world is going to agree with us, not everyone is going to think everything i do for and with my children is the best decision, but it is what it is. I just ignore the fanatics, and know that Im doing what is best for ME. They dont know me, or my baby. As long as my baby is growing and thriving and learning and happy.. thats ALL that matters, in my eyes. I think thats what you have to stick to, to get passed the scoffers.
Congrats on the little boy!!Mother's or to be... Do you bottle-feed your baby and how do you deal with the breastfeeding fanatics?
I pumped my milk out and then fed it to my son and daughter. Congrats!!!
Medical reasons. I couldn't, probably because of my age but for whatever reason, produce milk and the little bits I did were not enough to even give her a mouthful. For that reason I formula fed. If I could have done it I would, and as for the breast feeding fanatics I ignore them. I did it my way and they can do it theirs.
i bottle feed my son because i wanted to its all a pesonal choice yes they say breast is best but formula baby are just as healthy.u shudnt let anyone pressure u into anything u dnt want do what makes u happy and comfortable :) good luck... breat is good but there is nothing wrong with formula if so it wouldnt be an option...
I was not able to nurse my eldest daughter with my husband because she spent a week in the hospital when she was newborn under the bili lights for jaundice. We couldn't hold her other than when we were feeding her and she wouldn't stay awake long enough to nurse so I pumped and gave her breast milk in a bottle. But because I was pumping and not nursing, my production pretty much dried out after that. When people came up to me with their judgments, I just explained that she had medical issues when she was born and couldn't nurse. They pretty much shut up after that. While I am a HUGE fan of breast feeding, what another woman does with her child is her decision. It's SOOO irritating to hear someone berate another mother because she doesn't see or do things the way they do. It's just one of those things about stupid people that bugs me.
I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I have already decided not to breastfeed.. I have many reasons, and some of the ';breastfeeding fanatics'; would consider most of my reasons selfish, I suppose... I just have several reasons for not wanting to do it. My mind is made up already.. I did my part and got educated about the benefits of breastfeeding before making my decision.. I even attended a breastfeeding class... but still, after all of that, I know that breastfeeding just is not for me.
I do not feel ashamed about it at all.. I know my son will be just fine without breastmilk. I was not breastfed, my sister was not breasted... both of us are just fine and neither one of us was EVER sick as kids, so what they say about babies who are bottle fed having poor immune systems is not totally true..
And no, Big Momma, I'm not lazy.
Bigmomma you are ignorant it is NOT a myth my Grandma, my Mother, and myself NEVER got milk therefore we couldn't breastfed are children. I didn't breastfed cuz of no milk and I just ignored ignorant people like bigmomma or I told them to mind there own business. Do not let people get to you about breastfeeding and as you know bottle fed kids are just as smart healthy etc as breastfed children. Good luck on your labor and delivery.
I tried to breast feed my baby but my milk never came in so all she got was the colostrum in the hospital and by the time we were at home she cried and cried cause she was starving. Now the formula they make is supposed to be just as good as breast milk. My pediatrician put her on Enfamil Lipil with Iron and she was healthy and happy and full and turned out to be a pretty little smart 3 year old if I do say so myself. And as for the breast feeding fanatics, how do you sleep, my child wanted to eat every hour when I was trying it, and it was killing me, pain and no sleep. Another note I judge the moms that breast feed over a year probably worse than they could ever judge me for bottle feeding. Who wants to see a 2 year old that can talk and walk breastfeeding,
I plan on pumping my breast milk and bottlefeeding that way. Once I dry up I will start using formula. I simply tell people that its really none of their business and that they don't know the situation within which i decided not to breast feed. I think its a bit more convenient for MY situation not to breast feed.
I bottle fed my two boys. I take a medication that passes through breast milk and is shown to be harmful to babies, so I can't. My milk never came in fully anyway. Neither did my mom's or my sisters, so I think it must somehow be hereditary.
Anyway, I used to get some serious ';eat sh*t and die'; looks from people when I'd feed my sons out in public. One lady (while I was at the mall one Sunday) had the nerve to come up to me and tell me that formula is poison, God gave me breasts for a reason, etc. I calmly looked at her and said, ';Ma'am, I'm 29 years old and a breast cancer survivor who had a double mastectomy.'; Honest to God the woman turned to color of a tomato, started sputtering and slinked away. That was an awesome day. :D Of course, none of that was true, but I really did feel like a complete failure for not being able to breast feed. It was heart wrenching for me. That old b*tch deserved every guilty feeling that ran though her head that day.
I never really had too many problems after that, honestly. I don't know why.
Big momma- 'Bottle feeding is for lazy mothers' how is sterilizing, mixing, and boiling and cooling water in the middle of the night lazy compared to whipping your boob out???????????
Ok so i breastfed my daughter for over 2 years, it was painful, i never produced much milk, i carried on, i battled through, i did it because, it was EASIER , cheaper, and above all i couldn't be bothered with the preparing of the feeds.
If YOU want to bottle feed that great! its up to you! don't let people put you down for it!, Im breastfeeding for 6 weeks with this one then im on to a bottle, it's a personal choice.
xxx
Big Momma- I stopped producing milk after 3 months of breastfeeding. I was crushed. Did I imagine this, oh great one? I believe that you are idiotic.
I don't judge anyone for their reasons. They make a decision, and that is that. People who bottle-feed are opposite of lazy, because it takes a lot more effort to boil the water, fill the bottles, heat the bottles, hold the bottles, then it does to just lift up your shirt and have the milk perfect temperature.
I am going to breastfeed for the second time (if all goes well) for the convinience and for the health of my baby. Breast is better, but bottle fed baby's will do fine as well. It's foolish to criticize people for making a choice. Good luck to everyone!
I've never dealt with the fanatics. I've actually tried to breastfeed and it just didn't work out. Baby hated it and I was uncomfortable. I'm also quite modest/shy so I was to scared to request assistance from a lactation consultant. So I've formula my children and I've always been okay with my choice and I've never been bad mouthed for it. I actually have 2 great daughters that have never had an infections and have never had any serious illness. They've developed fine so I don't think I harmed them by bottle feeding like some suggest.
I chose to bottle feed because I didn't feel comfortable having my son attached to my boob all the time..and for the one who said bottle feeding is for lazy people, that's just stupid and doesn't make sence..it takes alot more time to fix and prepare a bottle then lift up your shirt and attach him to your boob...anyways luckily I haven't had to deal with anyone who was like that my family and friend was supportive but don't worry about it..you do what feels right...my son was born with jaundace(sp) and I blamed myself for not breastfeeding come to find out breastfed babies get jaundace alot more than formula fed babies... Our pediatrition said it's not what you feed them it's what you teach them he said if you read and teach them that is what will help them..idk if I answered your ?tion but don't worry about other people tell them when they start raising your kid then they can make decisions until then back off...I chose not to breastfeed and my son is healthy and active...
It's none of my business how anyone feeds their child but I just want to say that breastfeeding mums don't have it so easy as to just 'flop out a boob'. When fully breastfeeding you are the ONLY one who does all the feeding (I know there is expressing) but with bottle feeding you can share the load with your partner.
I don't care about the thumbs down that I get, I'm not judging anyone, just making a point.
I breastfeed %26amp; bottlefeed and it's easier for me to breastfeed than bottlefeed fer sure, I can just whip the boob out, it's already made %26amp; fresh %26amp; warm! Perfect! The bottle I got to mix the water %26amp; formula in the bottle, shake it vigorously to make sure ALL those pesky lumps of formula are out then give it to her and it's not even warm!
But yeah I think everyone should at least try breastfeeding, I can't agree with those women who just feel uncomfortable about it. It's the most natural thing in the world, to me that's like someone choosing to have a c-section because they're uncomfortable because they don't want their baby touching their vagina when they come out. Lol, well that's how I feel it seems like. If you are having a hard time, and trust me, I know how that is, I see a lot of people give up. Do what's best for you, because it's most important for you to be happy or your baby won't be happy %26amp; breast milk is great %26amp; everything but it's not so great that it's worth making you miserable %26amp; your family %26amp; child!
Also I think it's ridiculous that it seems like every single woman I talk to is like...';I had to give up breastfeeding 'cause I wasn't producing enough milk.'; YEAH RIGHT. I'm sure this happens to SOME people... But if this REALLY happened to as many people as say that it happens to...Well...HUMANS WOULDN'T EXIST. We would have gone extinct by now LOL!
lack of milk is just a myth. bottle feeding is for lazy mothers.
If you are coming on here to make harsh judgements don't even think about it!! This is a friendly discussion!!Mother's or to be... Do you bottle-feed your baby and how do you deal with the breastfeeding fanatics?
I have bottle fed all 3 of my babies, and Ill probably end up bottle feeding my current baby when he is born on Thursday. For me breastfeeding is horribly painful. With my first I didnt get milk for 2 weeks after she was born, the poor girl would have starved to death waiting. I just couldnt do it. I know breast milk has its advantages, but I just couldnt do it.
Now that being said, I could have dwelled on the fact, and been stressed and upset that I was a failure for my baby, but life is just too short for that.
Sometimes we as moms have to make decisions. Not everyone in this world is going to agree with us, not everyone is going to think everything i do for and with my children is the best decision, but it is what it is. I just ignore the fanatics, and know that Im doing what is best for ME. They dont know me, or my baby. As long as my baby is growing and thriving and learning and happy.. thats ALL that matters, in my eyes. I think thats what you have to stick to, to get passed the scoffers.
Congrats on the little boy!!Mother's or to be... Do you bottle-feed your baby and how do you deal with the breastfeeding fanatics?
I pumped my milk out and then fed it to my son and daughter. Congrats!!!
Medical reasons. I couldn't, probably because of my age but for whatever reason, produce milk and the little bits I did were not enough to even give her a mouthful. For that reason I formula fed. If I could have done it I would, and as for the breast feeding fanatics I ignore them. I did it my way and they can do it theirs.
i bottle feed my son because i wanted to its all a pesonal choice yes they say breast is best but formula baby are just as healthy.u shudnt let anyone pressure u into anything u dnt want do what makes u happy and comfortable :) good luck... breat is good but there is nothing wrong with formula if so it wouldnt be an option...
I was not able to nurse my eldest daughter with my husband because she spent a week in the hospital when she was newborn under the bili lights for jaundice. We couldn't hold her other than when we were feeding her and she wouldn't stay awake long enough to nurse so I pumped and gave her breast milk in a bottle. But because I was pumping and not nursing, my production pretty much dried out after that. When people came up to me with their judgments, I just explained that she had medical issues when she was born and couldn't nurse. They pretty much shut up after that. While I am a HUGE fan of breast feeding, what another woman does with her child is her decision. It's SOOO irritating to hear someone berate another mother because she doesn't see or do things the way they do. It's just one of those things about stupid people that bugs me.
I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I have already decided not to breastfeed.. I have many reasons, and some of the ';breastfeeding fanatics'; would consider most of my reasons selfish, I suppose... I just have several reasons for not wanting to do it. My mind is made up already.. I did my part and got educated about the benefits of breastfeeding before making my decision.. I even attended a breastfeeding class... but still, after all of that, I know that breastfeeding just is not for me.
I do not feel ashamed about it at all.. I know my son will be just fine without breastmilk. I was not breastfed, my sister was not breasted... both of us are just fine and neither one of us was EVER sick as kids, so what they say about babies who are bottle fed having poor immune systems is not totally true..
And no, Big Momma, I'm not lazy.
Bigmomma you are ignorant it is NOT a myth my Grandma, my Mother, and myself NEVER got milk therefore we couldn't breastfed are children. I didn't breastfed cuz of no milk and I just ignored ignorant people like bigmomma or I told them to mind there own business. Do not let people get to you about breastfeeding and as you know bottle fed kids are just as smart healthy etc as breastfed children. Good luck on your labor and delivery.
I tried to breast feed my baby but my milk never came in so all she got was the colostrum in the hospital and by the time we were at home she cried and cried cause she was starving. Now the formula they make is supposed to be just as good as breast milk. My pediatrician put her on Enfamil Lipil with Iron and she was healthy and happy and full and turned out to be a pretty little smart 3 year old if I do say so myself. And as for the breast feeding fanatics, how do you sleep, my child wanted to eat every hour when I was trying it, and it was killing me, pain and no sleep. Another note I judge the moms that breast feed over a year probably worse than they could ever judge me for bottle feeding. Who wants to see a 2 year old that can talk and walk breastfeeding,
I plan on pumping my breast milk and bottlefeeding that way. Once I dry up I will start using formula. I simply tell people that its really none of their business and that they don't know the situation within which i decided not to breast feed. I think its a bit more convenient for MY situation not to breast feed.
I bottle fed my two boys. I take a medication that passes through breast milk and is shown to be harmful to babies, so I can't. My milk never came in fully anyway. Neither did my mom's or my sisters, so I think it must somehow be hereditary.
Anyway, I used to get some serious ';eat sh*t and die'; looks from people when I'd feed my sons out in public. One lady (while I was at the mall one Sunday) had the nerve to come up to me and tell me that formula is poison, God gave me breasts for a reason, etc. I calmly looked at her and said, ';Ma'am, I'm 29 years old and a breast cancer survivor who had a double mastectomy.'; Honest to God the woman turned to color of a tomato, started sputtering and slinked away. That was an awesome day. :D Of course, none of that was true, but I really did feel like a complete failure for not being able to breast feed. It was heart wrenching for me. That old b*tch deserved every guilty feeling that ran though her head that day.
I never really had too many problems after that, honestly. I don't know why.
Big momma- 'Bottle feeding is for lazy mothers' how is sterilizing, mixing, and boiling and cooling water in the middle of the night lazy compared to whipping your boob out???????????
Ok so i breastfed my daughter for over 2 years, it was painful, i never produced much milk, i carried on, i battled through, i did it because, it was EASIER , cheaper, and above all i couldn't be bothered with the preparing of the feeds.
If YOU want to bottle feed that great! its up to you! don't let people put you down for it!, Im breastfeeding for 6 weeks with this one then im on to a bottle, it's a personal choice.
xxx
Big Momma- I stopped producing milk after 3 months of breastfeeding. I was crushed. Did I imagine this, oh great one? I believe that you are idiotic.
I don't judge anyone for their reasons. They make a decision, and that is that. People who bottle-feed are opposite of lazy, because it takes a lot more effort to boil the water, fill the bottles, heat the bottles, hold the bottles, then it does to just lift up your shirt and have the milk perfect temperature.
I am going to breastfeed for the second time (if all goes well) for the convinience and for the health of my baby. Breast is better, but bottle fed baby's will do fine as well. It's foolish to criticize people for making a choice. Good luck to everyone!
I've never dealt with the fanatics. I've actually tried to breastfeed and it just didn't work out. Baby hated it and I was uncomfortable. I'm also quite modest/shy so I was to scared to request assistance from a lactation consultant. So I've formula my children and I've always been okay with my choice and I've never been bad mouthed for it. I actually have 2 great daughters that have never had an infections and have never had any serious illness. They've developed fine so I don't think I harmed them by bottle feeding like some suggest.
I chose to bottle feed because I didn't feel comfortable having my son attached to my boob all the time..and for the one who said bottle feeding is for lazy people, that's just stupid and doesn't make sence..it takes alot more time to fix and prepare a bottle then lift up your shirt and attach him to your boob...anyways luckily I haven't had to deal with anyone who was like that my family and friend was supportive but don't worry about it..you do what feels right...my son was born with jaundace(sp) and I blamed myself for not breastfeeding come to find out breastfed babies get jaundace alot more than formula fed babies... Our pediatrition said it's not what you feed them it's what you teach them he said if you read and teach them that is what will help them..idk if I answered your ?tion but don't worry about other people tell them when they start raising your kid then they can make decisions until then back off...I chose not to breastfeed and my son is healthy and active...
It's none of my business how anyone feeds their child but I just want to say that breastfeeding mums don't have it so easy as to just 'flop out a boob'. When fully breastfeeding you are the ONLY one who does all the feeding (I know there is expressing) but with bottle feeding you can share the load with your partner.
I don't care about the thumbs down that I get, I'm not judging anyone, just making a point.
I breastfeed %26amp; bottlefeed and it's easier for me to breastfeed than bottlefeed fer sure, I can just whip the boob out, it's already made %26amp; fresh %26amp; warm! Perfect! The bottle I got to mix the water %26amp; formula in the bottle, shake it vigorously to make sure ALL those pesky lumps of formula are out then give it to her and it's not even warm!
But yeah I think everyone should at least try breastfeeding, I can't agree with those women who just feel uncomfortable about it. It's the most natural thing in the world, to me that's like someone choosing to have a c-section because they're uncomfortable because they don't want their baby touching their vagina when they come out. Lol, well that's how I feel it seems like. If you are having a hard time, and trust me, I know how that is, I see a lot of people give up. Do what's best for you, because it's most important for you to be happy or your baby won't be happy %26amp; breast milk is great %26amp; everything but it's not so great that it's worth making you miserable %26amp; your family %26amp; child!
Also I think it's ridiculous that it seems like every single woman I talk to is like...';I had to give up breastfeeding 'cause I wasn't producing enough milk.'; YEAH RIGHT. I'm sure this happens to SOME people... But if this REALLY happened to as many people as say that it happens to...Well...HUMANS WOULDN'T EXIST. We would have gone extinct by now LOL!
lack of milk is just a myth. bottle feeding is for lazy mothers.
Is it wrong to stay with the father of your child/ or mother of your child ?
Staying with the other parent or making yourself stay just so that the child can grow up with both parents! Even as far as marrying them! Even though you arent happy in the relationship. Is it really worth it? I only had one parent around the entire time growing up and I'm fine, I think! So... what should I do. I know he loves me and his child but I am not happy with him and I do not feel attracted to him the majority of the time. He is lazy and unmotivate and thats why I left him at first. Now he's trying to get it together and I can honestly see the effort and he does want to marry me but I fell out of love with him. I love hi, how could I not after a 5 year relationship and a child. I deal with him and all his bull s*** for the sake of my daughter. Is that wrong or am I doing the right thing? If we DO NOT marry is it ok to have relations other than with him? To keep myself at least somewhat happy? But dont you need to live your life for you??????? Help!Is it wrong to stay with the father of your child/ or mother of your child ?
At what point in all of this did you think you deserve to live unhappy just because you had a child with someone? Honey, I see hundreds of children a year from families that don't live under the same roof. Does it mean you don't love your child? No. Does it mean he doesn't? No. It means that the two of you just didn't make a relationship work. Nothing else. Nobody says that you can't live separate lives and continue to co-parent. And in all honesty, those are the plans you need to start making before you start resenting this man anymore than you already do. A person doesn't change who they truly are. So to appease you, he may be trying...but for what? To make you happy? Or because he really wants to become motivated enough to do something with his life? And is that going to change once you marry him and his comfort level sets in again? Chances are...it will. But by then, the I do's have been said and you are looking at a child who's old enough to know and it's not going to be easy to hide the anger and resentment you are going to feel for trying to stick this out. Those years, you can't get back. And if you think your child will be better off, think again. Children who grow up with parents who lack that love end up having love-less relationships themselves because they think it's normal. Don't do that honey. Give you and your child a chance at some happiness. We only get one life...make the most of it...don't settle. It'll only be harder and hurt more in the long run.Is it wrong to stay with the father of your child/ or mother of your child ?
its never good to stay with someone if you don't love them .. if you don't love him then don't marry him ...
and no having relations outside of a marriage is wrong, your breaking a promise and setting a bad example for your child.
if your not happy then leave him and work out a good custody arrangement %26amp; child support order.
Dump him and move on. You already know he's not the one for you.
Do NOT get married.....
I think if you can afford it, stay out of it.
I am getting myself into the same situation. My partner is extremely lazy and cares only about play, not work. I am getting irritated and upset all the time. Our baby is on the way...
An irritated and upset mother is not a good example. I would prefer to live with a happy parent. If you can keep yourself happy, support your child by yourself then go for it.
Good luck!
It's never a good idea to stay in a relationship for the sake of the children. You deserve to be happy and even so, your child will still have two parents but not together. Yes, you do need to live your life for you. If you're unhappy sooner or later your child will find out and that's a depressing evironment for them to grow up in. You're not being selfish by not being with him. Your child will grow up happier knowing that both of his/her parents are happy.
A child does not need its parents to be together. It is nice, but recent studies have shown that if a child is raised by divorced parents that both take an active part in the child's life, the child is actually less likely to become involved with drugs and crime than a traditional family in which both parents work. This is huge... Do not stay because you think you are helping the child. The relationship will suck and the child with think that adults just have crappy relationships.
Don't sleep around and try to pretend that you are still with him. Have some dignity. Decide what you want your life to look like in 5 years and then start working towards that today.... Good Luck
Look, you did things backwards - marriage and then family. What do you expect?
It sounds as though you aren't ready to be an adult role-model. You should not have had a child with someone and then be ready to bail out because you aren't attracted to them. That is a pretty lame reason. If you are involved with him or even living with him, it isn't okay to have relations with other people. It is still called cheating. Forget the ';for the sake of my daughter'; crap - I don't think anyone is buying it. You need to decide whether or not you want to or intend to try to build a life with this man and whether or not he will be capable of keeping his act together for the long-run. If the answer is no, move out with your daughter and start your life over again - maybe handle your life differently so that things will work out better this time around. Live your life in a way that makes you proud and in a way that you would want your daughter to emulate when she is older.
Here's the deal: You are doing the honorable thing staying with the man who loves you and your child. Do you know wonderful it is to have a man who wants to be with his child and mother of his child?
You say you are ';out of love.'; Okay, say you're driving your car. Your car runs out of gas. Do you go find a new car? Or do you fill it up? You fill it up of course. Now YOU have to fill yourself up with the love you had for him. What made you fall in love with him in the first place? Did he ever look at you and it took your breath away? Why does he love you so much?
Your daughter has a MUCH better chance in life growing up with 2 parents. Daughters that grow up without fathers are more likely to end up getting pregnant out of wedlock, using drugs/alcohol, or being abused in relationships. That's just statistics. You would give your daughter so much more out of life if she could see how a relationship works.
You will fight with him. You will get angry. You will love him again. You just have to give it a chance. You have to know in your mind that it is worth it. Honestly, after you have a child, life is no longer about you, its about your child. After your daughter is 18 years old, you can re-evaluate your life and see if you can live without the father of your child. But chances are, you wont be able to imagine life without him.
Good luck and God Bless!
Staying with the childs other parent, is just showing the child that its ok to be with someone and be unhappy. Just remember you are setting an example for your child. and having relations outside of marriage is morally wrong as well. Get out and find someone who loves you and whom you can return the love back
At what point in all of this did you think you deserve to live unhappy just because you had a child with someone? Honey, I see hundreds of children a year from families that don't live under the same roof. Does it mean you don't love your child? No. Does it mean he doesn't? No. It means that the two of you just didn't make a relationship work. Nothing else. Nobody says that you can't live separate lives and continue to co-parent. And in all honesty, those are the plans you need to start making before you start resenting this man anymore than you already do. A person doesn't change who they truly are. So to appease you, he may be trying...but for what? To make you happy? Or because he really wants to become motivated enough to do something with his life? And is that going to change once you marry him and his comfort level sets in again? Chances are...it will. But by then, the I do's have been said and you are looking at a child who's old enough to know and it's not going to be easy to hide the anger and resentment you are going to feel for trying to stick this out. Those years, you can't get back. And if you think your child will be better off, think again. Children who grow up with parents who lack that love end up having love-less relationships themselves because they think it's normal. Don't do that honey. Give you and your child a chance at some happiness. We only get one life...make the most of it...don't settle. It'll only be harder and hurt more in the long run.Is it wrong to stay with the father of your child/ or mother of your child ?
its never good to stay with someone if you don't love them .. if you don't love him then don't marry him ...
and no having relations outside of a marriage is wrong, your breaking a promise and setting a bad example for your child.
if your not happy then leave him and work out a good custody arrangement %26amp; child support order.
Dump him and move on. You already know he's not the one for you.
Do NOT get married.....
I think if you can afford it, stay out of it.
I am getting myself into the same situation. My partner is extremely lazy and cares only about play, not work. I am getting irritated and upset all the time. Our baby is on the way...
An irritated and upset mother is not a good example. I would prefer to live with a happy parent. If you can keep yourself happy, support your child by yourself then go for it.
Good luck!
It's never a good idea to stay in a relationship for the sake of the children. You deserve to be happy and even so, your child will still have two parents but not together. Yes, you do need to live your life for you. If you're unhappy sooner or later your child will find out and that's a depressing evironment for them to grow up in. You're not being selfish by not being with him. Your child will grow up happier knowing that both of his/her parents are happy.
A child does not need its parents to be together. It is nice, but recent studies have shown that if a child is raised by divorced parents that both take an active part in the child's life, the child is actually less likely to become involved with drugs and crime than a traditional family in which both parents work. This is huge... Do not stay because you think you are helping the child. The relationship will suck and the child with think that adults just have crappy relationships.
Don't sleep around and try to pretend that you are still with him. Have some dignity. Decide what you want your life to look like in 5 years and then start working towards that today.... Good Luck
Look, you did things backwards - marriage and then family. What do you expect?
It sounds as though you aren't ready to be an adult role-model. You should not have had a child with someone and then be ready to bail out because you aren't attracted to them. That is a pretty lame reason. If you are involved with him or even living with him, it isn't okay to have relations with other people. It is still called cheating. Forget the ';for the sake of my daughter'; crap - I don't think anyone is buying it. You need to decide whether or not you want to or intend to try to build a life with this man and whether or not he will be capable of keeping his act together for the long-run. If the answer is no, move out with your daughter and start your life over again - maybe handle your life differently so that things will work out better this time around. Live your life in a way that makes you proud and in a way that you would want your daughter to emulate when she is older.
Here's the deal: You are doing the honorable thing staying with the man who loves you and your child. Do you know wonderful it is to have a man who wants to be with his child and mother of his child?
You say you are ';out of love.'; Okay, say you're driving your car. Your car runs out of gas. Do you go find a new car? Or do you fill it up? You fill it up of course. Now YOU have to fill yourself up with the love you had for him. What made you fall in love with him in the first place? Did he ever look at you and it took your breath away? Why does he love you so much?
Your daughter has a MUCH better chance in life growing up with 2 parents. Daughters that grow up without fathers are more likely to end up getting pregnant out of wedlock, using drugs/alcohol, or being abused in relationships. That's just statistics. You would give your daughter so much more out of life if she could see how a relationship works.
You will fight with him. You will get angry. You will love him again. You just have to give it a chance. You have to know in your mind that it is worth it. Honestly, after you have a child, life is no longer about you, its about your child. After your daughter is 18 years old, you can re-evaluate your life and see if you can live without the father of your child. But chances are, you wont be able to imagine life without him.
Good luck and God Bless!
Staying with the childs other parent, is just showing the child that its ok to be with someone and be unhappy. Just remember you are setting an example for your child. and having relations outside of marriage is morally wrong as well. Get out and find someone who loves you and whom you can return the love back
My Trini people do you remember when? This is from a friend who write this..?
Remember what it was like when T.V. used to sign off?
Remember watching the last few minutes of signed off T.V. waiting
for Sesame Street to begin?
Remember when one T.V. channel was all you needed, and a remote was
unheard of and you used to be happy when yuh picking up channel
nine.
Remember when Channel 6 come on de air, how that was like the
biggest thing on TV.
Remember When chicken and chips was Kentucky and you always wanted a
Kentucky kids pack to get a Jo Jo dollar.
Remember pitchin' marbles, pickin' mangoes, peltin' stones, shooting
caps guns, checkin' guavas for worms, flyin' kite, lightin' flambo,
bussin bamboo, runnin' races?
Remember when as soon as you reach on the beach you want to run in
de water fast fast. Remember when yu wanted to see how deep yuh
could dig a hole in de sand and if you could reach
water
Remember when it was no big deal to kiss your father and your
mother's lipstick stayed on your face for the whole day of school?
(Fuh real with the lipstick ****!!)
Remember Alladin lunch kits and Trinpad copy books that had the
national anthem and I solemnly pledge on the inside cover?
Remember snakes and ladders, ludo, chinese checkers, go to pack,
suck the well, rounders, red light green light one two three, I spy,
scooch and, kiss catch- girls catch the boys (never wanted to get
caught, but deep inside wanted to get kissed).
Remember Star Wars, Buck Rogers, Star Trek, MacGyver, Equaliser,
Simon and Simon, Super Friends, the adventures of Batman and Robin,
Teen Talent, Scouting for Talent, Twelve and Under, pick a pan in
Mastana Bahar, No Boundaries, Turn of the Tide.
Remember Wendell Constantine in Party Time? G-Force, Terror Hawks,
Super Gran, Star Fleet, He-Man, Street Hawk, Fall Guys. A-Team, even
the old people shows like Knots Landing, Falcon Crest and JR and
Bobby in Dallas and as much as I hate to admit it- Circle Square? (I
used to love Circle Square J)
What about when Kiskidee Caravan was the biggest concert out. Dan it
up, Shot call, Ambush and Edoo Edoo pom pom. (bloy bloy)
Remember when an RX 7 was de coolest car.
Remember when Cinema was the big lime?
Remember when Chinese Laundry dub tapes or rhythm nation, Dr Hyde
was most wanted. Remember when Papa Rocky was a big time DJ.
Remember when the only two ladies you knew who used to sing Calypso
was Singing Francine and Calypso Rose?
What about acid wash or stone wash jeans or hood tops with Malcolm X
on it. (cyah cyah, fuh real!)
Remember when shorts for girls used to reach all by they knee and
you would be like she looking nice.
What about Ricky Ticky and Uncle Ian who used to draw all kind of
lines and say this is the sun and that is the forest. (LMAO)
Remember when goin Intercol was the biggest lime after school.
Either yuh looking to go Skinner Park or in de Stadium.
Remember when ';race'; was a word used to describe a running
competition, colour'; was used to describe yuh water paints or yuh
drawing book and religion was remembering the ';our father'; and
';thank you for the food we eat';.
Remember when a fight
was a few hard cuff and ended with a simple
sorry.
Remember when disease was the cold, starvation was a belly ache, a
cold drink was a big red, a solo or a tall pepsi and how high you
got depended on who was pushing the swings.
Remember when the Prime Minister was just a name in Social Studies
and politics was just a word in your spelling book.My Trini people do you remember when? This is from a friend who write this..?
Yuh remember puksay and helicopta... what about the WHO and PAHO people coming in yuh school to give yuh injection?
What about Dj Hurricane George and old years night was for yuh parents to sail on the Jolly Roger down Chaguaramas...
What about when electricity used to go and yuh coulda pull out yuh matress and sleep in yuh front porch until it come back...
What about going to sleep and forgetting to lock up de house.... but nuttin' missing in de morning...
What about Knight Rider?
And the late night matinee movie on Saturday night?
When Roxy was a cinema?
When their was no Brian Lara Promenade?
When apples grapes and pears only for Christmas?
When the only laundry soap was breeze?
And dishwashing liquid was Sqezy?
Yuh 'member ent?My Trini people do you remember when? This is from a friend who write this..?
Don't forget CNN and Santa Babara. Also remember when maxi taxi had ';PONG';.
Allyuh remember surf wallets, black bands and punk belts with the knot tie by the buckle? :-)
yuh shave yuh head or what? dats good and clean for a nice clout... i doh have nuttin to add...i just wanted to tell meh boy what's up?
Wow. This make meh eye water and meh stomach tight.
AH HOMESICK!
Allyuh remember when Rennie B was DE DJ?
how allyuh so, you forget the best part of all ah dat:
Indian movies on ah sunday morning, mastana bahar on ah Saturday with pick ah pan.
Remember watching the last few minutes of signed off T.V. waiting
for Sesame Street to begin?
Remember when one T.V. channel was all you needed, and a remote was
unheard of and you used to be happy when yuh picking up channel
nine.
Remember when Channel 6 come on de air, how that was like the
biggest thing on TV.
Remember When chicken and chips was Kentucky and you always wanted a
Kentucky kids pack to get a Jo Jo dollar.
Remember pitchin' marbles, pickin' mangoes, peltin' stones, shooting
caps guns, checkin' guavas for worms, flyin' kite, lightin' flambo,
bussin bamboo, runnin' races?
Remember when as soon as you reach on the beach you want to run in
de water fast fast. Remember when yu wanted to see how deep yuh
could dig a hole in de sand and if you could reach
water
Remember when it was no big deal to kiss your father and your
mother's lipstick stayed on your face for the whole day of school?
(Fuh real with the lipstick ****!!)
Remember Alladin lunch kits and Trinpad copy books that had the
national anthem and I solemnly pledge on the inside cover?
Remember snakes and ladders, ludo, chinese checkers, go to pack,
suck the well, rounders, red light green light one two three, I spy,
scooch and, kiss catch- girls catch the boys (never wanted to get
caught, but deep inside wanted to get kissed).
Remember Star Wars, Buck Rogers, Star Trek, MacGyver, Equaliser,
Simon and Simon, Super Friends, the adventures of Batman and Robin,
Teen Talent, Scouting for Talent, Twelve and Under, pick a pan in
Mastana Bahar, No Boundaries, Turn of the Tide.
Remember Wendell Constantine in Party Time? G-Force, Terror Hawks,
Super Gran, Star Fleet, He-Man, Street Hawk, Fall Guys. A-Team, even
the old people shows like Knots Landing, Falcon Crest and JR and
Bobby in Dallas and as much as I hate to admit it- Circle Square? (I
used to love Circle Square J)
What about when Kiskidee Caravan was the biggest concert out. Dan it
up, Shot call, Ambush and Edoo Edoo pom pom. (bloy bloy)
Remember when an RX 7 was de coolest car.
Remember when Cinema was the big lime?
Remember when Chinese Laundry dub tapes or rhythm nation, Dr Hyde
was most wanted. Remember when Papa Rocky was a big time DJ.
Remember when the only two ladies you knew who used to sing Calypso
was Singing Francine and Calypso Rose?
What about acid wash or stone wash jeans or hood tops with Malcolm X
on it. (cyah cyah, fuh real!)
Remember when shorts for girls used to reach all by they knee and
you would be like she looking nice.
What about Ricky Ticky and Uncle Ian who used to draw all kind of
lines and say this is the sun and that is the forest. (LMAO)
Remember when goin Intercol was the biggest lime after school.
Either yuh looking to go Skinner Park or in de Stadium.
Remember when ';race'; was a word used to describe a running
competition, colour'; was used to describe yuh water paints or yuh
drawing book and religion was remembering the ';our father'; and
';thank you for the food we eat';.
Remember when a fight
was a few hard cuff and ended with a simple
sorry.
Remember when disease was the cold, starvation was a belly ache, a
cold drink was a big red, a solo or a tall pepsi and how high you
got depended on who was pushing the swings.
Remember when the Prime Minister was just a name in Social Studies
and politics was just a word in your spelling book.My Trini people do you remember when? This is from a friend who write this..?
Yuh remember puksay and helicopta... what about the WHO and PAHO people coming in yuh school to give yuh injection?
What about Dj Hurricane George and old years night was for yuh parents to sail on the Jolly Roger down Chaguaramas...
What about when electricity used to go and yuh coulda pull out yuh matress and sleep in yuh front porch until it come back...
What about going to sleep and forgetting to lock up de house.... but nuttin' missing in de morning...
What about Knight Rider?
And the late night matinee movie on Saturday night?
When Roxy was a cinema?
When their was no Brian Lara Promenade?
When apples grapes and pears only for Christmas?
When the only laundry soap was breeze?
And dishwashing liquid was Sqezy?
Yuh 'member ent?My Trini people do you remember when? This is from a friend who write this..?
Don't forget CNN and Santa Babara. Also remember when maxi taxi had ';PONG';.
Report Abuse
Allyuh remember surf wallets, black bands and punk belts with the knot tie by the buckle? :-)
yuh shave yuh head or what? dats good and clean for a nice clout... i doh have nuttin to add...i just wanted to tell meh boy what's up?
Wow. This make meh eye water and meh stomach tight.
AH HOMESICK!
Allyuh remember when Rennie B was DE DJ?
how allyuh so, you forget the best part of all ah dat:
Indian movies on ah sunday morning, mastana bahar on ah Saturday with pick ah pan.
My mother is the one causing a problem?
I have tried to talk to her and she still ignores me. She does not give as **** how this stuff effects me. It is a constant mind game with her. Basically if I want to have a mother, I have to deal with wanting to kill myself because of her behavior every single day. What would you do? Keep your mother. Ask people how to resolve a conflict? Or don't have a mother. You see my mother and I start getting along, she gets comfortable and cannot handle us getting along. And then she starts her crap again. And if she is not starting a fight, my step father causes problems. I have even asked her if she loves me during these times and she still ignores me. Let me remind you, this is not my fault,she is the one causing the problem. I am asking for a way to solve this problem. I am not asking who is to blame.My mother is the one causing a problem?
Remember your parents are the ones to respect. There are rules of the house and as long as you are living under the roof, you got to obey them. Just calm down and try to take things little by little. Mothers are always like that. She is doing things that you might not like and that means that she cares and loves you. Sometimes, they have a funny way of showing love. Just stay in school and love your parents until you finish high school. Then, you will be in college and have more freedom. One day, when you are older and wiser, you will look back and realize that you would not be there without your parents. You will realize that you have two very important people in your life who you want to thank, your mom and dad.My mother is the one causing a problem?
Wait until you're 19, you'll grow out of it.
well teoll her how u feel mine does the same thing to me
until you pay a bill in the household, bite your tongue, and realize ALL that they provide for you. If she starts a fight, simply tell her I am not arguing with you, and remove yourself from the room/situation. Try not to kill yourself, I'm sure that you'll agree in a few years.
If your mother is like that then why do you bother asking her if she loves you or having a deep relationship with her?
Stop being so damn dramatic. Suicide is never justified. Just deal with it. Nobody's life is all sunshine and rainbows.
pray is good. Try it
When she starts ';her crap'; again, ask her why. Tell her how you feel about it.
can you say dr. phill?
no affence but hes a smart cookie
couniling is a wonderful thing-
and by being a random person attempting to answer;
i say COUNCLING IS THE KEY!
-best of luck-
and trying something never hurt anyone
Some people don't have mothers, consider yourself blessed. AND, it's a great point. You are 19, that's what happens when you're that age.
Wow this sounds EXACTLY like what i was/still am kinda going through. My mom didnt take care of me. She was on drugs and I was adopted by my grandma.(My mom came around from time to time whenever she was not in rehab) Now that I am an adult I am trying to get to know her a little better, and she doesnt really pay me any attention. She is a huge liar also. She is very two faced too. Listen your mom is stuck in her ways. DOnt let it bother you. I used to always say how can they teach you to Honor thy mother and father, when they seem not to give a damn about you. I came to the conclusion that you must honor them even in their faults, because you will be rewarded and they will get what is coming to them for what they have done to you.
Sounds like your mom needs therapy. Maybe there was something in her past that makes her not want to deal with/reslove problems. Don't kill yourself because of someone's actions, it's her problem not yours and until she gets it resolved, she'll be miserable forever. Find yourself an activity or hobby that takes up your time, the less you focus on things you have no control of, the happier you'll find yourself.
my mom once told me she made a mistake by having me as a child. we fought ever since and now that i am out of the house and living my own life i understand that parents get annoyed easily and sometimes just want to do their own things without children.
have patience.
If your mum wont listen to you and you dont have a close friend you can confide in then you should think about seeing a councillor. It wont change the situation with your mum but it'll help you handle it a bit better.Sometimes talking to someone who isn't emotionally attached to a situation helps.
your mother has more problems than can be solved on line, her and step-dad need family counseling, you need to find help for you if they will not get help! child and family services will help, this is a big step but better than self-sacrifice.
well there really isn't an answer 4 that kind of problem have u done some-in in the past.And she cannot let go of it.And i am not blaming u but just t8lk 2 her.And maybe she is upset about something.REMEMBER THINK POSITIVE
Before I answer this question I need to know if you have a younger or older sibling. I so, when your mother starts this you should just walk away and talk to your sibling or maybe even your father. You should tell them how you feel and I am positive they will understand because maybe they feel the same way but are just to afraid to show it.
There are always two sides to a story. I really can't believe that you never do anything and she's always the one causing problems. I think that sometimes you can't control people and how they think, but what you can do is get away from all that negative behavior. Go out places, go with your friends somewhere do something else besides staying in that house. The only thing that matters is that God loves you and that's all you need.
Everyone at your age hates their mothers... reason because woman have a hard time getting along in the first place... second of all I have always hated my mother since I was 5 but tried hard to gain her love.... to no avail.. I just prayed that I would make it through the time and tired to do my best to get a long with her until I was old enough to leave her household I ended up moving with my real father which ... was a way worse sitution then the one I was in with my mother and step father..... once you get to the age where you can move out on your own it will be easier to get along with your mother granted I am not saying you will never fight but.. also consider where your mother came from her backgrond in her childhood more or less I bet anything the way you and your mother are... her mother and her were alot worse but in a similiar sitution... Granted I have two wonderful daughters myself now.. I have broke the chain in my family I do not do the things my mother did to me to them... which I thank god for ... My oldest and I get along for the most part but I to feel our relationship needs work in the communication department.... as she and I do have virbal fights... but then we make up and hug and get along there after.. it takes effort on both sides to make a relationship work... no matter what the relationship is.... mother daughter father son,,, boyfriend girlfriend..... etc: but you have to bet her one to remind her to... tell her how you feel... tell her that you love her.... open up to your mother... and I will pray she will do the same for you.... what ever you do..... do not provoke her..... it will only be worse for you in the end. if nothing else... go talk to someone you can trust that won't judge you or your family... that is hard to do yes... but maybe just getting it out there and having it off your chest will help you .
it sounds like you both need to go into family councling she needs it to find out why she is so miserable your step father is only doing what he thinks is best he is coming to her defience he thinks he is doing the right thing he is as Dr. Phil would say inabling her to act the way she does no one is blameless in this you must be like 17 or 18 and you are not realy to move out yet , it does get better i lived with a mother that was a me all about me person if it was not her way she would start things and i lived with her and my step father till i was 23. I got preg, married and moved out getting preg is not an answer but in our case now she is the best granny i can say I love her but i also had to move away from her for her to respect me as a daughter, mother and a person, my husband and I did the whole fight thing with her and at home we would fight he went into the military and i moved 3500 miles away now we get along fine so if you dont get councling for y ou both then you will have to wait pray and when you are ready move out , it always works later than when you want it sorry if this didnt help but some times it just takes time .
I have the exact same problem. My mum seems to be the type of person who can't be happy. I came to realise my mum has a paranoia problem which she knows of herself and wont seek out help or advice of any kind. If something is going right she finds a problem with it and blows it out of proportion. I experienced and so did my brother. But at the same time I cause some of those problems. She needed some one to talk to (that my not help if your mum is ignoring you) but I couldn't coup with listening to how my dad is an ******** etc.
It caused so many problems that I've moved home three times and extended my voluntary work in Africa. This being here I come to realise since being out here that I'm experiencing similar sings of paranoia.
I can't give you any advice because everything I tried to help the relationship between me and my mum failed after a week.
What ever your mums problem is don't let it affect you too much?
Please ignore the comments from the ';holier than thou'; adults who have chosen to treat you like a dumb kid in their answers.
I understand where you are coming from.
You are undergoing abuse. Abuse comes in all forms. The most common abuse is mental, emotional and psychological. Not all abuse leaves physical scars.
Do you have a trusted relative you can stay with? Is there a youth helpline you can ring for advice?
Just don't run away from home, trust me, it's better to do your research first into what your options are. Living on the street should never be one of them.
I feel for your frustration. Some people will never have a good bond with their Mother. You have to keep inmind that your Mom as her own demans and chalanges to over come. Some thing in her young life effected her to act this way. What is her age, mabe health, problems with your step Dad or just not capable of expressing her self. Your Mom is not going to change, you need to find away to get along with her, try to focus on other relation ships you have with people and get some distance from your Mother.pc or mac
Remember your parents are the ones to respect. There are rules of the house and as long as you are living under the roof, you got to obey them. Just calm down and try to take things little by little. Mothers are always like that. She is doing things that you might not like and that means that she cares and loves you. Sometimes, they have a funny way of showing love. Just stay in school and love your parents until you finish high school. Then, you will be in college and have more freedom. One day, when you are older and wiser, you will look back and realize that you would not be there without your parents. You will realize that you have two very important people in your life who you want to thank, your mom and dad.My mother is the one causing a problem?
Wait until you're 19, you'll grow out of it.
well teoll her how u feel mine does the same thing to me
until you pay a bill in the household, bite your tongue, and realize ALL that they provide for you. If she starts a fight, simply tell her I am not arguing with you, and remove yourself from the room/situation. Try not to kill yourself, I'm sure that you'll agree in a few years.
If your mother is like that then why do you bother asking her if she loves you or having a deep relationship with her?
Stop being so damn dramatic. Suicide is never justified. Just deal with it. Nobody's life is all sunshine and rainbows.
pray is good. Try it
When she starts ';her crap'; again, ask her why. Tell her how you feel about it.
can you say dr. phill?
no affence but hes a smart cookie
couniling is a wonderful thing-
and by being a random person attempting to answer;
i say COUNCLING IS THE KEY!
-best of luck-
and trying something never hurt anyone
Some people don't have mothers, consider yourself blessed. AND, it's a great point. You are 19, that's what happens when you're that age.
Wow this sounds EXACTLY like what i was/still am kinda going through. My mom didnt take care of me. She was on drugs and I was adopted by my grandma.(My mom came around from time to time whenever she was not in rehab) Now that I am an adult I am trying to get to know her a little better, and she doesnt really pay me any attention. She is a huge liar also. She is very two faced too. Listen your mom is stuck in her ways. DOnt let it bother you. I used to always say how can they teach you to Honor thy mother and father, when they seem not to give a damn about you. I came to the conclusion that you must honor them even in their faults, because you will be rewarded and they will get what is coming to them for what they have done to you.
Sounds like your mom needs therapy. Maybe there was something in her past that makes her not want to deal with/reslove problems. Don't kill yourself because of someone's actions, it's her problem not yours and until she gets it resolved, she'll be miserable forever. Find yourself an activity or hobby that takes up your time, the less you focus on things you have no control of, the happier you'll find yourself.
my mom once told me she made a mistake by having me as a child. we fought ever since and now that i am out of the house and living my own life i understand that parents get annoyed easily and sometimes just want to do their own things without children.
have patience.
If your mum wont listen to you and you dont have a close friend you can confide in then you should think about seeing a councillor. It wont change the situation with your mum but it'll help you handle it a bit better.Sometimes talking to someone who isn't emotionally attached to a situation helps.
your mother has more problems than can be solved on line, her and step-dad need family counseling, you need to find help for you if they will not get help! child and family services will help, this is a big step but better than self-sacrifice.
well there really isn't an answer 4 that kind of problem have u done some-in in the past.And she cannot let go of it.And i am not blaming u but just t8lk 2 her.And maybe she is upset about something.REMEMBER THINK POSITIVE
Before I answer this question I need to know if you have a younger or older sibling. I so, when your mother starts this you should just walk away and talk to your sibling or maybe even your father. You should tell them how you feel and I am positive they will understand because maybe they feel the same way but are just to afraid to show it.
There are always two sides to a story. I really can't believe that you never do anything and she's always the one causing problems. I think that sometimes you can't control people and how they think, but what you can do is get away from all that negative behavior. Go out places, go with your friends somewhere do something else besides staying in that house. The only thing that matters is that God loves you and that's all you need.
Everyone at your age hates their mothers... reason because woman have a hard time getting along in the first place... second of all I have always hated my mother since I was 5 but tried hard to gain her love.... to no avail.. I just prayed that I would make it through the time and tired to do my best to get a long with her until I was old enough to leave her household I ended up moving with my real father which ... was a way worse sitution then the one I was in with my mother and step father..... once you get to the age where you can move out on your own it will be easier to get along with your mother granted I am not saying you will never fight but.. also consider where your mother came from her backgrond in her childhood more or less I bet anything the way you and your mother are... her mother and her were alot worse but in a similiar sitution... Granted I have two wonderful daughters myself now.. I have broke the chain in my family I do not do the things my mother did to me to them... which I thank god for ... My oldest and I get along for the most part but I to feel our relationship needs work in the communication department.... as she and I do have virbal fights... but then we make up and hug and get along there after.. it takes effort on both sides to make a relationship work... no matter what the relationship is.... mother daughter father son,,, boyfriend girlfriend..... etc: but you have to bet her one to remind her to... tell her how you feel... tell her that you love her.... open up to your mother... and I will pray she will do the same for you.... what ever you do..... do not provoke her..... it will only be worse for you in the end. if nothing else... go talk to someone you can trust that won't judge you or your family... that is hard to do yes... but maybe just getting it out there and having it off your chest will help you .
it sounds like you both need to go into family councling she needs it to find out why she is so miserable your step father is only doing what he thinks is best he is coming to her defience he thinks he is doing the right thing he is as Dr. Phil would say inabling her to act the way she does no one is blameless in this you must be like 17 or 18 and you are not realy to move out yet , it does get better i lived with a mother that was a me all about me person if it was not her way she would start things and i lived with her and my step father till i was 23. I got preg, married and moved out getting preg is not an answer but in our case now she is the best granny i can say I love her but i also had to move away from her for her to respect me as a daughter, mother and a person, my husband and I did the whole fight thing with her and at home we would fight he went into the military and i moved 3500 miles away now we get along fine so if you dont get councling for y ou both then you will have to wait pray and when you are ready move out , it always works later than when you want it sorry if this didnt help but some times it just takes time .
I have the exact same problem. My mum seems to be the type of person who can't be happy. I came to realise my mum has a paranoia problem which she knows of herself and wont seek out help or advice of any kind. If something is going right she finds a problem with it and blows it out of proportion. I experienced and so did my brother. But at the same time I cause some of those problems. She needed some one to talk to (that my not help if your mum is ignoring you) but I couldn't coup with listening to how my dad is an ******** etc.
It caused so many problems that I've moved home three times and extended my voluntary work in Africa. This being here I come to realise since being out here that I'm experiencing similar sings of paranoia.
I can't give you any advice because everything I tried to help the relationship between me and my mum failed after a week.
What ever your mums problem is don't let it affect you too much?
Please ignore the comments from the ';holier than thou'; adults who have chosen to treat you like a dumb kid in their answers.
I understand where you are coming from.
You are undergoing abuse. Abuse comes in all forms. The most common abuse is mental, emotional and psychological. Not all abuse leaves physical scars.
Do you have a trusted relative you can stay with? Is there a youth helpline you can ring for advice?
Just don't run away from home, trust me, it's better to do your research first into what your options are. Living on the street should never be one of them.
I feel for your frustration. Some people will never have a good bond with their Mother. You have to keep inmind that your Mom as her own demans and chalanges to over come. Some thing in her young life effected her to act this way. What is her age, mabe health, problems with your step Dad or just not capable of expressing her self. Your Mom is not going to change, you need to find away to get along with her, try to focus on other relation ships you have with people and get some distance from your Mother.
People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
You only get one mom. You may never meet her. You may lose her. She might be one, if not, the most important person in your life. Regardless of how she is in your life, she's in there somewhere....even if she's dead...she's in your head.
It's really hard not having a relationship with your mother. I want so badly to have a mother-daughter relationship where I could just open up to my other, trust her, come home and cry in front of her, she could give me advice, and solve any problem...make anything better. I don't and that's very hard for me. I feel like my mother is mentally ill, but my disrespect could have led to our relationship crumbling. Whatever the cause....here we are. there is no more relationship. it's really very difficult. I know I might sound selfish to someone reading this who doesn't have a mother. You might feel like I don't understand. I feel like you don't understand- the only thing worse than losing someone is sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them. So close but so far away.
How do you deal with not having a relationship with your mother?
Any personal experiences where you don't have a relationship (for whatever reason) with your mother? Please share...People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
I don't have a relationship with my mother either. It's not like I don't talk to her or anything but I can't tell her anything. She doesn't understand. She doesn't get me.People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
your mom carried you in her womb and risked her own to give you life. She cared for you as a child and she provided every need and loves you more than her own life. give her some respect.
mine died and i never met her.
if i had the chance to ask her one question it would be ';why was i born to you if you had to die so soon?';
My mom left me when I was 8 yrs. I got over it though.
My mother died. And I did have some sort of relationship with her but when I got older and realized that I was basically brainwashed by my parents I hated them. The end.
after years of not having a relationship with mum, i bit the bullet and decided to try and make up. my mum is so set in her ways that she won't change. my kids missed out on knowing their nana, our relationship is such that we make small talk, and that is about it. i know my mum is harboring some deep dark secret, but she won't confide. all i got was that the subject was never to be raised again. that is her wish, and that is how it will stay. even when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and we didn't know whether she would survive, she stayed bottled up. i have made sure that things are different with me and my kids. that is the best i could do. i had a very violent and unhappy childhood. i left home at 15. my attitude now is that i love my mother but i don't like her. sad, but i have my life to live and thats what i am doing. i pray that my kids will never think of me in that light, as it would be the death of me, but until my mother is willing to talk i can do no more. please don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes.
I was raped at a party, with drugged out people right there who didn't help me. it was humiliating for me to drag myself home and tell my mother about it. her response was to blame me. I packed my bags and moved in with my grandmother. I have not talked to my mother since. it has been 20 years. I don't need her.
just because someone gave birth doesn't make them worthy of being a mother. and it doesn't make them the kind of person you can go cry on their shoulder.
It's really hard not having a relationship with your mother. I want so badly to have a mother-daughter relationship where I could just open up to my other, trust her, come home and cry in front of her, she could give me advice, and solve any problem...make anything better. I don't and that's very hard for me. I feel like my mother is mentally ill, but my disrespect could have led to our relationship crumbling. Whatever the cause....here we are. there is no more relationship. it's really very difficult. I know I might sound selfish to someone reading this who doesn't have a mother. You might feel like I don't understand. I feel like you don't understand- the only thing worse than losing someone is sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them. So close but so far away.
How do you deal with not having a relationship with your mother?
Any personal experiences where you don't have a relationship (for whatever reason) with your mother? Please share...People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
I don't have a relationship with my mother either. It's not like I don't talk to her or anything but I can't tell her anything. She doesn't understand. She doesn't get me.People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
your mom carried you in her womb and risked her own to give you life. She cared for you as a child and she provided every need and loves you more than her own life. give her some respect.
mine died and i never met her.
if i had the chance to ask her one question it would be ';why was i born to you if you had to die so soon?';
My mom left me when I was 8 yrs. I got over it though.
My mother died. And I did have some sort of relationship with her but when I got older and realized that I was basically brainwashed by my parents I hated them. The end.
after years of not having a relationship with mum, i bit the bullet and decided to try and make up. my mum is so set in her ways that she won't change. my kids missed out on knowing their nana, our relationship is such that we make small talk, and that is about it. i know my mum is harboring some deep dark secret, but she won't confide. all i got was that the subject was never to be raised again. that is her wish, and that is how it will stay. even when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and we didn't know whether she would survive, she stayed bottled up. i have made sure that things are different with me and my kids. that is the best i could do. i had a very violent and unhappy childhood. i left home at 15. my attitude now is that i love my mother but i don't like her. sad, but i have my life to live and thats what i am doing. i pray that my kids will never think of me in that light, as it would be the death of me, but until my mother is willing to talk i can do no more. please don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes.
I was raped at a party, with drugged out people right there who didn't help me. it was humiliating for me to drag myself home and tell my mother about it. her response was to blame me. I packed my bags and moved in with my grandmother. I have not talked to my mother since. it has been 20 years. I don't need her.
just because someone gave birth doesn't make them worthy of being a mother. and it doesn't make them the kind of person you can go cry on their shoulder.
People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
You only get one mom. You may never meet her. You may lose her. She might be one, if not, the most important person in your life. Regardless of how she is in your life, she's in there somewhere....even if she's dead...she's in your head.
It's really hard not having a relationship with your mother. I want so badly to have a mother-daughter relationship where I could just open up to my other, trust her, come home and cry in front of her, she could give me advice, and solve any problem...make anything better. I don't and that's very hard for me. I feel like my mother is mentally ill, but my disrespect could have led to our relationship crumbling. Whatever the cause....here we are. there is no more relationship. it's really very difficult. I know I might sound selfish to someone reading this who doesn't have a mother. You might feel like I don't understand. I feel like you don't understand- the only thing worse than losing someone is sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them. So close but so far away.
How do you deal with not having a relationship with your mother?
Any personal experiences where you don't have a relationship (for whatever reason) with your mother? Please share...People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
I could have written a similar letter back in January. At that time, I hadn't talked to my mother in over eight years. Hadn't seen her in 13 (she lives in Alaska, I'm on the southeast coast). We'd had a really stupid argument on the phone that wasn't worth it at all. Honestly, she quit talking to all of her family around that time, and I was wondering if she wasn't mentally ill. Her brothers hadn't heard from her, neither had my brother.
I can totally validate your feelings. You want to be have someone to open up to, and to hold you when you cry. You want to be able to share personal stuff. And seeing movies or TV shows where the mom and daugther have a good relationship really sucked. Hell, I would have been happy to have the relationship that Peggy Bundy had with her daughter on Married with Children.
She moved away from the last address, and when I wanted to reach out to her, I couldn't. I didn't even know where to look. Nobody knew where she went. I started scanning the obituaries and stuff in the newspaper for the town where she used to live. I did finally find her and sent her a Christmas card. Her husband contacted me and was the one to help mend the rift.
I actually saw her back in July. I've only talked with her on the phone twice since then. We're healing the relationship, but definitely not close.
So - what did I do for a mother figure? Found other women who were older and wiser than me, and forged relationships with them. I was very honest about the fact that I didn't have a mom in my life. These women, bless them, made sure that I had that hug every time I saw them.
I hope you are able to mend the relationship with your mom, and I certainly hope that happens sooner than 8 years. Hugs to you!People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
My Mom and I used to be close but now that I have grownup it has changed.
I wish she would listen to what I have to say more,defend me. But she don't she takes my brother side for whatever reason,she blames me for everything.
There are times when I can't stand her becuase of the NO respect I get. There are days when I wish our relationship was the way it used to be and sometimes I wish she was like other mothers who listen ad respect their kids.
I do Love my Mom but sometimes I just can't stand her.
I do have a great relationship with my mom, but I've met people who don't. Their reasons are varied. It's hard to imagine, but there are a lot of people that grow up to be so different from one (or even both) of their parents, that they cannot relate to them anymore.
If your mother is indeed mentally ill, I think that you have two choices: (a) Make a conscious choice that you are not going to be upset by anything that she might say, especially due to the illness (b) push to have her properly diagnosed and treated.
If your mother is not mentally ill, and you would like to have a relationship with her, ask her if she would meet with you initially for a short time. Tell her over coffee that you regret the way that things have gone, and that you would like to try again. Tell her that while you may disagree on things, you would like to be able to see her from time to time. You want her to be a part of your life, and to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Where there is disagreement, agree to disagree, and move on to the next topic. Any time that you feel an argument brewing, find a way to acknowledge her opinion without giving in, and change the subject. Hopefully she will pick up on the fact that you are trying hard to keep things together, and she will calm down. Good luck.
Sometimes a relationship with your biological mother doesn't work.
My mom was famous, distant, and very cruel.
I have had three foster mothers, (honorific, not formal or legal) and I watched them like a hawk to learn how to act like a real mother.
Find a woman of the same age as your mother who cares about you and have a relationship with her.
Lots of women are happy to adopt extra daughters.
I tend to ';adopt'; all my female voice students.
Find a surrogate mother, and have a real relationship with her.
It will be good for both of you.
If the real one is not available for whatever reason, go find a spare.
It saved my life.
As I was growing up, my mother regularly beat the crap out of me. My dad knew about it, even took me to doctor to be sewn up, but didn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't wait to leave home. I actually left when I was 16 yr old. (this was in 1957) I got a job, rented a room, finished high school, worked my way through college on the 6 yr plan, and went to grad school. I would go back for holidays and such, because of my younger brothers. But I never moved back home and never had a relationship with my mother after I left.
I have worked extra hard to have a great relationship with my children and grandchildren.
iff i write what i want to about my mother, this account will probably get suspended like my other one.
Jess M.
and i had 4000 points.. god dammit.
It's really hard not having a relationship with your mother. I want so badly to have a mother-daughter relationship where I could just open up to my other, trust her, come home and cry in front of her, she could give me advice, and solve any problem...make anything better. I don't and that's very hard for me. I feel like my mother is mentally ill, but my disrespect could have led to our relationship crumbling. Whatever the cause....here we are. there is no more relationship. it's really very difficult. I know I might sound selfish to someone reading this who doesn't have a mother. You might feel like I don't understand. I feel like you don't understand- the only thing worse than losing someone is sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them. So close but so far away.
How do you deal with not having a relationship with your mother?
Any personal experiences where you don't have a relationship (for whatever reason) with your mother? Please share...People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
I could have written a similar letter back in January. At that time, I hadn't talked to my mother in over eight years. Hadn't seen her in 13 (she lives in Alaska, I'm on the southeast coast). We'd had a really stupid argument on the phone that wasn't worth it at all. Honestly, she quit talking to all of her family around that time, and I was wondering if she wasn't mentally ill. Her brothers hadn't heard from her, neither had my brother.
I can totally validate your feelings. You want to be have someone to open up to, and to hold you when you cry. You want to be able to share personal stuff. And seeing movies or TV shows where the mom and daugther have a good relationship really sucked. Hell, I would have been happy to have the relationship that Peggy Bundy had with her daughter on Married with Children.
She moved away from the last address, and when I wanted to reach out to her, I couldn't. I didn't even know where to look. Nobody knew where she went. I started scanning the obituaries and stuff in the newspaper for the town where she used to live. I did finally find her and sent her a Christmas card. Her husband contacted me and was the one to help mend the rift.
I actually saw her back in July. I've only talked with her on the phone twice since then. We're healing the relationship, but definitely not close.
So - what did I do for a mother figure? Found other women who were older and wiser than me, and forged relationships with them. I was very honest about the fact that I didn't have a mom in my life. These women, bless them, made sure that I had that hug every time I saw them.
I hope you are able to mend the relationship with your mom, and I certainly hope that happens sooner than 8 years. Hugs to you!People who have no relationship with their mother...for whatever reason....?
My Mom and I used to be close but now that I have grownup it has changed.
I wish she would listen to what I have to say more,defend me. But she don't she takes my brother side for whatever reason,she blames me for everything.
There are times when I can't stand her becuase of the NO respect I get. There are days when I wish our relationship was the way it used to be and sometimes I wish she was like other mothers who listen ad respect their kids.
I do Love my Mom but sometimes I just can't stand her.
I do have a great relationship with my mom, but I've met people who don't. Their reasons are varied. It's hard to imagine, but there are a lot of people that grow up to be so different from one (or even both) of their parents, that they cannot relate to them anymore.
If your mother is indeed mentally ill, I think that you have two choices: (a) Make a conscious choice that you are not going to be upset by anything that she might say, especially due to the illness (b) push to have her properly diagnosed and treated.
If your mother is not mentally ill, and you would like to have a relationship with her, ask her if she would meet with you initially for a short time. Tell her over coffee that you regret the way that things have gone, and that you would like to try again. Tell her that while you may disagree on things, you would like to be able to see her from time to time. You want her to be a part of your life, and to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Where there is disagreement, agree to disagree, and move on to the next topic. Any time that you feel an argument brewing, find a way to acknowledge her opinion without giving in, and change the subject. Hopefully she will pick up on the fact that you are trying hard to keep things together, and she will calm down. Good luck.
Sometimes a relationship with your biological mother doesn't work.
My mom was famous, distant, and very cruel.
I have had three foster mothers, (honorific, not formal or legal) and I watched them like a hawk to learn how to act like a real mother.
Find a woman of the same age as your mother who cares about you and have a relationship with her.
Lots of women are happy to adopt extra daughters.
I tend to ';adopt'; all my female voice students.
Find a surrogate mother, and have a real relationship with her.
It will be good for both of you.
If the real one is not available for whatever reason, go find a spare.
It saved my life.
As I was growing up, my mother regularly beat the crap out of me. My dad knew about it, even took me to doctor to be sewn up, but didn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't wait to leave home. I actually left when I was 16 yr old. (this was in 1957) I got a job, rented a room, finished high school, worked my way through college on the 6 yr plan, and went to grad school. I would go back for holidays and such, because of my younger brothers. But I never moved back home and never had a relationship with my mother after I left.
I have worked extra hard to have a great relationship with my children and grandchildren.
iff i write what i want to about my mother, this account will probably get suspended like my other one.
Jess M.
and i had 4000 points.. god dammit.
My first chapter....help!?
ok its still in the process of editing im on chapter 7 already but im going to go over it all thoroughly dont know if she should narrate or not heres the 'intro chapter' any criticism will be fine=]
Chapter 1
Alone in her room, Stella Belladon drummed her fingers on the vanity table she sat in front of. It had been cluttered with makeup and hair products. She studied her face in the vanity mirror that hung in front of her. She brushed her long jet-black hair with a jeweled hairbrush. Her bright blue eyes contrasted with her hair and pale skin. She stopped brushing her hair to play with her Wiccan style, crescent moon necklace that clung to her neck, sighing as she looked at it. Someone began banging on her door. Startled, she snapped out of her trance. “Stella Althea Belladon, open this door right now!” her father shouted. David, her father, hated it when she locked her door. Stella happened to be a very mischievous girl and would sneak out at night. The banging continued. Stella rolled her eyes and waved her hand at the door. It quickly opened. David nearly fell over. “What did I tell you about using your powers!” he shouted.
“I cant help it father. I’m so use to it. If mother was still here you-”
“If mother was still here things would be different. But she’s not here so stop using your powers!” he interrupted. Stella frowned and turned away from David. He sighed and tried to speak with a softer voice, “Stella, we live on Earth now. To them, witches and warlocks don’t exist. If someone found out that we existed it would be a catastrophe.”
“You can’t hide what you are father. Mom wouldn’t have wanted this. She would have wanted us to stay in Selenia!” Stella began to shout now. David just stood there. Stella went on, “We have to go back. You can’t just run away from your feelings. It’s been two years!” Exhausted, she sat down on the bed. David took a seat beside her.
“Oh, Stella, I’m so sorry. I would love to go back. But without your mother it wouldn’t be right,” He said. “Stella I’ll compromise with you. Since I’ve made you move down here, I suppose you can go to the dance tonight.” Stella’s face lit up. She squealed,
“Oh really Dad? Thank you!” She gave him a huge hug.
“You can go on one condition, you mustn’t use your magix. Deal?” David told her. Stella happily agreed. She started pushing David outside.
“I have to get ready Dad. I’ll be out soon,” She let him know. Having tried on almost everything from her closet, Stella flopped down on her bed, frustrated. It had been over an hour and she still hadn’t gotten an outfit together. Then, all of a sudden, Stella bolted straight up. She stood up and zapped a finger at herself. She wore a banded-bottom halter dress, turquoise in color, and her necklace as an accessory. She wore her hair in a half up, half down style. Calling downstairs to David she yelled, “Dad, I’m leaving!”
“Wait, I want to see you,” He hastily replied. Groaning, she opened the door as her father beheld his fully-grown up teenage daughter. “You look lovely. Just like your mother. Well, we better get in the car,” He began walking towards the door.
“That’s okay Dad. I can get there on my own.” Stella replied holding up her hands.
“Don’t transport into the school that way,” David warned.
“Don’t worry Dad. I’ll make sure I transport in the school parking lot,” Stella smirked, and before David could stop her, she had already snapped and disappeared.
Stella reappeared in the parking lot as she said she would. It being October, the weather wasn’t so pleasant. People crowded around the door, waiting to go inside. Practically elbowing her way through, Stella made it to the door, where she bumped into Craig Evans, her only friend at MontBello High.
“Hey Craig. How are you?”
“Cold. Why don’t we go inside?” he replied. Stella smiled. Craig was slightly taller than Stella, with short brown hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes Stella had ever seen. Not as pale as Stella, but by no means dark, Craig had a beautiful tan skin tone. He led her into the gymnasium. They both danced to a few songs. After one of the song ended, Stella sat down on the bleachers. She felt as though she had been on cloud nine. That is until she spotted Craig talking to Tamera. Tamera Bush, an exceptionally beautiful girl, whom flirted with every guy she met. Stella did not want Craig to get sucked in. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, she whispered,
“This girl may be a sneaky liar, but now she will tell her victims what she truly desires.” To complete the incantation, Stella held out her index and middle finger, she pulled her hand back and flung it forward in Tamera’s direction.
Tamera made an inaudible statement to Craig, which caused her to cover in mouth in shock. Craig made a reply and walked away, causing Tamera to run away crying. Stella chuckled, but quickly concealed her laughter as Craig approached.
“That Tamera is a real flirt. You wouldn’t believe what shMy first chapter....help!?
I read a little more than half of it. You're a good creative writer. My only comments: It moves a little fast. I like that it moves fast, but you may want to take more time to introduce your character. You could maybe put in more of her thoughts? Just a suggestion. My other comment is: is the word ';magix'; correct? I wasn't sure if this was a typo or a word you created.
Best of luck!
Chapter 1
Alone in her room, Stella Belladon drummed her fingers on the vanity table she sat in front of. It had been cluttered with makeup and hair products. She studied her face in the vanity mirror that hung in front of her. She brushed her long jet-black hair with a jeweled hairbrush. Her bright blue eyes contrasted with her hair and pale skin. She stopped brushing her hair to play with her Wiccan style, crescent moon necklace that clung to her neck, sighing as she looked at it. Someone began banging on her door. Startled, she snapped out of her trance. “Stella Althea Belladon, open this door right now!” her father shouted. David, her father, hated it when she locked her door. Stella happened to be a very mischievous girl and would sneak out at night. The banging continued. Stella rolled her eyes and waved her hand at the door. It quickly opened. David nearly fell over. “What did I tell you about using your powers!” he shouted.
“I cant help it father. I’m so use to it. If mother was still here you-”
“If mother was still here things would be different. But she’s not here so stop using your powers!” he interrupted. Stella frowned and turned away from David. He sighed and tried to speak with a softer voice, “Stella, we live on Earth now. To them, witches and warlocks don’t exist. If someone found out that we existed it would be a catastrophe.”
“You can’t hide what you are father. Mom wouldn’t have wanted this. She would have wanted us to stay in Selenia!” Stella began to shout now. David just stood there. Stella went on, “We have to go back. You can’t just run away from your feelings. It’s been two years!” Exhausted, she sat down on the bed. David took a seat beside her.
“Oh, Stella, I’m so sorry. I would love to go back. But without your mother it wouldn’t be right,” He said. “Stella I’ll compromise with you. Since I’ve made you move down here, I suppose you can go to the dance tonight.” Stella’s face lit up. She squealed,
“Oh really Dad? Thank you!” She gave him a huge hug.
“You can go on one condition, you mustn’t use your magix. Deal?” David told her. Stella happily agreed. She started pushing David outside.
“I have to get ready Dad. I’ll be out soon,” She let him know. Having tried on almost everything from her closet, Stella flopped down on her bed, frustrated. It had been over an hour and she still hadn’t gotten an outfit together. Then, all of a sudden, Stella bolted straight up. She stood up and zapped a finger at herself. She wore a banded-bottom halter dress, turquoise in color, and her necklace as an accessory. She wore her hair in a half up, half down style. Calling downstairs to David she yelled, “Dad, I’m leaving!”
“Wait, I want to see you,” He hastily replied. Groaning, she opened the door as her father beheld his fully-grown up teenage daughter. “You look lovely. Just like your mother. Well, we better get in the car,” He began walking towards the door.
“That’s okay Dad. I can get there on my own.” Stella replied holding up her hands.
“Don’t transport into the school that way,” David warned.
“Don’t worry Dad. I’ll make sure I transport in the school parking lot,” Stella smirked, and before David could stop her, she had already snapped and disappeared.
Stella reappeared in the parking lot as she said she would. It being October, the weather wasn’t so pleasant. People crowded around the door, waiting to go inside. Practically elbowing her way through, Stella made it to the door, where she bumped into Craig Evans, her only friend at MontBello High.
“Hey Craig. How are you?”
“Cold. Why don’t we go inside?” he replied. Stella smiled. Craig was slightly taller than Stella, with short brown hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes Stella had ever seen. Not as pale as Stella, but by no means dark, Craig had a beautiful tan skin tone. He led her into the gymnasium. They both danced to a few songs. After one of the song ended, Stella sat down on the bleachers. She felt as though she had been on cloud nine. That is until she spotted Craig talking to Tamera. Tamera Bush, an exceptionally beautiful girl, whom flirted with every guy she met. Stella did not want Craig to get sucked in. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, she whispered,
“This girl may be a sneaky liar, but now she will tell her victims what she truly desires.” To complete the incantation, Stella held out her index and middle finger, she pulled her hand back and flung it forward in Tamera’s direction.
Tamera made an inaudible statement to Craig, which caused her to cover in mouth in shock. Craig made a reply and walked away, causing Tamera to run away crying. Stella chuckled, but quickly concealed her laughter as Craig approached.
“That Tamera is a real flirt. You wouldn’t believe what shMy first chapter....help!?
I read a little more than half of it. You're a good creative writer. My only comments: It moves a little fast. I like that it moves fast, but you may want to take more time to introduce your character. You could maybe put in more of her thoughts? Just a suggestion. My other comment is: is the word ';magix'; correct? I wasn't sure if this was a typo or a word you created.
Best of luck!
Is their anything wrong with not making a big deal out of your child's grades,etc?
Our twins are only three so its a while before they start school but at nursery today I was talking to this woman and she brought up her oldest son who is 11 and is going to the grammar school in september and how her youngest daughter was going to get in when she is old enough. She asked me if I thought my twins would be going to the grammar school. I said no because me and my husband don't make a huge deal out of academic achievements but focus more on creative achievements as we both come from a long line of creative people. He's a musician and an artist and I'm clothes maker and an artist as well. We both don't think much of academic achievement because anyone can read a book and recite some facts but not everyone can paint, sew or play good music.
In all honesty I can see us home schooling rather than sending them to a mainstream school which are all academic based and have little time for creative achievement. The mother I was talking to sees to think this way of parenting will damage our children's intelligence. Do any of you parents have any opinions on this?Is their anything wrong with not making a big deal out of your child's grades,etc?
Im a headteacher at a high school and personally I favour kids going to school instead of homeschooling.
I feel that at school you learn a little about a lot of subject, and then children can make an informed decision about what they want to do.
And Academic Studies are important even for creative achievements for example how mathematics influences music with chord structure, scales and sequences, or how English helps song writers. Physics and the structure of Colour helps Artists.
I feel that all subjects tend to overlap slightly and that school is the best place to get a well rounded education form several teachers who each specialise in their own subject.
What if you home schooled you kids, and then they decided they wanted to be a Doctor.
At school they can choose their own path.
My 16 year old daughter wants to be a musician, she is a brilliant Flautist, and is intending to Study Music and Music Theory in 2 years at University, but to get in she need to pass 4 highers at least and for them to include Maths as well as MusicIs their anything wrong with not making a big deal out of your child's grades,etc?
well you have to keep in mind what your children want..
what if they want to be scholars or historians or mathematicians??
I just say keep all options open and available to them and they'll grow to be happy and healthy
There is nothing wrong with making a big deal about their grades either. It is up to the parents I guess. I do though praise my kids when they do good. But as far as educational standards go depending on states, if you homeschool a lot of the states require testing up to a certain grade. They have to cover the basics in grammer, history, math, and science. You can not just focus on art or music or whatever it is they are good at. You need to keep an open mind on this and do what you think is in the best interest of your kids. That mother has her own opinions. And she is not right in this damaging the kid's intelligence. My son has a form of Autism. He is high functioning...but that does not mean he is not intelligent. It just means he looks at things in a different way than the rest of us do and may have to do more to understand those things the rest take for granted.
I think that borders on forcing your children to share your interests and life path.
What if they want to be a doctor, detective, lawyer, accountant, graphics designer or any of the other careers that require academics? There's nothing wrong with homeschooling, if you're going to teach your kids everything they'd need to do whatever they want to do and become whatever they desire. It's not up to you to choose what that might be.
I don't see a problem with homeschooling as long as you cover the basics as well as the extras. My daughters do/will attend the local public elementary school. I feel there is more for them to learn there than what I can teach them at home. I believe the music program in my daughter's elementary got cut for this fall, so now it's going to be up to me to instill a love of music into her life. I have a musical background, myself, so it won't be difficult, but I still wish they'd offer more music and arts within the school.
Main stream america has a fragmented education problem. Instead of creating a program around a child's interests and strengths is a shame.
There are too many children per teacher and therefor the instructor can't give the same quantity or quality of education a child needs. If you can home school your child and give a dedicated effort you and your child WILL reap the benefit. Both my daughters are RN's and were home-educated for 6.5 years. There are excellent programs available to aid you in this endeavor. The skills you and your mate have can be shared with other homeschooling along with exchanging some of their expertise.
Children don't always want what parents want for them. School isn't about 'reading books and reciting facts'. It teaches them things about the world and other subjects, plus in primary education they do paint an awful lot.
Also they could study art later if they wished, and it's probably not a good idea to limit your childrens education and career prospects because you want them to paint/be creative. Children need to learn with other children to develop social skills and a fairly normal mentality.
If you do choose to home school, be careful as you may prevent them from making friends or feeling socially accepted, some children lead seriously sheltered lives which is unhealthy and could put them in danger in later life. Pushing a child towards a particular goal you set can also be very stressful for them. They may resent you for it later.
In my opinion it would be better to send them to school and letting them decide what they want to do and letting them create their own opportunities. -People with degrees in other subjects such as business related areas can enter highly paid and fulfilling jobs. -And, they could be creative as well as academic.
As a parent, you can be creative and teach them all about painting, sewing and music, but this should really be as a side project rather than an alternative to education.
you should encourage your children in all aspects of their life and learning abilities.
If you want your kids to be failures who think that it's ';taking part, not winning, that counts'; then no, there's nothing wrong with it. Teach your kids to be creative unemployable dole-scum with no useful skills whatsoever, by all means. If you feel it's okay to ruin your childrens' lives, then that's your right as a parent.
Seems to me that you know exactly what you want for your children, and good for you!
Homeschooling is perfectly compatible with academic success- it's just not in a crowd-control environment
All children are very different and a problem comes when we think One Size Fits All....
Each family is different too.
Just be aware that when we step outside of the normal ways of doing stuff, folk worry...
They ask tough questions..and wonder of we're failing our kids.
I wish you well as you start out and hope you find lots of other parents to throw these ideas around with near to where you live
In all honesty I can see us home schooling rather than sending them to a mainstream school which are all academic based and have little time for creative achievement. The mother I was talking to sees to think this way of parenting will damage our children's intelligence. Do any of you parents have any opinions on this?Is their anything wrong with not making a big deal out of your child's grades,etc?
Im a headteacher at a high school and personally I favour kids going to school instead of homeschooling.
I feel that at school you learn a little about a lot of subject, and then children can make an informed decision about what they want to do.
And Academic Studies are important even for creative achievements for example how mathematics influences music with chord structure, scales and sequences, or how English helps song writers. Physics and the structure of Colour helps Artists.
I feel that all subjects tend to overlap slightly and that school is the best place to get a well rounded education form several teachers who each specialise in their own subject.
What if you home schooled you kids, and then they decided they wanted to be a Doctor.
At school they can choose their own path.
My 16 year old daughter wants to be a musician, she is a brilliant Flautist, and is intending to Study Music and Music Theory in 2 years at University, but to get in she need to pass 4 highers at least and for them to include Maths as well as MusicIs their anything wrong with not making a big deal out of your child's grades,etc?
well you have to keep in mind what your children want..
what if they want to be scholars or historians or mathematicians??
I just say keep all options open and available to them and they'll grow to be happy and healthy
There is nothing wrong with making a big deal about their grades either. It is up to the parents I guess. I do though praise my kids when they do good. But as far as educational standards go depending on states, if you homeschool a lot of the states require testing up to a certain grade. They have to cover the basics in grammer, history, math, and science. You can not just focus on art or music or whatever it is they are good at. You need to keep an open mind on this and do what you think is in the best interest of your kids. That mother has her own opinions. And she is not right in this damaging the kid's intelligence. My son has a form of Autism. He is high functioning...but that does not mean he is not intelligent. It just means he looks at things in a different way than the rest of us do and may have to do more to understand those things the rest take for granted.
I think that borders on forcing your children to share your interests and life path.
What if they want to be a doctor, detective, lawyer, accountant, graphics designer or any of the other careers that require academics? There's nothing wrong with homeschooling, if you're going to teach your kids everything they'd need to do whatever they want to do and become whatever they desire. It's not up to you to choose what that might be.
I don't see a problem with homeschooling as long as you cover the basics as well as the extras. My daughters do/will attend the local public elementary school. I feel there is more for them to learn there than what I can teach them at home. I believe the music program in my daughter's elementary got cut for this fall, so now it's going to be up to me to instill a love of music into her life. I have a musical background, myself, so it won't be difficult, but I still wish they'd offer more music and arts within the school.
Main stream america has a fragmented education problem. Instead of creating a program around a child's interests and strengths is a shame.
There are too many children per teacher and therefor the instructor can't give the same quantity or quality of education a child needs. If you can home school your child and give a dedicated effort you and your child WILL reap the benefit. Both my daughters are RN's and were home-educated for 6.5 years. There are excellent programs available to aid you in this endeavor. The skills you and your mate have can be shared with other homeschooling along with exchanging some of their expertise.
Children don't always want what parents want for them. School isn't about 'reading books and reciting facts'. It teaches them things about the world and other subjects, plus in primary education they do paint an awful lot.
Also they could study art later if they wished, and it's probably not a good idea to limit your childrens education and career prospects because you want them to paint/be creative. Children need to learn with other children to develop social skills and a fairly normal mentality.
If you do choose to home school, be careful as you may prevent them from making friends or feeling socially accepted, some children lead seriously sheltered lives which is unhealthy and could put them in danger in later life. Pushing a child towards a particular goal you set can also be very stressful for them. They may resent you for it later.
In my opinion it would be better to send them to school and letting them decide what they want to do and letting them create their own opportunities. -People with degrees in other subjects such as business related areas can enter highly paid and fulfilling jobs. -And, they could be creative as well as academic.
As a parent, you can be creative and teach them all about painting, sewing and music, but this should really be as a side project rather than an alternative to education.
you should encourage your children in all aspects of their life and learning abilities.
If you want your kids to be failures who think that it's ';taking part, not winning, that counts'; then no, there's nothing wrong with it. Teach your kids to be creative unemployable dole-scum with no useful skills whatsoever, by all means. If you feel it's okay to ruin your childrens' lives, then that's your right as a parent.
Seems to me that you know exactly what you want for your children, and good for you!
Homeschooling is perfectly compatible with academic success- it's just not in a crowd-control environment
All children are very different and a problem comes when we think One Size Fits All....
Each family is different too.
Just be aware that when we step outside of the normal ways of doing stuff, folk worry...
They ask tough questions..and wonder of we're failing our kids.
I wish you well as you start out and hope you find lots of other parents to throw these ideas around with near to where you live
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