Sunday, December 11, 2011
How can I stop my mother from clicking on advertisements and downloading porn?
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How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law and I have never had a smooth relationship. She tried to break up my husband and I on more than one occasion and has treated me terribly over the years. She has said the most horrible awful things about me and to me and then used the ';Oh I was joking'; or ';I never said that'; excuse. Now that I am pregnant she has taken it upon herself to ';decide'; things. If we dont agree or dont like it, we are ungrateful and she cries and lays a guilt trip on us. My husband is always swayed by his mom and its an ongoing battle.
Well, his mother bought us a crib. Its lovely and she actually let us pick it out--surprise surprise! We havent set it up yet which caused a huge hubbub but we are going to be moving soon and using a bassinet for the first few months so our choice was to leave it in the box for now. She went hysterical and almost disowned us. We smoothed that out and now she is saying she would like to buy us the crib mattress and crib bedding when we are ready for it. She would even just give me the cash to choose it myself. We thought that was the end of it.
Well, she has apparently decided that I have this penchant for animal prints and will be plastering my baby's room in them. She just emailed to tell me she bought zebra print fabric today to make a bumper and bedding for the crib. Never did I mention that I wanted the room in zebra. And she didnt ask me to come pick out fabric I might like. She just did it. I am so mad and so upset at her. She has done things like this before. Her husband will take a piece of furniture of ours to repair (hes a carpenter), next thing we know she has stained it for us in a stain of her choice because she thought it needed it. Now she has moved onto the baby. If I say a single thing to her, Im going to be the ungrateful brat and will be blasted to the entire family.
I dont know what to do. Normally Id be mad but Im heavy, Im tired, Im hormonal, Im emotional, Im giving birth to my first child in 9 days and Im about set to cry.
Has anyone else had to deal with a meddling mother-in-law? How were you able to nip it at the bud? I dont want this woman insinuating herself in every aspect of childrearing and our lives! I dont know what to do anymore....I try to be nice, I try to be polite, I try not to rock the boat but Im so tired of being the Stepford daughter in law and letting her do this. Help?How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
ok,helpful hint...if you seriously don't want to make waves with her then just accept the gifts...(the zebra print stuff) but keep it put up and use as a back up for when the other bedding you bought or chose is being washed or something,or use it for when she comes over...if she happens to come over when the other bedding is still on there then simply tell her that her beautiful gifts to the baby are being washed and you needed something on the crib for when she naps.
Now me on the other hand,I got TIRED and FED UP with my MIL tryin top run everything in my life and after about 2 yrs it was time to put on the gloves. I first told my husband that I felt like his mother was walkin all over me and that he was following right behind her...well he didn't see it that way so when she made another ';helpful suggestion'; in the bitchy way she does I simply told her ';Thanks but I'd really rather have it this way'; She has constantly been on my case since the first day she met me since I took her baby away(hubby is her youngest son of 2 boys). She has constantly tried breaking us up before and AFTER we got married,she always treated our daughters like **** because they are not boys,she would buy the girls BOY clothes which I have no problem with because I will put them in any type of clothes but when she buys them little sailor suits to get pictures done in...I don't frickin think so! And everytime I would tell her that I didn't like something or she was overstepping her boundaries a little she would cry and make a big hysterical thing of it to hubby and then he would also be pissed off at me....so finally I told them both that if its like that then they can move in with eachother and do that crap because I already have 2 daughters and another on the way and I'll be damned if I put up with this crap from a 50 yr old woman and a 23 yr old man! No way!
Sometimes,in some cases you have to put your foot down or it will only get worse and NEVER come to an end...and in other cases you just have to bite your tongue and let it go...In this case with it dealing with your baby I would suggest putting your foot down and telling her when she makes her ';helpful suggestions'; that you two have already chosen a nursery theme for the baby and any other decisions you've made about the baby... She needs to realize this is YOUR child not HERS. There is a fine line between helping and overrunning...I think she has officially crossed that lineHow do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
I know what your going through. When i found out I was pregnant my mother-in-law wanted to buy any and everthing that had a cowboy or a horse on it. I was having a little girl, I understood the occasional cut cowboy boot, but she was a little excessive. My husband at first accused me of being selfish, b/c it was her first grandchild, and that I should let her buy what she wanted. I didn't want her to waist her money on things we wouldn't use.
Later I found out that she wanted our daughter to call her mawme, something that so closely resembled mommy that no one could tell the difference when anyone said it. Finally after months of talking to my husband about how bad she was making me feel and how she was taking away a name that only a mother should be called and I couldn't live with that, i would resent her forever, he talked to his mother and she gave in.
I think because it came from her son it was easier for her to give up. Now she is happy with being called grandma and she has steered clear of the cowboy gear, except for the occasional piece or two. The tension is gone and we have a great relationship now.
I loved SpazShed's response. This is exactly right. You will keep her happy and still get your own way. My MIL was a little over zealous at first too. She was so delighted with her granddaughter that she totally ';forgot'; about my 5 year son from a previous marriage. The baby got all sorts of gifts and her brother was just kicked to the curb. I talked to her about it and told her I couldn't allow the other child to be hurt so please stop buying so many presents unless she could include him. The next time it happened, I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and told her that, regretfully, I could not accept them because my little boy had been excluded. Thank God that she was in fact a loving grandmother and after that did not try to overindulge one child. God bless her, she became my best friend and I have missed her every single day since she died almost three years ago. I hope things can work out for you.
I also have a meddling mother-in-law. We didn't use to get along at all...BEFORE my daughter was born. We get along fine now that my daughter is here, hopefully she will calm down as my mom-in-law did.
Do not settle of the baby crib/bumper stuff. It is your baby, and your room, you should be able to decorate the room as you want it to look. Also, you should not accept any money from her. Just tell her the crib was enough and not to buy more gifts. If does the zebra thing, thank her a return it.
I feel your pain!! My in-laws live in Italy and that is one of the reasons why we get along so very well. They recently spent three months here living with us and my mother-in-law second guessed everything I did and said and caused such a ruckus I can't even begin to explain!! My son wanted a Spiderman room...so I painted 2 walls red and 2 walls blue (added a Spidey border and wall decals...super cute!). She went on and on and on about how ugly red was and why would I paint my sons' room the color of blood.....
I have a 3.5 year old son and am currently preggo with #2. You need to sit down and talk to your husband and make sure he understands that he married you and he needs to stand by you when it comes to his mother. I am sure there will be some sources of contention, but you need to have his support.
Maybe you could sit down and let her know that it is important to you to decorate the baby's room the way you want because it is your first. Ask her for some input...other than zebra print. Good luck smoothing things over...
My mother-in-law finally went back to Italy and it will be too soon when they come back for the next visit!!!
my boyfriends mother is can be SO annoying! i know she means well but sometimes it just too much!
my boyfriend is on a business trip for a little over a month and before we found out i was pregnant we were going to move out(we are staying at his moms) but this trip came up so decided to wait and move until he got back. we didnt tell his mom i was pregnant b/c they have never had a close relationship and she is kind of ';off'; she has a mental disease. she is like an 8 year old and doesnt think before she speaks and just does things- so anyway, i told her i was pregnant last week and she reacted the way i thought she would really excited! everything was going fine until she bought baby clothes, i was really appreciative and grateful that she bought clothes but they werent really my taste so i thanked her but nicely told her to hold off on buying clothes until my boyfriends get back because we really are both so picky about the babies things. well 2 days later she comes home with more clothes and more baby things, again i was incredibly grateful for her to spend her money and think of us but what she bought was so freaking ugly!! she doesnt seem to listen, all she ask the same questions over and over she just rewords them. Im super excited about being a mommy but im somewhat depressed b/c my boyfriend is gone i really want us to make decisions together about the baby,and be here with me(he missed the first ultrasound%26amp; i havent seen him in a month) she keeps asking me questions and i really just want her to stop until he comes back. ive told her multiple times that any decision made about the baby will be mutual between us, and she ignores what i say and will either buy things because SHE wants to, or ask me things that ive already given her an answer for! this may seem silly but its frustrating because im hormonal and lonely and she is just really getting on my nerves!!
I think you should speak with your husband and let him know how you feel so that he can have your back on the subject but you need to stand up as a mother and let her know that she has already raised a child and you appreciate her trying to help you but like her you have to learn to be your own mother or else what will you do when she is gone???? Be a mom not a daughter and have a mother to mother conversation.
You should sit down with your husband and tell him what your feelings are. Maybe he sees it, but doesn't really realize it is hurting you so much. Tell him that this is your life and his, and his mother needs to let go. You can still accept suggestions from her, and hey you might even like them sometimes, but ultimately it is your life with your husband and you are adding another life very soon. Your husband should maybe talk to his mother, he might know how to approach her better than you could because of her feelings towards you already. Good luck, and congratulations!!
Your husband needs to back you on this. Him siding with his mom is causing this problem to escalate to the level it has. I know this is easier said than done, but really things will not get better until he starts siding with you and not bending to his mother's will.
it sounds like to me that your MnL is very excited about becoming a grandmother to her son's 1st baby and is forgetting about your feelings and wishes in the mist of all her excitement, your man needs to have a long talk with his mother to calm her down a bit and let her know that although its perfectly fine and normal for his mother and father to be excited about the inpending birth, that it is yours and his 1st child together and your guys want to do all the exciteng things to get ready for him/her your own way.
Oh yah... I've been there...
What I did? Pacify her while she's there and let it go when she wasn't. She bought my daughter an authentic mexican dress that she thought we'd have her wear non-stop... I basically put her in it, took picture of her roaming about in it... and then gave her the pics and she never brought it up.
So for the bedding... I suggest buying your own kinds... make sure she sees it once in the room... the rest of the time, say it needed to be washed.
Don't get yourself so worked up. And don't let her get you worked up.
Or you could always tell her... but I know how hard that can be... I say pacify her. And then go about your business.
Good luck!!!
Well, his mother bought us a crib. Its lovely and she actually let us pick it out--surprise surprise! We havent set it up yet which caused a huge hubbub but we are going to be moving soon and using a bassinet for the first few months so our choice was to leave it in the box for now. She went hysterical and almost disowned us. We smoothed that out and now she is saying she would like to buy us the crib mattress and crib bedding when we are ready for it. She would even just give me the cash to choose it myself. We thought that was the end of it.
Well, she has apparently decided that I have this penchant for animal prints and will be plastering my baby's room in them. She just emailed to tell me she bought zebra print fabric today to make a bumper and bedding for the crib. Never did I mention that I wanted the room in zebra. And she didnt ask me to come pick out fabric I might like. She just did it. I am so mad and so upset at her. She has done things like this before. Her husband will take a piece of furniture of ours to repair (hes a carpenter), next thing we know she has stained it for us in a stain of her choice because she thought it needed it. Now she has moved onto the baby. If I say a single thing to her, Im going to be the ungrateful brat and will be blasted to the entire family.
I dont know what to do. Normally Id be mad but Im heavy, Im tired, Im hormonal, Im emotional, Im giving birth to my first child in 9 days and Im about set to cry.
Has anyone else had to deal with a meddling mother-in-law? How were you able to nip it at the bud? I dont want this woman insinuating herself in every aspect of childrearing and our lives! I dont know what to do anymore....I try to be nice, I try to be polite, I try not to rock the boat but Im so tired of being the Stepford daughter in law and letting her do this. Help?How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
ok,helpful hint...if you seriously don't want to make waves with her then just accept the gifts...(the zebra print stuff) but keep it put up and use as a back up for when the other bedding you bought or chose is being washed or something,or use it for when she comes over...if she happens to come over when the other bedding is still on there then simply tell her that her beautiful gifts to the baby are being washed and you needed something on the crib for when she naps.
Now me on the other hand,I got TIRED and FED UP with my MIL tryin top run everything in my life and after about 2 yrs it was time to put on the gloves. I first told my husband that I felt like his mother was walkin all over me and that he was following right behind her...well he didn't see it that way so when she made another ';helpful suggestion'; in the bitchy way she does I simply told her ';Thanks but I'd really rather have it this way'; She has constantly been on my case since the first day she met me since I took her baby away(hubby is her youngest son of 2 boys). She has constantly tried breaking us up before and AFTER we got married,she always treated our daughters like **** because they are not boys,she would buy the girls BOY clothes which I have no problem with because I will put them in any type of clothes but when she buys them little sailor suits to get pictures done in...I don't frickin think so! And everytime I would tell her that I didn't like something or she was overstepping her boundaries a little she would cry and make a big hysterical thing of it to hubby and then he would also be pissed off at me....so finally I told them both that if its like that then they can move in with eachother and do that crap because I already have 2 daughters and another on the way and I'll be damned if I put up with this crap from a 50 yr old woman and a 23 yr old man! No way!
Sometimes,in some cases you have to put your foot down or it will only get worse and NEVER come to an end...and in other cases you just have to bite your tongue and let it go...In this case with it dealing with your baby I would suggest putting your foot down and telling her when she makes her ';helpful suggestions'; that you two have already chosen a nursery theme for the baby and any other decisions you've made about the baby... She needs to realize this is YOUR child not HERS. There is a fine line between helping and overrunning...I think she has officially crossed that lineHow do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
I know what your going through. When i found out I was pregnant my mother-in-law wanted to buy any and everthing that had a cowboy or a horse on it. I was having a little girl, I understood the occasional cut cowboy boot, but she was a little excessive. My husband at first accused me of being selfish, b/c it was her first grandchild, and that I should let her buy what she wanted. I didn't want her to waist her money on things we wouldn't use.
Later I found out that she wanted our daughter to call her mawme, something that so closely resembled mommy that no one could tell the difference when anyone said it. Finally after months of talking to my husband about how bad she was making me feel and how she was taking away a name that only a mother should be called and I couldn't live with that, i would resent her forever, he talked to his mother and she gave in.
I think because it came from her son it was easier for her to give up. Now she is happy with being called grandma and she has steered clear of the cowboy gear, except for the occasional piece or two. The tension is gone and we have a great relationship now.
I loved SpazShed's response. This is exactly right. You will keep her happy and still get your own way. My MIL was a little over zealous at first too. She was so delighted with her granddaughter that she totally ';forgot'; about my 5 year son from a previous marriage. The baby got all sorts of gifts and her brother was just kicked to the curb. I talked to her about it and told her I couldn't allow the other child to be hurt so please stop buying so many presents unless she could include him. The next time it happened, I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and told her that, regretfully, I could not accept them because my little boy had been excluded. Thank God that she was in fact a loving grandmother and after that did not try to overindulge one child. God bless her, she became my best friend and I have missed her every single day since she died almost three years ago. I hope things can work out for you.
I also have a meddling mother-in-law. We didn't use to get along at all...BEFORE my daughter was born. We get along fine now that my daughter is here, hopefully she will calm down as my mom-in-law did.
Do not settle of the baby crib/bumper stuff. It is your baby, and your room, you should be able to decorate the room as you want it to look. Also, you should not accept any money from her. Just tell her the crib was enough and not to buy more gifts. If does the zebra thing, thank her a return it.
I feel your pain!! My in-laws live in Italy and that is one of the reasons why we get along so very well. They recently spent three months here living with us and my mother-in-law second guessed everything I did and said and caused such a ruckus I can't even begin to explain!! My son wanted a Spiderman room...so I painted 2 walls red and 2 walls blue (added a Spidey border and wall decals...super cute!). She went on and on and on about how ugly red was and why would I paint my sons' room the color of blood.....
I have a 3.5 year old son and am currently preggo with #2. You need to sit down and talk to your husband and make sure he understands that he married you and he needs to stand by you when it comes to his mother. I am sure there will be some sources of contention, but you need to have his support.
Maybe you could sit down and let her know that it is important to you to decorate the baby's room the way you want because it is your first. Ask her for some input...other than zebra print. Good luck smoothing things over...
My mother-in-law finally went back to Italy and it will be too soon when they come back for the next visit!!!
my boyfriends mother is can be SO annoying! i know she means well but sometimes it just too much!
my boyfriend is on a business trip for a little over a month and before we found out i was pregnant we were going to move out(we are staying at his moms) but this trip came up so decided to wait and move until he got back. we didnt tell his mom i was pregnant b/c they have never had a close relationship and she is kind of ';off'; she has a mental disease. she is like an 8 year old and doesnt think before she speaks and just does things- so anyway, i told her i was pregnant last week and she reacted the way i thought she would really excited! everything was going fine until she bought baby clothes, i was really appreciative and grateful that she bought clothes but they werent really my taste so i thanked her but nicely told her to hold off on buying clothes until my boyfriends get back because we really are both so picky about the babies things. well 2 days later she comes home with more clothes and more baby things, again i was incredibly grateful for her to spend her money and think of us but what she bought was so freaking ugly!! she doesnt seem to listen, all she ask the same questions over and over she just rewords them. Im super excited about being a mommy but im somewhat depressed b/c my boyfriend is gone i really want us to make decisions together about the baby,and be here with me(he missed the first ultrasound%26amp; i havent seen him in a month) she keeps asking me questions and i really just want her to stop until he comes back. ive told her multiple times that any decision made about the baby will be mutual between us, and she ignores what i say and will either buy things because SHE wants to, or ask me things that ive already given her an answer for! this may seem silly but its frustrating because im hormonal and lonely and she is just really getting on my nerves!!
I think you should speak with your husband and let him know how you feel so that he can have your back on the subject but you need to stand up as a mother and let her know that she has already raised a child and you appreciate her trying to help you but like her you have to learn to be your own mother or else what will you do when she is gone???? Be a mom not a daughter and have a mother to mother conversation.
You should sit down with your husband and tell him what your feelings are. Maybe he sees it, but doesn't really realize it is hurting you so much. Tell him that this is your life and his, and his mother needs to let go. You can still accept suggestions from her, and hey you might even like them sometimes, but ultimately it is your life with your husband and you are adding another life very soon. Your husband should maybe talk to his mother, he might know how to approach her better than you could because of her feelings towards you already. Good luck, and congratulations!!
Your husband needs to back you on this. Him siding with his mom is causing this problem to escalate to the level it has. I know this is easier said than done, but really things will not get better until he starts siding with you and not bending to his mother's will.
it sounds like to me that your MnL is very excited about becoming a grandmother to her son's 1st baby and is forgetting about your feelings and wishes in the mist of all her excitement, your man needs to have a long talk with his mother to calm her down a bit and let her know that although its perfectly fine and normal for his mother and father to be excited about the inpending birth, that it is yours and his 1st child together and your guys want to do all the exciteng things to get ready for him/her your own way.
Oh yah... I've been there...
What I did? Pacify her while she's there and let it go when she wasn't. She bought my daughter an authentic mexican dress that she thought we'd have her wear non-stop... I basically put her in it, took picture of her roaming about in it... and then gave her the pics and she never brought it up.
So for the bedding... I suggest buying your own kinds... make sure she sees it once in the room... the rest of the time, say it needed to be washed.
Don't get yourself so worked up. And don't let her get you worked up.
Or you could always tell her... but I know how hard that can be... I say pacify her. And then go about your business.
Good luck!!!
How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law and I have never had a smooth relationship. She tried to break up my husband and I on more than one occasion and has treated me terribly over the years. She has said the most horrible awful things about me and to me and then used the ';Oh I was joking'; or ';I never said that'; excuse. Now that I am pregnant she has taken it upon herself to ';decide'; things. If we dont agree or dont like it, we are ungrateful and she cries and lays a guilt trip on us. My husband is always swayed by his mom and its an ongoing battle.
Well, his mother bought us a crib. Its lovely and she actually let us pick it out--surprise surprise! We havent set it up yet which caused a huge hubbub but we are going to be moving soon and using a bassinet for the first few months so our choice was to leave it in the box for now. She went hysterical and almost disowned us. We smoothed that out and now she is saying she would like to buy us the crib mattress and crib bedding when we are ready for it. She would even just give me the cash to choose it myself. We thought that was the end of it.
Well, she has apparently decided that I have this penchant for animal prints and will be plastering my baby's room in them. She just emailed to tell me she bought zebra print fabric today to make a bumper and bedding for the crib. Never did I mention that I wanted the room in zebra. And she didnt ask me to come pick out fabric I might like. She just did it. I am so mad and so upset at her. She has done things like this before. Her husband will take a piece of furniture of ours to repair (hes a carpenter), next thing we know she has stained it for us in a stain of her choice because she thought it needed it. Now she has moved onto the baby. If I say a single thing to her, Im going to be the ungrateful brat and will be blasted to the entire family.
I dont know what to do. Normally Id be mad but Im heavy, Im tired, Im hormonal, Im emotional, Im giving birth to my first child in 9 days and Im about set to cry.
Has anyone else had to deal with a meddling mother-in-law? How were you able to nip it at the bud? I dont want this woman insinuating herself in every aspect of childrearing and our lives! I dont know what to do anymore....I try to be nice, I try to be polite, I try not to rock the boat but Im so tired of being the Stepford daughter in law and letting her do this. Help?How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
She can make you all the baby bedding she wants to but you don't have to use it.
I think she is trying to be helpful rather than meddling though since she did offer to give you the money to buy what you need. I also think that is the case with the furniture. She wants to help you have nice things. Unfortunately, she isn't tactful enough to find out how you feel about it first. sigh
Some people think the nursery should be totally set up before the baby arrives and it sounds like she is one of them. Maybe she figured you don't have the energy or something.
Unless she decides to go in and paint the room and set up the nursery, don't worry about it. If she does decide to, have an idea of what you want for the room, color, decor, etc so you can thank her and tell her what you have in mind. Maybe she will get the hint and let you make the decisions while she helps you implement them.
Since you will be moving before the baby actually needs to use his or her room, I wouldn't worry too much about what she does in there. Make sure that when you do move, you have everything in place so you can do that room first, before she has a chance to take over. You could also suggest that she use some of the great zebra stuff to set up an area in her house for the baby when she babysits. Trust me, she sounds like the kind of grandmother who will love that kid and spoil it rotten. That won't hurt the baby and it will help you because you know you have someone who will adore your child when you need a break.
Congratulations on the new baby! You are about to find out what it is like to have your heart walking around outside of your body. Its wonderful!
Well, his mother bought us a crib. Its lovely and she actually let us pick it out--surprise surprise! We havent set it up yet which caused a huge hubbub but we are going to be moving soon and using a bassinet for the first few months so our choice was to leave it in the box for now. She went hysterical and almost disowned us. We smoothed that out and now she is saying she would like to buy us the crib mattress and crib bedding when we are ready for it. She would even just give me the cash to choose it myself. We thought that was the end of it.
Well, she has apparently decided that I have this penchant for animal prints and will be plastering my baby's room in them. She just emailed to tell me she bought zebra print fabric today to make a bumper and bedding for the crib. Never did I mention that I wanted the room in zebra. And she didnt ask me to come pick out fabric I might like. She just did it. I am so mad and so upset at her. She has done things like this before. Her husband will take a piece of furniture of ours to repair (hes a carpenter), next thing we know she has stained it for us in a stain of her choice because she thought it needed it. Now she has moved onto the baby. If I say a single thing to her, Im going to be the ungrateful brat and will be blasted to the entire family.
I dont know what to do. Normally Id be mad but Im heavy, Im tired, Im hormonal, Im emotional, Im giving birth to my first child in 9 days and Im about set to cry.
Has anyone else had to deal with a meddling mother-in-law? How were you able to nip it at the bud? I dont want this woman insinuating herself in every aspect of childrearing and our lives! I dont know what to do anymore....I try to be nice, I try to be polite, I try not to rock the boat but Im so tired of being the Stepford daughter in law and letting her do this. Help?How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
She can make you all the baby bedding she wants to but you don't have to use it.
I think she is trying to be helpful rather than meddling though since she did offer to give you the money to buy what you need. I also think that is the case with the furniture. She wants to help you have nice things. Unfortunately, she isn't tactful enough to find out how you feel about it first. sigh
Some people think the nursery should be totally set up before the baby arrives and it sounds like she is one of them. Maybe she figured you don't have the energy or something.
Unless she decides to go in and paint the room and set up the nursery, don't worry about it. If she does decide to, have an idea of what you want for the room, color, decor, etc so you can thank her and tell her what you have in mind. Maybe she will get the hint and let you make the decisions while she helps you implement them.
Since you will be moving before the baby actually needs to use his or her room, I wouldn't worry too much about what she does in there. Make sure that when you do move, you have everything in place so you can do that room first, before she has a chance to take over. You could also suggest that she use some of the great zebra stuff to set up an area in her house for the baby when she babysits. Trust me, she sounds like the kind of grandmother who will love that kid and spoil it rotten. That won't hurt the baby and it will help you because you know you have someone who will adore your child when you need a break.
Congratulations on the new baby! You are about to find out what it is like to have your heart walking around outside of your body. Its wonderful!
How do you tell your future mother in law that you... already have a mommy??
My future mil is trying to pretty much run the wedding planning. I told her we were doing it in June and she started complaining about how hot it would be... then she starts flying off with lists of foods she can make... ugh lol She made the comment that ';this is going to be so fun, I always wanted a daughter so I could plan her wedding!'; The problem is I have a mom, I mean I want my mom to be very involved, and his mom is just... pushy. She has offered to help pay for some things but then again she is the type that will offer, then pay for it, then complain about it. I really like her and we get along, but I just have always envisioned my mom helping me with this. I would like to let her be involved, but how do I do that to where she knows what her boundries are? She has 3 boys, the oldest got married at the courthouse, I am with the middle, and the youngest is in college not thinking about marriage. any advice on dealing with future mother in laws will help...How do you tell your future mother in law that you... already have a mommy??
Do not accept her money or she will have a say in what goes on. If she wants to give suggestions, just say ';thank you but...'; and leave it at that.How do you tell your future mother in law that you... already have a mommy??
All I can say honey is good luck you can never win when it comes to MILs. Why not be polite and say thank you very much but my mom has got everything in hand and perhaps you could take her with you when you are having your dress fittings (whatever you do do not take her with you to choose your dress as I took my mum and gran and whereas my mum just let me get on with it my gran was constantly criticising my choices and actually put me off a couple needless to say the next shop I went to it was just my mum and I that went.
stop involving her with the wedding planning.
instead - ask her advice on something you are happy for her to take care of. such as the hall decorations, the invites, the table seating, the music, the flowers. whatever you decide on, ask her for wisdom and she'll likely take over. be prepared for her taste and style here. and let her run with it.
for everything else don't mention it around her. if she asks ';have you thought about the ____'; reply with ';oh yes, mum and i have organised that. it's going to be a surprise, but i know you'll love it';.
well talk to your fiance and find out more about his mother. ask him how he thinks you should deal with the situation. then if he thinks it's okay for you to confront his mother, talk to her. if he doesn't think it's the best idea, have him talk to her for you. talk to your mother about the situation also. tell her how it is. maybe she can help you.
Oh I wish I was in your shoes! My mom won't lift a finger to help with anything so I wouldn't mind someone else stepping in! But I can also see where's you're coming from. You might have to take the time to sit down with your fmil and explain that you appreciate her help but it's very important that your own mom plays a major role in the planning.
It is nice of her to want to help and I understand the reasons but as you put it you have a mom. I would just tell her that although you appreciate all the advise and help you and your mom have been waiting for this moment a long time. You would never dream of hurting your mother's feelings and you know that she would undestand if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak and she had a daughter who's mother in law wanted to be involved. You can say you would be open to suggestions and would pass them on to your mom and you would both consider them but the decision would still be yours and your mother's. She means well but I understand where you are coming from . My daughter in law actually wanted my advise and for me to help her with the wedding and picking out the dress. I was so honored but I knew it would break her mother's heart so I told her I couldn't do it. She understood and everything was fine. Good luck and congratulations. May you have a long and very happy marriage. My only advise is to smile , smile , smile. Don't let anything get you down. This will be one of the happiest days of your life.
Maybe it's time to rethink the wedding. It sounds like she's running his life and wants to jump right into yours. My one daughter had a MIL like that. Take notice, I said HAD, She was so controlling that they finally had to divorce. I see that the oldest brother got married at the courthouse, gee I wonder why? Get things straight now or prepare for a long life of misery.
Maybe you could separate all of the stuff into categories. All major major things like your dress and the venue your mum could help with but then your mil could help with guest lists and invites. If you get on with her then I'd try not to fall out right before the marriage. Explain that your mum has things under control and just sidetrack her with a few things you don't mind her helping with. Unfortunately, mother in laws are often hard because it is their baby your marrying and often taking away from them. Just make sure she is included but on your terms.
Good luck and congrats on the wedding!
How about allocating one or two tasks for the the MIL? If you could sit down with her and your own mother and have a list of who you would like to do what. You and your mother obviously don't have to stick to the list but then your MIL won't feel too left out. It is your wedding though and your might have to tell her to back off.
You take charge, make a list and choose some things to assign to her. She wants to help, I can't blame her, but you have to keep a leash on it so she doesn't get out of control. I hope she has a husband or your son that will help you rein her in. Give her some things to do, things that you are open about, so if she does them her way you won't care. Like, have her choose the guestbook, have her choose the flowers for the parents, have her choose flower girl dresses, anything she can do that make her feel involved and that won't ruin it for you. Also, talk to your mom and give her some things too. Tell the caterer and anyone else involved in the wedding that YOU make the decisions and only you, in case she tries to go behind your back.
Truthfully, I don't think there is really a good way to deal with MIL's. I kinda ran into a similar issue when planning my wedding--she has 2 boys and no girls. I heard a lot of ';I want this,'; ';I wouldn't have done that,'; ';You should wear this...'; To deal with it, I just ignored her.
I think you really need to set boundaries now though otherwise it will only get worse. Include her and ask for her opinions, but DO NOT include her in EVERYTHING. I didn't take my MIL dress shopping at all with me or to look at BM dresses. I also picked out things and THEN showed it to her.
You won't be able to stop her complaining (trust me--my MIL was fighting with our caterer over non-alcoholic champagne that only SHE wanted), but you can minimize her meddling.
Good luck!
That's a tricky corner for you, darling. I'm glad you understand your MIL's feelings about ';having a daughter she doesn't really have';. There's no changing this feeling of hers, so you are blessed with 2 moms, now... for better or worse. ;-)
As for her eagerness to please/help, she's kind of all over the place with it. Perhaps you can discuss this situation with your mother and ask her if there are a few *specific* things your MIL could do to help her out with the planning (things you feel she would be good at). Hope this helps a bit.
No matter what happens, I wish you and your beau a wonderful wedding day. Cheers!
Find something for her to be in charge of and set her to work at that. The grooms family is usually in charge of the flowers and the luncheon/rehearsal dinner (I think- in my religion we don't have rehearsals, we have luncheons after the ceremony- the grooms family usually pays for that). Give her some guidelines for the rehearsal dinner and put her in charge of that, then you won't have to worry about planning it.
Then your fiance needs to tell her, that if you need any other help you will ask. You appreciate the suggestions, but you and your mom have it handled. You will let her help and be involved as long as she lets you do what you want. If she starts getting pushy, then she can't help. This needs to come from her son though. It is vital that he tell her, not you. He needs to stand up to her now, or she will try running your whole life. He should set the boundaries and limits for his parents, if not, you will end up like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond. But Her son has to do it. That is essential. If he is not man enough to tell his mommy to back off, then he is not man enough to get married.
The thing you have to do is sit down and make a list with your mom of things that you are both OK with having the MIL do. That way you control her input and she still gets to be a part of the planning.
Remember the wedding is one day, she will be your MIL for as long as you are married to her son. You really don't want this woman to be your enemy, so let her help on your terms that way its something that everyone can live with.
Good luck and Congrats!
i would nicely say to her that this is my special day, and if you don't like the way i am doing stuff that is to bad, you had your special day the way you wanted it,now let me have mine the way i want it..
Start now, Every time she comes up with her version of wedding plans, remind her that you already have that covered. no big deal just a simple statement a that's nice but we are doing so and so. stick to your guns, be polite and agreeable but remind her that you are making your own plans.
Do not let her pay for a single thing. If she puts in one dime she will assume that gives her the right to take over. You could show compassion for her daughterless plight by makeing a big deal of the rehersal dinner which is an event that she IS responsible for and it can be a small or as elaborate as she would want and it is her responsibility to plan that out. Remind her of that and it might get her off your back if she has her won show to plan. June is pleanty of time for her to have her plans in order. Good luck
You have no idea how lucky you are. I have been married over 14 years and I still hate my MIL. We have an uneasy truce for my husband's sake. There is alot involved in planning a wedding is there some reason why your mom and his mom can't both help you? I took my MIL wedding gown shopping and I can't stand her, why can't you take yours if you like her? Why can't both moms go to look at the hall with you? Why does it have to be one or the other? Think about all the years in front of you, this is when you decide what kind of relationship you'll have with this woman for the rest of her life.
Please try to understand how lucky you are that you have a MIL who actually seems to love you and wants to help and welcome you into the family. Many women have a sadly opposite story to tell about how awful the woman is. Can't she help with something? I mean really--don't you have tons of stuff to do? Maybe she can address invitations, put candies into tulle bags, whatever! She just wants to help--direct her to ways she can be of help, and realize you are lucky to have yet another person in your life who is trying to be supportive--nobody can ever have too many cheerleaders!
First, I think you should just be glad that your mother in law is helping at all. Like you, my future mil has 3 sons and I am with the middle son. I thought she would very involved since she seems to like me, doesn't have a daughter and she has the money to help. But she hasn't done anything but promise to have me a bridal shower which I haven't heard anymore about. But if she's bothering you that much now, I can imagine how she will be when you're married. Just have your mom around more and getting more involved and then she will get the point that she's not running the show
I agree with some of the others...you need to stop talking to her about wedding plans. If anything, mention that you and your mom are doing such and such, and she'll probably get the hint that she's not going to be very involved. If she asks about things, just say ';Yes, my mom and I have some plans for that.'; Be very careful about having either your parents or his parents pay for stuff, because it gives them the feeling that they can control it. Pay for as much stuff yourself as possible. With that said, encourage your groom to make sure she feels appreciated in other ways.
This is what you need to do in order to keep the peace here. Remember no matter how much of a pain in the rear she is, It's still his mother. Do not bad mouth her to him as know one wants to hear that about their mom. If she is the type to pay for something so she can have control or you will never hear the end of it have her pay for her son's tux. There are somethings in this wedding that will be very important to you and other things that you will pick that are not so important. I would let her help with the things that are not top on the list.
She can help pick the cake toper, cake cutter, favors, thank you cards.
Let your mom help with your dress, the flowers, the hall, cake
I would just lay low and not talk about the wedding with her every minute, good luck and congrats.
Do not accept her money or she will have a say in what goes on. If she wants to give suggestions, just say ';thank you but...'; and leave it at that.How do you tell your future mother in law that you... already have a mommy??
All I can say honey is good luck you can never win when it comes to MILs. Why not be polite and say thank you very much but my mom has got everything in hand and perhaps you could take her with you when you are having your dress fittings (whatever you do do not take her with you to choose your dress as I took my mum and gran and whereas my mum just let me get on with it my gran was constantly criticising my choices and actually put me off a couple needless to say the next shop I went to it was just my mum and I that went.
stop involving her with the wedding planning.
instead - ask her advice on something you are happy for her to take care of. such as the hall decorations, the invites, the table seating, the music, the flowers. whatever you decide on, ask her for wisdom and she'll likely take over. be prepared for her taste and style here. and let her run with it.
for everything else don't mention it around her. if she asks ';have you thought about the ____'; reply with ';oh yes, mum and i have organised that. it's going to be a surprise, but i know you'll love it';.
well talk to your fiance and find out more about his mother. ask him how he thinks you should deal with the situation. then if he thinks it's okay for you to confront his mother, talk to her. if he doesn't think it's the best idea, have him talk to her for you. talk to your mother about the situation also. tell her how it is. maybe she can help you.
Oh I wish I was in your shoes! My mom won't lift a finger to help with anything so I wouldn't mind someone else stepping in! But I can also see where's you're coming from. You might have to take the time to sit down with your fmil and explain that you appreciate her help but it's very important that your own mom plays a major role in the planning.
It is nice of her to want to help and I understand the reasons but as you put it you have a mom. I would just tell her that although you appreciate all the advise and help you and your mom have been waiting for this moment a long time. You would never dream of hurting your mother's feelings and you know that she would undestand if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak and she had a daughter who's mother in law wanted to be involved. You can say you would be open to suggestions and would pass them on to your mom and you would both consider them but the decision would still be yours and your mother's. She means well but I understand where you are coming from . My daughter in law actually wanted my advise and for me to help her with the wedding and picking out the dress. I was so honored but I knew it would break her mother's heart so I told her I couldn't do it. She understood and everything was fine. Good luck and congratulations. May you have a long and very happy marriage. My only advise is to smile , smile , smile. Don't let anything get you down. This will be one of the happiest days of your life.
Maybe it's time to rethink the wedding. It sounds like she's running his life and wants to jump right into yours. My one daughter had a MIL like that. Take notice, I said HAD, She was so controlling that they finally had to divorce. I see that the oldest brother got married at the courthouse, gee I wonder why? Get things straight now or prepare for a long life of misery.
Maybe you could separate all of the stuff into categories. All major major things like your dress and the venue your mum could help with but then your mil could help with guest lists and invites. If you get on with her then I'd try not to fall out right before the marriage. Explain that your mum has things under control and just sidetrack her with a few things you don't mind her helping with. Unfortunately, mother in laws are often hard because it is their baby your marrying and often taking away from them. Just make sure she is included but on your terms.
Good luck and congrats on the wedding!
How about allocating one or two tasks for the the MIL? If you could sit down with her and your own mother and have a list of who you would like to do what. You and your mother obviously don't have to stick to the list but then your MIL won't feel too left out. It is your wedding though and your might have to tell her to back off.
You take charge, make a list and choose some things to assign to her. She wants to help, I can't blame her, but you have to keep a leash on it so she doesn't get out of control. I hope she has a husband or your son that will help you rein her in. Give her some things to do, things that you are open about, so if she does them her way you won't care. Like, have her choose the guestbook, have her choose the flowers for the parents, have her choose flower girl dresses, anything she can do that make her feel involved and that won't ruin it for you. Also, talk to your mom and give her some things too. Tell the caterer and anyone else involved in the wedding that YOU make the decisions and only you, in case she tries to go behind your back.
Truthfully, I don't think there is really a good way to deal with MIL's. I kinda ran into a similar issue when planning my wedding--she has 2 boys and no girls. I heard a lot of ';I want this,'; ';I wouldn't have done that,'; ';You should wear this...'; To deal with it, I just ignored her.
I think you really need to set boundaries now though otherwise it will only get worse. Include her and ask for her opinions, but DO NOT include her in EVERYTHING. I didn't take my MIL dress shopping at all with me or to look at BM dresses. I also picked out things and THEN showed it to her.
You won't be able to stop her complaining (trust me--my MIL was fighting with our caterer over non-alcoholic champagne that only SHE wanted), but you can minimize her meddling.
Good luck!
That's a tricky corner for you, darling. I'm glad you understand your MIL's feelings about ';having a daughter she doesn't really have';. There's no changing this feeling of hers, so you are blessed with 2 moms, now... for better or worse. ;-)
As for her eagerness to please/help, she's kind of all over the place with it. Perhaps you can discuss this situation with your mother and ask her if there are a few *specific* things your MIL could do to help her out with the planning (things you feel she would be good at). Hope this helps a bit.
No matter what happens, I wish you and your beau a wonderful wedding day. Cheers!
Find something for her to be in charge of and set her to work at that. The grooms family is usually in charge of the flowers and the luncheon/rehearsal dinner (I think- in my religion we don't have rehearsals, we have luncheons after the ceremony- the grooms family usually pays for that). Give her some guidelines for the rehearsal dinner and put her in charge of that, then you won't have to worry about planning it.
Then your fiance needs to tell her, that if you need any other help you will ask. You appreciate the suggestions, but you and your mom have it handled. You will let her help and be involved as long as she lets you do what you want. If she starts getting pushy, then she can't help. This needs to come from her son though. It is vital that he tell her, not you. He needs to stand up to her now, or she will try running your whole life. He should set the boundaries and limits for his parents, if not, you will end up like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond. But Her son has to do it. That is essential. If he is not man enough to tell his mommy to back off, then he is not man enough to get married.
The thing you have to do is sit down and make a list with your mom of things that you are both OK with having the MIL do. That way you control her input and she still gets to be a part of the planning.
Remember the wedding is one day, she will be your MIL for as long as you are married to her son. You really don't want this woman to be your enemy, so let her help on your terms that way its something that everyone can live with.
Good luck and Congrats!
i would nicely say to her that this is my special day, and if you don't like the way i am doing stuff that is to bad, you had your special day the way you wanted it,now let me have mine the way i want it..
Start now, Every time she comes up with her version of wedding plans, remind her that you already have that covered. no big deal just a simple statement a that's nice but we are doing so and so. stick to your guns, be polite and agreeable but remind her that you are making your own plans.
Do not let her pay for a single thing. If she puts in one dime she will assume that gives her the right to take over. You could show compassion for her daughterless plight by makeing a big deal of the rehersal dinner which is an event that she IS responsible for and it can be a small or as elaborate as she would want and it is her responsibility to plan that out. Remind her of that and it might get her off your back if she has her won show to plan. June is pleanty of time for her to have her plans in order. Good luck
You have no idea how lucky you are. I have been married over 14 years and I still hate my MIL. We have an uneasy truce for my husband's sake. There is alot involved in planning a wedding is there some reason why your mom and his mom can't both help you? I took my MIL wedding gown shopping and I can't stand her, why can't you take yours if you like her? Why can't both moms go to look at the hall with you? Why does it have to be one or the other? Think about all the years in front of you, this is when you decide what kind of relationship you'll have with this woman for the rest of her life.
Please try to understand how lucky you are that you have a MIL who actually seems to love you and wants to help and welcome you into the family. Many women have a sadly opposite story to tell about how awful the woman is. Can't she help with something? I mean really--don't you have tons of stuff to do? Maybe she can address invitations, put candies into tulle bags, whatever! She just wants to help--direct her to ways she can be of help, and realize you are lucky to have yet another person in your life who is trying to be supportive--nobody can ever have too many cheerleaders!
First, I think you should just be glad that your mother in law is helping at all. Like you, my future mil has 3 sons and I am with the middle son. I thought she would very involved since she seems to like me, doesn't have a daughter and she has the money to help. But she hasn't done anything but promise to have me a bridal shower which I haven't heard anymore about. But if she's bothering you that much now, I can imagine how she will be when you're married. Just have your mom around more and getting more involved and then she will get the point that she's not running the show
I agree with some of the others...you need to stop talking to her about wedding plans. If anything, mention that you and your mom are doing such and such, and she'll probably get the hint that she's not going to be very involved. If she asks about things, just say ';Yes, my mom and I have some plans for that.'; Be very careful about having either your parents or his parents pay for stuff, because it gives them the feeling that they can control it. Pay for as much stuff yourself as possible. With that said, encourage your groom to make sure she feels appreciated in other ways.
This is what you need to do in order to keep the peace here. Remember no matter how much of a pain in the rear she is, It's still his mother. Do not bad mouth her to him as know one wants to hear that about their mom. If she is the type to pay for something so she can have control or you will never hear the end of it have her pay for her son's tux. There are somethings in this wedding that will be very important to you and other things that you will pick that are not so important. I would let her help with the things that are not top on the list.
She can help pick the cake toper, cake cutter, favors, thank you cards.
Let your mom help with your dress, the flowers, the hall, cake
I would just lay low and not talk about the wedding with her every minute, good luck and congrats.
QUESTION CONTINUED...How do you deal with a mother-in-law who thinks she knows better than you about your baby
Also, when I leave my baby for my mother-in-law to babysit for a couple of hours, she always spits up a lot when I bring her home. I had made a decision that I didn't want her too babysit my child anymore, but my husband got offended and mad at me. We always end up arguing because of that. This is very unfair. Was I wrong for making that decision?QUESTION CONTINUED...How do you deal with a mother-in-law who thinks she knows better than you about your baby
Are you sure you are not just sore because your mother in law is having a blast with the child you birthed?
Like it or not she is your husbands mother and you need to learn how to deal with it.
If she spits up when you get her ask your mother in law what she is doing. Instead of accusing her or telling her she is wrong when i'm sure she knows things about babies you don't being hers are grown and yours is not simply say something like...
I know you are really good with kids and I greatly appreciate how much you are helping us and love ......but I have found that the best way to do this with her is.....I know you know a lot about kids so I don't have to tell you how different they all are (and smile make light almost like a joke to flatter) but this is just how she is. She must have gotten it from me.
And you will be surprised how she most likely will turn around but in the meantime dont' be so harsh. It's just spit up. Is he harming your baby? Does the baby come home rashed or bruised? Does she come home neglelted or straving?
Rather you like it or not this child is your husbands too and he gets a say. How would you like it when your child grows up and gets married and thier spouse doesn't like you are how do you things and says no more seeing grandma. I'm sure you hurt her and your husband greatly.QUESTION CONTINUED...How do you deal with a mother-in-law who thinks she knows better than you about your baby
you listen to her advice but you do what you THINK is BEST
If the baby is spitting up after coming home from your in-laws it could be because of too much stress and over stimulation.
My son got that way every Christmas the past two years when he was over my parents and my in-laws.
You made a good decision and it will take time for your husband to understand your point of view. Is there someone he can talk to about it that has the same mindset as you? That may help sway him.
Keep up the good work mom!
NO! Your child's welfare comes first! Try talking to your husband calmly at a time when you do not need a babysitter (so it will be less emotional) and just state your concerns. Remind him that your child's well being needs to come before his mother's hurt feelings. And that she could avoid her own hurt feelings by just respecting the guidelines you have established as to how to care for your daughter!
In-laws, uhg!
You and your husband must talk about this situation together and then sit down with your mother-in-law and tell her you appreciate her help, but need her feed your daughter only what the pediatrician says she should eat now. Explain about her spitting up, lactose intolerance, etc.. Good luck, honey!
Absolutely not. your child's well-being should come first. your husband needs to understand that he should be concerned about his child and not how his mother feels. If she is doing something wrong, talk to her about it. My mother in-law gave my 3 month old son chocolate ice cream when he had phenomonia and believe me, I told her how it was and didn't bring him around her for awhile... Talk with your husband, calmly, tell him how you feel, sit down with the mother in-law, get her side, then make your decision.how to gridview
Are you sure you are not just sore because your mother in law is having a blast with the child you birthed?
Like it or not she is your husbands mother and you need to learn how to deal with it.
If she spits up when you get her ask your mother in law what she is doing. Instead of accusing her or telling her she is wrong when i'm sure she knows things about babies you don't being hers are grown and yours is not simply say something like...
I know you are really good with kids and I greatly appreciate how much you are helping us and love ......but I have found that the best way to do this with her is.....I know you know a lot about kids so I don't have to tell you how different they all are (and smile make light almost like a joke to flatter) but this is just how she is. She must have gotten it from me.
And you will be surprised how she most likely will turn around but in the meantime dont' be so harsh. It's just spit up. Is he harming your baby? Does the baby come home rashed or bruised? Does she come home neglelted or straving?
Rather you like it or not this child is your husbands too and he gets a say. How would you like it when your child grows up and gets married and thier spouse doesn't like you are how do you things and says no more seeing grandma. I'm sure you hurt her and your husband greatly.QUESTION CONTINUED...How do you deal with a mother-in-law who thinks she knows better than you about your baby
you listen to her advice but you do what you THINK is BEST
If the baby is spitting up after coming home from your in-laws it could be because of too much stress and over stimulation.
My son got that way every Christmas the past two years when he was over my parents and my in-laws.
You made a good decision and it will take time for your husband to understand your point of view. Is there someone he can talk to about it that has the same mindset as you? That may help sway him.
Keep up the good work mom!
NO! Your child's welfare comes first! Try talking to your husband calmly at a time when you do not need a babysitter (so it will be less emotional) and just state your concerns. Remind him that your child's well being needs to come before his mother's hurt feelings. And that she could avoid her own hurt feelings by just respecting the guidelines you have established as to how to care for your daughter!
In-laws, uhg!
You and your husband must talk about this situation together and then sit down with your mother-in-law and tell her you appreciate her help, but need her feed your daughter only what the pediatrician says she should eat now. Explain about her spitting up, lactose intolerance, etc.. Good luck, honey!
Absolutely not. your child's well-being should come first. your husband needs to understand that he should be concerned about his child and not how his mother feels. If she is doing something wrong, talk to her about it. My mother in-law gave my 3 month old son chocolate ice cream when he had phenomonia and believe me, I told her how it was and didn't bring him around her for awhile... Talk with your husband, calmly, tell him how you feel, sit down with the mother in-law, get her side, then make your decision.
How do i deal with a mother that is so messed up but has been your whole life? I try to call but she does not?
answer the phone when i call nothing,plus i have 3 kids and its like she does not even care about them? I guess what iam trying to ask is should i just give up altogther and not call no more,or should i give her more time to GROW UP? I dunno iam lost for what to do...She is my mom still after all right?How do i deal with a mother that is so messed up but has been your whole life? I try to call but she does not?
By now you realize that your relationship with her will never be what you want it to be with your or your children. Maybe that's a good thing if she has numerous issues. Seems to me that it's more about you and what your willing to do. If continuing on this way is too difficult for you to emotionally cope with, then stop calling, but if you need to feel like your at least making the effort, then continue, but reduce the calls to a few times a year (d-day, holidays). Think of it as nothing more than leaving a message when someone is out, say hi, happy XX, the kids and husband are well and hope all is well with you. All you can do is put yourself out there, whether she calls or not isn't about you as a person, but rather her inabilities to accept and work with people and the world as it is. good luck.How do i deal with a mother that is so messed up but has been your whole life? I try to call but she does not?
I wouldn't call her anymore. Let her learn her lesson and then come back to you. Mom or not, she's still a person.
Hey Sarah. What i suggest you do is you just give her the space she needs. Just leave her alone. Until one day she'll have an epiphany and realise she needs to see and spend time with her grandchildren, then she'll call and you can then invite her into the home like family. But for now i suggest you leave her alone totally.
She is your mother not your mom. If she has not grown up by now she never will. Let it go.
Stop calling her for a while and see what happens...you don't say what her problem is so I will just say give her room...
Let her come to you My dad is like that we call we email we stop in at his house when we are in the area We always make the effort It is exhausting
By now you realize that your relationship with her will never be what you want it to be with your or your children. Maybe that's a good thing if she has numerous issues. Seems to me that it's more about you and what your willing to do. If continuing on this way is too difficult for you to emotionally cope with, then stop calling, but if you need to feel like your at least making the effort, then continue, but reduce the calls to a few times a year (d-day, holidays). Think of it as nothing more than leaving a message when someone is out, say hi, happy XX, the kids and husband are well and hope all is well with you. All you can do is put yourself out there, whether she calls or not isn't about you as a person, but rather her inabilities to accept and work with people and the world as it is. good luck.How do i deal with a mother that is so messed up but has been your whole life? I try to call but she does not?
I wouldn't call her anymore. Let her learn her lesson and then come back to you. Mom or not, she's still a person.
Hey Sarah. What i suggest you do is you just give her the space she needs. Just leave her alone. Until one day she'll have an epiphany and realise she needs to see and spend time with her grandchildren, then she'll call and you can then invite her into the home like family. But for now i suggest you leave her alone totally.
She is your mother not your mom. If she has not grown up by now she never will. Let it go.
Stop calling her for a while and see what happens...you don't say what her problem is so I will just say give her room...
Let her come to you My dad is like that we call we email we stop in at his house when we are in the area We always make the effort It is exhausting
What is the best and most polite way to deal with strangers coming up to your infant in public...?
_Just today this worker in the store came up to look at my baby while I was holding her- then she touched her hand -which I wanted to scream at her because my daughter puts her hands in her mouth -she's only 2 %26amp;half months old - I didn't know what to say to her without coming off all mean- so I tried to just get away casually -so I went to put my baby back in her carrier and the lady picked up her pacifier that was sitting in her carrier -though she didn't touch the nipple part -I was still furious -I dont know her and she had no business doing that even if she was trying to help or be nice - I dont know if her hands were clean !!!!-so how do you other mother's deal with such a person???? - as soon as I got away from her I took out a santizing wipe and wiped my daughters hand really good and then put her pacifier away till I could wash it -when I got home I couldn't wait to give my baby a bath!!!!Help-whats the best way to deal with this?I need a sign that says LOOK but dont TOUCH!!What is the best and most polite way to deal with strangers coming up to your infant in public...?
I don't have an infant, but it doesn't take an idiot - one would think - to know not to touch a baby's hands or face without washing hands and not at all if you don't know the baby. If one must touch (which admittedly is almost irresistable) touch a socked toe. I'm interested to hear how people handle this. However, you must do what you can - absolutely. Do not worry about hurting someone's feelings (try to be nice if you can), worry about your baby's health. Do not feel bad, she was the one over-stepping bounds, not you. You are not responsible for that person's feelings, you are responsible for the health of your baby. Of course you also don't want to be a germ freak either! Have a wonderful life with your new baby.What is the best and most polite way to deal with strangers coming up to your infant in public...?
Thank you so much, but do listen to the other mothers. Your child will develop some immunities. You won't have much fun if you are constantly worried.Just wait til he/she starts preschool! Relax and have fun.
Good for you, in realizing that you might have just had the natural paranoia that goes with motherhood! It's understandable, believe me. And yes, feel free if someone is really nasty. I'm glad you didn't get offended. Have fun being a mom, it's the greatest gift in the world!
Just politely say, ';Please don't touch my child.';
kick their *** man!! they have no right going around your infant. it may not be the most polite, but it's the most effective.
Scare um off: say something like yes she is cute but im about to nurse her and we need some privacy. theyll leave you alone VERY fast.
Well, I was like that with my first child, every mother is concerned about their childs health, just carry some handy wipes with you in your purse and then you will not feel as though you don't know what to do or be angry. or scared.
I had a similar experience at a museum when my daughter was just a few months old . . . and I handled it by telling the woman to get away from my child. I wasn't nice, I wasn't polite; and frankly, I'd do it exactly the same way all over again.
Am I overprotective? Sure. But there are some sick, creepy people in the world, and parents should NEVER apologize for doing everything within their power to protect the kids.
um......you say......Get Away!!!
If it were my kid and a stranger came up to my kid and touching them all politeness is out the door
its hard these days..
Say, ';Please, don't touch my baby.'; You have every right to protect your child, and shouldn't feel bad about it. Too many people do not wash their hands properly (or at all!).
First off...you should be thankful that your baby causes admiration!
Now, next time, just tell the stranger: ';I hope you haven't handled any money or anything that might make your hands dirty...you see, my baby tends to put her hands in her mouth.';
Any simpler than that??
lets pretend the child's name if becky shout ';becky its time for your chicken pocks medicine';
Firstly, all abies until about 5 are contanstanlty putting things in their mouth, its actually a learning process. A child also gains immunity by doing this to bugs and other things. I definately do not agree that random people should touch babies. I mean you dont know where their hands have been. Myabe keep her arms wrapped in the blanket orjust say shes got the flu and dont want her to pass it on to anyone
just tell them ,she is very sensitive pl dont touch her in case u want to touch her please use a sanitiser,u know i do that.i keep a sanitizer in my babys diaper bag and if someone wants to touch baby first i would offer them sanitiser only then they get to touch my baby.No excuses.Its your baby and what others think matters a shitt for u .so NEVER allow anybody to touch her.
Beyond the bounds of normal hygeine (e.g. handling the pacifier etc) don't be paranoid. Children reasonably exposed to the normal germs in Western Society (short of a flu epdemic etc) develop immunities vital to them in later life. Kids raised in a sanitary dome or bound for trouble. Or so my doctor friends tell me. RELAX A BIT
Well you need to take a chill pill, don't think for one second you have the cleanest hands around, you touch money, you touch door knobs, I bet you don't wash your hands every time you touch something that isn't yours.
Your baby is tougher than you think, she will eat so many things in her life that ';Isn't good for her'; but she won't be harmed at all.
Be grateful you have a beautiful baby that people take notice of.
Relax!!!!
well first, i dont have kids, and i wouldnt feel comfortable with people touching my baby, BUT like other people said, kids imune systems are stronger than you think. but make sure you carry sanitizing wipes with you, and if you dont want them touching, just say something like, i'm sorry, i dont like strangers touching her, no offense. something like that, you dont need to be rude, although, they should know not to touch someones baby,because of germs,and you dont know where they've been, they could have just come out of the bathroom and not washed their hands....UGH! they will still be offended, no matter how nice you say it. some people just dont understand.
This must be your first baby, right? Don't worry so much. It's ok, she's going to be fine. It's actually a good thing that people are doing this. It helps to develop social skills from an early age. I know, that sounds funny as young as she is, but if she's exposed to people early in life, it's not going to be a shock to her. If you feel you must say something, please be nice. Take pride in the fact that people think she's cute and want to admire her, don't be offended. If she's never exposed to germs her immune system will take longer to develop. I let anyone play with my boys from birth on. It's asking to hold them that I have a small problem with if I don't know them. I have let a waitress that my husband and I were familiar with hold them, but that was the only person that I didn't personally know hold them. Most people don't mind, so when people do this, it's not even crossing their minds that you're going to be angry at them. Trust me, I tried the 'washing the pacifier every time it hits the ground' phase, and soon figured it was an endless task. Unless your baby was born with specific health problems, you don't need to be concerned. Enjoy your daughter, she's not going to be little for long.
I don't have an infant, but it doesn't take an idiot - one would think - to know not to touch a baby's hands or face without washing hands and not at all if you don't know the baby. If one must touch (which admittedly is almost irresistable) touch a socked toe. I'm interested to hear how people handle this. However, you must do what you can - absolutely. Do not worry about hurting someone's feelings (try to be nice if you can), worry about your baby's health. Do not feel bad, she was the one over-stepping bounds, not you. You are not responsible for that person's feelings, you are responsible for the health of your baby. Of course you also don't want to be a germ freak either! Have a wonderful life with your new baby.What is the best and most polite way to deal with strangers coming up to your infant in public...?
Thank you so much, but do listen to the other mothers. Your child will develop some immunities. You won't have much fun if you are constantly worried.Just wait til he/she starts preschool! Relax and have fun.
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Good for you, in realizing that you might have just had the natural paranoia that goes with motherhood! It's understandable, believe me. And yes, feel free if someone is really nasty. I'm glad you didn't get offended. Have fun being a mom, it's the greatest gift in the world!
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Just politely say, ';Please don't touch my child.';
kick their *** man!! they have no right going around your infant. it may not be the most polite, but it's the most effective.
Scare um off: say something like yes she is cute but im about to nurse her and we need some privacy. theyll leave you alone VERY fast.
Well, I was like that with my first child, every mother is concerned about their childs health, just carry some handy wipes with you in your purse and then you will not feel as though you don't know what to do or be angry. or scared.
I had a similar experience at a museum when my daughter was just a few months old . . . and I handled it by telling the woman to get away from my child. I wasn't nice, I wasn't polite; and frankly, I'd do it exactly the same way all over again.
Am I overprotective? Sure. But there are some sick, creepy people in the world, and parents should NEVER apologize for doing everything within their power to protect the kids.
um......you say......Get Away!!!
If it were my kid and a stranger came up to my kid and touching them all politeness is out the door
its hard these days..
Say, ';Please, don't touch my baby.'; You have every right to protect your child, and shouldn't feel bad about it. Too many people do not wash their hands properly (or at all!).
First off...you should be thankful that your baby causes admiration!
Now, next time, just tell the stranger: ';I hope you haven't handled any money or anything that might make your hands dirty...you see, my baby tends to put her hands in her mouth.';
Any simpler than that??
lets pretend the child's name if becky shout ';becky its time for your chicken pocks medicine';
Firstly, all abies until about 5 are contanstanlty putting things in their mouth, its actually a learning process. A child also gains immunity by doing this to bugs and other things. I definately do not agree that random people should touch babies. I mean you dont know where their hands have been. Myabe keep her arms wrapped in the blanket orjust say shes got the flu and dont want her to pass it on to anyone
just tell them ,she is very sensitive pl dont touch her in case u want to touch her please use a sanitiser,u know i do that.i keep a sanitizer in my babys diaper bag and if someone wants to touch baby first i would offer them sanitiser only then they get to touch my baby.No excuses.Its your baby and what others think matters a shitt for u .so NEVER allow anybody to touch her.
Beyond the bounds of normal hygeine (e.g. handling the pacifier etc) don't be paranoid. Children reasonably exposed to the normal germs in Western Society (short of a flu epdemic etc) develop immunities vital to them in later life. Kids raised in a sanitary dome or bound for trouble. Or so my doctor friends tell me. RELAX A BIT
Well you need to take a chill pill, don't think for one second you have the cleanest hands around, you touch money, you touch door knobs, I bet you don't wash your hands every time you touch something that isn't yours.
Your baby is tougher than you think, she will eat so many things in her life that ';Isn't good for her'; but she won't be harmed at all.
Be grateful you have a beautiful baby that people take notice of.
Relax!!!!
well first, i dont have kids, and i wouldnt feel comfortable with people touching my baby, BUT like other people said, kids imune systems are stronger than you think. but make sure you carry sanitizing wipes with you, and if you dont want them touching, just say something like, i'm sorry, i dont like strangers touching her, no offense. something like that, you dont need to be rude, although, they should know not to touch someones baby,because of germs,and you dont know where they've been, they could have just come out of the bathroom and not washed their hands....UGH! they will still be offended, no matter how nice you say it. some people just dont understand.
This must be your first baby, right? Don't worry so much. It's ok, she's going to be fine. It's actually a good thing that people are doing this. It helps to develop social skills from an early age. I know, that sounds funny as young as she is, but if she's exposed to people early in life, it's not going to be a shock to her. If you feel you must say something, please be nice. Take pride in the fact that people think she's cute and want to admire her, don't be offended. If she's never exposed to germs her immune system will take longer to develop. I let anyone play with my boys from birth on. It's asking to hold them that I have a small problem with if I don't know them. I have let a waitress that my husband and I were familiar with hold them, but that was the only person that I didn't personally know hold them. Most people don't mind, so when people do this, it's not even crossing their minds that you're going to be angry at them. Trust me, I tried the 'washing the pacifier every time it hits the ground' phase, and soon figured it was an endless task. Unless your baby was born with specific health problems, you don't need to be concerned. Enjoy your daughter, she's not going to be little for long.
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