How to deal with being angry at your parents (especially daughter to mother)?

I seem to continuously argue with my mother all the time. She's getting older, and I am turning an adult (18 years old, and in my second year of college). I live at home, I commute to college, and go home at night. By the end of the day, I want to have alone peace and quiet, time to myself. but my whole family is just loud and irritating. I get angry EVERY single night (pretty much). and I get aggitated quite easily. My mom is just sooo slow sometimes, and keeps on talking. My sister is very loud, and my dad, well..he travels alot. I also can't go out late sometimes, and its preventing me to have a social life. I don't even ask to go out that much. I am quite studious. If they let me go i'll probably be back by 12 max. I don't do drugs, drink, or anything like that. but they're wayyy to protective. Anyway, Whenever my mom is mad at me she immediately tells my dad about it. My dad listens to her only most of the time, and I don't get a say. I argue and talk back and usually just agree with them ';because they say so'; and my mom winds up hitting me whenever we argue. Don't get me wrong. my parents are not abusive. They're just asian. Whenever I say something back they say it's the american culture getting into me, and they should just send me back to my China to learn how to be more respectful. They blame everything on american culture, as if the Asian culture is the most perfect in the world. They just hit me for small things sometimes, like I said b***, not to my mother ,of course, but she heard it and slapped me (she was in a bad mood) I talked back of course, and i get slapped and another jaw squeeze. Again, she's not abusive, but it's terrible. I end up getting into a huge argument with her because I'm sick of losing an argument everytime, even though she knows im right. And sometimes she can be quite insensitive to my feelings. She told me i looked like someone she didn't like in a picture, and she had a disgusted look on her face as she looked at my picture. I told her I was very hurt yet she kept repeating her statement 10 times and did not apologize. If that was me she would've slapped me and told me to kneel and say sorry. I kept arguing, and my tone was harsh, and it hurt her. It hurt me too. I felt so hurt and i guess she feels the same way. My question is, how do i stop myself from being angry, and be more patient with my parents, as well as be more respectful. Its so hard to not get angry when I get so pissed sometimes. I also want to be heard. I feel like I'm being ignored alot, and yet I have to fulfill so much expectations being a first born.





And please don't say move out of the house or something like that. If I tell them I want to move out it would break their heart into pieces or they would just call me unfilial and rebellious. and i dont want that. I feel like a terrible person. They've done so much for me, but I need to control my temper. Advice on how to do that?





Thanks, and sorry for the long post.How to deal with being angry at your parents (especially daughter to mother)?
You are most welcome, and no problem. There are some very effective ways of dealing with the angry, over-critical parent. One of them is to stop automatically reacting to your parent's over-critical tactics! They expect you to react the same old way, but that doesn't mean you have to do it! You have the power to choose a different response! It's up to you. Catch yourself about to over-react in the same old way and don't do it! Do what the would least expect you to do! You can agree with them! Or Thank them for their interest in your perfection. Be creative but always respectful! You can STOP the cycle of insults!How to deal with being angry at your parents (especially daughter to mother)?
ah yes! a problem that has been around since ancient times!





1.) your a girl... girls have it tougher with parents


2.) You just turned 18... give it time


3.) Stop arguing with your mother and talk to her calmly. Do you have a job? I suggest getting a part time job to show them your independent also.
It's the age old question with the age old answer: their house, their rules. Sorry, but I can't come up with anything that may change your situation. I don't think it can change if what you say about your family is true. I don't know any who is directly from China so I have no way to relate to this. But it does sound as if you're becoming a little Americanized as your parents fear. I know China is a very old culture and it obviously seems to you that it isn't what you want right now. At least as far as your personal freedoms go. This is something your parents have probably feared for a long time. You are going to have to suck it up and live with it as long as you live there. I know you can't leave them now, so you will have to keep your cool, and try to stay as level headed as possible. But as far as the hitting goes, have you asked her, seriously, to stop it? I'm just curious. Good Luck.
First, I have to say that I'm totally feeling your pain. Coming into adulthood, figuring out who you are and what you want to be is a tough time because you HAVE to separate yourself from your parents. And, usually your parents aren't ready for it. So you fight for freedom to be an adult, they fight to hold you close because they see you as their baby.





Overall, mom/daughter relationships are very challenging. ALWAYS, no matter what culture. If you're a college student, I would recommend a class on human development that explains what goes on in early adulthood (the leaving of the nest, etc., and really try to see which of these behaviors you're doing) and geriatrics (not that your parents are that old, but to really understand how older parents really hold on to their children).





Or, have you read Amy Tan? Joy Luck Club is about the dynamics of four mother/daughter relationships. The daughters are older than you, but you might enjoy someone else's perspective on Asian maternal relationships.





The best advice I can have is that you need to try and put yourself in your parents' shoes - they're scared of the American way because it's not the old, reliable way they were raised and they don't trust it. They don't want it to swallow you up and lose you to something they don't understand. God forbid, you could become Britney Spears or something. Please remember that these are your parents...they love you, they're doing the best they can, and you really don't want to spend the rest of your life not talking to them - you want them to hassle your kids, too, don't you? (=





So, in their house, on their time, you have to be respectful and polite. What will it cost you? Nothing but pride. But it will make your life WAY easier. And you can have any thoughts you want...you know that you want to tell your mom off, but don't. Just keep it reigned in. I keep all those thoughts in my head and then turn them into cartoons at night....you could write about it, whatever helps you keep those thoughts from coming out in your behavior or speech.





And the last piece of advice: get out. No, not move out. Get out of the house. Get yourself into a study group, some sort of student government, a job, something, anything (preferably something that you can ocassionally lie and say it ';ran late'; and then do something fun with your friends). You might look into the clubs at school that have an international flair - maybe other folks who understand the challenges of a multicultural upbringing.








Good luck, lady. You're going to have to master being two people....An obedient Chinese daughter at night and the fun, young American college student during the day. You can do it.
of course u r gonna be mad but know when u r yelling or being a brat to your parents take a seat and tell your self to calm down because u know they r doing the best for u and they love u and u know that expecially when u r at a store and your mom wants to help u find a cute top and u loose it just tell your self she wants to find me somthing cute and all she wants is to make u happy and shes the one u buys u stuff ....next time u should think before u freak out on your parents
Their house, their rules. If you don't want to abide by their curfews, find your own housing. Until then you're going to have to suck it up. They're under no obligation to continue to let you live there, but they are. So count your blessings.





But you're going to have to move out eventually....you can't live there forever because you're scared of breaking their heart. In this case maybe you might HAVE to consider moving out before you're going to see any changes.





Tell them that you're 18, you're in college, and you think it's time you take up your own responsibilities and sink or swim on your own and you are considering moving out. If they freak out, then say that you would stay, but you have no freedom and are not being treated like an adult and it's not fair to you. If they want you to keep living there and want you to not be rebellious, they need to loosen up a bit.