You deal with it exactly how you did. I commend you for not subjecting your wife to abuse. So many men choose their parents over their wives that it is sickening. They are little boys who cannot cut the cord or are they ready for a man-woman relationship. You gave your mother every chance to be reasonable and she turned it down. Maybe this decision will wake her up. Some people though never learn and think life is all about them and no one else. Sad but it happens. Your wife is also lucky to have you.How do you deal with parents that hate your spouse despite a number of attempts to work things out?Any ideas?
just see them at Thanksgiving and Christmas...sorry ive been there and my former mominlaw grew to love me fianlly and now here i have another new one who is even nicer!
I think you did a wonderful thing. I know it hurts to turn your back to your parents, but your wife and children deserve to be treated well. I love seeing true men and women like you. Good luck.
Dam baby that is cold........... But you did the right thing your wife is very lucky to have you most men would cower to there mothers
You are so wise. Good job protecting your wife. Kudos!
My mother-inlaw wasn't crazy about me either. Hubby had our phone number changed and wouldn't give it to her for a very long time until she straightened up.
Again, good job!
I think you did the right thing! I know it is hard, I don't allow my kids anywhere near my mom (for different reasons) and my husband's mom is passed. And we both have strained relationships with our fathers. so, I know the whole feeling down about them not having the grandparents in their lives. But, your family now, is your wife and your kids. And, they come first no matter what. It sounds like you know that! I have to applaud you because not many men would stick up for their wife that way. You sound like a VERY good man!
I feel bad for you and your wife, but I think you have done the right thing for now. Can your parents be more specific about why they don't like your wife? Maybe they heard some gossip about her that is wrong and you can correct their misperception. Even if they hate your wife, they should realize that this is the woman you love and she is the mother of your children. They need to learn to be tolerant of her and at the very least treat her with respect. and if they cant, they will suffer in the end as they will lose your respect as their sone and they will not develop a loving relationship with their grandchildren. Best wishes.
you need to talk to your parents and explain to them the way you feel! my mom does'nt really like my husband because of the things that he's done to me in the past ,but she gets along with him for my kids and i!! that's part of being a parent! however your part in this is to get over it and accept that your mom does'nt like your wife and she's prolly not ever going to and more than likely she has a reason behind it even if you don't know what that reason may be! you have to be the bigger person and allow your children to see their grandparents!!!!!! it is NOT the kids fault that all have problems and by keeping the kids away from the grandparents it is hurting your kids more than you know and believe me when i say they will see this when they get older!!!!! change things before it is too late!! that's your mom,dad,wife ,and kids! be the peace maker even if you can't make everyone like eachother try to get them to get along for the kids and if everyone loves the kids they will!
Kudos to you for standing up for your wife! From what you've said, it sounds like your parents need to step up to the plate. You mentioned ';more so my mom';.. perhaps speaking to your Dad alone will shed some light on how he feels. Maybe he can be the go between to convince your Mom that she needs to accept your wife and family. If counseling has not mended the fences between you and your parents, maybe time and space will. Allow some time to pass which may show your Mom that she is truly missing out. I think your situation is sad and you have handled it well, despite the fact that you had to make a choice between parents and wife. You definitely made the right choice.
I do not know how far they go to being disrespectful. But I WAS in the same shoes. I felt looked down on everytime I turned around. I felt I was never good enough. .It was very noticeable in front of others as well. We have had words and arguments.
Theres nothing you can do, but stick by your wife and stand up for her when needed. You don't know how much it means to her when you stand by her. I know it is hard having a parent be against your spouse. I saw the pain in my husbands eyes one too many times.
There was a lite at the end of my tunnel. Something happened to my husband where he was in the hospital and I saw a complete change in my inlaws towards me. I am so grateful we are bonding after 14 years we are JUST now really bonding.
I would not take away the grandkids. I have 3 of my own. I would have never wanted to cause them heartache. the children have done nothing wrong and deserve their grand parents just as much as the grand parents deserve the children. I know its hard, I know the pain. I was that wife at one time and I was angry, and hurt. But we have to be the adults. I pray that there will be a light for both of you on the matter.
Look at it this way. One day at a time. don't stoop to their level. chin up! love your mother,but love your wife more and stand by her.
You did the right thing. Sorry it's painful. Your immediate family is the priority, and your wife and kids are very lucky that you are such a good husband and dad... (Not a suckup mama's boy)
I had the same problem with my kids grandmother. I would suggest still having the kids send holiday, birthday cards and pictures. It teaches the kids to be bigger people, and shows you are teaching them manners. Also, let them know they are ALWAYS welcome if they are pleasant and cordial to the entire family, that you are a family unit.
Hopefully, they will break down when they get older. If the kids ask what's going on, just say something benign like 'they're busy but they're always welcome here.'
Usually kids are pretty self-absorbed and that will suffice. When my kids became teenagers, they kind of figured it out, but at that point, they were okay with it. They loved them, accept them for their limitations, were happy with their infrequent birthday cards, and limited contact and weren't hurt or angry.
It's the best you can do with what you got.
Good luck.
I agree with your actions in protecting your wife-great job there. However, it sounds as if your kids have an ongoing relationship with your parents that you've yanked away. I was in the same position as your wife. It isn't fair to the kids to cut their relationship off because you four cannot come to an agreement. I'd still let them see the kids because the children need that relationship with them-unless of course they are behaving badly with the children (saying inappropriate things about mom, etc). And, not for daycare and babysitting-those are your privileges that they give to you, not you to them. Visiting with the kids are their own time as they request is a privilege that you give to your parents-don't confuse the two. Ultimately, your mom will probably want to come to a resolution because she'll want to see you. It sounds as if she is having jealousy issues with your wife (wife isn't good enough but cannot give a definite reason why). My m-in-law was a jealous woman who would rather see my husband than my kids. She treated me horribly. When he cut the cord and said there would be no more visits with him (she could still see the kids), she straightened up. It took her awhile and she tried to trick him into visits, but he stood his ground.
Cut off contact with them.You said it best at the end. Certain things cannot be compromised. Congratulations for standing by your wife and respecting her. Your children will live well even though they will not see their grandparents, don't worry. In fact you wouldnt want them near them to pick up the toxic vibes, would you? You need reassurance that you are doing the right thing and I guarantee you , you are. This is quite prevalent unfortunately as I read on this site, that mothers of boys simply wont get over who they choose as a wife. It is sad but very basic and almost sub conscious act. PLEASE start a new life without them and more importantly, feel good about it, like you did the right thing. You are a fine man protecting your little family and I wish you the best. Years from now, although you will always have a sad feeling about the fact of what could have been, you will still know that it was not your fault and you did all that you could. The counseling was over and above what you should have had to do with your time and money.
Best wishes.
you have to choose, parents or spouse. You should try viewing form your parents place and see what they are talking about first. You may have to just see them on holidays without him and he will go to his family
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Good for you!! You love your wife very much. She is a great wife and a great mother. The problem lies with your parents. We don't get to pick who our parents are. We are stuck with them. But we do get to pick who we marry and love for the rest of your lives together. Focus on your wife and children and be happy. Life is too short to be angry and misserable. Love your wife and don't expose her to them anymore. Eventually they may talk badly about your wife to your children. We don't want that.
You know your wife, you said that she's loving and caring. It is very possible that you parents or your mother are jealous of your relationship. She, of coarse was the first woman you ever loved ya know. It sounds like they still can't let go of their little boy who is now a grown man. Them being disrespectful to your wife also includes them being disrespectful to you. Don't they trust that they raised a man who can make good decisions, which included the partner you chose for life? It sounds like you have tried to mend fences with them and it is hurtful that they don't see the beauty in your wife like you do. You will have to come to terms with this, but as far as your children go, if your parents refrain from bashing their mother in front of them, I wouldn't take the kids away from their grandparents. All of them need that relationship especially if your parents love your kids and your kids love them. Kids can never be leverage when adults can't get along.
Continue to love your wife and understand that parents can't always be what we need them to be. Enjoy your life that you've made together and try to forgive your parents for their ignorance. Forgiving doesn't mean that you accept their behavior, it just means that it will help you sleep better at night and know that you've done all you can do to make things right. But if they truly love your children, care for your children and don't harm them by insulting your wife in front of them, please let them continue the relationship. But, tell your parents that in front of the children, they have to be nice to your wife. If they can't do that, then consider your children not seeing your parents.
Good luck and continue loving your wife like you do. They should be grateful that you found someone that makes you happy and complements your life.
I have to ask, there is a difference between respect and liking, did they show respect at all? I know my parents weren't really crazy about my choice of husband but they always were respectful of him and our relationship. It took several years for a liking to grow between them. Seeing us still happy 15 years later has helped with that liking a ton.
You're right to demand respect for your wife and she's lucky to have a husband who does that. Much more than that may take time.
Have you said anything to your parents about your wife prior to getting married. Something that may have set in motion your parents dislike for her, I know there are people who hate their in laws for all kind of irrational reasons but sometimes the dislikes are valid . My mother tried to get along with my sils always treated them with respect always welcomed them in her home. She did voice her concerns to my bros only when they revealed information about them like them having a kid no one knew about or an ex husband calling them telling them not to marry that broad, stuff that we wouldn't know unless they gave the information. When my bros. would call and talk to my mother about troubles they were having in the marriage yes of course she would give advice but it only with the information they would give her. It got to a point my mom didn't want to hear it anymore yet she was labeled mil from hell, Now the relationship is strained and she's not hasn't spoken to my sil in about 3yrs which effected the relationship with my nephew. Don't get me wrong if they can't get along don't have your wife around them but be very careful about banning the grandkids from your parents as long as they are not bad mouthing their mother in front of them then don't destroy that relationship. I've seen it up close that my mother is hurt though she tries not to show it.
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