She has this weird thing about trying to put her fingers in my daughters mouth every time she see's her. I tried to be nice about it by saying things like, ''Here, let her have her pacifier'', or ''Give her this toy, she likes to chew on it''. I do this every time but the lady still doesn't take the hint. I was talking to her the other day on the phone and told her she was getting a tooth. First thing she said was, ''next time I come over I'll see if I can feel it''. Like I need a second opinion on a tooth. I guess I should just tell her to stop but I was trying to be kind otherwise she'd get all upset. The other week she was going to come over. Around 7pm I called her cause she still didn't show. She said she'd be there shortly. I informed her that my daughter goes to bed by 9pm and takes a bath and has a bottle before doing so. She shows up around 8pm. Stays in the living room while I put my daughter to bed. Continues to stay until after my husband get's off work which it is now 11pm. Talking loudly, playing with the dog getting her to run around and growl. The baby is waking up several times because of the noise and she has the nerve to say ''Aww, is she having a rough night''. I wanted to scream. She takes pain medication due to nerve damage from a broken neck several years ago. This makes her clumsy. She doesn't have the common sense to not try to walk around while holding my daughter. I have to take her from her every time she tries. She doesn't listen when I tell her something. For example, she was feeding my daughter, my daughter is trying to poop at the time and will not eat and poop at the same time. I tell her nicely, ''she's not going to eat while she's trying to poop''. Her response, ''I'm just letting her take what she wants, I'm not forcing it''. Few seconds later, daughter starts coughing and formula comes running out of her mouth. I don't know what my question is other then how do you deal? I don't want to be the evil daughter in law but telling her nicely doesn't work. I'm losing my mind. (I have a longer list of things but this is already pretty long!)What do you do when your mother in law is driving you crazy?
It sounds like she loves being there for you and your daughter. Yes some of the things she does are quirky but I think that it all stems from her affection.
You can either say something to her in a nice way or continue to tell yourself that she just wants to be there for you and your daughter and get used to the idea. I personally would tread very lightly in this situation because she means well.What do you do when your mother in law is driving you crazy?
Oh yeah another fun one she says '; i had 4 and there all still alive'; i wonder how they made it though lmao
This is one of those situations where your husband needs to man up and talk to his mother. More than likely, your mother-in-law has no idea she is undermining your abilities as a mom. Will it hurt her feelings? Probably, but if it bothers you that much, your husband needs to talk to her before it ruins your relationship.
Has your husband talked to her about this? If she hears it from him too, maybe she will be more likely to stop. Also, tell her that she needs to be quiet when your daughter is sleeping, if she plays with the dog tell her that the dog will wake her up. If she continues to do these things, stop letting her be around your daughter. Tell her to respect your parenting.
These things may or may not work, but YOU need to stick with your parenting ways and rules. Sometimes grandparents are like children, if you let them get away with it once, they know they can get away with it again.
OMG!! We should form a CrAzY MoThEr - In- LaW club lol. My mother in law is the same way. She puts her finger in my son's mouth whenever she see's him and it drives me nuts. I mean when me or my husband does it...it's different. But I don't know where her hands have been...and it's just weird anyway. Oh...and she has this like purple pink lipstick and it like stains skin...and EVERYTIME she sees him she kisses him on his face and leaves this purple smear on him. It drives me nuts!! She also has had neck surgery...and uses this excuse to over medicate herself...and she thinks that I would ever consider leaving my son over there...UGH...NO!!! That's a HUGE negative!! LMAO OMG and she's changed his diaper like 5 times and the first time she didn't clean him with a wipey...and I told her nicely...';here's a wipey'; and she was like...oh well, I'm already done I put powder on him. And I couldn't believe it!! She put powder on a baby that had pee all over him. I went crazy. I told my husband that he should say something to her cause I didn't want to offend her...but I didn't want her to think it was ok to not clean him. She's always trying to make me look like the bad guy though. When my husband and I were getting ready to go on our honeymoon...she offered to take me shopping for a few things to take on the honeymoon...like clothes ya kno?...well I picked out two shirts and a pair of shorts...and she was like. Oh...no...you have to get more than that. It's my gift to you....so I was like...wow this is really nice of her. So I picked out a few more shirts and got her opinion on them...and a dress...that she told me looked beautiful on me and then one more pair of shorts. I was sooooo greatful. I told my husband that it was so nice of her...I told my mom that she had done that for me...everyone was like wow...she's really nice. WEll then...she tells my husband...Wow I was going to get you something for your honeymoon...but I didn't realize that Jennifer was going to spend that much money shopping the other day. AHHHHH!!! I wanted to kill her!! AND not to mention...she wore this horrible bright fushia dress that was like all silk to my wedding...when she told me originally that she was going to wear a really lovely gold mother of the groom type dress...She ended up wearing this horrible prom dress type thing and looked a fool!!! UGH!! She makes me crazy!! So just to make you feel like you aren't the only one out there dealing with this...YOU AREN't!!! LOL
OMG my MIL is the same way. Mine keeps asking me if she can have my son, that I can have more and she cant! You will just have to get rude with her. it is hard, but you will have to do it. I feel your pain, Im going through that too. If mine comes over and my son is crying, its automatic, What did mommy do to you? Did mommy hurt you?? All this in baby talk. She even had the nerve to tell him in front of me that his grandma loves him more than his mommy does. that was the point when I lost it. It will only get worse. Speak up now!
good lord, yours sounds like mine - meddling and OBTRUSIVE!
mine comes over every day on her lunch breaks (she works in an office at our apartment complex), regardless if my son is sleeping, breast feeding, being fussy, or whatever, and INSISTS on holding him and jostling him around. I don't know what to do. I told her to it'd be nice to have her over on mondays and wednesdays during her lunch break and what does she do? she comes over last night (thursday) AFTER WORK instead of during lunch and freaking stays for 3 hours.
she also has said a million times before that she doesn't kiss babies in case she's sick. well TODAY when she came over for lunch uninvited, she had the worst sounding wet cough I've ever heard and I wanted to punch her...she's been over every day and she's been kissing him and holding him. doesn't she feel herself getting sick like a normal person? if my son gets sick because she couldn't restrain herself for coming over for a week then I'm going to kill her.
no not seriously, but you know what I meannnn. UGH. anytime someone asks a MIL question on here, I go off, lol. i'm sorry you have a terrible MIL too =\ I don't know what to do myself. if you get any good answers, let me know, haha.
I'm sorry she's driving you nuts! My MIL drives me crazy sometimes too. I cope by calling a friend and venting and then comparing crazy MIL stories.
Hang in there!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
How do you live without your mother?
I found out on Tues that my mom has cancer in liver and spleen and possibly her lungs. they have not told us how long she has to live but my and my sisters know in our hearts it is not too long. I just cannot imagine my life without a mom. Even when I did not talk to or see her I know she is always there. What will I do...I am 45 and have children and grandchildren of my own and really do not know how to deal with this. HELPHow do you live without your mother?
i'm sorry for you and your sisters and of course, your mom. You will figure out how to live without her when she is gone...you just will. Everyone loses close relative...fact of life. if i were you, i'd make sure there are no regrets and tell her that you love her and be with her as much as possible. comfort her. then when she passes, treasure ach and every moment you have withyou children and grandchildren.
there nis nothing left to do....but share love. period.How do you live without your mother?
I am so sorry to hear your sad news and I hope that your mother is at least being kept comfortable. I've lost people too, and the pain won't go away but it will hurt less over time. At this stage all you can do is feel sad I would think, 'waiting' for someone to succumb to illness is a truly hard thing to do. When the time does come, you don't need to try to be strong in yourself, let yourself grieve properly and time will heal some of the hurt. I took comfort in the fact that my loved ones had led a good life and weren't hurting anymore. Your mother got to know her great-grandchildren, that's something a lot of people don't live to see, so I hope you can all take a little comfort in that and hope you can enjoy a little time with her now. Let her know what a great mother she is. I'm sure she knows that you think the world of her, but it's always a nice thing to hear. Hope this helped x
Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am to hear that.
It must be a terrible time.
There is no way that you will ever cope properly without her, you only get one Mother, but time will heal.
You will find that as the time passes, other loves with help you carry on in life, and you will eventually find life better to cope with.
My apologies and wishes are with you and your family.
Every girl needs their mother.
My mums mother passed away six years ago and i saw my mum go down hill , she didnt eat she stayed in bed for about a year ! then she got her life on track , consontarted on her chrildren n being a good mum and being there for them . Tell your mother how much u love her and how one day she may not b with u in present but always in ur heart n every where u go . x
this sounds like remorse to me/ when you lose anyone in the family its hard to come to terms
my heart goes out to u and your family.. its not easy to see ur love one specially ur mom go through this illness.. cancer is very painful.. not only for her but those around her..i lost my father to cancer.. they doctors said he had only 6 mos. to live.. well god let us keep him for two and ahalf more years.. i saw my father go through so much pain and the man who was tall and strong.. vanished before my eyes..it wasnt easy.. i was very affected by it.. all i can tell u is spend all the time u can with her.. and help her is ease her worries by letting her know u all will be ok.. its hard to let go.. and its hard when u dont know when she will leave.. all i can say is stay strong..for ur family and kids and grandchildern.. with my father we realized it was ok .. because he was in much pain.. when he left us.. we got comfort by knowing he was in no more pain and watching over us.. when ever we feel lonely we talk about all the good things we remember we leave out the pain.. and every so often we visit his grave... we make him part of our lives.. he body isnt here..but he lives in our hearts.. it wont be easy..but i hope u find comfort in my words.. stay united with ur family.. u all will need each other.. good luck
i'm sorry for you and your sisters and of course, your mom. You will figure out how to live without her when she is gone...you just will. Everyone loses close relative...fact of life. if i were you, i'd make sure there are no regrets and tell her that you love her and be with her as much as possible. comfort her. then when she passes, treasure ach and every moment you have withyou children and grandchildren.
there nis nothing left to do....but share love. period.How do you live without your mother?
I am so sorry to hear your sad news and I hope that your mother is at least being kept comfortable. I've lost people too, and the pain won't go away but it will hurt less over time. At this stage all you can do is feel sad I would think, 'waiting' for someone to succumb to illness is a truly hard thing to do. When the time does come, you don't need to try to be strong in yourself, let yourself grieve properly and time will heal some of the hurt. I took comfort in the fact that my loved ones had led a good life and weren't hurting anymore. Your mother got to know her great-grandchildren, that's something a lot of people don't live to see, so I hope you can all take a little comfort in that and hope you can enjoy a little time with her now. Let her know what a great mother she is. I'm sure she knows that you think the world of her, but it's always a nice thing to hear. Hope this helped x
Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am to hear that.
It must be a terrible time.
There is no way that you will ever cope properly without her, you only get one Mother, but time will heal.
You will find that as the time passes, other loves with help you carry on in life, and you will eventually find life better to cope with.
My apologies and wishes are with you and your family.
Every girl needs their mother.
My mums mother passed away six years ago and i saw my mum go down hill , she didnt eat she stayed in bed for about a year ! then she got her life on track , consontarted on her chrildren n being a good mum and being there for them . Tell your mother how much u love her and how one day she may not b with u in present but always in ur heart n every where u go . x
this sounds like remorse to me/ when you lose anyone in the family its hard to come to terms
my heart goes out to u and your family.. its not easy to see ur love one specially ur mom go through this illness.. cancer is very painful.. not only for her but those around her..i lost my father to cancer.. they doctors said he had only 6 mos. to live.. well god let us keep him for two and ahalf more years.. i saw my father go through so much pain and the man who was tall and strong.. vanished before my eyes..it wasnt easy.. i was very affected by it.. all i can tell u is spend all the time u can with her.. and help her is ease her worries by letting her know u all will be ok.. its hard to let go.. and its hard when u dont know when she will leave.. all i can say is stay strong..for ur family and kids and grandchildern.. with my father we realized it was ok .. because he was in much pain.. when he left us.. we got comfort by knowing he was in no more pain and watching over us.. when ever we feel lonely we talk about all the good things we remember we leave out the pain.. and every so often we visit his grave... we make him part of our lives.. he body isnt here..but he lives in our hearts.. it wont be easy..but i hope u find comfort in my words.. stay united with ur family.. u all will need each other.. good luck
What's your opinion?
Here is the situation:
Your mother marries this guy who appears to be a great person, loving, caring, etc... 6 months into the marriage you find out he has been beating her, spitting on her, slamming her head into the ground, etc, and she's had to call the cops to come arrest him because it got so bad. They end up getting an annulment. Your mom is melancholy and keeps talking about how she still loves him and she wishes it could have worked. He, in the meantime, has married ANOTHER woman, and gotten that marriage annulled as well. You and your siblings warn your mother that if she ever goes back to him she will never see her grandchildren because grandpa is a psycho and can't handle himself. You find out that she has now gone back to him..less than a year after getting an annulment from him.
Do you disown your mother, or try to deal with her stupid decision?What's your opinion?
you for sure can't put the grandchildren in danger. i guess you can tell her how you all feel about it and if she decides to go ahead with it and go back to him you might have to not talk to her for awhile. maybe not speaking to her kids and grandkids will be a wake up call. as sad as it is you can't make people make the right decisions, they have to make it for themselves. i understand how sad it must be for you to watch though. i hope it turns out well for you and all involved.What's your opinion?
Disown her. Don't let it happen to her again. You may want her to see a psychiatrist or counselor. I think she's been brainwashed by this guy so do whatever you can. Good luck and I'll be praying for your family!
WOW!!!!! Is this person close to you?!???!? I know it isnt your parents :) they are super cool and got it together (for those wondering!)
I would have to agree on the disowning... some poeple just dont do what is best for them, let alone their families... any woman who would choose a man over her own kids or grandkids safety needs a head check. sad but true.
disown the mother
Disown the mother and disregard all her psychobabble bull crap and know that there's nothing you can do. Talking to her like normal will give her the idea that her decision is acceptable and she will get to have it both ways while knowing that it is just a matter of time before he stops walking on eggshells and lets his true character come out once again.
come on people how can you even possible disown the woman who carried you for 9 months, she gave birth to you. you people truley make me SICK. I tell you what I would do....and I promised myself I would never let myself go, nut this has touched on a subject that really inrages me. If your a man YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! I do not care what she has done. I would probably end up in prison for putting my hands on him. If ANY MAN was to ever put his hands on my mother or any woman I care for their pain would be legendary even in hell! Im sorry for what you are going through but you need to be there for her and help her...she obviously needs help..DO NOT turn your back on her no matter is she would do it to you....you need to be a bigger person than that! I wish you all the best!!!open up widgets
Your mother marries this guy who appears to be a great person, loving, caring, etc... 6 months into the marriage you find out he has been beating her, spitting on her, slamming her head into the ground, etc, and she's had to call the cops to come arrest him because it got so bad. They end up getting an annulment. Your mom is melancholy and keeps talking about how she still loves him and she wishes it could have worked. He, in the meantime, has married ANOTHER woman, and gotten that marriage annulled as well. You and your siblings warn your mother that if she ever goes back to him she will never see her grandchildren because grandpa is a psycho and can't handle himself. You find out that she has now gone back to him..less than a year after getting an annulment from him.
Do you disown your mother, or try to deal with her stupid decision?What's your opinion?
you for sure can't put the grandchildren in danger. i guess you can tell her how you all feel about it and if she decides to go ahead with it and go back to him you might have to not talk to her for awhile. maybe not speaking to her kids and grandkids will be a wake up call. as sad as it is you can't make people make the right decisions, they have to make it for themselves. i understand how sad it must be for you to watch though. i hope it turns out well for you and all involved.What's your opinion?
Disown her. Don't let it happen to her again. You may want her to see a psychiatrist or counselor. I think she's been brainwashed by this guy so do whatever you can. Good luck and I'll be praying for your family!
WOW!!!!! Is this person close to you?!???!? I know it isnt your parents :) they are super cool and got it together (for those wondering!)
I would have to agree on the disowning... some poeple just dont do what is best for them, let alone their families... any woman who would choose a man over her own kids or grandkids safety needs a head check. sad but true.
disown the mother
Disown the mother and disregard all her psychobabble bull crap and know that there's nothing you can do. Talking to her like normal will give her the idea that her decision is acceptable and she will get to have it both ways while knowing that it is just a matter of time before he stops walking on eggshells and lets his true character come out once again.
come on people how can you even possible disown the woman who carried you for 9 months, she gave birth to you. you people truley make me SICK. I tell you what I would do....and I promised myself I would never let myself go, nut this has touched on a subject that really inrages me. If your a man YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! I do not care what she has done. I would probably end up in prison for putting my hands on him. If ANY MAN was to ever put his hands on my mother or any woman I care for their pain would be legendary even in hell! Im sorry for what you are going through but you need to be there for her and help her...she obviously needs help..DO NOT turn your back on her no matter is she would do it to you....you need to be a bigger person than that! I wish you all the best!!!
What's your opinion?
Here is the situation:
Your mother marries this guy who appears to be a great person, loving, caring, etc... 6 months into the marriage you find out he has been beating her, spitting on her, slamming her head into the ground, etc, and she's had to call the cops to come arrest him because it got so bad. They end up getting an annulment. Your mom is melancholy and keeps talking about how she still loves him and she wishes it could have worked. He, in the meantime, has married ANOTHER woman, and gotten that marriage annulled as well. You and your siblings warn your mother that if she ever goes back to him she will never see her grandchildren because grandpa is a psycho and can't handle himself. You find out that she has now gone back to him..less than a year after getting an annulment from him.
Do you disown your mother, or try to deal with her stupid decision?What's your opinion?
you for sure can't put the grandchildren in danger. i guess you can tell her how you all feel about it and if she decides to go ahead with it and go back to him you might have to not talk to her for awhile. maybe not speaking to her kids and grandkids will be a wake up call. as sad as it is you can't make people make the right decisions, they have to make it for themselves. i understand how sad it must be for you to watch though. i hope it turns out well for you and all involved.What's your opinion?
Disown her. Don't let it happen to her again. You may want her to see a psychiatrist or counselor. I think she's been brainwashed by this guy so do whatever you can. Good luck and I'll be praying for your family!
WOW!!!!! Is this person close to you?!???!? I know it isnt your parents :) they are super cool and got it together (for those wondering!)
I would have to agree on the disowning... some poeple just dont do what is best for them, let alone their families... any woman who would choose a man over her own kids or grandkids safety needs a head check. sad but true.
disown the mother
Disown the mother and disregard all her psychobabble bull crap and know that there's nothing you can do. Talking to her like normal will give her the idea that her decision is acceptable and she will get to have it both ways while knowing that it is just a matter of time before he stops walking on eggshells and lets his true character come out once again.
come on people how can you even possible disown the woman who carried you for 9 months, she gave birth to you. you people truley make me SICK. I tell you what I would do....and I promised myself I would never let myself go, nut this has touched on a subject that really inrages me. If your a man YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! I do not care what she has done. I would probably end up in prison for putting my hands on him. If ANY MAN was to ever put his hands on my mother or any woman I care for their pain would be legendary even in hell! Im sorry for what you are going through but you need to be there for her and help her...she obviously needs help..DO NOT turn your back on her no matter is she would do it to you....you need to be a bigger person than that! I wish you all the best!!!
Your mother marries this guy who appears to be a great person, loving, caring, etc... 6 months into the marriage you find out he has been beating her, spitting on her, slamming her head into the ground, etc, and she's had to call the cops to come arrest him because it got so bad. They end up getting an annulment. Your mom is melancholy and keeps talking about how she still loves him and she wishes it could have worked. He, in the meantime, has married ANOTHER woman, and gotten that marriage annulled as well. You and your siblings warn your mother that if she ever goes back to him she will never see her grandchildren because grandpa is a psycho and can't handle himself. You find out that she has now gone back to him..less than a year after getting an annulment from him.
Do you disown your mother, or try to deal with her stupid decision?What's your opinion?
you for sure can't put the grandchildren in danger. i guess you can tell her how you all feel about it and if she decides to go ahead with it and go back to him you might have to not talk to her for awhile. maybe not speaking to her kids and grandkids will be a wake up call. as sad as it is you can't make people make the right decisions, they have to make it for themselves. i understand how sad it must be for you to watch though. i hope it turns out well for you and all involved.What's your opinion?
Disown her. Don't let it happen to her again. You may want her to see a psychiatrist or counselor. I think she's been brainwashed by this guy so do whatever you can. Good luck and I'll be praying for your family!
WOW!!!!! Is this person close to you?!???!? I know it isnt your parents :) they are super cool and got it together (for those wondering!)
I would have to agree on the disowning... some poeple just dont do what is best for them, let alone their families... any woman who would choose a man over her own kids or grandkids safety needs a head check. sad but true.
disown the mother
Disown the mother and disregard all her psychobabble bull crap and know that there's nothing you can do. Talking to her like normal will give her the idea that her decision is acceptable and she will get to have it both ways while knowing that it is just a matter of time before he stops walking on eggshells and lets his true character come out once again.
come on people how can you even possible disown the woman who carried you for 9 months, she gave birth to you. you people truley make me SICK. I tell you what I would do....and I promised myself I would never let myself go, nut this has touched on a subject that really inrages me. If your a man YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! I do not care what she has done. I would probably end up in prison for putting my hands on him. If ANY MAN was to ever put his hands on my mother or any woman I care for their pain would be legendary even in hell! Im sorry for what you are going through but you need to be there for her and help her...she obviously needs help..DO NOT turn your back on her no matter is she would do it to you....you need to be a bigger person than that! I wish you all the best!!!
How do you politely tell your mother to back out of your business?
Ok.... Here's the deal. My mom and I are VERY close, she's like my best friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings. At the moment, I'm a single mom to a 18 month old and we currently are renting the upstairs apartment at her and my stepfather's house, so we see each other every day.
I have recently started talking to an male friend from high school (graduated over 10 years ago) and we have started hanging out a bit and recently we have started talking every day and blah blah blah. I know my mom is probably excited about the prospect of me dating a really nice guy (my son's father is a deadbeat). I know she means well....................... But it gets so annoying because she'll ask me every 5 minutes, did you talk to him today? What did he say? Are you guys hanging out this weekend? Blah blah blah blah.
It's SO annoying - and then after the 50th question, I get 'snappy' with her and it hurts her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings, I love her!!! But I feel like this is my business to work out and if she would just leave me alone about it, I would most likely come to her and talk more.
Any suggestions?How do you politely tell your mother to back out of your business?
Well, the good thing is that you get along well otherwise. And it doesn't sound like she's criticizing you, but rather, she's excited for you and is wondering what's new and how's it going?
I would sit down and talk with her. Explain that it's a new relationship and you're excited too but that she's making you ______. Just be gentle and honest with her and it'll all work out. Throw in how much you love and appreciate her and it'll get better
Now that that's covered, I'm so happy for you, but does he come from a good family? Does he have a job? LOL :)How do you politely tell your mother to back out of your business?
I'm really close to my mum too. If I ever want to nicely tell her to mind her own business, I'll just jokingly say something like, ';Keep asking, but I'm not telling you anything, nosey!'; We have the same sense of humour, so she doesn't get hurt feelings, but at the same time knows not to ask any more cos I'm not up for talking about it.
Take out to a place where it is calm. start discussing general thing and than ask her how she fill when someone get nosy in her business. Base on her answer tell her to stay out of you business. Is you mother a house wife. she might be bored. and suggest an hobby.
Have you tried to just sit her down and explain all of this to her? Maybe the easiest thing to do would be to have a serious conversation with your mom. You might be surprised.
When she asks personal questions, tell her you don't know, you don't know anything about it.
just tell her mom pleas stop i will tell you when i feel like just say it the nice way and remeber she is your mom but tell her she is asking alot and she need to give you your space
just try to make the situation clear to her the way you made it clear to us. talk to her sincerely and if you really love each other she ll understand
Well. First put your self in your moms shoes. If you had a daughter, or even if Johnny was in your position raising a child all on his own with no help from the other parent, you would be thrilled at the thought of him ';talking'; to a female that he may quite possibly find some happiness with. That being said, i do understand your frustration. Just sit down with your mom %26amp; tell her to please not get so excited about everything, that your happy she is concerned about it, but you will fill her in on any new details that come along. :) My mom is the same way though, we're really close %26amp; she is always asking me over and over anytime something is going on in my life. :)
girl i feel your pain and not to down your issues wit your mom but i sure as hell wish i was having YOUR problem with mom rather than her over bearing involvement in my sons life!! ughhh i wanna kill her and yup i love her to death and we too are best friends.. especially since my mom was very young when she had me so we were more like friends growing up!!
so anyway.. she's too controlling and invasive and too opinionated when it comes to ayden... would you rather have your mom telling you what to do with your son and what he likes and how he likes it and things to remember when he's my fxxx-ing son!!!! of course i know all of this and don't need to be reminded every day! ughh i'm getting my self aggravated.. i'm sorry..
with problems like yours i would pry just ';uh huh'; her to death and maybe she'll get the hint!!
Well it is a great thing being close with your mom. You are so lucky to have a mom who loves you and can be close with you! At this point in her life she is looking to be friends with you, instead of mother and daughter, she knows you are all grown up. And her being excited and supportive of you seeing a new man, well that is just her way of letting you know she loves you.
I know that my friends can be kind of annoying when they ask a million questions, but I know they do it because they love me and want the best for me. It doesn't bother me... But since it does bother you...
It sounds to me like you need to just be honest and tell her how you are feeling, or it will create more tension until you say something you don't mean.
How about putting yourself in your moms shoes. I this were your child you would do the same exact thing. It may be possible that your mom sees how much this guy means to you and she is very excited for you. I may be that because she is so close to you and you do share lots with her, that she just wants to feel included or a chance that she is concerned for you and the way life has treated you and her mom side is just trying to protect you. Any one of these can be possible or all because a mothers love comes in many ways, annoying or not. She's your mom and she needs to see that her little girl is protected from to days cruel world.
No you need not to move out, too expensive out here but remember while your under her roof, your life will be questioned, this is called parenting, enjoy it because soon you will have your child wanting and doing things and hiding things that will drive you absolutely nutz !
As far as the dead beat, keep after him. He will see that he will have to pay child support or yes he will be tossed into jail. My daughters father only lasted one day in jail, he has made a huge financial recovery since then. You protect your little one and mom protects you.
I'm sure it can get annoying Chris, but try not to be to hard on her, she wants to see you happy (we moms are like that) and she's excited for you! I'm the same way with my 18 year old daughter...I'm sure she wants to tell me to Hush...I just can't! ;-) Tell your mom you love her but need her to back off a little, tell her you appreciate her love, concern and excitement for you but you need a little privacy. Make sure you tell her that if anything exciting happens she will the first to know! Humor Her! Good Luck Hun!
Well if you guys are really close then I'm sure all it would take is a few kind words from you, telling her you're not really comfortable with all the questions and that you are still waiting to see where it's going with this fella and just want to keep it between the two of you at the minute! Mum's are pains in the butt's sometimes but she'll totally understand!
So whats the story with this guy then! LOL, just kidding!
I have recently started talking to an male friend from high school (graduated over 10 years ago) and we have started hanging out a bit and recently we have started talking every day and blah blah blah. I know my mom is probably excited about the prospect of me dating a really nice guy (my son's father is a deadbeat). I know she means well....................... But it gets so annoying because she'll ask me every 5 minutes, did you talk to him today? What did he say? Are you guys hanging out this weekend? Blah blah blah blah.
It's SO annoying - and then after the 50th question, I get 'snappy' with her and it hurts her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings, I love her!!! But I feel like this is my business to work out and if she would just leave me alone about it, I would most likely come to her and talk more.
Any suggestions?How do you politely tell your mother to back out of your business?
Well, the good thing is that you get along well otherwise. And it doesn't sound like she's criticizing you, but rather, she's excited for you and is wondering what's new and how's it going?
I would sit down and talk with her. Explain that it's a new relationship and you're excited too but that she's making you ______. Just be gentle and honest with her and it'll all work out. Throw in how much you love and appreciate her and it'll get better
Now that that's covered, I'm so happy for you, but does he come from a good family? Does he have a job? LOL :)How do you politely tell your mother to back out of your business?
I'm really close to my mum too. If I ever want to nicely tell her to mind her own business, I'll just jokingly say something like, ';Keep asking, but I'm not telling you anything, nosey!'; We have the same sense of humour, so she doesn't get hurt feelings, but at the same time knows not to ask any more cos I'm not up for talking about it.
Take out to a place where it is calm. start discussing general thing and than ask her how she fill when someone get nosy in her business. Base on her answer tell her to stay out of you business. Is you mother a house wife. she might be bored. and suggest an hobby.
Have you tried to just sit her down and explain all of this to her? Maybe the easiest thing to do would be to have a serious conversation with your mom. You might be surprised.
When she asks personal questions, tell her you don't know, you don't know anything about it.
just tell her mom pleas stop i will tell you when i feel like just say it the nice way and remeber she is your mom but tell her she is asking alot and she need to give you your space
just try to make the situation clear to her the way you made it clear to us. talk to her sincerely and if you really love each other she ll understand
Well. First put your self in your moms shoes. If you had a daughter, or even if Johnny was in your position raising a child all on his own with no help from the other parent, you would be thrilled at the thought of him ';talking'; to a female that he may quite possibly find some happiness with. That being said, i do understand your frustration. Just sit down with your mom %26amp; tell her to please not get so excited about everything, that your happy she is concerned about it, but you will fill her in on any new details that come along. :) My mom is the same way though, we're really close %26amp; she is always asking me over and over anytime something is going on in my life. :)
girl i feel your pain and not to down your issues wit your mom but i sure as hell wish i was having YOUR problem with mom rather than her over bearing involvement in my sons life!! ughhh i wanna kill her and yup i love her to death and we too are best friends.. especially since my mom was very young when she had me so we were more like friends growing up!!
so anyway.. she's too controlling and invasive and too opinionated when it comes to ayden... would you rather have your mom telling you what to do with your son and what he likes and how he likes it and things to remember when he's my fxxx-ing son!!!! of course i know all of this and don't need to be reminded every day! ughh i'm getting my self aggravated.. i'm sorry..
with problems like yours i would pry just ';uh huh'; her to death and maybe she'll get the hint!!
Well it is a great thing being close with your mom. You are so lucky to have a mom who loves you and can be close with you! At this point in her life she is looking to be friends with you, instead of mother and daughter, she knows you are all grown up. And her being excited and supportive of you seeing a new man, well that is just her way of letting you know she loves you.
I know that my friends can be kind of annoying when they ask a million questions, but I know they do it because they love me and want the best for me. It doesn't bother me... But since it does bother you...
It sounds to me like you need to just be honest and tell her how you are feeling, or it will create more tension until you say something you don't mean.
How about putting yourself in your moms shoes. I this were your child you would do the same exact thing. It may be possible that your mom sees how much this guy means to you and she is very excited for you. I may be that because she is so close to you and you do share lots with her, that she just wants to feel included or a chance that she is concerned for you and the way life has treated you and her mom side is just trying to protect you. Any one of these can be possible or all because a mothers love comes in many ways, annoying or not. She's your mom and she needs to see that her little girl is protected from to days cruel world.
No you need not to move out, too expensive out here but remember while your under her roof, your life will be questioned, this is called parenting, enjoy it because soon you will have your child wanting and doing things and hiding things that will drive you absolutely nutz !
As far as the dead beat, keep after him. He will see that he will have to pay child support or yes he will be tossed into jail. My daughters father only lasted one day in jail, he has made a huge financial recovery since then. You protect your little one and mom protects you.
I'm sure it can get annoying Chris, but try not to be to hard on her, she wants to see you happy (we moms are like that) and she's excited for you! I'm the same way with my 18 year old daughter...I'm sure she wants to tell me to Hush...I just can't! ;-) Tell your mom you love her but need her to back off a little, tell her you appreciate her love, concern and excitement for you but you need a little privacy. Make sure you tell her that if anything exciting happens she will the first to know! Humor Her! Good Luck Hun!
Well if you guys are really close then I'm sure all it would take is a few kind words from you, telling her you're not really comfortable with all the questions and that you are still waiting to see where it's going with this fella and just want to keep it between the two of you at the minute! Mum's are pains in the butt's sometimes but she'll totally understand!
So whats the story with this guy then! LOL, just kidding!
What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?
I am stay at home mom of three girls, ages 6, 4, %26amp; 2. I adore my children, I LIVE for them (which may be part of the problem, read on). So, I stopped my dazzling career for them, and I have never looked back. But in the process, I have become like maniac perfectionist mom - always saying to myself things like, ';Since I left my career to be mom, I have to do it perfectly.'; So I put a lot of pressure on myself, in a good way, but of course it's not always good. My husband has been working crazy long hours the last year or so, which means that I have no help and do a million things every day, as most mothers do. Here is the problem: I have no batteries left. From the moment I wake up in the morning and hear the first, ';Mom!'; I am already annoyed, exhausted, pissed off at my older ones for not being more independent (although I know this is my doing), I can't hear one complaint, one whine, one ';get me a glass of water'; without getting furious at them! But I love them! I know I am at my wits end. I don't spank, but I find myself yelling at them all day - which is just as bad. People say, ';you need some down time, you need a break'; but is there some practical advice people who have been there can give me? Any suggestions on how to stop it? Other than take a deep breath and count to ten...Thanks.What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?
i also have kids close in age like that (mine are 9, 8, 5, and 3). i also left a high-powered career to be at home, and i also have days where i'm frazzled and in need of a break and feel like i'm going crazy surrounded by little kids all day. i think it's useful to think of the long-term goal. what does it actually mean to be a perfect mom? ultimately it means setting the kids up to be independent, capable adults. and that means for *their* good -- not just yours -- you can't do everything for them all the time. it is not being a slacker mom to give the kids age-appropriate chores or teach them how to get their own cup of water or whatever ... it's being a great mom. giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities is good for them and good for you.
i also think living for someone else can be counterproductive. of course you love your kids above all; we all do. but carve out something for the adult you, as well. i take some time every day to read, play the piano, read books, or talk to friends. i know that's tough with a 2-year-old, but you can take some time while he naps or after he goes to bed or while he's watching tv. i'm not talking about hours and hours, but 20 minutes doing something that stimulates yuor adult brain can really make a difference and help your patience level for the rest of the day. even a great, dedicated mom is also an adult, with adult needs. once in a while my husband will take the kids (good for him, good for them) for an evening and i will go out to be with friends or go to the bookstore. i am a wonderful, patient parent the next day in a way i wasn't the morning before. it really does your kids a favor to take care of yourself.What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?
I know how this can be. The only thing that I can tell you is you need a little bit of time away from your kids. If you have a relative or someone who can watch them for a night, go out with your husband and just enjoy some time to yourselves. I need this once in awhile to keep my sanity. Everyone needs ';me'; time.
I think you need to spank them sometimes. In the long run, its better than verbal accusations which can hurt their self esteem and doesn't get the message through.
when your kids what you to do stuff from them that they are more then capable of doing them make them do it, it will save yourself a lot of stress! your 6 yr old is more then capable to get there own water, even load/ unload dishes in the dishwasher or even do simple dishes. Give your kids more responsibilities and thigns will be less stressful, and dont worry about things being perfect, they need to learn to do those things on their own even if they dont ';do it right';
You need time to yourself. Just because you left your career does not mean you have to be mother 24/7. I know it isn't the same but I quit college when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
You need to make some time to relax and have for yourself. Or yourself and your husband. Get family to babysit, or a close friend to babysit, even if it's just for an hour.
One. You should know there is no such thing as the perfect parent. We all try our best and hope it works out. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to try and reach an unreachable goal.
Two: It honestly does sound like you need some down time. At night out or something to recharge the batteries. You are not a bad parent if you go out every now and then, and have ';big people time';. Or have grandma or a friend keep them overnight so you can sleep in. You would be surprised how much getting a little extra sleep can help.
For the older 2 give them small chores that they are able to do. It will help more than you think. Let them get their own water. It will take some of the pressure off yourself, and also make your children more responsible.
Running your home is similar to running a business, delegate.
Sit down with the older ones and show them a list of chores. Let them pick the ones they wish to be responsible for. The job will not be as good as you would want but praise them the same. Institute a quiet hour. 2 pm to 3 pm, everyone must be silent, no TV, no video games,
They can read, color or participate in any quiet activity.
I think you need an actual vacation away from them for a couple days, then after that make it a habit for you and your husband to have a date night or at least a a few hours away from the kids once a week. You really sound as if you need it before you blow your top. I'm a stay at home mom too so I do know how you're feeling. And once a week you should get hubby or someone else to watch the kids so you can have some 'me' time. we take that time for granted when we're childless but it's a priceless commodity afterward lol Good luck to you
im sure with those three so close in age you are run ragged. you have turned being into a mom too much of a job, and taken all the fun out of it. yes there will always be days when you are frusterated, but you have to let go of some stuff. its going to be up to you to change your schedule and attitude about being a mom adn perfection. I have just come to terms with the fact that i cant do it all and somedays i have to pick and choose what gets done and its important to pick the fun stuff some days. For example: no one will die if you ignore the laundry for the day and spend the time on a fun outing with the girls, start enjoying your time with them, it shouldnt be all work, get back to the playground and other stuff you and they enjoy, and when yiou are there with them enjoy them, commit to yourself not to be running a list of things that need to be done later or worrying about getting that stain out of that shirt. one thing that is really important is down time for you and the kids, even if they are too old for a nap they can still ahve quiet time in the afternoon, set the kitchen timer for 45 minutes and for that time they dont need to nap but they need to be quietly playing or reading in their room. take that time for yourself to relax and reset so you have the energy to get though the rest of the evening, and it will help them do the same. on the weekends of one night a week do something that has nothing to do with your husband or children that is just fun, a bookclub. scrap booking, swimming, whatever you like. you have a lot on your plate, being super mom means being a fun, happy well balanced mom, not one who does things ';perfect';, good luck.
STOP TRYING TO BE THE PERFECT MOM!!!!
It is really that easy! Would you rather have a perfectly clean house and all the laundry washed and put up or a little down time/play time with your kids?? Do you want your kids to cringe every time they ask for something? I would rather have happy kids than a perfect house ANY day!
My husband was working insane hours (82 hours a week) until last month. His hours got cut down to 40 and now we are a little tight on money, but WOW has my stress level gone down, and the extra time with him is AMAZING!!! See if he really NEEDS to work all those hours. Even ten hours a week less would help! I am really amazed at how much we can really do without!
Can you take a nap while your little ones are down? If the 4 year old is in pre-k, have your youngest take a nap while they are in school and nap with him or her!! I nape with my son every day! I would DIE without that time. Who cares if the dishes have to wait an extra hour?? I sure as heck feel a lot more like doing them after a nap than before!!!
I've been there, sort of. I'm a step-mom to a six year old girl. She's the light of my life, but she can be rather demanding and isn't very independent. I also baby sit my almost 3 year old nephew and my 2 nieces (2 years old and 6 months old) on a regular basis. It can be exhausting.
When I found myself feeling like you are now (like everything has to be perfect but you just don't have the patience) I finally sat my step-daughter down and told her point blank that I was tired and that I needed her help since she is such a big girl now. I asked her to help me with the little ones when they're around and if she needed something from me she had to wait until I was done doing whatever it was that I was doing.
If you ask for their help, most children will try to be helpful. My step-daughter will now try to distract the younger kids when I'm doing laundry or washing dishes. We also have a drinking rule in our house. I'll fill three cups with whatever (juice, milk, water) and put them on the table. The cups are not to leave the table, but if the kids get thirsty they know where to get their drinks.
My honey was working the graveyard shift for the last year. So I was the one who got up with my daughter got her ready for school and on the bus. Then I spent the day working on the house, going to college, tutoring part time, and getting her off the bus. He'd get home about half an hour before her bedtime and finally I was at my wits end. So I went out rented a couple kid movies and that night we had a ';girls night.'; We ordered pizza, popped in a movie and just relaxed. It was perfect and it helped relieve me so much. Perhaps you and your girls could do something similar?
You're not a bad mom, you're just overwhelmed. Remember, everything doesn't have to be perfect. Try breaking your work load up into certain days. I devote one day to laundry, another day to vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms, another day to doing bills and making sure everything is okay financially (I also do grocery shopping on this day). It helps me to do it this way because when I'm done with the house work I can hang out with my step-daughter and the other children (if I have them that day) and do fun things like craft projects, puzzles, or playing some sort of game (Candyland is a favorite right now).
Good luck, hon!
start each morning with breakfast, dressed clean diapers (if still needed) and the t.v. Now they are clean, fed, and safe. Go have a bath. You time helps, I find my bath rejuvinates Me for the day. Fake happy, it will wear off on you. Join a playgroup...adult conversation helps. Give up on perfection (hard I know but you cant obtain the unattainable). Get kids doin easy chores, wiping bathroom daily by kids keeps it mildly cleaner for when you clean for real. Stuff like that. Keep toys in bedroom except for youngest child...less mes for you to see. De-clutter...clutter makes people feel stressed. A 6 yr old can do a basic sweep, and does best with those little brushes that sweep dirt into the dust pan rather then a broom. Have a basket for each family member, as you see their stuff lyin around throw it in, then before supper everyone takes it to their rooms to put away. Make sure kids have early bedtime so you have time for yourself. Have a date with your husband once a month. Have a weekly daytime visit with a friend...your house or theirs. Have weekly coofee with a friend one evening a week...husband home with kids...tiered or not; your tired too.
i also have kids close in age like that (mine are 9, 8, 5, and 3). i also left a high-powered career to be at home, and i also have days where i'm frazzled and in need of a break and feel like i'm going crazy surrounded by little kids all day. i think it's useful to think of the long-term goal. what does it actually mean to be a perfect mom? ultimately it means setting the kids up to be independent, capable adults. and that means for *their* good -- not just yours -- you can't do everything for them all the time. it is not being a slacker mom to give the kids age-appropriate chores or teach them how to get their own cup of water or whatever ... it's being a great mom. giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities is good for them and good for you.
i also think living for someone else can be counterproductive. of course you love your kids above all; we all do. but carve out something for the adult you, as well. i take some time every day to read, play the piano, read books, or talk to friends. i know that's tough with a 2-year-old, but you can take some time while he naps or after he goes to bed or while he's watching tv. i'm not talking about hours and hours, but 20 minutes doing something that stimulates yuor adult brain can really make a difference and help your patience level for the rest of the day. even a great, dedicated mom is also an adult, with adult needs. once in a while my husband will take the kids (good for him, good for them) for an evening and i will go out to be with friends or go to the bookstore. i am a wonderful, patient parent the next day in a way i wasn't the morning before. it really does your kids a favor to take care of yourself.What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?
I know how this can be. The only thing that I can tell you is you need a little bit of time away from your kids. If you have a relative or someone who can watch them for a night, go out with your husband and just enjoy some time to yourselves. I need this once in awhile to keep my sanity. Everyone needs ';me'; time.
I think you need to spank them sometimes. In the long run, its better than verbal accusations which can hurt their self esteem and doesn't get the message through.
when your kids what you to do stuff from them that they are more then capable of doing them make them do it, it will save yourself a lot of stress! your 6 yr old is more then capable to get there own water, even load/ unload dishes in the dishwasher or even do simple dishes. Give your kids more responsibilities and thigns will be less stressful, and dont worry about things being perfect, they need to learn to do those things on their own even if they dont ';do it right';
You need time to yourself. Just because you left your career does not mean you have to be mother 24/7. I know it isn't the same but I quit college when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
You need to make some time to relax and have for yourself. Or yourself and your husband. Get family to babysit, or a close friend to babysit, even if it's just for an hour.
One. You should know there is no such thing as the perfect parent. We all try our best and hope it works out. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to try and reach an unreachable goal.
Two: It honestly does sound like you need some down time. At night out or something to recharge the batteries. You are not a bad parent if you go out every now and then, and have ';big people time';. Or have grandma or a friend keep them overnight so you can sleep in. You would be surprised how much getting a little extra sleep can help.
For the older 2 give them small chores that they are able to do. It will help more than you think. Let them get their own water. It will take some of the pressure off yourself, and also make your children more responsible.
Running your home is similar to running a business, delegate.
Sit down with the older ones and show them a list of chores. Let them pick the ones they wish to be responsible for. The job will not be as good as you would want but praise them the same. Institute a quiet hour. 2 pm to 3 pm, everyone must be silent, no TV, no video games,
They can read, color or participate in any quiet activity.
I think you need an actual vacation away from them for a couple days, then after that make it a habit for you and your husband to have a date night or at least a a few hours away from the kids once a week. You really sound as if you need it before you blow your top. I'm a stay at home mom too so I do know how you're feeling. And once a week you should get hubby or someone else to watch the kids so you can have some 'me' time. we take that time for granted when we're childless but it's a priceless commodity afterward lol Good luck to you
im sure with those three so close in age you are run ragged. you have turned being into a mom too much of a job, and taken all the fun out of it. yes there will always be days when you are frusterated, but you have to let go of some stuff. its going to be up to you to change your schedule and attitude about being a mom adn perfection. I have just come to terms with the fact that i cant do it all and somedays i have to pick and choose what gets done and its important to pick the fun stuff some days. For example: no one will die if you ignore the laundry for the day and spend the time on a fun outing with the girls, start enjoying your time with them, it shouldnt be all work, get back to the playground and other stuff you and they enjoy, and when yiou are there with them enjoy them, commit to yourself not to be running a list of things that need to be done later or worrying about getting that stain out of that shirt. one thing that is really important is down time for you and the kids, even if they are too old for a nap they can still ahve quiet time in the afternoon, set the kitchen timer for 45 minutes and for that time they dont need to nap but they need to be quietly playing or reading in their room. take that time for yourself to relax and reset so you have the energy to get though the rest of the evening, and it will help them do the same. on the weekends of one night a week do something that has nothing to do with your husband or children that is just fun, a bookclub. scrap booking, swimming, whatever you like. you have a lot on your plate, being super mom means being a fun, happy well balanced mom, not one who does things ';perfect';, good luck.
STOP TRYING TO BE THE PERFECT MOM!!!!
It is really that easy! Would you rather have a perfectly clean house and all the laundry washed and put up or a little down time/play time with your kids?? Do you want your kids to cringe every time they ask for something? I would rather have happy kids than a perfect house ANY day!
My husband was working insane hours (82 hours a week) until last month. His hours got cut down to 40 and now we are a little tight on money, but WOW has my stress level gone down, and the extra time with him is AMAZING!!! See if he really NEEDS to work all those hours. Even ten hours a week less would help! I am really amazed at how much we can really do without!
Can you take a nap while your little ones are down? If the 4 year old is in pre-k, have your youngest take a nap while they are in school and nap with him or her!! I nape with my son every day! I would DIE without that time. Who cares if the dishes have to wait an extra hour?? I sure as heck feel a lot more like doing them after a nap than before!!!
I've been there, sort of. I'm a step-mom to a six year old girl. She's the light of my life, but she can be rather demanding and isn't very independent. I also baby sit my almost 3 year old nephew and my 2 nieces (2 years old and 6 months old) on a regular basis. It can be exhausting.
When I found myself feeling like you are now (like everything has to be perfect but you just don't have the patience) I finally sat my step-daughter down and told her point blank that I was tired and that I needed her help since she is such a big girl now. I asked her to help me with the little ones when they're around and if she needed something from me she had to wait until I was done doing whatever it was that I was doing.
If you ask for their help, most children will try to be helpful. My step-daughter will now try to distract the younger kids when I'm doing laundry or washing dishes. We also have a drinking rule in our house. I'll fill three cups with whatever (juice, milk, water) and put them on the table. The cups are not to leave the table, but if the kids get thirsty they know where to get their drinks.
My honey was working the graveyard shift for the last year. So I was the one who got up with my daughter got her ready for school and on the bus. Then I spent the day working on the house, going to college, tutoring part time, and getting her off the bus. He'd get home about half an hour before her bedtime and finally I was at my wits end. So I went out rented a couple kid movies and that night we had a ';girls night.'; We ordered pizza, popped in a movie and just relaxed. It was perfect and it helped relieve me so much. Perhaps you and your girls could do something similar?
You're not a bad mom, you're just overwhelmed. Remember, everything doesn't have to be perfect. Try breaking your work load up into certain days. I devote one day to laundry, another day to vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms, another day to doing bills and making sure everything is okay financially (I also do grocery shopping on this day). It helps me to do it this way because when I'm done with the house work I can hang out with my step-daughter and the other children (if I have them that day) and do fun things like craft projects, puzzles, or playing some sort of game (Candyland is a favorite right now).
Good luck, hon!
start each morning with breakfast, dressed clean diapers (if still needed) and the t.v. Now they are clean, fed, and safe. Go have a bath. You time helps, I find my bath rejuvinates Me for the day. Fake happy, it will wear off on you. Join a playgroup...adult conversation helps. Give up on perfection (hard I know but you cant obtain the unattainable). Get kids doin easy chores, wiping bathroom daily by kids keeps it mildly cleaner for when you clean for real. Stuff like that. Keep toys in bedroom except for youngest child...less mes for you to see. De-clutter...clutter makes people feel stressed. A 6 yr old can do a basic sweep, and does best with those little brushes that sweep dirt into the dust pan rather then a broom. Have a basket for each family member, as you see their stuff lyin around throw it in, then before supper everyone takes it to their rooms to put away. Make sure kids have early bedtime so you have time for yourself. Have a date with your husband once a month. Have a weekly daytime visit with a friend...your house or theirs. Have weekly coofee with a friend one evening a week...husband home with kids...tiered or not; your tired too.
Did you know being honest actually pays off??
i became a member of a dating site months ago and i had a profile. full of crap, claiming i am just looking for someone to love and cherish and all that crap!!
but a few days ago as a joke and out of being sick and tired of losers responding to it i created a new one.
i wrote:
am single woman who dislikes whiney puney men, perfer it if you did NOT get along with your mother or perhaps it would be better if she was dead. i do NOT like momma's boys and frankly men dont know they are one. ever. secondly not posting a picture shows me many things,1. you're too cheap to get a scanner, 2. you dont know how to use your pc(that's the lamest!!), 3. you are probably a hideous fukkur. also if you've ever been married or have children do NOT apply. i dont want to deal with your bitter ex wife, and trust me, if you divorced and you left her w/ kids to support on less money,then she IS bitter, get over yourself.
*NOW i've met 3 great men on the site, i think BRUTAL honesty works!!Did you know being honest actually pays off??
that's the best way to go, it shows you DO have expectations and aren't desperate! no guy wants to be with a woman who will take anyone!Did you know being honest actually pays off??
sure that is true everywhere butt nebraska
Honesty does pay
especially for you
honesty is the best policy
You are right can i say that is crazy.
Yes it always helped me out.....I always stick to it no matter what the other person thinks of me....
but a few days ago as a joke and out of being sick and tired of losers responding to it i created a new one.
i wrote:
am single woman who dislikes whiney puney men, perfer it if you did NOT get along with your mother or perhaps it would be better if she was dead. i do NOT like momma's boys and frankly men dont know they are one. ever. secondly not posting a picture shows me many things,1. you're too cheap to get a scanner, 2. you dont know how to use your pc(that's the lamest!!), 3. you are probably a hideous fukkur. also if you've ever been married or have children do NOT apply. i dont want to deal with your bitter ex wife, and trust me, if you divorced and you left her w/ kids to support on less money,then she IS bitter, get over yourself.
*NOW i've met 3 great men on the site, i think BRUTAL honesty works!!Did you know being honest actually pays off??
that's the best way to go, it shows you DO have expectations and aren't desperate! no guy wants to be with a woman who will take anyone!Did you know being honest actually pays off??
sure that is true everywhere butt nebraska
Honesty does pay
especially for you
honesty is the best policy
You are right can i say that is crazy.
Yes it always helped me out.....I always stick to it no matter what the other person thinks of me....
Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say......TOO FUNNY!!?
1. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
2. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
3. I noticed that all your friends have a certain ';up yours'; attitude ... I like that.
4. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
5. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
6. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
7. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
8. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
9. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
10. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
add your own:Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say......TOO FUNNY!!?
Totaly the unchaparoned dates thing! He Was sooo strict! I was not allowed dates that involved me bieng in a car with the guy alone until I was about 18.
Another would be him saying, '; No honey, you dont ever need to get a job, I would like to see you be a stay at home mother for as long as you want, it doesnt make you a loser to be without a job at all!';Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say......TOO FUNNY!!?
Haha, my dad has said a couple of the above before! Not exactly, but it has the same meaning.
My dad will never say, ';Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.'; (Homer Simpson)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!鈥?br>
Amazing! My dad would love to read this, lol!
now, now don't worry if u don't want to do ur homework then we hav a dog.............
then again my parents didn't complain when i set my home work on fire (i'm not joking my mum said i could and long as i stay away from the grass and make sure the neighboors didn't see)
lol, those are pretty good...id say i like #3 %26amp; 4 the best...i cant think of any more, tho. if i do, i'll come back....
Hehe funny! My dad would never say ''Alcohol is bad for you.'' Coz quite frankly he loves it too much hehe =)
Too funny...
Sure sweety, you can have your boyfriend to spend the night...just make sure your stereo's up loud so you don't disturb your brother when he's trying to sleep with all the moaning you two will be doing.
2. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
3. I noticed that all your friends have a certain ';up yours'; attitude ... I like that.
4. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
5. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
6. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
7. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
8. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
9. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
10. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
add your own:Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say......TOO FUNNY!!?
Totaly the unchaparoned dates thing! He Was sooo strict! I was not allowed dates that involved me bieng in a car with the guy alone until I was about 18.
Another would be him saying, '; No honey, you dont ever need to get a job, I would like to see you be a stay at home mother for as long as you want, it doesnt make you a loser to be without a job at all!';Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say......TOO FUNNY!!?
Haha, my dad has said a couple of the above before! Not exactly, but it has the same meaning.
My dad will never say, ';Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.'; (Homer Simpson)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!鈥?br>
Amazing! My dad would love to read this, lol!
now, now don't worry if u don't want to do ur homework then we hav a dog.............
then again my parents didn't complain when i set my home work on fire (i'm not joking my mum said i could and long as i stay away from the grass and make sure the neighboors didn't see)
lol, those are pretty good...id say i like #3 %26amp; 4 the best...i cant think of any more, tho. if i do, i'll come back....
Hehe funny! My dad would never say ''Alcohol is bad for you.'' Coz quite frankly he loves it too much hehe =)
Too funny...
Sure sweety, you can have your boyfriend to spend the night...just make sure your stereo's up loud so you don't disturb your brother when he's trying to sleep with all the moaning you two will be doing.
How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
Okay so I have been dealing with my child's ';sperm donor';. The guy has been selling and using drugs. So he can't be trusted. We are not together. Anyway so I let him come along to go get our son's shots done and am nice enough to take him to eat. I had not really had much sleep cause I had to work the night before and I said I could use a couple hours sleep. He said he'd take our son. I said that if he wanted to watch our son for a couple hours I'd just take a nap on his couch and he could wake me up and I'd take our son and leave. He said he couldn't allow that but he could drop me off at my house and take my car and son for a while. What kind of **** is that? I almost feel like ignoring him for a while if he thinks I'm an idiot. He aint got no car, job, or any way to help support our. He always talks about what he is going to do that don't get done. I'm tired of him.How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
maybe you should have used birth control then ... ifhe is a loser now, he was probably a loser when you two were together.How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
I say you jus cut off all contact with him. Your not the first single parent and you sure wont be the last........ He's not bringing nothing to the table so if you cut all ties with him it wont make a difference.
Don't understand why you would want contact with a donor and especially such a loser
Cut all ties.
You don't need a ';role model'; like that.
He won't be there for your child, and he won't provide.
So you could take him to court, to get him to provide, and if he doesn't, you can have a reasonable excuse to stop him seeing your child.
That sounds like a case for the courts to decide. Even if he is not working the child support keeps adding up. Don't know what state you are in but in Michigan when support gets so far in the rears they sit in the pokey for a while. Jail don't always give the answer but it makes them think a bit. As far as visitation if there is nothing from the courts you don't have to let him have your son. Good Luck
He is what he is and you chose him to get you pregnant.
I am more concerned that you even concidered letting him watch the baby while you slept. You never let a drug abuser take care of your child - even if you are just sleeping near by.
You need to get your baby on a schedule and sleep when he naps. Then you won't be so tired.
This guy sounds like a mess. I don't know what to say, just next time when you get with another guy make sure he's good. Don't just be with somebody because they're hot or just THERE. Now you have a child, so the next person you fall inlove with better respect you AND your son! Don't let anybody walk over any of you two. Your son is the most important thing in your life now, so look after him first. If the next person you meet doesn't like children LEAVE him ASAP because you have ason and it will only get worse.
Hi ,i wouldn't let this man in ten thousand miles of my baby especially if he is using drugs . If he wants to be part of your child's life go to court and have it done properly tell them your worries and demand supervised visits and get them to test him weekly , it may give him the kick up the *** to see what he could have if he was not in a drug fulled world , yes its hard being a single parent and your working which is a credit to yourself shame the father can not do the same. At the end of the day the baby must come first you keep your baby safe and good luck. Also tiredness is part of being a mother it does get better if you need a rest have You got a good friend who will help you out or some family. best wishes.x
maybe you should have used birth control then ... ifhe is a loser now, he was probably a loser when you two were together.How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
I say you jus cut off all contact with him. Your not the first single parent and you sure wont be the last........ He's not bringing nothing to the table so if you cut all ties with him it wont make a difference.
Don't understand why you would want contact with a donor and especially such a loser
Cut all ties.
You don't need a ';role model'; like that.
He won't be there for your child, and he won't provide.
So you could take him to court, to get him to provide, and if he doesn't, you can have a reasonable excuse to stop him seeing your child.
That sounds like a case for the courts to decide. Even if he is not working the child support keeps adding up. Don't know what state you are in but in Michigan when support gets so far in the rears they sit in the pokey for a while. Jail don't always give the answer but it makes them think a bit. As far as visitation if there is nothing from the courts you don't have to let him have your son. Good Luck
He is what he is and you chose him to get you pregnant.
I am more concerned that you even concidered letting him watch the baby while you slept. You never let a drug abuser take care of your child - even if you are just sleeping near by.
You need to get your baby on a schedule and sleep when he naps. Then you won't be so tired.
This guy sounds like a mess. I don't know what to say, just next time when you get with another guy make sure he's good. Don't just be with somebody because they're hot or just THERE. Now you have a child, so the next person you fall inlove with better respect you AND your son! Don't let anybody walk over any of you two. Your son is the most important thing in your life now, so look after him first. If the next person you meet doesn't like children LEAVE him ASAP because you have ason and it will only get worse.
Hi ,i wouldn't let this man in ten thousand miles of my baby especially if he is using drugs . If he wants to be part of your child's life go to court and have it done properly tell them your worries and demand supervised visits and get them to test him weekly , it may give him the kick up the *** to see what he could have if he was not in a drug fulled world , yes its hard being a single parent and your working which is a credit to yourself shame the father can not do the same. At the end of the day the baby must come first you keep your baby safe and good luck. Also tiredness is part of being a mother it does get better if you need a rest have You got a good friend who will help you out or some family. best wishes.x
How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
Okay so I have been dealing with my child's ';sperm donor';. The guy has been selling and using drugs. So he can't be trusted. We are not together. Anyway so I let him come along to go get our son's shots done and am nice enough to take him to eat. I had not really had much sleep cause I had to work the night before and I said I could use a couple hours sleep. He said he'd take our son. I said that if he wanted to watch our son for a couple hours I'd just take a nap on his couch and he could wake me up and I'd take our son and leave. He said he couldn't allow that but he could drop me off at my house and take my car and son for a while. What kind of **** is that? I almost feel like ignoring him for a while if he thinks I'm an idiot. He aint got no car, job, or any way to help support our. He always talks about what he is going to do that don't get done. I'm tired of him.How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
I sure hope that you visited your social services in your state to try and get child support from this guy....but I think you answered your own question. He's pretty much deadbeat, undependable, and wants everyone else to take care of him. Lets face it. He's a bad habit and the sooner you drop this character the better. Talk is always cheap. You made a bad choice. Now you have to do something with your life and look to the future.
By taking him to eat and listening to his empty promises your only enabling him to continue what he's been doing.
You don't say if you were divorced, married, or if the child came from a live-in arrangement. I also don't know if this guy is a violent man or has served time. If it was me, I'd call legal aid and have a conversation with someone that could tell you what your options are and then take it from there. If he's the father of the child, even though you weren't married, you can still get a judgement against him and possibly even get him arrested. You could make his live pretty uncomfortable and at the very least, he would have to get some kind of job to support his child.How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
well ditch him then, if no good for you or son then move on, if he wants to see baby properly he can take you to court, whats the chances of that happening!!
He is an addict, pretty typical behavior. He cannot be trusted with the child, unfortunately. Draw the line, get some good boundaries going. MY sons ';dad'; is the same way... i do not allow him to see my son. He doesnt know where we are anymore, fortunately. I know he is still doing the same stuff because his criminal record is public knowledge. He just keeps getting in trouble. The most important person in all of this is the child. Take good care of that baby, screw the dad.
your right he cant be trusted, i think that every woman has to let the father see their child unless the father is dangerous to the child... and this man is dangerous... take your child away and never associate with this man again (if possible)
At least he is willing to see the child... I have one that is 3 and her father has never even layed eyes on her, but he does pay child support.
Don't let him drive off with your son
He might sell him for drugs.
Addicts are desprate people.
i would only deal with him when it is about your son and anything else doesnt matter, you are not with him. You only need to talk to him because of your son. and if he uses and sells drugs i dont understand why you would want to sleep on his couch while he watches your son, you would be putting your son in a bad place. ignore him and only communicate to him about your son then that gives him less of an oppurtunity to be an asshole. good luck, i know it is hard but please be a strong single mom and think about what would b the best choice for your son.
First do not let him leave with your son, that just reeks of some type of bad plan he's got.
BUT...
WOW do I ever know how this works. I also consider my sons father a sperm donor. When he got into the drug scene I left and took my son with me, took him to court for full custody and won (he failed 3 drug tests), he is supposed to pay support but I haven't seen a dime in years (my son is 6). Do your self and your baby a favor get the hell away from that a**hole take his *** to court and get full custody and get his *** for support to bad if he has no job they will make him or he'll go to jail.
i have no contact at all with my oldest sons dad he just comes once every two weeks and waits outside to pick my son up and brings him back the next day. i wont even let him i in my house ,like your baby father he's also a bum and has no job so i know how your feeling.
but with that said i do know him well enough to trust him with my son.
just ignore him for a while to get the message across that your not stupid , but don't leave it for too long or you might end up not talking permanently.
Your question from only TWO weeks ago.....
';My 3 month old's father came to visit last night. We are not together but he was trying to get me to have sex with him. I was just a little drunk so the ';I still have feelings for you'; just came out from me. He was all like I don't know what I want and said he was confused. I think he knew he wasn't easily going to get some so anyways his friend came and picked him up. Maybe before things got taken any further? I admit I did kiss him but now I feel so stupid. Do you think I scared him off for good with the ';still caring about him';or that he still would try to get his way. Like I said I feel stupid now. How
I should I act around him? Maybe just play it off like I had one too many drinks. I am just trippin that I ran him off for good and he just don't like me anymore. I hope he didn't like make fun of me with is friend. I don't think so cause he was like saying that I wasn't the one that should be sorry about anything I said and that it should be him. Do you think I totally ran him off for a while where he won't come see his son for a minute cause I made him uncomfortable or something.';
You're not mature enough to deal with any of this. Turn your life around, get educated and grow up before the state takes your child.
its really hard when the dad's a jerk, sorry i wouldn't have let him take my car or the baby alone either. The only thing i can say is never deny your child the opportunity to seen his father. That's the worse thing you can ever do. I'm not saying drop him off for weekends or anything like that, just allow him the opportunity to know who his father is. My boyfriend has never met his dad, although he had a chance to but his mom didn't allow it. Now he's 21 years old and doesn't even know his own fathers name. I really applaud you for allowing him to go to the doctor and out to eat with you and your son (even if it was only McDonald's). Every child has the right to know where they came from and form their own opinions about their parents. My dad was hardly ever around for me but the few times he did pop up (usually last minute) my mom always allowed me to spend time with him. When i got older i was able to see the things my previous innocence didn't allow. And my mom had the security of knowing she never kept him away from me when he wanted to be there. You and he made the choice to sleep together, so please don't purposefully keep him away from his son just because he isn't the father he should be (as long as he doesn't put your child in harms way at least do that for your son).
best to fill report to court about his situation and force him to get support child for your son! who ******* care about him. he selling the drugs hes LAZY!! Report the court immediately!
Start find your own job - driving delivery for pizza to driving and your son can sit in back. you can earn money. and don't worry about ******* him!
I sure hope that you visited your social services in your state to try and get child support from this guy....but I think you answered your own question. He's pretty much deadbeat, undependable, and wants everyone else to take care of him. Lets face it. He's a bad habit and the sooner you drop this character the better. Talk is always cheap. You made a bad choice. Now you have to do something with your life and look to the future.
By taking him to eat and listening to his empty promises your only enabling him to continue what he's been doing.
You don't say if you were divorced, married, or if the child came from a live-in arrangement. I also don't know if this guy is a violent man or has served time. If it was me, I'd call legal aid and have a conversation with someone that could tell you what your options are and then take it from there. If he's the father of the child, even though you weren't married, you can still get a judgement against him and possibly even get him arrested. You could make his live pretty uncomfortable and at the very least, he would have to get some kind of job to support his child.How does a single mother deal with an asshole for the baby's father in your opinion?
well ditch him then, if no good for you or son then move on, if he wants to see baby properly he can take you to court, whats the chances of that happening!!
He is an addict, pretty typical behavior. He cannot be trusted with the child, unfortunately. Draw the line, get some good boundaries going. MY sons ';dad'; is the same way... i do not allow him to see my son. He doesnt know where we are anymore, fortunately. I know he is still doing the same stuff because his criminal record is public knowledge. He just keeps getting in trouble. The most important person in all of this is the child. Take good care of that baby, screw the dad.
your right he cant be trusted, i think that every woman has to let the father see their child unless the father is dangerous to the child... and this man is dangerous... take your child away and never associate with this man again (if possible)
At least he is willing to see the child... I have one that is 3 and her father has never even layed eyes on her, but he does pay child support.
Don't let him drive off with your son
He might sell him for drugs.
Addicts are desprate people.
i would only deal with him when it is about your son and anything else doesnt matter, you are not with him. You only need to talk to him because of your son. and if he uses and sells drugs i dont understand why you would want to sleep on his couch while he watches your son, you would be putting your son in a bad place. ignore him and only communicate to him about your son then that gives him less of an oppurtunity to be an asshole. good luck, i know it is hard but please be a strong single mom and think about what would b the best choice for your son.
First do not let him leave with your son, that just reeks of some type of bad plan he's got.
BUT...
WOW do I ever know how this works. I also consider my sons father a sperm donor. When he got into the drug scene I left and took my son with me, took him to court for full custody and won (he failed 3 drug tests), he is supposed to pay support but I haven't seen a dime in years (my son is 6). Do your self and your baby a favor get the hell away from that a**hole take his *** to court and get full custody and get his *** for support to bad if he has no job they will make him or he'll go to jail.
i have no contact at all with my oldest sons dad he just comes once every two weeks and waits outside to pick my son up and brings him back the next day. i wont even let him i in my house ,like your baby father he's also a bum and has no job so i know how your feeling.
but with that said i do know him well enough to trust him with my son.
just ignore him for a while to get the message across that your not stupid , but don't leave it for too long or you might end up not talking permanently.
Your question from only TWO weeks ago.....
';My 3 month old's father came to visit last night. We are not together but he was trying to get me to have sex with him. I was just a little drunk so the ';I still have feelings for you'; just came out from me. He was all like I don't know what I want and said he was confused. I think he knew he wasn't easily going to get some so anyways his friend came and picked him up. Maybe before things got taken any further? I admit I did kiss him but now I feel so stupid. Do you think I scared him off for good with the ';still caring about him';or that he still would try to get his way. Like I said I feel stupid now. How
I should I act around him? Maybe just play it off like I had one too many drinks. I am just trippin that I ran him off for good and he just don't like me anymore. I hope he didn't like make fun of me with is friend. I don't think so cause he was like saying that I wasn't the one that should be sorry about anything I said and that it should be him. Do you think I totally ran him off for a while where he won't come see his son for a minute cause I made him uncomfortable or something.';
You're not mature enough to deal with any of this. Turn your life around, get educated and grow up before the state takes your child.
its really hard when the dad's a jerk, sorry i wouldn't have let him take my car or the baby alone either. The only thing i can say is never deny your child the opportunity to seen his father. That's the worse thing you can ever do. I'm not saying drop him off for weekends or anything like that, just allow him the opportunity to know who his father is. My boyfriend has never met his dad, although he had a chance to but his mom didn't allow it. Now he's 21 years old and doesn't even know his own fathers name. I really applaud you for allowing him to go to the doctor and out to eat with you and your son (even if it was only McDonald's). Every child has the right to know where they came from and form their own opinions about their parents. My dad was hardly ever around for me but the few times he did pop up (usually last minute) my mom always allowed me to spend time with him. When i got older i was able to see the things my previous innocence didn't allow. And my mom had the security of knowing she never kept him away from me when he wanted to be there. You and he made the choice to sleep together, so please don't purposefully keep him away from his son just because he isn't the father he should be (as long as he doesn't put your child in harms way at least do that for your son).
best to fill report to court about his situation and force him to get support child for your son! who ******* care about him. he selling the drugs hes LAZY!! Report the court immediately!
Start find your own job - driving delivery for pizza to driving and your son can sit in back. you can earn money. and don't worry about ******* him!
Wives and mothers out there do your husband's work nights and how do you deal with it?
My husband works 9 pm-8am and I hate it for myself and my daughter we fight about it all the time he is so tired and when he is off wants to stay up all night and sleep all day. We never even sleep together hardly at all anymore. How do I make myself just accept it and be happy. Wives and mothers out there do your husband's work nights and how do you deal with it?
noWives and mothers out there do your husband's work nights and how do you deal with it?
Be happy he is working. You need to try to get along, maybe he can get his shifts changed eventually.
My husband is never home and I try to keep us getting along...
That is a difficult shift to work. I used to work graveyard myself years ago.
We are trying to sleep when everyone else is awake. Most of the time we don't get enough sleep. It's very hard on a relationship.
My husband works construction and he has weird hours. I never know when to expect him. i just make dinner and warm it up later.
Sometimes I go to bed just to sleep with him and be around him more.
His job is your bread and butter. Maybe the one who needs to be more pliant with their time is you.
get use to, understand and be supportive only if he pay my bills lol
that's why a college degree is so important.. go back to school.. in about 4 years or so, it will all be worth it.
Accept the fact that you have a man willing to work his @ss off to support his family, not all men are so willing!
Treat him with the same respect you would expect if the situation was reversed.
STOP fighting about his work hours. If you must fight, fight over something worth fighting over, like saving your marriage from doom if you don't stop complaining because he works nights.
Sleep with hubby when you can, cuddling can make you reconnect with each other after a long day (or night) at work. Even if you just try to catch a nap with him.
Of course he want's to stay up all night on his days off, it's the schedule his body is accustom to.
Lighten up before hubby says screw this, I am not appreciated here and he finds another woman that will appreciate him more.
Good luck! ;-)
Mary in Camden, Michigan
Don't worry it wont be like this forever. My husband is in the Military and occasionally his shift is changed and he is gone working at nights for months on end. we have 3 kids 3 and under and it is hard not having your hubby next to you at night.
But find hope in this-he is working hard to support his family that he loves so much. During the day-allow him to sleep when he's sleeping, make him breakfast or if he wants to have lunch-make him lunch. Make sure to have sex with him during the day-even if its a quickie. Let him know that you love him and appreciate him and all of his hard work. If you are a SAHM-then be there for him when he needs you.
Another thing that I do-is when he is sleep during the day-when I put the kids down for their nap (if they take one) I go lay down next to my husband-just to watch him breath or kiss on him-youdon'tt have to be sleepy in the middle of the day-but this will help y'alll get some time together since its not spent at night.
if i were you, i would change my schedule to meet his, without sacrificing the needs of the daughter.
The first 5 years of my marriage my husband worked a 3rd shift. I'm not going to lie. It was hell. I was home with our son. I felt like a single parent. There wasn't a lot of romance either. The best thing I can say is ... accept it for right now. However, your husband and you need to get some kind of plan in action. Talk about future goals and really make an effort to pursue them. Commit to a date during the day time or on his off time, once a week.
Also, don't argue and nag him for this...Always begin your conversations with your husband on a positive note...example ';Honey, I am so happy that you work so hard to take care of us. I feel really blessed. Sometimes, I feel lonely at night. I miss us being close together. I think we should talk about our goals and aspirations...'; You could take it from there.
Just remember, you need to be patient.
My husband works a swing shift and I understand what you are saying about wanting to stay up all night and sleep all day. I find myself keeping the same hours as he does just so I can see him.
I deal with it because where he works he gets paid more when he is on the night shift. He makes good money and that allows me to stay home with the kids and go to school. I also deal with this by hogging the bed. I watch what I want on TV, I call my friends and talk all night just like I was back in high school. I hang out on yahoo answers.
As someone said before be grateful that he is working at all. He could be a dead beat and want to hang out with his friends all the time. Pick your battles.
noWives and mothers out there do your husband's work nights and how do you deal with it?
Be happy he is working. You need to try to get along, maybe he can get his shifts changed eventually.
My husband is never home and I try to keep us getting along...
That is a difficult shift to work. I used to work graveyard myself years ago.
We are trying to sleep when everyone else is awake. Most of the time we don't get enough sleep. It's very hard on a relationship.
My husband works construction and he has weird hours. I never know when to expect him. i just make dinner and warm it up later.
Sometimes I go to bed just to sleep with him and be around him more.
His job is your bread and butter. Maybe the one who needs to be more pliant with their time is you.
get use to, understand and be supportive only if he pay my bills lol
that's why a college degree is so important.. go back to school.. in about 4 years or so, it will all be worth it.
Accept the fact that you have a man willing to work his @ss off to support his family, not all men are so willing!
Treat him with the same respect you would expect if the situation was reversed.
STOP fighting about his work hours. If you must fight, fight over something worth fighting over, like saving your marriage from doom if you don't stop complaining because he works nights.
Sleep with hubby when you can, cuddling can make you reconnect with each other after a long day (or night) at work. Even if you just try to catch a nap with him.
Of course he want's to stay up all night on his days off, it's the schedule his body is accustom to.
Lighten up before hubby says screw this, I am not appreciated here and he finds another woman that will appreciate him more.
Good luck! ;-)
Mary in Camden, Michigan
Don't worry it wont be like this forever. My husband is in the Military and occasionally his shift is changed and he is gone working at nights for months on end. we have 3 kids 3 and under and it is hard not having your hubby next to you at night.
But find hope in this-he is working hard to support his family that he loves so much. During the day-allow him to sleep when he's sleeping, make him breakfast or if he wants to have lunch-make him lunch. Make sure to have sex with him during the day-even if its a quickie. Let him know that you love him and appreciate him and all of his hard work. If you are a SAHM-then be there for him when he needs you.
Another thing that I do-is when he is sleep during the day-when I put the kids down for their nap (if they take one) I go lay down next to my husband-just to watch him breath or kiss on him-youdon'tt have to be sleepy in the middle of the day-but this will help y'alll get some time together since its not spent at night.
if i were you, i would change my schedule to meet his, without sacrificing the needs of the daughter.
The first 5 years of my marriage my husband worked a 3rd shift. I'm not going to lie. It was hell. I was home with our son. I felt like a single parent. There wasn't a lot of romance either. The best thing I can say is ... accept it for right now. However, your husband and you need to get some kind of plan in action. Talk about future goals and really make an effort to pursue them. Commit to a date during the day time or on his off time, once a week.
Also, don't argue and nag him for this...Always begin your conversations with your husband on a positive note...example ';Honey, I am so happy that you work so hard to take care of us. I feel really blessed. Sometimes, I feel lonely at night. I miss us being close together. I think we should talk about our goals and aspirations...'; You could take it from there.
Just remember, you need to be patient.
My husband works a swing shift and I understand what you are saying about wanting to stay up all night and sleep all day. I find myself keeping the same hours as he does just so I can see him.
I deal with it because where he works he gets paid more when he is on the night shift. He makes good money and that allows me to stay home with the kids and go to school. I also deal with this by hogging the bed. I watch what I want on TV, I call my friends and talk all night just like I was back in high school. I hang out on yahoo answers.
As someone said before be grateful that he is working at all. He could be a dead beat and want to hang out with his friends all the time. Pick your battles.
Teenagers! If ur dad threatens your mother in front of u.. wht do u do ?
I sometimes feel my dad is Crazy, when he threatens my mom i don no wht to do... i don like to call the police that makes it worse.. ideas how could i deal with it..Teenagers! If ur dad threatens your mother in front of u.. wht do u do ?
You need to tell another family member, your grandparents, or aunt or uncle, but honey its up to your Mom to get out...... and it sounds like she and you need to get out of that situation....... soon......... please get out soon...Teenagers! If ur dad threatens your mother in front of u.. wht do u do ?
well my friend my advice to u is to sit down your dad and talk with him tell what is in your mind and tell ,e that u dont like how in threatens your mom because u look up to him to be become a father one day and if he does not listen i decide u call the cops.
that would never happen with my parents but if they did i would go to my bffls house lol
talk to ur mom about it cuz if she is getting threatened or abused that is serious!!and can lead to something terrible.talk to ur mom and tell her how u feel about that.
On a gud day when ur dad is calm and in a gud mood ask him why he threatens ur mother and tell him how it makes you feel when he does that. let him noe ways he can control his anger. if he ever says threats lyk ';kill you'; er sumthin, if you feel that way about your mother, let him noe how much you love your mother as well and how you never want to see anything happen to her. really convince him to stop
tell another family member that is older than you
You need to tell another family member, your grandparents, or aunt or uncle, but honey its up to your Mom to get out...... and it sounds like she and you need to get out of that situation....... soon......... please get out soon...Teenagers! If ur dad threatens your mother in front of u.. wht do u do ?
well my friend my advice to u is to sit down your dad and talk with him tell what is in your mind and tell ,e that u dont like how in threatens your mom because u look up to him to be become a father one day and if he does not listen i decide u call the cops.
that would never happen with my parents but if they did i would go to my bffls house lol
talk to ur mom about it cuz if she is getting threatened or abused that is serious!!and can lead to something terrible.talk to ur mom and tell her how u feel about that.
On a gud day when ur dad is calm and in a gud mood ask him why he threatens ur mother and tell him how it makes you feel when he does that. let him noe ways he can control his anger. if he ever says threats lyk ';kill you'; er sumthin, if you feel that way about your mother, let him noe how much you love your mother as well and how you never want to see anything happen to her. really convince him to stop
tell another family member that is older than you
How do you deal with in-laws?
How do you deal with a mother in-law to be, who calls your mother ignorant for no reason. This woman started shouting at me three weeks before i was due to move in wi her son, who incidentally she is staying with. Its his house but she lives there as well. I don't feel i can move in now, but i want to be with my fiance on a more perminant basis instead of just weekends. All my mum can be accused of is not being all over the woman. She had a full conversation with her at one point. What do i do??? Please please help!How do you deal with in-laws?
I have the same problem with my mother in law, or the outlaw as i call her. She says bad things about my family, tells my kids that were not good parents as we dont spoil them rotten etc. Best thing to do is ignore her as much as possible and dont let her get in the way of you and your fiance. She wants him all to herself! My hubby has seen the evilness in his mother and now doesnt listen to her nasty remarks. She will get fed up and move on im sure when she doesnt destroy your relationship. I could never live with my inlaw, i'd end up inside for manslaughter!How do you deal with in-laws?
Ignore her. She will take the hint eventually. And the cheeky cow has no right to speak to your mother like that....did your boyfriend not have a go at her about it?
If he didn't, you need to kick him into touch as well. Lol
talk to your fiance, he's the one that needs to put her in her place not u, if he's a woos, then that's red flag which means your future will be full of drama and heartache...trust me, some times it's best not to get married at all to end up with a mama's boy...
1) Don't move in with him until you are married ; that is the point of getting engaged isn't it?
2) Is she is going to carry on living with you? If so insist you look for a house with a granny annex or flat
3) Make sure you get a joint morgage with your name on it before you do number 2 and buy as 'tenants in common'.
Do not let love blind you to the fact that you will be in a very precarious position if you just move in - the fact that he is your 'fiance' does not change that. I think his mum is scared she is going to find herself on the street so doing number 2 would combat that fear whilst giving you both your privacy.
If he is not prepared to do this for you find yourself someone else.
sadly you are never going to win what ever you do.tell your partner ;then take it from there.
Nightmare.
Have you spoke to your partner.
I would move in just to spite her, she is prob being horrible just to stop you moving in. She does not want anyone to have her son.
Talk to her and ask her what problem she has with you?
Good luck
i ignore my in laws as much as i can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to stop aminute andlook at the situation from another perspective.
The woman is living in her son's home, for heavens sakes. She's the ignorant one for being there and imposseing on and in his son's life.
You may be toooo sensitive. let her be the way she's going to be.
I'd move in and start right away about who's boss and who really belongs there. IF she makes comments about your family, let her ad the bf know you won't tolerate it.
It' best to start being the brave one when it's in-laws who try and rule the roost.
I love my inlaws so I dont know what to tell you
Ive been in a similar situation myself but it got so bad that my fiance had to choose sides, me or his family. (I didn't put him in this position.) His family did something so hurtful that i just could not be around them. he made it clear to his family that he loved me and i was part of his life now and they need to deal with it. It all worked out once they realised this.
You need to tell your fiance how you feel and if he wont speak to his mother about how unreasonable she is being then you should. She obviously has a problem letting her son go. Is this the first time she has had to deal with something lke this?
DO NOT take your relationship any further until you know were you stand you could end up more hurt than you are now.
you keep your friends close and your enemies closer!! she is one hell of an enemy!! I would move in anyhow - be sweet and nice and face her off - if it gets too much and you feel she is been vindictive towards you - stand up to her - tell her what she is doing - don't ever bother telling the man!! it is pointless!! they might back you up periodically but they cannot be cruel to their mothers as much as you feel like you could be! whatever she says about your mother - who cares - you know the truth - just laugh when she is derogatory and say ';whatever love'; if you don't move in she WINS!! and we can't have that!!
my sister ignors her husbans mother because she can't stand her because she is telling her what to do Good luck
Next time your MIL to be starts to bad mouth your family tell her ignorance is bliss and your blissfully happy that she's showing her ignorance all by herself. She can't pin this on you.
dont move and forget to tell them
I deal with mine by not seeing them i feel for me this is best that way there are no arguments and they have nothing to cast up.
I would find out the reason why she is staying at your fiance's house and then get your fiance to find her a new place to live. I would not move into this situation as it will only get worse as long as all 3 of you live under the same roof. What will happen when you get married? Is she still going to be living there? And what happens if you have kids? It wont be a happy enviroment to live in and you would not like to be in a position where you feel trapped as you wont be able to escape. Decide if he is the one for if so you then take each step together.
I guess you just have to ignore her. Not gonna ';win'; this one.
My MIL used to say nasty things to me in a hateful voice. If I complained to my hubby and he asked he about it, she would say
';Well, all I said was......'; and say the same dang thing in a sweet tone, and it sounded good. Then, hubby thought I was trying to cause trouble for no reason. She was a master at that.
Don't move in with your fiance until you are married. And then, be prepared. If his Mama lives with you, he's generally going to take her side of issues.
shoot them
my monster in law as i like to call her hated my mother with a vengeance. my mum was a mental health nurse and the out law is a lab rat. the outlaw always thought of my mum as a scrubber as my mum worked long and arduous hours to provide for her 3 kids whereas she went back to work when my hubby was 13. my mum was quiet and didnt like confrontation. she picked a fight with my mum for no reason and my mum decked her. me and the hubby didnt get involved as she had it coming.
She is clearly threatend by you, what does your fiance say about his mother? If you and him plan on getting married I suggest you make sure that he defends you and reminds her that you are giong to be his wife, and that any disrespect she shows you, shes showing him, and that he loves you and nothing is going to break you guys up even her and her tantrums, About moving in make sure that you and your fiance set boundaries especially in the bedroom, and only be there as you feel safe, dont make a fire out of smoke, but it is your fiances place to put his mom in hers, she needs to understand that the time for raising is over and now she needs to let go and let him live his life as she lived hers.domain name registration
I have the same problem with my mother in law, or the outlaw as i call her. She says bad things about my family, tells my kids that were not good parents as we dont spoil them rotten etc. Best thing to do is ignore her as much as possible and dont let her get in the way of you and your fiance. She wants him all to herself! My hubby has seen the evilness in his mother and now doesnt listen to her nasty remarks. She will get fed up and move on im sure when she doesnt destroy your relationship. I could never live with my inlaw, i'd end up inside for manslaughter!How do you deal with in-laws?
Ignore her. She will take the hint eventually. And the cheeky cow has no right to speak to your mother like that....did your boyfriend not have a go at her about it?
If he didn't, you need to kick him into touch as well. Lol
talk to your fiance, he's the one that needs to put her in her place not u, if he's a woos, then that's red flag which means your future will be full of drama and heartache...trust me, some times it's best not to get married at all to end up with a mama's boy...
1) Don't move in with him until you are married ; that is the point of getting engaged isn't it?
2) Is she is going to carry on living with you? If so insist you look for a house with a granny annex or flat
3) Make sure you get a joint morgage with your name on it before you do number 2 and buy as 'tenants in common'.
Do not let love blind you to the fact that you will be in a very precarious position if you just move in - the fact that he is your 'fiance' does not change that. I think his mum is scared she is going to find herself on the street so doing number 2 would combat that fear whilst giving you both your privacy.
If he is not prepared to do this for you find yourself someone else.
sadly you are never going to win what ever you do.tell your partner ;then take it from there.
Nightmare.
Have you spoke to your partner.
I would move in just to spite her, she is prob being horrible just to stop you moving in. She does not want anyone to have her son.
Talk to her and ask her what problem she has with you?
Good luck
i ignore my in laws as much as i can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to stop aminute andlook at the situation from another perspective.
The woman is living in her son's home, for heavens sakes. She's the ignorant one for being there and imposseing on and in his son's life.
You may be toooo sensitive. let her be the way she's going to be.
I'd move in and start right away about who's boss and who really belongs there. IF she makes comments about your family, let her ad the bf know you won't tolerate it.
It' best to start being the brave one when it's in-laws who try and rule the roost.
I love my inlaws so I dont know what to tell you
Ive been in a similar situation myself but it got so bad that my fiance had to choose sides, me or his family. (I didn't put him in this position.) His family did something so hurtful that i just could not be around them. he made it clear to his family that he loved me and i was part of his life now and they need to deal with it. It all worked out once they realised this.
You need to tell your fiance how you feel and if he wont speak to his mother about how unreasonable she is being then you should. She obviously has a problem letting her son go. Is this the first time she has had to deal with something lke this?
DO NOT take your relationship any further until you know were you stand you could end up more hurt than you are now.
you keep your friends close and your enemies closer!! she is one hell of an enemy!! I would move in anyhow - be sweet and nice and face her off - if it gets too much and you feel she is been vindictive towards you - stand up to her - tell her what she is doing - don't ever bother telling the man!! it is pointless!! they might back you up periodically but they cannot be cruel to their mothers as much as you feel like you could be! whatever she says about your mother - who cares - you know the truth - just laugh when she is derogatory and say ';whatever love'; if you don't move in she WINS!! and we can't have that!!
my sister ignors her husbans mother because she can't stand her because she is telling her what to do Good luck
Next time your MIL to be starts to bad mouth your family tell her ignorance is bliss and your blissfully happy that she's showing her ignorance all by herself. She can't pin this on you.
dont move and forget to tell them
I deal with mine by not seeing them i feel for me this is best that way there are no arguments and they have nothing to cast up.
I would find out the reason why she is staying at your fiance's house and then get your fiance to find her a new place to live. I would not move into this situation as it will only get worse as long as all 3 of you live under the same roof. What will happen when you get married? Is she still going to be living there? And what happens if you have kids? It wont be a happy enviroment to live in and you would not like to be in a position where you feel trapped as you wont be able to escape. Decide if he is the one for if so you then take each step together.
I guess you just have to ignore her. Not gonna ';win'; this one.
My MIL used to say nasty things to me in a hateful voice. If I complained to my hubby and he asked he about it, she would say
';Well, all I said was......'; and say the same dang thing in a sweet tone, and it sounded good. Then, hubby thought I was trying to cause trouble for no reason. She was a master at that.
Don't move in with your fiance until you are married. And then, be prepared. If his Mama lives with you, he's generally going to take her side of issues.
shoot them
my monster in law as i like to call her hated my mother with a vengeance. my mum was a mental health nurse and the out law is a lab rat. the outlaw always thought of my mum as a scrubber as my mum worked long and arduous hours to provide for her 3 kids whereas she went back to work when my hubby was 13. my mum was quiet and didnt like confrontation. she picked a fight with my mum for no reason and my mum decked her. me and the hubby didnt get involved as she had it coming.
She is clearly threatend by you, what does your fiance say about his mother? If you and him plan on getting married I suggest you make sure that he defends you and reminds her that you are giong to be his wife, and that any disrespect she shows you, shes showing him, and that he loves you and nothing is going to break you guys up even her and her tantrums, About moving in make sure that you and your fiance set boundaries especially in the bedroom, and only be there as you feel safe, dont make a fire out of smoke, but it is your fiances place to put his mom in hers, she needs to understand that the time for raising is over and now she needs to let go and let him live his life as she lived hers.
Favouritism...does your mother / father tend to like / pay more attention to your sister or brother better?
How do you deal with it?Favouritism...does your mother / father tend to like / pay more attention to your sister or brother better?
Growing up my older 2 sisters were defiantly daddy's girls and still are pretty much! I am and always will be mommy's girl!
I just ignore it, I don't feel like I'm missing out on much because he is grouchy most of the time!Favouritism...does your mother / father tend to like / pay more attention to your sister or brother better?
What if? All fingers r not equal and all children r not equally talented or obedient to get identical attention. Further younger child gets better care, u feel it that way w/o knowing that when u were of that age u received still better treatment.
I sometimes feel the same too but just keep urself busy n try not to worry so much abt that coz they r ur family so just accept it if its like tht..If u talk or voice out to ur parents they will feel very sad right, so just pray for evrythng to be always fine n good n u will feel good n at peace always.After all who r they?They r only ur very own bro n sis (ur same blood),so just relax n try to look at things positively n dun be too worried over this. All parents love all their children the same i guess.Or try doing something nice tht ur parents like as wat ur bro or sis is doing n then ur parents may look up n feel proud n happy abt u too. Show them tht u r also a worthful n good child who cares for the family.Always pray in the heart n speak to God, he will keep u calm.
As a parent, having 3 children, it's easier to like one of them better because we have more in common and get alone smoother than the other two. Never the less, seeming to have favorites is unavoidable because of this. Plus, this 'child person' is easier to do things with and usually always willing to help me with projects more so than the other two. But I love them all the same! The others kids personality being so different makes me just as proud of them and who they are because of not being afraid to be who they are. Its an illusion, based on circumstances. As a child, having 3 other siblings, I always embraced the sister that kept Mom and Dad cool. That way when me and our parents locked horns, the attention didn't just stay focused around me and getting constantly criticized. So that was a blessing. ';There is always something good that will come out of something that seems bad.'; :)
Yes I do, with my younger brother. If you are a middle child like me, it is stated the fact that we get ignored all the times (also, middle children love art in any way). Middle children are sort of born to be a rebel stated in the statistics. But if you are the youngest, you get least ignored, if you're the youngest and your parents ignore you, that would be out of the rules... If you're the eldest, parents think of you as the responsibility holder of everything, if you bring them down, they'll favor the other siblings.
my parents are fair and just. they love us all the same.
I was the baby of the family and then POP! my mom produced a younger brother Jamie.I discovered I had a talent for writing poetry about 3years ago.My mom said sure Jamie would be good at that too and ever since he's been writing poems and entering competitions and my talent doesn't shine anymore!I'm 22 he's 13! It's very pis sing off.I have a lot of anger towards him. I know it sounds stupid but I hate him because he's smarter than I am.
I think yes.. they just dont want to admit it..
I just dont pay attention with that...Im not getting jealous.. If my mother like him, there is nothing I can do about it.. I will still be a good daughter to them.
Well, yeah I felt the same while I was growing up, but it didn't effect me because I always got what I wanted.
Sometimes i think that, usually i don't pay attention to it.
You should have people to talk to about it for one. Also you propb;ly shouldn't worry bout it anymore. As long as you have some friends or family down the line that love you and care for you then just give it up. You aren't gunna be able to talk to them.
Growing up my older 2 sisters were defiantly daddy's girls and still are pretty much! I am and always will be mommy's girl!
I just ignore it, I don't feel like I'm missing out on much because he is grouchy most of the time!Favouritism...does your mother / father tend to like / pay more attention to your sister or brother better?
What if? All fingers r not equal and all children r not equally talented or obedient to get identical attention. Further younger child gets better care, u feel it that way w/o knowing that when u were of that age u received still better treatment.
I sometimes feel the same too but just keep urself busy n try not to worry so much abt that coz they r ur family so just accept it if its like tht..If u talk or voice out to ur parents they will feel very sad right, so just pray for evrythng to be always fine n good n u will feel good n at peace always.After all who r they?They r only ur very own bro n sis (ur same blood),so just relax n try to look at things positively n dun be too worried over this. All parents love all their children the same i guess.Or try doing something nice tht ur parents like as wat ur bro or sis is doing n then ur parents may look up n feel proud n happy abt u too. Show them tht u r also a worthful n good child who cares for the family.Always pray in the heart n speak to God, he will keep u calm.
As a parent, having 3 children, it's easier to like one of them better because we have more in common and get alone smoother than the other two. Never the less, seeming to have favorites is unavoidable because of this. Plus, this 'child person' is easier to do things with and usually always willing to help me with projects more so than the other two. But I love them all the same! The others kids personality being so different makes me just as proud of them and who they are because of not being afraid to be who they are. Its an illusion, based on circumstances. As a child, having 3 other siblings, I always embraced the sister that kept Mom and Dad cool. That way when me and our parents locked horns, the attention didn't just stay focused around me and getting constantly criticized. So that was a blessing. ';There is always something good that will come out of something that seems bad.'; :)
Yes I do, with my younger brother. If you are a middle child like me, it is stated the fact that we get ignored all the times (also, middle children love art in any way). Middle children are sort of born to be a rebel stated in the statistics. But if you are the youngest, you get least ignored, if you're the youngest and your parents ignore you, that would be out of the rules... If you're the eldest, parents think of you as the responsibility holder of everything, if you bring them down, they'll favor the other siblings.
my parents are fair and just. they love us all the same.
I was the baby of the family and then POP! my mom produced a younger brother Jamie.I discovered I had a talent for writing poetry about 3years ago.My mom said sure Jamie would be good at that too and ever since he's been writing poems and entering competitions and my talent doesn't shine anymore!I'm 22 he's 13! It's very pis sing off.I have a lot of anger towards him. I know it sounds stupid but I hate him because he's smarter than I am.
I think yes.. they just dont want to admit it..
I just dont pay attention with that...Im not getting jealous.. If my mother like him, there is nothing I can do about it.. I will still be a good daughter to them.
Well, yeah I felt the same while I was growing up, but it didn't effect me because I always got what I wanted.
Sometimes i think that, usually i don't pay attention to it.
You should have people to talk to about it for one. Also you propb;ly shouldn't worry bout it anymore. As long as you have some friends or family down the line that love you and care for you then just give it up. You aren't gunna be able to talk to them.
What is your opinion?
My ';brother in law'; is in the midst of a nasty custody battle for his little girl - She was born back in March last year, and the mother has pretty much moved on to a new partner.
Well, he was over not to long ago with his daughter, and said something that kind of caught me off guard.
';I'm looking to date again, but the next girl better realize that my baby is number one with me. She comes second, no questions.';
I kinda started thinking about it, and can totally understand with his little girl being so young that he'd feel that way, but kids are pretty smart - They are also pretty possessive as they get older of their mommy and daddy, so if his little princess realizes that she's number one, she could seriously sabatoge any of his relationships as a young kid...
Do you think your kids should come before a spouse or potential spouse? I'm not talking about a fly by night g/f or b/f, I'm talking about the real deal - Your life mate, the one you plan to wake up next to for the next 50 years, have a retirement with, to sit and chat with when your kids have families of their own, etc.
Personally, I don't really know how I feel about it - I'm kind of caught on the age of the child, and the sincerity of the relationship...
What's your opinion?What is your opinion?
I'm married and my husband comes first for the most part. We both tend to put the kids first if they are sick or when they were babies. I guess you could really say we put their needs before our own. If he were to ever abuse my children, however they would come first and he better say his prayers.What is your opinion?
Yeah thats a tricky one i think im going to have to be a fence sitter!
My daughter is #1. Has been since she was born.
I'm still with her father...but if I ever had to kick him out in order to make life better for my child, protect her, or for any reason, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Kid comes first...period!
being a mother i really think that your children come first, but if it is about your life partner then they should be treated equally because sooner or later your children will leave you and have a life of their own so they should both be your #1 priority
I don't know how I feel about it either. On one hand a child is forever and people do get divorced... My daughter is 14 months old and I do put her first to the point its a flaw of mine. I recently made the decision to hire a babysitter so we could go out once a month and keep our marriage on track.
Your spouse is supposed to be #1 and kids are a welcome addition to the family, but its hard to do sometimes.
I think its good for now for his daughter to know she is #1, but once daddy gets serious in a relationship his priorities might shift a tiny bit and they can become equals.
I dont think that parents should tell their child that they have free reign over their relationship but I think there is a healthy way to allow the child to know she is important.
I am with a man that has a 4-year old son from a previous relationship. We are expecting ourselves in June! We have been together for quite some time and it's hard to explain our relationship. I don't want to say he puts any of us ';first';. It's not like that with him. If me and my fiance were together and something happened to his son, we'd both be there in an instant! And if myself, my fiance and his son were all together and something happened to me, my fiance would react immediately as well. If his son could be there depending on the situation then he would, and if not my fiance would make immediate plans for someone to be with is son, or for his mother to get him. Thankfully, his mother and her husband and myself and my fiance all get along rather well and have a nice relationship among each other. This really helps for my fiance's son and it's nice to see that relationships can be built like this, esp. for the child.
I am not for putting anyone first. And, if it's a real life partner and somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with then no, there is no putting anyone first.
They are two completely different kinds of relationships. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage and she goes in between us all the time, but her dad knows what she is doing. He loves her and me, and lets both of us know that. He said when I married him that it was not a competition. He is her father, but he is my husband. Fathers do not need to let their children ruin a potentially great relationship. Everybody will eventually have to get along.
I think it depends on the situation. They should definitely be more important sometimes, but sometimes not.
I think it's hard to answer this. Kids are on a different level than significant others. Looking at my parents relationship I see that with my dad we (kids) come first. Looking at my sister and her child he (the kid) definitely comes first. What single parents need to make their kids realize is that they will date and that there has to be room for someone else in their life too. But dating life should be kept separate. I don't have kids that's just how I feel. And his daughter will have been in his life for longer than any other woman that comes in at this point so whoever comes in has to realize that she's coming into a family, not just a man. Kids come first to a lot of parents, the relationship needs to be established and maybe he shouldn't treat her like a princess and actually lay down ground rules and discipline like we had when I was a kid.
YES they come before any one. If I had to choose between my boys and my husband it would be my boys no questions asked. And my husband is the greatest and the only person who was always there for me. And I also feel that if this spouse of his (or soon to be or what ever) cannot understand and except that his daughter is 1st then she is not the ';real deal'; or ';the right one'; for him. I also think that your in law is an amazing man and no hands down should have at least part custody of his little girl. There are not many men out there who feel this way.
yes. she's my baby, my flesh and blood. until she's an adult, I think she will always come first. she cant fend for herself yet. even when shes 12, she will still come first. until she's out of the house and in her own life, will i put a man first before my own child, and it has to be a very good man at that!
Hmm, that's tough and I guess it could be looked at differently with every child.
My mom and dad divorced when my brother was 4 and I was 10 months. From as early as I can remember my dad made it clear no matter how many women he dated my brother and I were his ';number ones';....and that he loved us more than anything in the world. That being said, my father dated a pretty good bit, especially while we were younger, and neither my brother nor myself ever felt compelled to sabotage his relationship. I feel my dad showed us enough love even while he was with other women for both of us to feel comfortable with her and not feel pushed aside or less loved. I can, however, understand some children that might feel that way given their own personalities and the child/parent relationship as a whole.
I love my partner and I love my daughter but to compare to each which is more, is hard. It's a different love I have for my daughter compared to the love I have for her father, so to do that would almost be impossible for me.
I talked about it with my husband before because his mom dated a lot of guys when he was growing up. ( I mean not a lot lot but several, some serious some not)
I think that young children come first, even in our relationship our kids needs come first. Like if we had plans but someone is sick, we cancel and stay home to take care of the kid, if there is a school play etc we go etc..
If I had to start dating I would put my kids first in a way, not that they would have a say who I would date but if you date me you pretty much date my kids too so if you arent nice to them, I wouldnt go out with you and stuff like that.
But you are right, kids are smart and can try to use stuff like that so I wouldnt be announcing it to everyone, just keeping it for myself
My hubby the father of both of my children comes first. My kids also come first. A future partner if there ever was one would not come before my kids. I would never put anyone before my relationships with my family. I met and fell in love with my husband before we had kids. I also have unstoppable love for my babies. I would let no harm come to either. But if there was a future mate they would have to understand that my kids come first and if he had kids I would Expect the same from him.
Your children ALWAYS come before your needs, and that includes your ';need'; to have a partner. You can't trust that you will wake up to that same person for the next 50 years and someone who already has children with someone else knows that, whereas your children always count on you. Even when your children are out of the house and starting their own family: they are the most important thing to you.
Kids come first ALWAYS
This situation I think is different from the perceived ';normal family,'; where the father of child is married or at least with the mother of the child. In that case, I think the marital relationship should come first. This is because the father needs to take of the mother so that she in return can take of the child. Kind of like the old saying, ';if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.'; The child is of course a very close second.
But in this case, where the child already has a mother, the father's time should be more concentrated toward his child than another woman, not the mother of his child. He is probably going with his heart on this one because he most likely put the child's mother first in their relationship and watched it turn sour at the expense of the child and does not want that to happen again. He therefore puts his child first this time because she will always be in his life.
Honestly My whole life is my husband and my daughter. We are a family, and if for some reason we break, My whole life becomes my DAUGHTER. Future spouse or not I already made a comitment BEFORE i got with the future spouse when I gave birth to my daughter, Thats just how i see it.
BUT im also one of those woman who if my husband and I dont make it, Im happy without a man, sure i will be lonely sometimes but i wont be out looking for other men at all. I have more important things in my life to keep me happy. thats just how i see it :)
EDIT: Alyssa's mom nailed on the head with this ';Your spouse is supposed to be #1 and kids are a welcome addition to the family, but its hard to do sometimes.';
That is something so true but SO HARD that a woman, let alone a MOTHER has to go through, Because our children are OUR hearts and its hard to share them with someone else (their father) and its hard because sometimes we have to back away and let the father help raise the children too.
Hey Mama Lisee Loo!
The situation isn't ideal. Ideally we stay with the parents of our children. I have first hand experience with this as I come from a broken home with parents that are both remarried. It's really tough on the spouses as well as the children. And yes making her ';Daddies little princess'; could take its toll on any of his relationships, but it doesn't sound like he's looking to date seriously, and women that are in it for a casual time may not mind being second. However, I know that if I were to split with my fiance, as selfish as it sounds I'd want to rake just as high on the list as his children. So to answer your question, ultimately no children should not come before a long term spouse. They should all be prioritized and included. The best thing he can do is to include his little girl on dates, and visa versa, include his spouse on his dates with his daughter. I don't think there's any black/white answer to this one, the areas in between are very grey.
I'd always want to be included (heaven forbid I split with my fiance) and on the other hand I'd probably always put my son first if embarking down the road in a new relationship.... it just would feel unnatural to do anything else, considering he's my flesh and blood.
I would hope he'd temper those feelings (which is great, BTW!) with a healthy dose of discipline, too. People should put their kids first - that's why you have wackos like Susan Smith and Casey Anthony running around who kill their kids because of some dumb man. Or put up with a man who doesn't like their kids. I can't understand that crap.
I think as long as he raises her with expectations of her behavior and sets limits, just like anyone else would, it's okay for her to be first in his life, and that's nice. Not everyone feels that strongly about their kids when it comes to romantic relationships, and maybe they should.
I think if the child is there before a relationship start (as per with your brother in law) then i think yes, the child should come first. But in a relationship like mine (my fiance and i had our baby together) then they are equal in my eyes and i would not favour one over the other.
If my fiance and i wer to break up then she would absoluely come first, no question there.
No. Your spouse comes first always. This is even in the bible.
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Your children will move on your spouse does not.
When you put your spouse first your children learn from this and are able to apply this in their own lives later down the road.
I definitely put my daughter first before my fiance. To him, our daughter comes first, I come second. It is a mutual understanding and we never felt like she comes in between us. We just want the best for her and if she is happy than we are happy.
Men (or women) come and go and kids are forever. And as much as my little one comes before my husband for me, she comes first when it comes to me for my husband. And that is right. And normal person would not even be jealous. And kids have to know that they come first.
I was 14 years old when my mom married my stepdad. This situation is not so easy and clear cut as it seems. It depends on a lot of things. For instance how the other person treats the child, or how old the kid is when the person becomes involved. Using myself as an example: I was 14 and had already spent the last 5 years without a dad. I was absolutely ok with my mom getting married but when my stepdad started trying to put rules on me and talk to me rudely as if he had known me all my life and he had a right to, that was the dealbreaker and he seriously came between me and my mother, which in my opinion; the relationship between me and my mom is more important that the one he has with her. My mom rejected me because she didn't understand that by disliking him I wasn't trying to come between her and Matt; I just thought that he should have had to form a relationship as a father with me before he had the right to order me around. So my mother didn't consider me above him and it drove me far, far away from her. To this day it still does. And it still hurts.
Just because the child's well being is above all else doesn't mean a good balance can't be found. There is a solution to everything on this earth. However if I had to sacrifice my happiness for that of my child I would do it in a heartbeat.
Well I'm a little torn onthis one.
I guess when they're very little they should come first, but as they get older you have to start giving the attention back to your so and let your child know you still love them just as much and will never stop, but it's time to have time with the other parent or stepparent.
I come from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was, maybe, 6 months old, so I don't know any other dad besides my step dad. My brother and I did spend every other weekend with my real dad and step mom, but my dad, is my step father. My mom has always had a special relationship with my brother and I. She never openly told us that we came/come first but I really do believe that we always have and will. I highly doubt she ever told my dad that though as she has a different kind of love for him than she does for her children.
The best thing I've ever heard, to best suit your question, was one time at a business meeting. Our friend, Jeremy, was talking about a time when he was younger and he was so mad at his mom that he shoved her and she hit against a wall and slightly hurt herself. When Jeremy's dad got home, his mom told his dad what had happened. His dad went outside and asked his son, ';Why did you shove your mom?'; Jeremy said, ';She's my mom. I can shove her if I want to.'; To which his dad replied, ';She's your mom BUT she's MY wife and I will do anything in my power to protect her.';
I agree with you that his daughter, if she doesn't like the new girlfriend, will do her best to sabotage the new relationship. I think it'd be okay to let his girlfriend know that his little girl comes first, but not to tell his little girl that. She may take that into extremes and it might come back to bite him in the a$s.
Did any of this make sense??
:)
~_~
Alright, here comes my cynical, realistic, personal experience side. Yes, your child comes first. Because...in my life at least the waking up for the next 50years kind of relationship does not exist. If they are my soul mate or whatever they can take things on my terms and go as slowly as necessary for the comfort of myself and my child. Since I don't believe that is likely they will probably leave saving me the trouble of ditching them later when I realize what a jerk they really are. I wouldn't trust anyone I met or even fell in love with enough to ever put them equal or above my child. Just wouldn't happen. That said, if my child had a malicious streak and just wanted to break me up with anyone and everyone I'd have some serious talks with them about it.
sure
Well, he was over not to long ago with his daughter, and said something that kind of caught me off guard.
';I'm looking to date again, but the next girl better realize that my baby is number one with me. She comes second, no questions.';
I kinda started thinking about it, and can totally understand with his little girl being so young that he'd feel that way, but kids are pretty smart - They are also pretty possessive as they get older of their mommy and daddy, so if his little princess realizes that she's number one, she could seriously sabatoge any of his relationships as a young kid...
Do you think your kids should come before a spouse or potential spouse? I'm not talking about a fly by night g/f or b/f, I'm talking about the real deal - Your life mate, the one you plan to wake up next to for the next 50 years, have a retirement with, to sit and chat with when your kids have families of their own, etc.
Personally, I don't really know how I feel about it - I'm kind of caught on the age of the child, and the sincerity of the relationship...
What's your opinion?What is your opinion?
I'm married and my husband comes first for the most part. We both tend to put the kids first if they are sick or when they were babies. I guess you could really say we put their needs before our own. If he were to ever abuse my children, however they would come first and he better say his prayers.What is your opinion?
Yeah thats a tricky one i think im going to have to be a fence sitter!
My daughter is #1. Has been since she was born.
I'm still with her father...but if I ever had to kick him out in order to make life better for my child, protect her, or for any reason, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Kid comes first...period!
being a mother i really think that your children come first, but if it is about your life partner then they should be treated equally because sooner or later your children will leave you and have a life of their own so they should both be your #1 priority
I don't know how I feel about it either. On one hand a child is forever and people do get divorced... My daughter is 14 months old and I do put her first to the point its a flaw of mine. I recently made the decision to hire a babysitter so we could go out once a month and keep our marriage on track.
Your spouse is supposed to be #1 and kids are a welcome addition to the family, but its hard to do sometimes.
I think its good for now for his daughter to know she is #1, but once daddy gets serious in a relationship his priorities might shift a tiny bit and they can become equals.
I dont think that parents should tell their child that they have free reign over their relationship but I think there is a healthy way to allow the child to know she is important.
I am with a man that has a 4-year old son from a previous relationship. We are expecting ourselves in June! We have been together for quite some time and it's hard to explain our relationship. I don't want to say he puts any of us ';first';. It's not like that with him. If me and my fiance were together and something happened to his son, we'd both be there in an instant! And if myself, my fiance and his son were all together and something happened to me, my fiance would react immediately as well. If his son could be there depending on the situation then he would, and if not my fiance would make immediate plans for someone to be with is son, or for his mother to get him. Thankfully, his mother and her husband and myself and my fiance all get along rather well and have a nice relationship among each other. This really helps for my fiance's son and it's nice to see that relationships can be built like this, esp. for the child.
I am not for putting anyone first. And, if it's a real life partner and somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with then no, there is no putting anyone first.
They are two completely different kinds of relationships. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage and she goes in between us all the time, but her dad knows what she is doing. He loves her and me, and lets both of us know that. He said when I married him that it was not a competition. He is her father, but he is my husband. Fathers do not need to let their children ruin a potentially great relationship. Everybody will eventually have to get along.
I think it depends on the situation. They should definitely be more important sometimes, but sometimes not.
I think it's hard to answer this. Kids are on a different level than significant others. Looking at my parents relationship I see that with my dad we (kids) come first. Looking at my sister and her child he (the kid) definitely comes first. What single parents need to make their kids realize is that they will date and that there has to be room for someone else in their life too. But dating life should be kept separate. I don't have kids that's just how I feel. And his daughter will have been in his life for longer than any other woman that comes in at this point so whoever comes in has to realize that she's coming into a family, not just a man. Kids come first to a lot of parents, the relationship needs to be established and maybe he shouldn't treat her like a princess and actually lay down ground rules and discipline like we had when I was a kid.
YES they come before any one. If I had to choose between my boys and my husband it would be my boys no questions asked. And my husband is the greatest and the only person who was always there for me. And I also feel that if this spouse of his (or soon to be or what ever) cannot understand and except that his daughter is 1st then she is not the ';real deal'; or ';the right one'; for him. I also think that your in law is an amazing man and no hands down should have at least part custody of his little girl. There are not many men out there who feel this way.
yes. she's my baby, my flesh and blood. until she's an adult, I think she will always come first. she cant fend for herself yet. even when shes 12, she will still come first. until she's out of the house and in her own life, will i put a man first before my own child, and it has to be a very good man at that!
Hmm, that's tough and I guess it could be looked at differently with every child.
My mom and dad divorced when my brother was 4 and I was 10 months. From as early as I can remember my dad made it clear no matter how many women he dated my brother and I were his ';number ones';....and that he loved us more than anything in the world. That being said, my father dated a pretty good bit, especially while we were younger, and neither my brother nor myself ever felt compelled to sabotage his relationship. I feel my dad showed us enough love even while he was with other women for both of us to feel comfortable with her and not feel pushed aside or less loved. I can, however, understand some children that might feel that way given their own personalities and the child/parent relationship as a whole.
I love my partner and I love my daughter but to compare to each which is more, is hard. It's a different love I have for my daughter compared to the love I have for her father, so to do that would almost be impossible for me.
I talked about it with my husband before because his mom dated a lot of guys when he was growing up. ( I mean not a lot lot but several, some serious some not)
I think that young children come first, even in our relationship our kids needs come first. Like if we had plans but someone is sick, we cancel and stay home to take care of the kid, if there is a school play etc we go etc..
If I had to start dating I would put my kids first in a way, not that they would have a say who I would date but if you date me you pretty much date my kids too so if you arent nice to them, I wouldnt go out with you and stuff like that.
But you are right, kids are smart and can try to use stuff like that so I wouldnt be announcing it to everyone, just keeping it for myself
My hubby the father of both of my children comes first. My kids also come first. A future partner if there ever was one would not come before my kids. I would never put anyone before my relationships with my family. I met and fell in love with my husband before we had kids. I also have unstoppable love for my babies. I would let no harm come to either. But if there was a future mate they would have to understand that my kids come first and if he had kids I would Expect the same from him.
Your children ALWAYS come before your needs, and that includes your ';need'; to have a partner. You can't trust that you will wake up to that same person for the next 50 years and someone who already has children with someone else knows that, whereas your children always count on you. Even when your children are out of the house and starting their own family: they are the most important thing to you.
Kids come first ALWAYS
This situation I think is different from the perceived ';normal family,'; where the father of child is married or at least with the mother of the child. In that case, I think the marital relationship should come first. This is because the father needs to take of the mother so that she in return can take of the child. Kind of like the old saying, ';if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.'; The child is of course a very close second.
But in this case, where the child already has a mother, the father's time should be more concentrated toward his child than another woman, not the mother of his child. He is probably going with his heart on this one because he most likely put the child's mother first in their relationship and watched it turn sour at the expense of the child and does not want that to happen again. He therefore puts his child first this time because she will always be in his life.
Honestly My whole life is my husband and my daughter. We are a family, and if for some reason we break, My whole life becomes my DAUGHTER. Future spouse or not I already made a comitment BEFORE i got with the future spouse when I gave birth to my daughter, Thats just how i see it.
BUT im also one of those woman who if my husband and I dont make it, Im happy without a man, sure i will be lonely sometimes but i wont be out looking for other men at all. I have more important things in my life to keep me happy. thats just how i see it :)
EDIT: Alyssa's mom nailed on the head with this ';Your spouse is supposed to be #1 and kids are a welcome addition to the family, but its hard to do sometimes.';
That is something so true but SO HARD that a woman, let alone a MOTHER has to go through, Because our children are OUR hearts and its hard to share them with someone else (their father) and its hard because sometimes we have to back away and let the father help raise the children too.
Hey Mama Lisee Loo!
The situation isn't ideal. Ideally we stay with the parents of our children. I have first hand experience with this as I come from a broken home with parents that are both remarried. It's really tough on the spouses as well as the children. And yes making her ';Daddies little princess'; could take its toll on any of his relationships, but it doesn't sound like he's looking to date seriously, and women that are in it for a casual time may not mind being second. However, I know that if I were to split with my fiance, as selfish as it sounds I'd want to rake just as high on the list as his children. So to answer your question, ultimately no children should not come before a long term spouse. They should all be prioritized and included. The best thing he can do is to include his little girl on dates, and visa versa, include his spouse on his dates with his daughter. I don't think there's any black/white answer to this one, the areas in between are very grey.
I'd always want to be included (heaven forbid I split with my fiance) and on the other hand I'd probably always put my son first if embarking down the road in a new relationship.... it just would feel unnatural to do anything else, considering he's my flesh and blood.
I would hope he'd temper those feelings (which is great, BTW!) with a healthy dose of discipline, too. People should put their kids first - that's why you have wackos like Susan Smith and Casey Anthony running around who kill their kids because of some dumb man. Or put up with a man who doesn't like their kids. I can't understand that crap.
I think as long as he raises her with expectations of her behavior and sets limits, just like anyone else would, it's okay for her to be first in his life, and that's nice. Not everyone feels that strongly about their kids when it comes to romantic relationships, and maybe they should.
I think if the child is there before a relationship start (as per with your brother in law) then i think yes, the child should come first. But in a relationship like mine (my fiance and i had our baby together) then they are equal in my eyes and i would not favour one over the other.
If my fiance and i wer to break up then she would absoluely come first, no question there.
No. Your spouse comes first always. This is even in the bible.
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Your children will move on your spouse does not.
When you put your spouse first your children learn from this and are able to apply this in their own lives later down the road.
I definitely put my daughter first before my fiance. To him, our daughter comes first, I come second. It is a mutual understanding and we never felt like she comes in between us. We just want the best for her and if she is happy than we are happy.
Men (or women) come and go and kids are forever. And as much as my little one comes before my husband for me, she comes first when it comes to me for my husband. And that is right. And normal person would not even be jealous. And kids have to know that they come first.
I was 14 years old when my mom married my stepdad. This situation is not so easy and clear cut as it seems. It depends on a lot of things. For instance how the other person treats the child, or how old the kid is when the person becomes involved. Using myself as an example: I was 14 and had already spent the last 5 years without a dad. I was absolutely ok with my mom getting married but when my stepdad started trying to put rules on me and talk to me rudely as if he had known me all my life and he had a right to, that was the dealbreaker and he seriously came between me and my mother, which in my opinion; the relationship between me and my mom is more important that the one he has with her. My mom rejected me because she didn't understand that by disliking him I wasn't trying to come between her and Matt; I just thought that he should have had to form a relationship as a father with me before he had the right to order me around. So my mother didn't consider me above him and it drove me far, far away from her. To this day it still does. And it still hurts.
Just because the child's well being is above all else doesn't mean a good balance can't be found. There is a solution to everything on this earth. However if I had to sacrifice my happiness for that of my child I would do it in a heartbeat.
Well I'm a little torn onthis one.
I guess when they're very little they should come first, but as they get older you have to start giving the attention back to your so and let your child know you still love them just as much and will never stop, but it's time to have time with the other parent or stepparent.
I come from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was, maybe, 6 months old, so I don't know any other dad besides my step dad. My brother and I did spend every other weekend with my real dad and step mom, but my dad, is my step father. My mom has always had a special relationship with my brother and I. She never openly told us that we came/come first but I really do believe that we always have and will. I highly doubt she ever told my dad that though as she has a different kind of love for him than she does for her children.
The best thing I've ever heard, to best suit your question, was one time at a business meeting. Our friend, Jeremy, was talking about a time when he was younger and he was so mad at his mom that he shoved her and she hit against a wall and slightly hurt herself. When Jeremy's dad got home, his mom told his dad what had happened. His dad went outside and asked his son, ';Why did you shove your mom?'; Jeremy said, ';She's my mom. I can shove her if I want to.'; To which his dad replied, ';She's your mom BUT she's MY wife and I will do anything in my power to protect her.';
I agree with you that his daughter, if she doesn't like the new girlfriend, will do her best to sabotage the new relationship. I think it'd be okay to let his girlfriend know that his little girl comes first, but not to tell his little girl that. She may take that into extremes and it might come back to bite him in the a$s.
Did any of this make sense??
:)
~_~
Alright, here comes my cynical, realistic, personal experience side. Yes, your child comes first. Because...in my life at least the waking up for the next 50years kind of relationship does not exist. If they are my soul mate or whatever they can take things on my terms and go as slowly as necessary for the comfort of myself and my child. Since I don't believe that is likely they will probably leave saving me the trouble of ditching them later when I realize what a jerk they really are. I wouldn't trust anyone I met or even fell in love with enough to ever put them equal or above my child. Just wouldn't happen. That said, if my child had a malicious streak and just wanted to break me up with anyone and everyone I'd have some serious talks with them about it.
sure
How do you deal with a Mother in Law that just butts in your relationship?
My Mother in Law butts in my husband and I marriage. I know I know, I've heard a million times to have my husband do something but really there is nothing he can do. All she does is point out all the wrong doings that I do in the relationship, but never see's the wrong that her son has done or does do. But that's okay with me because I do realize that it's her son. I just want to know a way to handle her always critizing mistakes I make in OUR relationship. The one that she isn't supposed to even be in. And when I say something to her, she gives me a guilt trip that she is only trying to make her son and I's marriage better. But that's not what she is doing....all she is doing is causing problems by doing her bullsh*t. So what do I do???How do you deal with a Mother in Law that just butts in your relationship?
she does love her son and u know she is always going to take his side, but if he weren't over at her house telling her about it, she would never know and wouldn't be interfering. maybe her motives are genuine, maybe not, but ask your husband to stop sharing every little disagreement with her.How do you deal with a Mother in Law that just butts in your relationship?
tell her if she wants to help that she needs to butt out and let you guys figure it out on your own and if you want her advice you'll ask but until then she needs to keep her mouth shut.
Tell her you take cash or checks and this will possibly make the marriage better, otherwise, you are fine without the help.
So, couldn't you address those points bluntly?
1. My mistakes will be worked out between me and my husband.
2. You don't belong in our relationship.
3. It doesn't help our marriage when you do this.
You don't do anything except ignore her comments! Some MIL's can make it miserable but only if you let them know it bothers you. This is tough because she is your husbands mom and you should of course want things to be good. Try to find a little humor in this and just keep on grinning. It'll surely make her wonder what you're thinking when she says something criticizing to you. If you keep your attitude bright and cheerful even when things are being said then you're showing her that her efforts are not provoking a reaction in you. This worked for me with my meddling mother in law and everyone ended up very happy.
Move away. Change your number. If your husband doesn't stick to his vow to ';leaving his mother and father and cleaving to his wife';...then he broke his promise in marriage to you.
sounds like he likes being ';mom's favorite'; and you're on her list.
I agree with ruth lol. tell her that you have it under control and are both working to make your marriage better.... if she keeps butting in give her marriage advice, and tell her you thought the stuff she told you was helpful so you thought you would do the same for her(after all people always are growing in their relationships!) maybe that will send her the message to butt out! good luck!
I too had an interfering mother in law! so i do sympathize as i know how draining it is on a daily basis. I got blamed for everything money troubles (which was my ex husbands fault not mine!) If im honest it didn't end till i divorced him! (Not because of her i should point out) but she saw that i made my life better and hes still doing the same ..... nothing at all! Unfortunately in most cases you just have to put up with it, or be civil but have a word with her, try and let her know her comments effect you both. Good luck x
She is older than you and knows exactly what she is doing. The truth is, now brace yourself, she doesn't like you.
What you have to do is be smarter than her. When she criticizes you, calmly sit with her and and ask, ';how would you have done it better?'; This will surprise her because you are asking instead of retaliating. She is trying to create a wedge between you and your husband. He knows that he should stand up to her, but that, as you have pointed out, would seem to be pointless.
At first this will seem and feel to be the hardest thing to do - ever. And she will test to see if you really are being sincere. So she will point out even more things. You still need to be calm and thank her for her generous advice.
There is a point where she would have no business and when she goes there, if she dares, you will have to take her aside privately and calmly deal with that as well. The marital bed. That is a topic where she has no business and you must really show how much of a woman you are to your house if she ever goes that far.
Once the peace returns to the home, your husband will be proud of you. Notice the feelings you may have with him for not stepping in to do what was his business to handle. Those feelings will subside. Be patient.
is she saying these things to you specifically? it sounds like it's time to be very blunt with her and tell her to stay out of your marital affairs. if she continues talking tell her you will be hanging up the phone or leaving the house (whichever is appropriate at the time) if she doesn't stop.then carry out your threat. a good parent knows to stay out of their children's lives when it comes to things like this. she obviously has no life of her own so she's decided to get involved in yours
You need to sit down with her together, as a team, and tell her that while you appreciate her intentions, that your marriage is your own, and you fully intend to keep it between the two of you from now on without her intervention or commentary. Then, never discuss your marriage with her again--either of you.
Distance yourself as much as possible. She will not be able to meddle if she can't be around. Some people are just like this.
Never ever include her in any of your personal conversations that you have with your husband. Keep those conversations between the two of you when she is not around. That will definitely help.
You can also work up the nerve to kindly please leave the issue to you and your husband to work out and let her know how it aggravates you and makes everything worse. Sure, she thinks she is trying to help, but let her know that you would like to figure out your mistakes by yourself with your husband. It's hard to say when you are a nice person and don't want to hurt her feelings. But it works. I know what it feels like to have this happen, cause it happened to me. It got so bad I finally told my MIL to please let us (me and her daughter ) work things out in our time the way we see fit. I know it's hard to tell her anything of the sort, but the sooner you tell her to please butt out the better you will feel. You can do this. I did, and it was hard. But it worked and there was no hard feelings. (smile)
can you ignore her? the silent treatment usually gets their attention.
And yes there is something your husband can do. He can defend you by pointing out to her all the good things you do and how much you mean to him. If my parents were acting that way towards my wife, it would bother me to no end and I would want to say something to them.
Yes, there is absolutely something he can do, he can tell her to fvck off and mind her own business, he needs to have a testicle transplant for a bigger pair, that is ridiculous in the meantime have nothing to do with her have no communication with her and if she does get to you somehow and starts in, just tell her you do not need any advice from her then leave. Cut her out of your life.
Do not talk to her about your issues anymore. I have a m.i.l. who is quite similar and it drives me crazy. I have learned that I can only tell her certain things unless I want her to start preaching to me.
There really is not a whole lot more than you can do except what your already doing, deal with her. I suppose when she says something inaccurate, you can correct her like I have done with my meddling mother in law but use caution because it can cause bigger issues. But maybe it's time for hubby to get his momma in check. I feel for ya, I really do. I have so been there and still kinda there with my MIL. Now my FIL is a different story and I simply love him to bits. My MIL has mellowed out somewhat over the past year or so. We also chose to move further away and only see his parents once a month now and it was at least 1 time a week and sometimes more before we moved. But then I was the blame for us moving far away and in all reality, it was hubby's idea and his momma knows this but refuses to believe it. Look at it this way, this is honestly what I do. I look forward to the day that my 4 sons' make me a MIL, I have promised myself that I'd NEVER be like my MIL is. I hope to have 4 great relationships one day with my future DIL's. ;-) Good luck.
Mary in Camden, MI
i dont know .i have a good mother in law
she does love her son and u know she is always going to take his side, but if he weren't over at her house telling her about it, she would never know and wouldn't be interfering. maybe her motives are genuine, maybe not, but ask your husband to stop sharing every little disagreement with her.How do you deal with a Mother in Law that just butts in your relationship?
tell her if she wants to help that she needs to butt out and let you guys figure it out on your own and if you want her advice you'll ask but until then she needs to keep her mouth shut.
Tell her you take cash or checks and this will possibly make the marriage better, otherwise, you are fine without the help.
So, couldn't you address those points bluntly?
1. My mistakes will be worked out between me and my husband.
2. You don't belong in our relationship.
3. It doesn't help our marriage when you do this.
You don't do anything except ignore her comments! Some MIL's can make it miserable but only if you let them know it bothers you. This is tough because she is your husbands mom and you should of course want things to be good. Try to find a little humor in this and just keep on grinning. It'll surely make her wonder what you're thinking when she says something criticizing to you. If you keep your attitude bright and cheerful even when things are being said then you're showing her that her efforts are not provoking a reaction in you. This worked for me with my meddling mother in law and everyone ended up very happy.
Move away. Change your number. If your husband doesn't stick to his vow to ';leaving his mother and father and cleaving to his wife';...then he broke his promise in marriage to you.
sounds like he likes being ';mom's favorite'; and you're on her list.
I agree with ruth lol. tell her that you have it under control and are both working to make your marriage better.... if she keeps butting in give her marriage advice, and tell her you thought the stuff she told you was helpful so you thought you would do the same for her(after all people always are growing in their relationships!) maybe that will send her the message to butt out! good luck!
I too had an interfering mother in law! so i do sympathize as i know how draining it is on a daily basis. I got blamed for everything money troubles (which was my ex husbands fault not mine!) If im honest it didn't end till i divorced him! (Not because of her i should point out) but she saw that i made my life better and hes still doing the same ..... nothing at all! Unfortunately in most cases you just have to put up with it, or be civil but have a word with her, try and let her know her comments effect you both. Good luck x
She is older than you and knows exactly what she is doing. The truth is, now brace yourself, she doesn't like you.
What you have to do is be smarter than her. When she criticizes you, calmly sit with her and and ask, ';how would you have done it better?'; This will surprise her because you are asking instead of retaliating. She is trying to create a wedge between you and your husband. He knows that he should stand up to her, but that, as you have pointed out, would seem to be pointless.
At first this will seem and feel to be the hardest thing to do - ever. And she will test to see if you really are being sincere. So she will point out even more things. You still need to be calm and thank her for her generous advice.
There is a point where she would have no business and when she goes there, if she dares, you will have to take her aside privately and calmly deal with that as well. The marital bed. That is a topic where she has no business and you must really show how much of a woman you are to your house if she ever goes that far.
Once the peace returns to the home, your husband will be proud of you. Notice the feelings you may have with him for not stepping in to do what was his business to handle. Those feelings will subside. Be patient.
is she saying these things to you specifically? it sounds like it's time to be very blunt with her and tell her to stay out of your marital affairs. if she continues talking tell her you will be hanging up the phone or leaving the house (whichever is appropriate at the time) if she doesn't stop.then carry out your threat. a good parent knows to stay out of their children's lives when it comes to things like this. she obviously has no life of her own so she's decided to get involved in yours
You need to sit down with her together, as a team, and tell her that while you appreciate her intentions, that your marriage is your own, and you fully intend to keep it between the two of you from now on without her intervention or commentary. Then, never discuss your marriage with her again--either of you.
Distance yourself as much as possible. She will not be able to meddle if she can't be around. Some people are just like this.
Never ever include her in any of your personal conversations that you have with your husband. Keep those conversations between the two of you when she is not around. That will definitely help.
You can also work up the nerve to kindly please leave the issue to you and your husband to work out and let her know how it aggravates you and makes everything worse. Sure, she thinks she is trying to help, but let her know that you would like to figure out your mistakes by yourself with your husband. It's hard to say when you are a nice person and don't want to hurt her feelings. But it works. I know what it feels like to have this happen, cause it happened to me. It got so bad I finally told my MIL to please let us (me and her daughter ) work things out in our time the way we see fit. I know it's hard to tell her anything of the sort, but the sooner you tell her to please butt out the better you will feel. You can do this. I did, and it was hard. But it worked and there was no hard feelings. (smile)
can you ignore her? the silent treatment usually gets their attention.
And yes there is something your husband can do. He can defend you by pointing out to her all the good things you do and how much you mean to him. If my parents were acting that way towards my wife, it would bother me to no end and I would want to say something to them.
Yes, there is absolutely something he can do, he can tell her to fvck off and mind her own business, he needs to have a testicle transplant for a bigger pair, that is ridiculous in the meantime have nothing to do with her have no communication with her and if she does get to you somehow and starts in, just tell her you do not need any advice from her then leave. Cut her out of your life.
Do not talk to her about your issues anymore. I have a m.i.l. who is quite similar and it drives me crazy. I have learned that I can only tell her certain things unless I want her to start preaching to me.
There really is not a whole lot more than you can do except what your already doing, deal with her. I suppose when she says something inaccurate, you can correct her like I have done with my meddling mother in law but use caution because it can cause bigger issues. But maybe it's time for hubby to get his momma in check. I feel for ya, I really do. I have so been there and still kinda there with my MIL. Now my FIL is a different story and I simply love him to bits. My MIL has mellowed out somewhat over the past year or so. We also chose to move further away and only see his parents once a month now and it was at least 1 time a week and sometimes more before we moved. But then I was the blame for us moving far away and in all reality, it was hubby's idea and his momma knows this but refuses to believe it. Look at it this way, this is honestly what I do. I look forward to the day that my 4 sons' make me a MIL, I have promised myself that I'd NEVER be like my MIL is. I hope to have 4 great relationships one day with my future DIL's. ;-) Good luck.
Mary in Camden, MI
i dont know .i have a good mother in law
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