How to deal with my nightmare of a mother in-law??? Please read!?

Ok...so she's not that bad...


I get long with her fine, but i cannot stand her with my 8 month old. She always goes on about how to look after her and that i shouldnt be so uptight, but i cant help it!


She feeds her crisps, chocolate..anything unhealthy..Gives her calpol everytime she cries...she tries to ruin my routines on her solids...Its driving me nuts!!


I tell her not to when i'm there but when shes been on an outing with her, she comes home and tells me everything she has fed her that she shouldnt have done..grrr it makes me soo mad!





Like the other day..we went to the local famil pub and the owners had bought her a milky bar. My daughter wont anything like that yet so i said thankyou and turned it down. The next thing i see is chocolate being physically shoved in my daughters mouth and her pulling faces and wrenching. It got me so mad but she kept doing it. Then a year old little boy came in and my MIL held my daughter in front of him while the little boy was kissing her face. I didnt mind that but it went on for 5-10 mins, so i said thats enough...everybody told me to stop being uptight so i sat back in a mood. Then the boy bit my daughters face and now she has a horrible, huge graze on her face.





She also makes out that my daughter doesnt even like me as much as she does her...i will be changing her nappy while shes screaming and my MIL will come in and stop me and say something like...'aww whats she doing to you...you want me to do it instead dont you'..


Thats when it makes my blood boil!!!





Am i been too uptight? How is your mother in-law with your kids? Should i just chill out and sit back a little?How to deal with my nightmare of a mother in-law??? Please read!?
Grrrrrrrrrrrr, that's all I can say about your MIL. You are NOT being uptight. You are being a good, nurturing, concerned mother. If your baby cries when you change her, it could be you're a little tense and she senses it. However, you could be a little tense from learning the ropes of parenting (I was), or you could be a little tense because of your MIL - VERY possible.





I am a NUT (so people say) about what goes into my kid's mouths. We changed churches over it. This one church gave out candy, coookies, fruit drinks (not juice, which I'm okay with), etc. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an EVERY Sunday thing, and it was too much (in my opinion). My friends left, too. Their daughter went home puking one day because of all the sweets she got.





Your daughter is YOUR daughter, and if you don't want her to have something, she should respect that. Your MIL would hate me (and my husband), because IF someone doesn't respect our wishes, then they don't watch our children. Period. It just doesn't happen. Your MIL should be a team player with you, not trying to make it a competition. That is sick. You guys are family.





People tell us we're ';crazy'; or ';weird'; because of our food habits. Our children (and us, too, it's not just them) get fresh, raw fruit for dessert. That's it. On occasion (holidays, etc.), we'll let them split something, but that's it. It makes them sick. Start to take notice. If your daughter is getting runny noses, ear infections, etc. Sugar Suppresses the immune system. So, what's the deal? Does your MIL want her to be sick or something? Obviously the answer is no.





At any rate, when people gave us crap over it, we just said, ';Look, If you'd be happy to get up with him in the night and clean up his puke when he's sick, then go right ahead and give that to him.';





Edit- I had to giggle when I read Joann's answer. She's right on. Way to go!How to deal with my nightmare of a mother in-law??? Please read!?
Well, she definitely loves your daughter a great deal, so that's fabulous.





However, you have to make a stand. Tell her that if she cannot feed your daughter what you have asked her to, then she may not be with your daughter at mealtimes. If you see her doing anything like what she did with the chocolate bar, pick your daughter up, and take her outside with you.





It doesn't sound like she's doing it to be mean, or to put you down, but you need to let her know that her actions and attitudes are hurtful. Maybe have her over for a cup of tea and start a conversation about it.
Wow, I can't believe you haven't slapped her yet! When your MIL says, ';do you want me to do that to you';...in your own voice...';so no, i love my mommy and my mommy loves me and you got my face bite and you are trying to give me diabetes so step off';


Okay maybe that is bad, but sounds like to me that a ';nice conversation'; would not change things. You have to use her medicine back to her.


P.S. that is gross that she wants to fill up your daughter with candy! That is so wrong!
No, you are not being uptight whatsoever. Mother in laws think they know everything just becase they have raised your son and other children however, that is not the case. If your MIL is giving your little baby sweets, soda, or anything she is not supposed to, meaning anything YOU ARE NOT OKAY WITH, you need to SIT her down and tell her, or have your husband tell her FIRMLY. Do not be rude but make her understand that it is your baby, she is a grandmother, not her mother. A mother and father decide what is right for the baby because in the end YOU take care of her 24/7.
Have your husband talk to her.


Explain that y ou as a family have made decisions on how you want to raise your child and you need her to respect your decisions and your parenting skills.


If she doesn't want to follow your guidelines then perhaps she should not have unsupervised visits.


It seems that ';grandmothers'; think that they are to be fun, and they should be, but they should respect how you want to deal with your child.


I would not tolerate it, and with my husband we would address it. Otherwise you may blow up on her and not deal with it rationally
Some of it like the diaper changing comment I could find away to over look. When it comes to your child's diet and schedule you have to stand firm!!! You don't want to put your baby at risk for being allergic to foods. We aren't giving our daughter any sugar until much later she's 18 months still hasn't had choc. your baby can't even have cows milk yet so choc could be a hazard.





Stand up to her now or you will be dealing with this forever it'd be best if you let your husband say something to her next time he's with you and he sees what she's doing. I'm sure he's heard all about it.
Do what I did: I had a little chit chat with my MIL one day and I politely asked her if she would have allowed HER MIL to do and say the things that she has done to me? Would she just sit back and let her MIL feed her child things that she KNEW he didn't like... or how would she like it if her MIL made comments about her child liking grandma better? Once I put it to her that way.. her whole attitude changed. She said she didn't realize what all she was doing and that she would have ';lost it'; a long time ago if she was in my shoes. Sometimes grandparents get all caught up in the , '; grandkids are mine to spoil'; that they forget that THEY were parents one time too. Stand your ground. You're the mommy. Good luck to you.
Honestly, I think it's pretty simple. You say, ';Jane, your son and I are the child's parents. It is OUR right and OUR responsibility to raise her in the way that we feel is most appropriate. If you are not capable of respecting our authority, then we won't be able to allow you to spend time alone with her.';





Really. Just don't put up with it. She's not the one who has to live with the repercussions, so she has no reason to change her behavior. If you give her a reason, she might see the light.
You're definitely not being uptight, in fact you're being well restrained. You need to have a talk with your husband, who then needs to have a talk with his mother. Unfortunately, he needs to be the one to initially try to talk with his own mother. If that doesn't work, and things progress, then you need to let him know that you plan on talking to her yourself. Bottom line, you can't sit back and say nothing, b/c it will only get worse. And the worse it gets, the more strained of a relationship you will have with her, which is never helpful. And even more - it could possibly impact your relationship with your own husband. Best of luck - your situation sounds very stressful, but not necessarily incurable.
It's better that she's honest about what she's fed her, so don't over-react and shut down those lines of communication, or in any way make her go ';underground'; with feeding undesireable snacks.





Just communicate with her using ';I messages';, such as ';I find myself feeling hurt when you do/say %26lt;xyz%26gt;, and I know you probably don't intend for that to hurt me, and maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I wish you wouldn't do/say that.





Keep in mind that she's probably excited to have a grandchild, and her participation is basically good, you just need to rein her in a little.
no you are not being uptight! trust me. Set your boundaries with her and stick to them. Let everyone know them not just her. That way it can not be said that it is directed toward her!


Trust me do it know to avoid a lot worse problems later. I wish I had done it early instead of now fighting a ongoing battle cuz she feels she has the right to make rules and do it her way since I did not jump her A** early over the little things
should you chill out and sit back? heck NO!!!!


i'm sorry but i would NOT be able to handle any of the actions you mentioned above! i don't even know where to start from!!!! everything you mentioned above is just out of line. ok, for the feeding, you just need to be firm. repeat 100 times if you need to, until she gets it... chocolate is not recommended for 8-month-olds.. even if it was, if you don't want her to have it, then no one should give it to her... honestly, i say this out of experience, just say NO every time she tries to give her something you don't approve of... sorry, but that's the only way. tell her if she continues, you might have to ban 'outings'... and be serious about it.. don't sound mad or anything, just use a firm tone.


it's soooo out of place of her to hint that your daughter likes her more... seriously, how dare she! for that, i'd say just make smart comments, like, oh if she's crying with me, i can't imagine what she'd so if i pass her... things like that...





good luck.
She is doing that to get a rise out of you and if you let her see it bothers you she is just getting her way.


Take control of every situation that you feel is not what you want for you daughter and when being told you are being uptight politely say, I have to make decisions for her that is my responsibility as her mother and I don't expect to be questioned.


Candy and sweets to a lil one is unacceptable and you are so right in not allowing that at such an early age you will have a hard enough time getting them to eat the right things when they get old enough to realize they have choices and the ability to say ';no I don't want veggies'; trust me that's my battle now, my MIL is constantly bringing candy and gummies to the house and that is all he wants I eventually get him to eat what he should but it is a battle, and one I feel no parent should have to be going through when the family should all have the same goals for the children to have healthy eating habits.


Just dont let her get to you, you dont have to be rude but just know you are the parent and the #1 person to decide all aspects of what is going on in your childs life (as far of the things you can control).


Your doing a great job dont forget that.
You are not being uptight. There is just something about mother-in-laws that I just can't put my finger on--it might stem from the fact that deep down, no matter how much they love you, all MILs believe that you are not good enough for their son and hence not good enough to be the mother of their grandchildren. Its 95% subconscious and 5% monster-in-law!





You need to take a stand. Don't be rude, just firm. Explain calmly what you expect and that if she does not heed your wishes, even if she doesn't agree with them, that she will not be allowed around your daughter. And then follow through. It helps if your hubby is on your side.





My MIL is in her 80s and I am very firm about her not standing when she is holding my baby girl (she's not too steady on her feet and in the habit of dropping things). She, of course, thinks she has no problem. The first time she stood up with my daughter, I took my daughter back and left. She hasn't tried it again.
My mother in law was bad but not that bad. I remember coming home a few days after valentine's day and she was feeding my daughter the chocolates my fiancee got me. My daughter was only 5 months at the time! I told her immediately to not give her anymore and she stopped.


Letting the little boy kiss your daughter in the face should not have been tolerated. You don't know if that little boy had a cold, cold sores, hand mouth and feet diease, he could of given your baby anything! I wouldn't let that happend again either.


Trust your instincts and don't let people tell you to relax. Your instincts were telling you not to let that boy kiss your daughter and look what happend.... he bit her. When people tell you to relax just say ';no, I'm her mother and I don't want her doing that/eating that.';


As far as when your mil makes little comments like ';what is she doing to you, you want me to do it don't you';, shoot a smart comment back. Say something like ';I was fine grandma til you walked in the room';. Learn how to play her game even better. It will be ok, just stand your ground.
Just tell her to leave the baby alone, and if she does not listen to you what you said tell her you are the mother of this child she had to listen to you if she does not then you will be upset and couldn't trust her if she doesn't follow your rule, Just tell her that this child need to eat soild food not junk food because it's make her not want it, talk with her how you felt and that she need to listen to you. My mother in law is doing great with my son, she's always listen to me, total respect. Hope thing go well with you and the mil.
No you are NOT being up tight!! You definetly need to take a stand. This is YOUR child not your MIL'S and she needs to know this and it needs to be stated to her.


If she carries on and doesn't start respecting your decisions in how you raise your child then you can say that she can't go on outings with her until she respects you as a mother. Does your partner not stick up for you?? If not then he needs to start saying something to his mother as she should NOT be making you feel this way.