My first chapter....help!?

ok its still in the process of editing im on chapter 7 already but im going to go over it all thoroughly dont know if she should narrate or not heres the 'intro chapter' any criticism will be fine=]



Chapter 1







Alone in her room, Stella Belladon drummed her fingers on the vanity table she sat in front of. It had been cluttered with makeup and hair products. She studied her face in the vanity mirror that hung in front of her. She brushed her long jet-black hair with a jeweled hairbrush. Her bright blue eyes contrasted with her hair and pale skin. She stopped brushing her hair to play with her Wiccan style, crescent moon necklace that clung to her neck, sighing as she looked at it. Someone began banging on her door. Startled, she snapped out of her trance. “Stella Althea Belladon, open this door right now!” her father shouted. David, her father, hated it when she locked her door. Stella happened to be a very mischievous girl and would sneak out at night. The banging continued. Stella rolled her eyes and waved her hand at the door. It quickly opened. David nearly fell over. “What did I tell you about using your powers!” he shouted.

“I cant help it father. I’m so use to it. If mother was still here you-”

“If mother was still here things would be different. But she’s not here so stop using your powers!” he interrupted. Stella frowned and turned away from David. He sighed and tried to speak with a softer voice, “Stella, we live on Earth now. To them, witches and warlocks don’t exist. If someone found out that we existed it would be a catastrophe.”

“You can’t hide what you are father. Mom wouldn’t have wanted this. She would have wanted us to stay in Selenia!” Stella began to shout now. David just stood there. Stella went on, “We have to go back. You can’t just run away from your feelings. It’s been two years!” Exhausted, she sat down on the bed. David took a seat beside her.

“Oh, Stella, I’m so sorry. I would love to go back. But without your mother it wouldn’t be right,” He said. “Stella I’ll compromise with you. Since I’ve made you move down here, I suppose you can go to the dance tonight.” Stella’s face lit up. She squealed,

“Oh really Dad? Thank you!” She gave him a huge hug.

“You can go on one condition, you mustn’t use your magix. Deal?” David told her. Stella happily agreed. She started pushing David outside.

“I have to get ready Dad. I’ll be out soon,” She let him know. Having tried on almost everything from her closet, Stella flopped down on her bed, frustrated. It had been over an hour and she still hadn’t gotten an outfit together. Then, all of a sudden, Stella bolted straight up. She stood up and zapped a finger at herself. She wore a banded-bottom halter dress, turquoise in color, and her necklace as an accessory. She wore her hair in a half up, half down style. Calling downstairs to David she yelled, “Dad, I’m leaving!”

“Wait, I want to see you,” He hastily replied. Groaning, she opened the door as her father beheld his fully-grown up teenage daughter. “You look lovely. Just like your mother. Well, we better get in the car,” He began walking towards the door.

“That’s okay Dad. I can get there on my own.” Stella replied holding up her hands.

“Don’t transport into the school that way,” David warned.

“Don’t worry Dad. I’ll make sure I transport in the school parking lot,” Stella smirked, and before David could stop her, she had already snapped and disappeared.

Stella reappeared in the parking lot as she said she would. It being October, the weather wasn’t so pleasant. People crowded around the door, waiting to go inside. Practically elbowing her way through, Stella made it to the door, where she bumped into Craig Evans, her only friend at MontBello High.

“Hey Craig. How are you?”

“Cold. Why don’t we go inside?” he replied. Stella smiled. Craig was slightly taller than Stella, with short brown hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes Stella had ever seen. Not as pale as Stella, but by no means dark, Craig had a beautiful tan skin tone. He led her into the gymnasium. They both danced to a few songs. After one of the song ended, Stella sat down on the bleachers. She felt as though she had been on cloud nine. That is until she spotted Craig talking to Tamera. Tamera Bush, an exceptionally beautiful girl, whom flirted with every guy she met. Stella did not want Craig to get sucked in. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, she whispered,

“This girl may be a sneaky liar, but now she will tell her victims what she truly desires.” To complete the incantation, Stella held out her index and middle finger, she pulled her hand back and flung it forward in Tamera’s direction.

Tamera made an inaudible statement to Craig, which caused her to cover in mouth in shock. Craig made a reply and walked away, causing Tamera to run away crying. Stella chuckled, but quickly concealed her laughter as Craig approached.

“That Tamera is a real flirt. You wouldn’t believe what shMy first chapter....help!?
I read a little more than half of it. You're a good creative writer. My only comments: It moves a little fast. I like that it moves fast, but you may want to take more time to introduce your character. You could maybe put in more of her thoughts? Just a suggestion. My other comment is: is the word ';magix'; correct? I wasn't sure if this was a typo or a word you created.



Best of luck!