How to deal with your mother slapping your daughter when you aren't there?

My mother lives with me and does not work - I've supported her for a very long time. When it's not me, then she's living off an aunt of mine.


My daughter is very small framed, and shy but she's working on coming out of that. I have her in martial arts classes, and in a very good school.


Today I asked my mother to make her breakfast as I have to be at work at 6AM and my daughter doesn't have to be at school till 9AM.





I got a call later from my daughter crying stating my mother had hit her (Slapped her in the face)


So far the story I got is she made her breakfast and my daughter didn't want to eat it, so she told her she didn't want it. Then my mother threatened not to take her to school if she didn't eat it.


My daughter replied ';Then I'll f%26amp;*!%ing walk.';


At this point is where my mother hit her. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to either of them yet, but this is unprecedented. There has never been any violence in my home. I don't appreciate it at all.


I don't know why my mother got so upset over it. She could have at least even asked my daughter if she actually wanted breakfast. I only asked cause generally my daughter will eat it if I cook it for her.


The other side of this is... did my daughter not want it because my mother made it? Did my mother get mad because she thinks this and was offended?


I will be having a talk with them both when I get home.


Tension is high because money is short and my mother won't work - but says she'll get a job. It has yet to happen.


I really don't know what to do. My daughter says she wants her gone because she doesn't want to deal with her.


Any advice on this type of situation is needed.


How to deal with your mother slapping your daughter when you aren't there?
Get the story from both of them first.


Is it a normal behavior for your mom to do this? and your daughter does she lie? cause maybe she doesn't want to deal with her that she's making up stories (am not accusing her of anything).... do get their stories first.


if this really did happen... maybe your mom felt disrespected... I mean your daughter could have just said she liked it when you made it right?!


In my opinion if you put somebody in charge being disrespected like that is not really part of the deal... I mean, how would you feel if it was done to you and by a child? but have a talk with your mom as well... that if she did feel offended, just tell her that it would be best to punish her in a different manner.








Edit:


I don't think using technicalities like swearing at your mother or swearing per se, excuses it... the fact that she swore in front of your mother because she is mad at what she said is disrespectful towards her.... and now there's this following her in the room, why? what's the real deal? if this is the first that your mother hit your daughter then there must be a reason.


Of course, you're gonna be biased because she's your daughter... if this is the case, then it would be better to do something about your living arrangements cause otherwise, there will be more problems like this to come.How to deal with your mother slapping your daughter when you aren't there?
Well to be honest I'm surprised that your daughter would be so disrespectful and swear anyway. I think maybe that was why your mum slapped your daughter, because of her language. Have an honest talk with your mum and tell her that you would prefer it if she didn't slap your daughter, and that you're not happy about it.
You put your daughter in day care and tell your mom she isn't allowed to be alone with her unless she can control her slapping. And you should teach your daughter to respect you mother and not mouth off or use cuss words towards her. Is your daughter a teenager? If she's a teenager, maybe she deserved to be slapped.
You need to talk to your daughter about being more respectful to your mother. It seems like your mother's slap was probably a result of your daughter's foul language.





Also, let your mother know that hitting your daughter is not ok for any reason. Perhaps let her know that if it happens again she will be looking for a new home.





That is my 2 cents. Good luck.
If I'd said ';Then I'll f%26amp;*!%ing walk'; to my parents, I'd have gotten spanked and my mouth washed out with soap...and maybe restriction.





Do get to the bottom of this, but if your kid spoke to her grandmother with that level of disrespect, she shouldn't be surprised there were consequences.





However, Mom freeloading off you isn't kewl. Let her know she needs to be employed by %26lt;date%26gt; or find an alternative place to stay. If she was unable to work, that would be different...but sponging off you (and you being tight on money anyway) is very unkewl.
Your daughter has got a smart mouth and was very disrespectful. Regardless of what she did or didn't want, she's the child in the home and has no place cursing at an adult. If she will talk to her grandmother that way she will do the same to you eventually. You mother MAY have been out of line but your daughter was DEFINITELY out of line. I don't know how old she is, but I can tell you at any age if I would've spoken to my grandmother that way I would've gotten a lot more than a smack across the face. It sounds like there may be a little confusion about who the adult is in that house.
Your daughter doesn't need to be talking to your mother that way and your mother does not need to be slapping her. They are both wrong, my family didn't use smacking me a first resort discipline tool but I am certain that if I talked like that to any of them I would have gotten hit.
Well, your daughter doesn't sound like a child to be using curse words, so I talk it that shes a teenager. Maybe your daughter said alittle more than what she told you. Just sounds wierd that your mom would slap her for that. Maybe the disrespect went a little beyind that. Plus, why wouldn't she want to eat? Sounds like she was being a little pain. I would talk to both together and clear the air but your daughters story sounds a little iffy.
1. Tell your daughter to immediately apologize to your mother for her foul language. That's what shocked and offended your mother and that's why your daughter was slapped.


2. A child that's old enough to use the word f%26amp;*!%ing is old enough to make her own breakfast, so your mother should no longer worry about whether your daughter goes to school with an empty stomach or not. Tell your daughter to prepare her own meals and stop playing power struggle games with food in a household that is obviously struggling to make ends meet.


3. Apologize to your mother for not raising a child to respect her grandparents.


4. Tell your daughter that you don't give into her demands about who lives in your house just because your daughter caused a difficult situation. Next time you have an argument with your daughter, she will want you to leave so she doesn't have to deal with you.


5. Ask your mother to apologize to your daughter for over-reacting and striking her in the face.
Well.. that's a tricky one. I wouldn't think much of any child of mine speaking that way to my mother: ';then I'll %26amp;*!%ing walk'; and I am guessing that is what upset your mother. However I don't think it's a justifiable reason to hit the kid. You will have to lay down the law for both of them. Your daughter should treat your mother with respect, and your mother should respect the way you intend to raise your child (without violence) Since your mom isn't working I don't think there was any harm in you asking her to fix breakfast for your daugher, really it was the least she could do, and I would tell her if she plans to continue living there without contributing to the household income then she can at the bare minimum respect your wishes. I don't want to offend you but the other thing I would wonder is if your daughter wants your mom out of there badly enough, would she make this story up or try to instigate a fight with your mom to stir things up a little? I have no idea how old your daugher is but I know teenagers can be extreeeemly contrary beings and I've been tempted to hit a few myself! I hope oit all works out.
you daughter should have more respect for your mother. it seems she does not. your daughter should not have cursed as your mom. i would have done the same thing. your mom should have asked your daughter what she wanted to eat. your daughter needs to eat before she goes to school or she will not be able to concentrate on school work. you need to talk to your daughter about respecting her grandmother and your mom about getting a job or finding another place to live. good luck
First off, I am 29 and if I said that to my mother she would slap me too. If she is using this language, then apparently she is old enough to make her own breakfast.





Your mother is probably my parents age (60's) and that is a different generation all together. They have there way of doing things and children to them ';should do as they are told';, but the younger generation is very disrespectful to the older generation. My girlfriends have teenagers and most of them can be very moody and rude.





Speak to your mother and ask for her not to slap your daughter and tell your daughter that she needs to show some respect to your mother. Everyone can make their own breakfast.
Kids go through a stage where they don't want to eat breakfast. She should have asked. The other side of the coin is your daughter swore and disrespected your mother, which is intolerable. Sit them both down


set the rules. They both disrespected each other. Tell mom to find herself a part time job if she is going to continue to stay there. Your daughter shouldn't be the one telling you that she wants her gone. That is your decision alone. And If she sees how easy it is to get granny out of the picture, she will do the same thing with anyone you might happen to get involved with. Kids don't rule a household. Don't let your daughter rule yours. You will be sorry later



could always not leave your daughter with her. or speak to your mum.
Sounds like your daughter is harboring some ill feelings toward your mother. Whether she is right or wrong about her feelings, she shouldn't have cussed at her grandmother. On the other hand (no pun intended) your mother should not have slapped her. Your daughter probably senses the tension in the house with your mother there so she is angry and your mother is angry as well. I would tell your daughter to have a little more respect and just tell your mother if she isn't hungry and tell your mother that if she ever slaps your daughter again, she can find someone else to mooch off of.
Hitting is never an answer %26amp; in most states it's considered abuse to slap a child in the face. Even though your daughter's response was inappropriate (the f-bomb), there's no excuse for hitting a kid.





I'm a single mom, so I know how tough it is... paying the rent, tuition, all the utilities, food %26amp; paying for all the things we want our kids to have. You really don't need the stress of supporting a lazy mother too.





Having grandma living at your house who is disrespectful to you and to your daughter is a tough thing for a kid to deal with. I say she's disrespectful, because she's living in your house %26amp; sounds like besides money she's not contributing anything to make it work. I know my girls (I have all daughters too), get very defensive of me any time they think someone is taking advantage of me. Your daughter may be feeling the same thing.





Just guessing that your mom's %26amp; daughter's argument this morning isn't the first time your mother has been aggressive with your daughter. Maybe until now it's just been verbal, but it's equally or more damaging than slapping. The situation is probably not helping with your daughter's shyness either.





You don't say how old your daughter is... If she's old enough to stay by herself and get herself to school, I'd recommend sending your mother on her way. You said you have an aunt she mooches off of when she's not living with you, so it's not like she hasn't got any where to go. If I were you, I'd send her packing when you get home from work this afternoon.
send her to an old home and end it all!
What is your daughter doing talking to your mom like that? I think they both need straitened out, sit down and have a family chat.





If I would've ever said something like that to any of my family members, my teeth would've been busted out of my face.





And you need to stop letting your daughter rule you. How old is your mom? Make her get a job or hit the pavement. How old is your daughter? If she's old enough to speak like that, she's old enough to find her own way to school, furthermore move out herself.
If your daughter is old enough to even think about talking to her grandmother this way she should fix her own breakfast and if my grandaughter or my child spoke to my mother that way I would slap her myself. It's called being disrespectful!
Sorry, but if my daughter swore at my mother, then my mother would be entitled to slap her. And I would back her all the way.


Address the problem with breakfast after you've sorted out the discipline problem.
Did your mother admit to hitting her? Why? Is it ok with you? Say so.


I don't know how old your daughter is, but she has a snotty mouth.


EVEN so, no one should ever get hit in the head-it can cause brain damage and teeth loss and extreme resentment and more violence.


Me? I would sit down with my mother and daughter and together LEAD them to understand that BOTH of them were wrong and violent and disrespectful. And that YOU are trying to support them and need their cooperation today. They need to work with you, and not undermine your life. If they don't want to work with you-they can work alone.


If your daughter is old enough to take care of herself at home, invite your mother to leave at the first opportunity. Give her a deadline date and stick to it. She is USING YOU FOR A HANDOUT. and hurting your daughter and your relationship behind your back.


As far as I am concerned she just lost her grandmother card, and her free ride card with one whack. I would not tolerate anyone hitting my child for any reason.


In your daughter's case, she needs to know that swearing and being unruly and disrespectful to adults is not going to get her what she wants. If she is under the age of 16, I would have her baby-sat for by an older adult-not a grandmother who hits her but someone in the neighborhood-- who will rat her out everytime she moves a muscle.


She needs to understand that talking that way is NOT acceptable, and will not be tolerated. She needs to recognize authority for a GOOD thing.


If you are using your mother to baby-sit for you-then she HAS A JOB! She is a';stay-at-home-mother.'; You need to set down the rules of behavior, for your daughter and your mother, and have everyone sign on. Let your mother know that hitting your child is not an option. EVER.


Let your daughter know that grandma is the BOSS when you are not there. Give grandma guidelines of what she can do and not. (threatening is not nice either.)


Sounds to me like your daughter is aware of the tension between you and your mother and using it to be a brat. For instance, who cares who makes your lunch, eat or don't. If you don't eat, you will...be hungry.(not punished.)


Your daughter sounds like she is 9, so I hope she is 9. I would get mama out of there asap-but not to MIND YOUR DAUGHTER-but to get someone unrelated to watch her.


Your mother and daughter were both out of line. Good luck.
You never put your hands on a child. You mom is disrespecting you by abusing your child (yes its abuse, your not allowed to hit a child especially the face). I can understand the fact that your daughter swore is wrong but really, she's a child and your mom made a threat to NOT take her to school (just questioning how she has that right). Also your daughter even told you she swore. Seems to me your mom is leeching off you, free house, free food, no job, pretty cosy situation she's got there.
You do indeed have your hands full. You want my advice? 1) Tell your mother it is time for her find another place to live. Give her a deadline and stick to it. 2) Your daughter must be punished for her behavior. Using that kind of language and screaming at her grandmother was just plain bad. She sounds like a brat. Once her grandmother moves out then she may turn on you. Good luck.
I tell you what, the next time your daughter talks to your mother that way let me know and I'll come over and slap her myself.





That said, you've got a lot of stress and it sounds like you're feeling out of control of your own life and getting very little help from your daughter or your mother. Do you have a friend you can talk to? Sometimes just being able to talk to someone is a good start to figuring things out. Being so close to a situation can sometimes blind us to what's really going on.
Advice? Get rid of your mother. There's no reason why your daughter has to put up with this. Tell your mother she has 2 weeks to find alternate housing. Or get her a*s*s to work and start supporting herself. Give her deadlines. No matter what your daughter did it's her home. And she may feel like she's been invaded. Your Mom sounds needy and there fore I can see your daughter doing without your attention sometimes when she may need you more than your Mom.