How do you deal with your mother having 'favorites'?

I'm 17, and my sister is 10. Ever since she was born, I've felt like my mother isn't close to me at all anymore. She has been verbally abusive to me over the years and is always, always comparing me to my little sister. I'm not as good to her, not as smart, not what she wants. But my sister is. It lead me to depression last year which, thankfully, i've recovered from the most part. She made me feel completely useless. I try to not let it get to me, but it still does.



I have no problem with my sister, we're very close. We're eachothers best friend and she's a wonderful girl. It's just my mother with the problem with me not as perfect as her.



I've tried talking to her about it, i've talked to my dad and even grandparents, but she just..doesn't change. I don't think she ever will.



How do you deal with this sort of issue?How do you deal with your mother having 'favorites'?
To be honest, it sucks but if you've talked to her and she hasn't changed well she probably never will. It so so unfair for you. But think that you will be out of there in a few years. Make sure you are with people who really care about and value you. Keep that close relationship with sis and spend as little time with mum as u can. Or try writing a note to her since she might take you more seriously if it's in writing, if you know what I mean. Don't let it get you down. You have recognised this favouritism which is the first step, you can see that it is obviously just stupid favouritism and does not mean you are inferior of course. Just brush it off if you can. You will be a strong person if you can get through this as it is extremely hurtful I know and I'm sorry.How do you deal with your mother having 'favorites'?
maybe you can talk to your sister and try and get her to talk to your mom. i hope it works out for you
I am a little sibling, so it is hard for me to answer that but i think that you should try to ignore it, and when she is fighting you say ';mom, please, stop comparing me to *whatever your sister's name is*';
This is a mistake..........they shouldn't favor one child over the other.
let her realize how bad she has treated you and how worthless you have been feeling by comparing her to someone.



im sori to hear how bad your mother has made you feel
I think everyone will have their favorite and every parents will have their favorite son or daughter. Good parents will try to hide this fact and make the children feel that they are equally loved. only God love us no matter who we are.

For your case, your mum may be very direct and frank on who she prefer. It is fine, you are already 17 and you dont really need your mum to pamper you. You are just not too close to your mum, that's all. it fine, move on with life, you will eventually know a guy and make sure your life partner really love you, that is more important.

Set up your family and you have your own favorite child too, but you have already learned how to be a good mum through yur own experience.

You will be fair to your children and i know you will not compare them even if you have a favorite in your heart.

Be happy and contented that you have a good family, that is good enough, be happy about everything, be happy that the sister that you loved is well loved by your mum, be happy for her. it makes your life more meaningful. Dont be depressed for you are stronger through it all.
You are, you acknowledge it exists and have expressed your views to those around you. Unfortunately, parents have issues too and are not perfect. I have been guilty of comparing my daughters but I do not love one more than the other. It is easy to feel that way but may not necessarily be true. If she continues to be abusive, stay away from her but keep in contact with your sister. Let your Mom know some ground rules for your sanity. You might try writing it down in a letter and give it to her. If you write it while your angry, cool down and re read it before giving it to her because as you know once said it cannot be taken back, even if it was said in anger. So sorry to hear, good luck.
I think the best option here is to recognize that your mother is wrong to think that. It is very tempting for a child to try to follow what parents think despite them thinking otherwise since we usually look up to our parents are a role model. However, there will come a time when you disagree with them on some issues and you should learn to understand that there are things that even our parents are wrong about. This could be one of them. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough but yourself. Parents should love their children the way they are. No matter what you are or will become, your mom should learn to appreciate that.



Parents are prone to ';cuddle'; the younger of the siblings naturally probably due to them feeling they are younger and needs care for. But I'm sure she does love you too. It is also very easy for parents to have favorites because people naturally tend to choose things that we feel are better. However, it maybe that she has yet to recognize the part in you that makes you special too. It's fine as long as you know it yourself!!



Good luck!
hey grace..=) i'm 13 this yr.. well, my mom has this ';favourites'; things too..! my sis is 17 and my brother is 21... over the last few years, she has always shown more care and concern for my brother.. she has said really mean things to me and her actions proove that she loves him more than my sis and me. well, i've always cried in the balcony silently at night whenever i think about it. recently, my sis found out and she also feels that mom is very biased and shows favouritism. soo, one day, she shouted at my mom and told her everything(i'm not encouraging you to do so though) and the answer is really simple. no one is perfect in this world.. we all show favouritism all the time..! don't take it too hard on your mom. forgive her and change your point of view. focus on all the little tiny things she does to show her love for you. she loves you and your sis. but she just shows a little more love for her and i think you should not be affected by it cause it will just ruin your life. for the past..hmm..3 yrs, i've been crying loads, having bad dreams..and i really regret it..i should have ignored those little stuff and not let it affect me. when you were sick, your mom took care of you. when you were bullied, she stood up for you. she gave you education and she brought you into this world and gave you life! focus on all these little things she did. =) a mother's love is the greatest thing!
Understand that she is the one with the problem, not you. If you let everyone in this world bother you because of the way they treat you, think about it...you would be miserable. I get that way, a lot!! Try not to let people that enjoy bursting your bubble, get the best of you. I am not clear on why a mother would intentionally do this, so I give her the benefit of the doubt. I can imagine, that is a hard thing to comprehend. Just look out for yourself, and do the right thing. I completely believe in Karma, you need not interfere with life, just keep your head high, and feel sorry for those who are too ignorant to do the right thing in life. They are the one with the problem, not you!
Precious Daughter,



I had a similar situation too and my sister was 13 months older and she could do no wrong, and everything I did was wrong and I was not as good as she was and is still.



I made up a poem and told her I didn't see my reflection in her eyes and that I was like a puzzle that had missing pieces and only she can make them whole and complete again.



She was so touched by it that she saw me in a different life and things changed from night to day. We became close and until she passed a bit ago we were totally insink with each other.

Could you do something like that to bring this results?

Simplyshy
Don't play into her comparing you with your younger sister. Ignore her and blow it off like it doesn't matter. Make her feel like you are not paying any serious attention to her favoritism or using your younger sister as a role model. Just stare at her and walk away. Let her know when she does this you don't even want to listen. You won't change this mean spiteful woman who thinks she is right when you and I know she is totally off base, cruel, and a mother who needs to feel your pain some day. Get tougher and and deaf to her comparisons. Then you will survive in this house thankful for the day you can move away.......
haha, same here! my mom, but mostly my dad compares me to my little bro who is 5 yrs younger than me......its so obvious, they like (luv) him more.....they always compare our grades, like he was smarter in skool than i was when i was HIS age......things like that suck....i get yelled at -not him- he just plays computer games the whole day....and when I GO on youtube, just for 5 secs, my bro shouts for my mom, who then yells at me.....its like....so its ok for him to go on and not me? i dont even want to go on, i just want some music on youtube while i do hw....and i get yelled at for even that.....my brother wouldnt.....i dont get along with my mom or dad or anyone...they kind of hate me...lol my mom tells me to go to hell everytime she gets mad at me for listening to music....(she also snoops my email, diary, and she'll probably see this one too UGH) ugh, u know.....sometimes life sucks...but just think abt how once u go to college, u dont have to see them ever again! it'll be great! i cant wait! ( :