How do you deal with your mother in law who acts like a child?

im 9 weeks pregnant havent told the mother in law yet. my partner feels obligated to tell her but thats only because she has emotionally manipulated since he was born. he doesnt really want to because of the way she will react.



she is a very poor mother (had child services called on her atleast 3 times thats not including times she belted my partner when he was 10 with a rollin pin in the head plus others)



she has 4 young children of her own there is 20 years between my partner and the youngest (shes six). she denies that shes ever done anything wrong with her children, which she has tried atleast 3 times to kill herself and take the children with her eg gassing in a car or sittin in the middle of the road.



shes obviously not a mentally balanced woman but refuses that anything is wrong and if it is its the childrens fault.



the question is when do i have to tell her if i have to and how do i deal with all the cr@p that is goin to happen. shes being childish and not answering emails with what is a good time for my partner to call since we like things scheduled since we are having a child so no just rockin up when ever and calling at midnight becuase shes depressed or drunk.



she lives in a different state but its not that hard for her to visit. im concerned over time she will be a bad influence on my child specially if the child saw my partner having to treat his mother like a child when she is being stupid.



she trys to tell us how to live and that its her son so she can do whatever she likes when she comes around our place.



no matter what we do weve tried talkin weve tried being stern weve tried not talking to her weve tried everything but she refuses to accept that we are a family with our own rules for her to follow.



so how do you deal with a mother in law like this. ill check back to add any information people need.



i truely feel that she will be a seriously bad influence on my child and unnessary stress on me.How do you deal with your mother in law who acts like a child?
Hi friend,

I always believe that an abusive person can only be such if the other party allows them to be. Just like there will always be swindlers as long as there are greedy victims. My friend, a manipulative and domineering person thrives on weak personalities. But if you put your foot down and have this ';to hell with the consequence'; attitude, nobody can take the power away from you. The problem doesn't lie with your mother in law alone. Your partner is as much a problem for being weak and allowing her to manipulate him. My advise: Don't focus on your mom-in-law. Instead fortify your hubby's resolve to make a stand then stick by him if his knees are beginning to buckle. Remember your mom-in-law can only take away something from you if you allowed her to.How do you deal with your mother in law who acts like a child?
I don't know why you are letting this woman stress you out. She doesn't even live in the same state as you do.



If she has a mental illness, and has not sought treatment, it's not your problem. She needs to take care of herself, and from what you say, she never does. You can't change that, hon.



If she doesn't answer emails, then don't write another one. I'm sure she got the first ones with the question about calling. If she doesn't respond, then ignore it. There is no sense worrying about it, and besides, you don't even like her.



Her parenting skills, or lack thereof, have nothing to do with how your child will turn out. (just don't let her babysit). Your children will look to you as a role model. Not to their grandparents. You are the one who will be the nurturer. So, if your mother in law's conduct is less than respectable when she visits, your children will recognize it as wrong.



If you do not like her visiting, then don't invite her.
Well, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. Make sure that you have a strong group of people to surround you as you begin a family. Most people do turn to church to fill that kind of a void for a positive family life as they strive to do the same thing together. You need to learn to be diplomatic with MIL, honest but diplomatic. If you live far away then you certainly don't need to feel totally obligated to have her spending alot of time with you and when you have children you can always excuse yourself for one reason or another from having to be super close such as baby being sick, having school or other obligations as he or she grows older. It's never worth it to fight but you need to leave it up to your hubby to communicate with her if she is not right with you. Most mother in laws cannot accept that their son has a new family unit and want to force you into their ';traditions'; and ways of living regardless of the fact that you are doing something NEW. Your husband needs to set boundaries and be clear that she is not to show up univited or you need to move far enough away so that she won't be able to do this. You need space and by the sound of this you need more than one state. It's never easy but as you begin a family you do start something new and will have obligations to other people, other organizations, getting involved with community programs and such so that you are busy enough that you can't spend alot of time with her and she can't be a negative influence because she simply doesn't have the opportunity to. My MIL and SILs love to talk to their kids negative about me behind my back and sometimes right in front of me!!! So, that means we simply cannot be close and spend tons of time together or go on big group vacations every year since they try to pit my children against me which is just inexcusable. But they say I'm insane and they can do and say whatever they want and it's fine. There's never any use in trying to share your heart or explain or anything. You simply need your own life and more space. It's never going to be easy but hubby is worth it - protecting your kids is more important even if it means more distance from MIL.
Tell her shes grounded. And if that doesnt make her listen, bring out the wooden paddle and spank her.