How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?

I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law and I have never had a smooth relationship. She tried to break up my husband and I on more than one occasion and has treated me terribly over the years. She has said the most horrible awful things about me and to me and then used the ';Oh I was joking'; or ';I never said that'; excuse. Now that I am pregnant she has taken it upon herself to ';decide'; things. If we dont agree or dont like it, we are ungrateful and she cries and lays a guilt trip on us. My husband is always swayed by his mom and its an ongoing battle.



Well, his mother bought us a crib. Its lovely and she actually let us pick it out--surprise surprise! We havent set it up yet which caused a huge hubbub but we are going to be moving soon and using a bassinet for the first few months so our choice was to leave it in the box for now. She went hysterical and almost disowned us. We smoothed that out and now she is saying she would like to buy us the crib mattress and crib bedding when we are ready for it. She would even just give me the cash to choose it myself. We thought that was the end of it.



Well, she has apparently decided that I have this penchant for animal prints and will be plastering my baby's room in them. She just emailed to tell me she bought zebra print fabric today to make a bumper and bedding for the crib. Never did I mention that I wanted the room in zebra. And she didnt ask me to come pick out fabric I might like. She just did it. I am so mad and so upset at her. She has done things like this before. Her husband will take a piece of furniture of ours to repair (hes a carpenter), next thing we know she has stained it for us in a stain of her choice because she thought it needed it. Now she has moved onto the baby. If I say a single thing to her, Im going to be the ungrateful brat and will be blasted to the entire family.



I dont know what to do. Normally Id be mad but Im heavy, Im tired, Im hormonal, Im emotional, Im giving birth to my first child in 9 days and Im about set to cry.



Has anyone else had to deal with a meddling mother-in-law? How were you able to nip it at the bud? I dont want this woman insinuating herself in every aspect of childrearing and our lives! I dont know what to do anymore....I try to be nice, I try to be polite, I try not to rock the boat but Im so tired of being the Stepford daughter in law and letting her do this. Help?How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
She can make you all the baby bedding she wants to but you don't have to use it.



I think she is trying to be helpful rather than meddling though since she did offer to give you the money to buy what you need. I also think that is the case with the furniture. She wants to help you have nice things. Unfortunately, she isn't tactful enough to find out how you feel about it first. sigh



Some people think the nursery should be totally set up before the baby arrives and it sounds like she is one of them. Maybe she figured you don't have the energy or something.



Unless she decides to go in and paint the room and set up the nursery, don't worry about it. If she does decide to, have an idea of what you want for the room, color, decor, etc so you can thank her and tell her what you have in mind. Maybe she will get the hint and let you make the decisions while she helps you implement them.



Since you will be moving before the baby actually needs to use his or her room, I wouldn't worry too much about what she does in there. Make sure that when you do move, you have everything in place so you can do that room first, before she has a chance to take over. You could also suggest that she use some of the great zebra stuff to set up an area in her house for the baby when she babysits. Trust me, she sounds like the kind of grandmother who will love that kid and spoil it rotten. That won't hurt the baby and it will help you because you know you have someone who will adore your child when you need a break.



Congratulations on the new baby! You are about to find out what it is like to have your heart walking around outside of your body. Its wonderful!