How would you deal with your 3 1/2 year old niece in this situation?

My daughter is 9 months and her cousin is 3 1/2. Whenever I go over to my husband's sister's place her daughter never shares with mine. My neice will get out all the baby toys %26amp; is excited her cousin is over to see her but then hoards the toys away from my daughter and always wants whatever my daughter has. Now, my daughter is 9 months and doesn't get upset if my neice takes something from her but I'm worried that she will end up being bullied my her cousin as they get bigger. My sister-in-law is a wonderful mother but neither of us really know what to do. I feel uneasy scolding my neice with my sis right there. All she ever says is ';share with your cousin'; and my neice ignores her and that's the end of it. How can I positively change this behaviour? Should I even worry about it? Is this just a 3 year old stage? I'm uncomfortable talking to my sister-in-law about this. I'm hoping I can learn to model some good parenting skills and help us both out! Thank youHow would you deal with your 3 1/2 year old niece in this situation?
Your 9 month old isn't to the stage where she cares so don't worry about it. When she's older she'll want to stand her ground, which you should allow as long as she's not hurting other kids.





I've seen too many play-dates have the fun knocked out of them because the parents are so upset about who's sharing and who isn't.How would you deal with your 3 1/2 year old niece in this situation?
Your niece needs to learn to share, and this is the perfect time to start. You could try with a 'snack' that your baby and your niece like (such as dry cereal or a cookie). As your little one is 'eating' on a piece of it, ask your niece if she'd like some. If she says yes, say something like ';Susan, Kim wants you to share your snack with her. You're such a good girl for sharing with your cousin.'; Hopefully, after a few times, she'll start getting the message.
Sometimes it can be hard to watch your children play with others because at times it feels like your baby is always getting the short end of the stick...believe me time will change. Before you know it your perfect little baby will be lashing out at others...and then she will be an angel again. Its hard...I go through it with my daughter and my sisters daughters....my daugher 2 1/2 and her 3 1/2 year old play terrible together. But my daughter plays great with her 6 year old daughter. At 3 and 2 they are still struggling with their own independence and finding out who they are. It will pass. But you have every right to remind them that its nice to share tell your niece...that one day she would like it if people shared with her. If your sister in law takes offense to this than she is to sensitive....just try to switch places with her....try to think about what you could handle someone else telling your child.





Other than that there is not much you can do. This to shall pass
This is just a 3-yr. old stage. However, it's never too early to encourage children to share. I would NOT just ignore the behavior; I would encourage the 3 yr. old to share and tell why it's important. It will only get worse as she gets older. She needs to know that it's important to share and reward her good behavior. A good technique would also be to tell her something like this--';You can have the doll now for 3 minutes, and after that it's Suzie's turn.'; Then follow through and have her give the doll to the other person. Trust me, if this behavior isn't corrected, the 3-yr. old will eventually turn into a monster! My own parents never encouraged my sister to share. She's now 47 yrs. old, has no friends, and everything is about her! Good luck!
step in right in front of your sister-in-law and tell the 3 yr old that she is a baby and it's not nice to take things out of there hands,you are teaching as you are telling her. Explain that babies(even 9 month old babies) might feel bad when that happens,once she puts the toy down then she can play with it.Those are real and true teaching guildlines and I wouldn't think that your sister-in-law would be mad. But she should also step in when her kid does not listen to what you have said. It's all a part of learning,and yes 3 year olds want what every other kid has BUT its the time to learn to share and take turns also.
I feel your pain, as a mother of a 3 1/2 year old when u see another child taking advantage of yours it literally pisses u off!!! I think it should be explained to the other child that she is older and suppose to show a good example and help her cousin and if they can not share a play together than that toy will be taking away from both! Also the rule of who had it first should play w/it and as soon as the toy is put down it is now up for grabs!
What you should do is that when you go over to your sister in-law's place take some of your daughters toys so she can play with them instead of playing with your niece's toys. If your niece wants to play with your daughter's toys tell her not to touch them because those are not her toys and to play with her own toys ( i know it sounds mean). If your nice ignores you then take away the toy from her and give it to your daughter. That way your sister in-law will see this and ask you or tell you something about it, that will be the oportunity for you to tell her what bothers you. Once that is out in the open then you both will have a chance to change things for the better.
Perhaps you could get on the ground with the 2 girls and when your niece snatches things off your daughter, gently take it back off your niece and say to her '; No, don't snatch things off (daughter), she was playing with that first, you play with this and give her something else to play with. Tell her is it nice to share your toys sometimes and when she does share tell her how wonderful she is for sharing.





Tell your sister-in-law to have another baby, then she will have to share.
This is a 3 year old stage, it's kind of like some of the side effects left over from the terrible two's. When your child turns this age she will be the same way. As for you wanting to do something about it- try interacting. Show your niece that sharing is good no matter who's doing it. Bring something to snack on, share with your daughter first (make sure your niece sees hears and understand what your doing) and afterwards share with your niece. That's the best I can do, but her behavior is normal. GOOD LUCK : )
I would bring toys from your house. When your niece takes them away, take them back. Explain to her if she can not share her toys then your daughter will not share her toys. You can do this and still be very nice about it. Even if she is 3, she will figure it out. She will learn by doing. Show her how to share. She is a only child and has never had to share before so she does not understand the rules. She may have a hissy fit the first few times, let her and ignore it. Don't let her know she is getting to you. Just keep taking it away and explaining it. She will get the idea and try to trade one of her toys with you. When she does this, you win she understands.
Is there any chance that your niece isn't used to playing with other children? Or, is there a chance your niece is used to having too many children around? See, I've seen kids do this that were raise by SAHM's (I'm one too btw) but they haven't been properly socialized on those types of things. I've also seen kids who attend daycare end up being really stingy about things because someone else is always trying to take the toys away from them.





If it's the first, maybe consider going over there MORE often and see if they get more used to one another and then your niece would be more willing to work on sharing. If it's the second one, maybe make sure you take your daughters own toys over there with her and if the niece takes it away, calmly ask the niece to give it back because it was hers first. Then ask the niece to ask you or your daughter nicely if she can play with the toy. Maybe offer a swap with one of her toys for your daughter.





Other than that, I don't think I can give you any alternatives other than coming right out and asking the mother to step in and teach her daughter to share. My son was this way (and still is at times) with his little sister. He wasn't used to sharing before she came but he is adapting. I always tell them to trade every so often if they are playing with toys that the other one wants and if anyone takes from the other without asking nicely, I smack a hand and time out. If one won't give a toy after being asked nicely I have them trade and that usually works.
The thing is 3 year olds don't share. I recently went through this. I moved in with my cousin and she has a 3 year old son, he's an only child. My daughter's 17 months old and has grown up around her other cousins. If she takes a toy that belongs to your daughter kindly take it back and give it to your daughter and give your niece one of her toys. Tell her that because she doesn't want to share everyone will play with their own toys. But when she's ready to share she can play with your daughter's toys.
There have been some good points made so far. I would say that part of the problem is that the 3 yo does not have sibs, and really, you have to have 2 kids around a LOT so you can teach them to share. There is just not enough time to teach sharing when you only see another child a few times/wk.





However. Your sister is ignoring the situation. Also, she is telling her daughter to share and the daughter is disobeying and getting by with it. Other people have said it's a 3 yo stage. Well....disobeying is not a 3 yo thing. If undealt with, it is a lifelong disability. My top guess [and email me in ten years to tell me if I am right or not] is that your sister is NEVER going to make her daughter do what is right. Right now it is taking toys from a baby, and that is SMALL POTATERS compared to what's coming.





As to what you can do. I liked the suggestion of sitting there with the 2 girls and every time niece grabs a toy from baby, you take it back [firmly, but looking REALLY NICE ABOUT IT] and say, ';My goodness, sweetie, baby Meg was playing with that. You can have it back when she is done. Thank you so much for sharing.';





I don't have much hope that this will work. Probably your sister will just get really mad. People do NOT like it when you so much as insinuate that their child needs to be corrected.





You might end up having to make a choice. When your daughter gets to an age to be disturbed by this, you will have to decide if her being mistreated is worth the pleasure of your sister's company.
DEAR


I DO HAVE A QUESTION


WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE ALMOST 4 YEAR GOES TO PRE-K ARE KINDERGARTEN ? WHAT THEN? THEY WILL NOT LET HER GET A WAY WITH THIS MATTER THEN WHAT HAPPENS? TO HER? OK


TAKE CARE
As far as your own toys go, you should calmly tell your niece that those are your daughter's toys and if she won't share her toys then you won't share your daughter's toys. I went thru this with my 4 year old step son and my 6 month old son, because the 4 yr old kept playing with the 6 mth old's toys and breaking them. Everytime he broke one of the littler one's toys, I told him he had to give one of his toys to his brother, and since he would freak out whenever the baby slobbered on them (which was kind of funny) he learned quickly that they each had to take care of eachother's things and now they play well together. But I know what you mean about getting angry in this situation, even when you know that they're just kids and don't know better.