Thursday, November 11, 2010

How do you deal when you find out one of your father was cheating on your mother?

My father cheated on my mother with the same women for 15 years. I was 13 when i found out I'm 22 now out of the house with a career and everything started my own life (I knew before my mother did, like in most situations it's always the wife that finds out last.) Even though I'm older now and I understand and comprehend the sitation alot better then before. It still distrubes me that till this day my mother still took him back even after he treats her like crap (he's a great father though). It gets to the point that if my father is spending too much time with my or my sister in activities that do not include her she gets really jealous and attacks me and my sister (who is 15) that we are trying to steal him away from her??????????? Why is she like this It has gotten to the point where I wa able to forgive my ftaher but my mother I can't stand her now!How do you deal when you find out one of your father was cheating on your mother?
Wouldn't care.How do you deal when you find out one of your father was cheating on your mother?
I dunno, but what happend to the other woman??
she is afraid to lose her mann and it seems to me no efence your mom should see a cuncilor it could help you and your family
You dont deal with it, its none of your business at this point. Your mother already knows. You are 22 and out of the house.
It sounds like that even though your mother has taken your father back, she hasn't forgiven nor forgotten his infidelities. Any competition with another female is driving your mother to her jealousy and is considered as ';cheating'; on behalf of you father.

You mother has become very territorial and possessive of your dad and only wants him to be focused on her as she may believe that his attentions on any other women (whether or not they be his children) may lead him to stray once again
Your mother and father have problems. There is nothing you can do. Be there for both of them. It's not you or your sisters fault.
At this point, you tell your mother how you feel. In other words, you give her your two cents. Then leave it alone. You are your own person now. If your mother snaps at you, then you have ammo.



My parents are split, if my father cheated on my mother, I would give him the cold shoulder, vice versa if it were my mother. And if the opposite treated me like you described above, I would call them lunaticks and advise them (meaning your mother in this case) to seek some professional help.
That's messed up! I sympathise and empathise with your mother and nobody else. Your father is a B*stard to her. You and your sister only found out recently about his 13 year long affair, but never took your father on or made him answer for anything, did you??? I bet not! Then on top of all that, you say your mom is being a pain because she's jealous that you and your sister get to be treated like humans and she is not and never was???!!! You disgust me!!!
I was 26 when my parents divorced. You can imagine the shock! They were married for 30 years and my father left us because he got his secretary pregnant...(She is 3 years younger than me!!!)



It was terrible for me, since I am the eldest and the only woman. So I went to therapy and also took anti-depressants my doctors prescribed. Both helped me out a lot. I felt betrayed, furious, impotent....and it hurt me a lot. I spent years feeling angry and it poisoned me from within. I was bitter and unable to move on for a long time. Fortunately, that was a long time ago and I am over it now.



Going to church can help you to find some sort of peace, too.



Good luck. It's tough...but as time goes by it hurts less and after some years you accept things and move on.
Your 22 tell her off. She has issues in her head take her to the therapist so she can deal with her anger/jealousy issues.
Your mother got sold a bill of goods where she exchanged control and access of herself sexually in exchange for your father's support. Although it sounds like she got what she paid for--he never left--she probably resents his attentions being elsewhere and still has apprehension about any situation where he seems to invest his time away from her.



This includes you and your sister's activities.



She probably took him back because--in her mind--she still needed him. I also bet--you didn't say--that your mother doesn't work or doesn't make enough to support herself.



I'm going to make a prediction that as soon as your sister is on her own and your mom finds a way to make money on her own, she's going to divorce your father because--like you said--he's a good father, but he's not a ';good'; husband.



My suggestion to you is to ensure that you are financially self supporting for the rest of your life--don't let a man take that away unless you have a year's worth of income in the bank that only you can touch.



Also, if you can help, try and persuade your mom to go to school for something she's interested in and/or get a part-time job that can later turn into a full time job after your sister leaves. Not to speed the falling apart of your parent's relationship, but the added confidence for your mother may promote a renegotiation of their relationship and make your mom less concerned about ';what if your father does leave?'; therefore making it likely she'll chill the hell out towards you.
Stay out of it. You can not improve the situation; you will only bring in destruction of what you have
I think that your father cheating on your mother left her in a traumatic state. Maybe she just can't let go and now she doesn't even want her daughters spending so much time with their own father. She's scared that anyone will take him away from her....I think you should call for a family meeting...talk about everything....open communication is key to any relationship..or relationships...it'll be good for the family. Explain and get everyone's point of view...and try to figure out what the problem REALLY is. If that is not at all possible ...then I think family counseling is good.

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