How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?

I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law and I have never had a smooth relationship. She tried to break up my husband and I on more than one occasion and has treated me terribly over the years. She has said the most horrible awful things about me and to me and then used the ';Oh I was joking'; or ';I never said that'; excuse. Now that I am pregnant she has taken it upon herself to ';decide'; things. If we dont agree or dont like it, we are ungrateful and she cries and lays a guilt trip on us. My husband is always swayed by his mom and its an ongoing battle.



Well, his mother bought us a crib. Its lovely and she actually let us pick it out--surprise surprise! We havent set it up yet which caused a huge hubbub but we are going to be moving soon and using a bassinet for the first few months so our choice was to leave it in the box for now. She went hysterical and almost disowned us. We smoothed that out and now she is saying she would like to buy us the crib mattress and crib bedding when we are ready for it. She would even just give me the cash to choose it myself. We thought that was the end of it.



Well, she has apparently decided that I have this penchant for animal prints and will be plastering my baby's room in them. She just emailed to tell me she bought zebra print fabric today to make a bumper and bedding for the crib. Never did I mention that I wanted the room in zebra. And she didnt ask me to come pick out fabric I might like. She just did it. I am so mad and so upset at her. She has done things like this before. Her husband will take a piece of furniture of ours to repair (hes a carpenter), next thing we know she has stained it for us in a stain of her choice because she thought it needed it. Now she has moved onto the baby. If I say a single thing to her, Im going to be the ungrateful brat and will be blasted to the entire family.



I dont know what to do. Normally Id be mad but Im heavy, Im tired, Im hormonal, Im emotional, Im giving birth to my first child in 9 days and Im about set to cry.



Has anyone else had to deal with a meddling mother-in-law? How were you able to nip it at the bud? I dont want this woman insinuating herself in every aspect of childrearing and our lives! I dont know what to do anymore....I try to be nice, I try to be polite, I try not to rock the boat but Im so tired of being the Stepford daughter in law and letting her do this. Help?How do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
ok,helpful hint...if you seriously don't want to make waves with her then just accept the gifts...(the zebra print stuff) but keep it put up and use as a back up for when the other bedding you bought or chose is being washed or something,or use it for when she comes over...if she happens to come over when the other bedding is still on there then simply tell her that her beautiful gifts to the baby are being washed and you needed something on the crib for when she naps.

Now me on the other hand,I got TIRED and FED UP with my MIL tryin top run everything in my life and after about 2 yrs it was time to put on the gloves. I first told my husband that I felt like his mother was walkin all over me and that he was following right behind her...well he didn't see it that way so when she made another ';helpful suggestion'; in the bitchy way she does I simply told her ';Thanks but I'd really rather have it this way'; She has constantly been on my case since the first day she met me since I took her baby away(hubby is her youngest son of 2 boys). She has constantly tried breaking us up before and AFTER we got married,she always treated our daughters like **** because they are not boys,she would buy the girls BOY clothes which I have no problem with because I will put them in any type of clothes but when she buys them little sailor suits to get pictures done in...I don't frickin think so! And everytime I would tell her that I didn't like something or she was overstepping her boundaries a little she would cry and make a big hysterical thing of it to hubby and then he would also be pissed off at me....so finally I told them both that if its like that then they can move in with eachother and do that crap because I already have 2 daughters and another on the way and I'll be damned if I put up with this crap from a 50 yr old woman and a 23 yr old man! No way!

Sometimes,in some cases you have to put your foot down or it will only get worse and NEVER come to an end...and in other cases you just have to bite your tongue and let it go...In this case with it dealing with your baby I would suggest putting your foot down and telling her when she makes her ';helpful suggestions'; that you two have already chosen a nursery theme for the baby and any other decisions you've made about the baby... She needs to realize this is YOUR child not HERS. There is a fine line between helping and overrunning...I think she has officially crossed that lineHow do you deal with a mother-in-law who takes it upon herself to decorate for your baby? Or other meddling?
I know what your going through. When i found out I was pregnant my mother-in-law wanted to buy any and everthing that had a cowboy or a horse on it. I was having a little girl, I understood the occasional cut cowboy boot, but she was a little excessive. My husband at first accused me of being selfish, b/c it was her first grandchild, and that I should let her buy what she wanted. I didn't want her to waist her money on things we wouldn't use.



Later I found out that she wanted our daughter to call her mawme, something that so closely resembled mommy that no one could tell the difference when anyone said it. Finally after months of talking to my husband about how bad she was making me feel and how she was taking away a name that only a mother should be called and I couldn't live with that, i would resent her forever, he talked to his mother and she gave in.



I think because it came from her son it was easier for her to give up. Now she is happy with being called grandma and she has steered clear of the cowboy gear, except for the occasional piece or two. The tension is gone and we have a great relationship now.
I loved SpazShed's response. This is exactly right. You will keep her happy and still get your own way. My MIL was a little over zealous at first too. She was so delighted with her granddaughter that she totally ';forgot'; about my 5 year son from a previous marriage. The baby got all sorts of gifts and her brother was just kicked to the curb. I talked to her about it and told her I couldn't allow the other child to be hurt so please stop buying so many presents unless she could include him. The next time it happened, I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and told her that, regretfully, I could not accept them because my little boy had been excluded. Thank God that she was in fact a loving grandmother and after that did not try to overindulge one child. God bless her, she became my best friend and I have missed her every single day since she died almost three years ago. I hope things can work out for you.
I also have a meddling mother-in-law. We didn't use to get along at all...BEFORE my daughter was born. We get along fine now that my daughter is here, hopefully she will calm down as my mom-in-law did.



Do not settle of the baby crib/bumper stuff. It is your baby, and your room, you should be able to decorate the room as you want it to look. Also, you should not accept any money from her. Just tell her the crib was enough and not to buy more gifts. If does the zebra thing, thank her a return it.
I feel your pain!! My in-laws live in Italy and that is one of the reasons why we get along so very well. They recently spent three months here living with us and my mother-in-law second guessed everything I did and said and caused such a ruckus I can't even begin to explain!! My son wanted a Spiderman room...so I painted 2 walls red and 2 walls blue (added a Spidey border and wall decals...super cute!). She went on and on and on about how ugly red was and why would I paint my sons' room the color of blood.....



I have a 3.5 year old son and am currently preggo with #2. You need to sit down and talk to your husband and make sure he understands that he married you and he needs to stand by you when it comes to his mother. I am sure there will be some sources of contention, but you need to have his support.



Maybe you could sit down and let her know that it is important to you to decorate the baby's room the way you want because it is your first. Ask her for some input...other than zebra print. Good luck smoothing things over...



My mother-in-law finally went back to Italy and it will be too soon when they come back for the next visit!!!




my boyfriends mother is can be SO annoying! i know she means well but sometimes it just too much!



my boyfriend is on a business trip for a little over a month and before we found out i was pregnant we were going to move out(we are staying at his moms) but this trip came up so decided to wait and move until he got back. we didnt tell his mom i was pregnant b/c they have never had a close relationship and she is kind of ';off'; she has a mental disease. she is like an 8 year old and doesnt think before she speaks and just does things- so anyway, i told her i was pregnant last week and she reacted the way i thought she would really excited! everything was going fine until she bought baby clothes, i was really appreciative and grateful that she bought clothes but they werent really my taste so i thanked her but nicely told her to hold off on buying clothes until my boyfriends get back because we really are both so picky about the babies things. well 2 days later she comes home with more clothes and more baby things, again i was incredibly grateful for her to spend her money and think of us but what she bought was so freaking ugly!! she doesnt seem to listen, all she ask the same questions over and over she just rewords them. Im super excited about being a mommy but im somewhat depressed b/c my boyfriend is gone i really want us to make decisions together about the baby,and be here with me(he missed the first ultrasound%26amp; i havent seen him in a month) she keeps asking me questions and i really just want her to stop until he comes back. ive told her multiple times that any decision made about the baby will be mutual between us, and she ignores what i say and will either buy things because SHE wants to, or ask me things that ive already given her an answer for! this may seem silly but its frustrating because im hormonal and lonely and she is just really getting on my nerves!!
I think you should speak with your husband and let him know how you feel so that he can have your back on the subject but you need to stand up as a mother and let her know that she has already raised a child and you appreciate her trying to help you but like her you have to learn to be your own mother or else what will you do when she is gone???? Be a mom not a daughter and have a mother to mother conversation.
You should sit down with your husband and tell him what your feelings are. Maybe he sees it, but doesn't really realize it is hurting you so much. Tell him that this is your life and his, and his mother needs to let go. You can still accept suggestions from her, and hey you might even like them sometimes, but ultimately it is your life with your husband and you are adding another life very soon. Your husband should maybe talk to his mother, he might know how to approach her better than you could because of her feelings towards you already. Good luck, and congratulations!!
Your husband needs to back you on this. Him siding with his mom is causing this problem to escalate to the level it has. I know this is easier said than done, but really things will not get better until he starts siding with you and not bending to his mother's will.




it sounds like to me that your MnL is very excited about becoming a grandmother to her son's 1st baby and is forgetting about your feelings and wishes in the mist of all her excitement, your man needs to have a long talk with his mother to calm her down a bit and let her know that although its perfectly fine and normal for his mother and father to be excited about the inpending birth, that it is yours and his 1st child together and your guys want to do all the exciteng things to get ready for him/her your own way.
Oh yah... I've been there...



What I did? Pacify her while she's there and let it go when she wasn't. She bought my daughter an authentic mexican dress that she thought we'd have her wear non-stop... I basically put her in it, took picture of her roaming about in it... and then gave her the pics and she never brought it up.



So for the bedding... I suggest buying your own kinds... make sure she sees it once in the room... the rest of the time, say it needed to be washed.



Don't get yourself so worked up. And don't let her get you worked up.



Or you could always tell her... but I know how hard that can be... I say pacify her. And then go about your business.



Good luck!!!