Why won't my daughter answer or return my phone calls? Have you done this to your mom or experienced this?

I have a daughter (age 24) who is an only child, raised by myself and my mother until I married (now seperated) when she was 14. She and I, as well as her grandmother have spent an unbelieveable amount of time and resouces in helping her to develop into a wonderful young women and citizen. I always thought that the three of us had a very good relationship, pretty normal. We don't always agree, but we are very close.



She graduated from one of the top Ivy Leauge colleges at the age of 20. So, it's safe to say that she has some smarts. I should note that she is extremly indepentant and dances to the beat of her own drum. I promoted her independence by incouraging her to fear nothing but God.

Though We all come from very modest, humble backgrounds the money I invested, I feel was an investment in her future. She was spoiled a bit as many only children are. However, there was not a lot of money spent on ';foolishness';. I happen to be an only child myself, but I call my mother at least 2 or 3 times a day (maybe for just 5 minutes).



She has participated in and facilitated many community and social service projects. I've tried to teach her the value and importance of being caring and giving to others. Many people have told me that they are trying to model me and my daughter. But, there is a problem with this ';model';. My daughter will go for 10 days, sometimes more without responding to phone calls, voice mail or email.



She lives out of town 800 miles away, so it's not like I can (or should have to) go knock on her door. I have talked and talked to her about this and she just says ok. As smart as she is, I think that she is very imature when it comes to this issue. It's kind of passive aggressive behaior, don't you think? Otherwise, she is always very responsible.



I do not understand this behavior at all. it started when she went away to college at 16. I tried to give her some space during these years, because her work load was heavy. so I talked to her on average about once a week. Now that she is out of school. I talk to her even less. I know that she talks to her boyfriend everyday. Can someone tell what is the big deal with calling your mother and grand mother? I am, at lease I think, a reasonable person without a lot of drama. If she says she's busy or can't talk it's ok and I really don't get afended.



I am SO MAD now that I am very tempted to not take her calls for a month or 2 to see how she likes it. But I am afraid to do this for fear that something bad will happen. For example, earlier this year 6 of our family members were in a very tragic car accident. I tried to call her then and it took like 4 days for me to get a hold of her. I have also warned her that someone could be literally dead and burried by the time it takes her to return a phone call.



By the way, she calls she acts like nothings wrong and we have nice, fun chats. I don't think that a five mintue call once a day or every other day is unreasonable. Do you have any ideas how to impove this? I always take and return her calls, that's when she dose call. Should I stop taking her calls for a while? Maybe I should email your answers to her. What do you think?



Thanks for thinking this over and sharing your thoughts.Why won't my daughter answer or return my phone calls? Have you done this to your mom or experienced this?
At this age, people are very busy in life. She might have a lot of work to do, maybe her job. SOme jobs require more than others, some require weird times, and some require stressful work that you can't get out of no matte rwhat. Dating is also a key at this age, wanting to meet others. She probaly is getting serious with her relationships right now, and wants to see if the one she is with is the 'one' or not. Girls will be girls, and feel embarrases to keep calling or getting calls at this age. She probaly wants to be a little more on her own now, and oyu have to realize this. As long as she and you talk 3-5 times a month, it's okay. When kids grow up, they want more freedom, and get busier with thier lives. She may have things to so, so yuo have to realize that. Cut her a little slack, and see if does call every once in a while.Why won't my daughter answer or return my phone calls? Have you done this to your mom or experienced this?
Sorry she is acting this way may just be outside influences. Do not stop trying to get in touch with her it will only make things worse.
You say you ';promoted her independence by encouraging her to fear nothing but God.'; So she's independent, and doesn't really have much respect for anyone elses' feelings.



The only way to improve it is to accept her for what she is-- someone who can't be bothered to get in touch until she's good and ready, since you have talked and talked to her about this and she doesn't care.
I'm 20 and live about 3 hours away from my mom and sometimes i'm just too busy with work and school and having a social life to get back to her calls right away or its too late by the time i remember to call