How do you deal with your choices?

I got married right out of high school, and became instant mom to a 4 year old. Back then life was eaiser.We have 3 children 2 of which are mine biologicaly mine. I have worked so hard for the past 7 years for the things I wanted and feel I am losing it all because of my choices, and I do not know how to deal with them or take the pain away. It started when I asked my husband for a divorce. It has been down hill since then. My credit is ruined, I am selling my house, I think I am probably going to move in with my mother. My problem now is that since I filed for divorce(but it was dropped) that I have tried to kill myself twice because I was tired of hurting and hurting others. I thought it would make everything better. Because of doing so my husband has all three children, not legally, but He will not let me have them back to stay with me. He now says that he is going to try and get full custody of the children with me to have supervised visitation. Pay child support and alimony. I went from trying to get a divorce from my husband, having our 2 smallest children, and being happy in my decision, to now where I feel I am losing everything. At times I feel my husband would not had called 911 when I attempted the second time. I am still here and hurting more than ever. I stay away from my house until sometimes 5:00 in the morning because I am so tired I can go to sleep without not being in the house myself. I do not know how to get rid of the pain I have or others have. I am trying so many ways to kill the pain and hurt. I am unsure how much longer I bear with what I have done to myself and others, and what I will do if all I get supervised visitation. It gets harder and harder everyday and I am lost on what to do.How do you deal with your choices?
You need talk to someone who cares about you and who is in a position to help you. The sooner you do the better. I wish you all the best.