How do you deal with a Mother-in-law ruined your wedding day?

Ive never had a decent relationship with my in-laws. It started from day one, not because Ive done anything but because they are stuck in their ways and very pig headed. My husband had a girlfriend before me and she 'accidently' got pregnant a few months into thier relationship, ended up cheating on him when the baby was 2 and he left. A year later he met me.



Basically, they've been nothing but rude and bullying and have even fallen out with thier own son for sticking up for me when they have been down right nasty. They refused to come to our wedding unless he wrote them a 2nd invite (I wrote the 1st one, which they wouldnt accept it).



Im even banned from going to thier house because they found out I would no longer go round because i refused to go somewhere just to sit and be insulted. Cant quite get my head round that, its like firing someone for quitting?



anyway, eventually they decided they'd come. His mother didnt even say hello to me on our wedding day. she sat with a face on all day and as she was leaving she said something to my husband that reduced him to tears. she was going no about how she's losing him to me. he just told her he loved her but what she'd done to me was unacceptible. He's not told me what else she said because he was sobbing his heart out.



we left it at that and went on honeymoon. I got back this week and all my guests are asking 3 things. did you have a good day? how was your honeymoon? what the hell is his mothers problem.



after further digging, loads of people are telling me she spent the day slagging me off and complaining. one friend of mine who was unaware of the previous problems said to her 'your son's a lucky lad, she's a lovely woman, i bet you're really proud'. her reply was a nasty laugh and a comment to someone else 'have you heard this? she's a lovely woman? are we talking about the same woman?'



they moaned that they didnt get a thank you in the speeches (we thanked the people that helped)



they moaned that they didnt get a flower (we only got the immediate bridal party because of costs)



they moaned that they didnt like where they were sat (I sat them with people who i knew would be

polite to them. my parents and siblings have seen me in tears too many times to risk putting them on the same table with her)



my husband spoke to them on the phone today and they are denying it all. they said they wouldnt slag me off in a room full of my friends and family (which may be part true, they wouldnt do it too anyone, but chances are they did to each other and were overheard) they are saying its chinese whispers.



my take on the situation is 'well its not likely that 40 other people are lying and you are the only person telling the truth. too many unconnected people have said the same thing for it to be untrue'. the dad's even denying that his wife reduced my hubby to tears. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES!





He wants to have a relationship with them because despite their many faults, he loves them. I dont want to see them or speak to them at all. the easiest option would be they are in contact on phone etc and he visits them at thier house... everyones happy- yeah?. he see's them, they see him and I dont have to endure thier company.



if only it were this simple! they just keep attacking and causing trouble.



i really cant see a way forward.



sorry for long rant. :-(How do you deal with a Mother-in-law ruined your wedding day?
This is sad. You have been a very patient lady! I must say you behaved better then I could, because you sacrificed your special day to be fair to your hubby and his parents still managed to do damage. That's where I would draw the line. They don't like you and the probably never will, and unfortunately there isn't anything you or hubby can do about it. They are stubborn and disrespectful and your husband shouldn't keep trying to extend an olive branch to people that don't want him to live in peace! If the two of you have a child it will only get worse, because your hubby keeps trying to let them in. Instead he should be angry that they ruined your wedding and angry that they don't respect him enough to except his choice! Though he loves them he needs to stop thinking he has to accommodate them.



I wouldn't try to make him choose because in the end I'm sure they will ultimately do something to totally piss him off! Let him see his family and call them, but suggest to him that he should establish some conversations boundaries. He should tell his parents since they don't like you or his relationship with you that he will not talk about it with them. He should tell them that if they bring you up it is an automatic conversation breaker and he will hang up the phone or leave. He should explain he is willing to talk about every and anything else except you and if they bring you up to talk negativity he is not going to hang around for it. Your hubby should stick to that, and just move on with his life.



Good LuckHow do you deal with a Mother-in-law ruined your wedding day?
Well, I moved to get away from my sea hag in law and the rest of the dysfunctional unit. Like, 1500 miles away moved.
The wedding doeasn't matter, your marriage is what matters. Those people are your husband's parents, they raised him, so put aside your differences and learn to like her or at least tolerate her for your husband's sake. Fake it til you make it.
Get over it.



It was a wedding, one day of your life, you have the rest of your life to build a marriage.
It's your husband's and your own fault for inviting them. What did you expect?



My husband's aunt (who is the biggest gossip in town and is well-known for making up stories and lies about people) told his whole family that my dad was a drug dealer and my mom was a pimp (ridiculous, right? Well, his mom actually believed this story during the first month my husband and I were dating!). When his mom handed me the addressed envelopes of the people to invite from their side of the family and I saw the aunt's name on there, I ripped up her invitation immediately and threw it in the trash. I didn't want that drama.



Weddings are over-rated anyways. ARe you going to let this one incident overpower the rest of your life? Get over it and move on.
What a total cow, I think if I were you I`d let him o on his own for the time being, but don`t give him a hard time or bit*h when he comes home, remember you`re the one who`s being the grown up ( I bet his mother has always had massive sulks to get her own way)

She will then see that you`re not bothered about seeing her, but that your Husband her son is with YOU, has chosen YOU, so at the moment YOU win good luck and hope this helps
You expect crazy behavior from a crazy person. You quit going over it again and again in your head and with your friends. You move on. Hold onto your husband instead of the hurt.



I take comfort in this idea: it would be worse to be her than to put up with her. She must be so terribly unhappy.
That day is over and done with, water under the bridge. There is no use in arguing about it now. Let them think what they want of you. You just worry about your new marriage and don't you dare let them interfere with your happiness and your new life with the man you love. Let them loath you all they want, who cares, you have your man by your side and he is man enough to stand up to them. So, it's their problem, not yours! Wait until grandchildren come... oh god!
wow what a bunch of debbie downers!! thats the last thing you need on your day of your wedding also the last thing you want to hear the moment you get back from your wonderful honeymoon. You are now his wife. You are married into his family. Be the bigger person and step up to the plate, call your mother in law and ask if you can talk to her. Don't yell. Don't talk at her. Simply say look, we're both adults here, I would appreciate if we acted like adults as well and not pull childish games. Weather you like it or not, your son did marry me and I am your new daughter in law. You should be happy for your son....

it wont be easy lol I had to step up to the plate and that told me exactly that we were not going to have a pretty relationship from her response. We now live in different states. :) Soon to be living in different countries :) I love the military but this is one of the gifts it can ever give me. Moving!!! I even ';forget'; to give her my new phone number at times.

the farther the better. RUN! before you do though, express yourself. Stand up for yourself. Don't tolerate this at all from them.

Honey, you already won. :) he's yours and she hates it!!! :)
my partners dad is the same with me.ive never done anything wrong....ive only ever tried to please him and sometimes he will come round n not speak to me at all....IN MY OWN HOUSE! me n my fiance have 2 children n have been engaged for nearly 2 years and i dread our wedding day. ive never done anything wrong...me n my partner have been together since we were in high school.....so what ever it is ud think he wud have got over it by now! i get on really well with his mum tho...we r like best friends lol its very wierd. we go round their house for dinner nearly every sunday with the kids.....my partner always dissappears with his dad and i always stick with his mum! its a strange situation really but i dont care anymore. i used to let it get to me but they r great with the kidsand my kids lovethem. i think you should tell your partner hw you feel and let it be! he can see his parents, they can see him...evry one is happy! they r just cutting their noses off to spite their face in the end. what if you and your partner have kids.....surely they will have to find some moral ground where they can at least be civil. have u ever asked them what it is u have done? or have they ever told your partner the reason why they dont like you? maybe you should ask and give them your peace of mind. you should start by telling them that you have no idea why you have been treate the way you have and explain that their son will always be their son. u n him were married because he chose to marry you....not because you tied him down to the alter at gun point! u have not taken their son away from them. infact....while they r carrying on like this and acting out with this awful and very childish behaviour, they r actually missing out more on their son and his life! if they were just civil at least, life would be so much nicer and pleasant for all of you! they should respect their sons wishes and if they had any common decency at all they would at least give you an explanation for the way they have treated you and for the way they have behaved. out of all of you....they are the ones causing the problems. its obviously not you with with the problem....it is them! let them miss out. they dont deserve an ounce of attention or another minutes thought. u r human...u dont deserve to be treatd with such disrespect. ur the bigger one for even trying! some ppl will never be pleased. if you try ad please everyone u will end up pleasing nobody. your husband obviously l;oves you.....enjoy each other! good luck xxx
You can either harp on the situation or you can be the better person and try to move forward. I think his mother only wants the best for him. Is there something in your past that would make her feel that he might be headed for another heartache? I am guessing somewhere down the line someone has mentioned something that you have done to make her feel this way. Whether it be true or not. Now , if you love your husband and want him to be happy, you must make amends with the in laws and let by gones be by gones. Start with baby steps. Offer to cok dinner for them . Doing the smallest of things will help with the relationship. Write a personal thank you to her expressing your graditude of her for doing such a good job rearing her son to be the wonderful man he is today. Express your desire to be a good wife to her son and a good daughter in law to her. Little gestures will win her over. Don't make your husband choose between the three of you. Yes, he will choose you but at what costs. He loves his parents and none of you need to have to live a life with conflict.
You don't have to apologise for anything and you shouldn't have to try and win them around. They are grown ups who have taken a deep, stubborn dislike to you. The only way around this horrible situation is via your husband, who should be the one asking them what exactly the problem is and how it can be fixed - but I would worry as he sounds very emotional and maybe unable to change their minds either. Did he have a difficult upbringing, that is continuing through to his adult life?. Is he scared of his mother?.



I do hope things improve.