How to deal with your fiance Ex-wife? When it only hurts the kids!?

ok the deal is...i have been in a relationship for over 2yrs, we just got engaged this past month. he has 2 amazing little boys (8 %26amp; 6yrs old). my issue is their mother (his ex-wife). she for one is an alcoholic, use to smoke pot (not sure if she still does) cusses at them constantly, has been put in jail for harassment, has had notes sent to our home stating if she kept them out of school anymore they would take her to court! th list just keeps going %26amp; going! the boys love their mom %26amp; they should, she is their mother. she allows them to do things kids their age should not be doing %26amp; they are NOT allowed to do in our home. (in turn we look like the bad guys) all we want is what is best for them! the oldest came home from school yesterday and cried %26amp; cried cause i was making him do his homework. he said my mom wouldnt make me. i told him as long as he was with us he was going to do is homework. so we go to the store to get a few things and in walks their mom...he ran up to her %26amp; startedHow to deal with your fiance Ex-wife? When it only hurts the kids!?
I had problems with my husband's ex a while back when we first got together. Your subject is as touchy as mine used to be. Don't give up! I had to go through some of the same stuff but not as bad. Just keep trying. Through it all, it will get better. My stepson wasn't old enough for her to fill his head with anything at the time. She always talked smack about me but I never said a word. Then one day, about three years later, she finally came around. Now we are friends and when our son has a problem, we all work together to fix whatever the problem is. Have faith and it will come back to you. She sounds to me like there are some priorities that she needs to get straight. Sometimes it takes ppl a long time to grow up. As for the kids, just give it some time. They are confused still and they have learned how to play ya'll against one another. Your fiance needs to set some ground rules with her. Once that is established, things should get a bit easier. The only person that she ';might'; listen to is her ex. Them two are the ones who had the children together. She just needs some guidance. If all else fails, try going for soul custody. The silver lining in my black cloud shined through. I am hoping for the kids sake and yours, yours does for you too. Good luck and much prayers. Keep on keeping on girl!How to deal with your fiance Ex-wife? When it only hurts the kids!?
You're just a sterile nutcase who's trying to take someone else's kids because you can't have your own. You will never ever ever be their mother no matter what you do, blood is thicker than water. You admit that you are mental, i pity those two boys who have to live with you.

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i pity you as well...their mother is worthless to this earth! if you cant comperhind plain english! she has driven while drunk with the kids in the car, we have it on a taped phone call. i can see you gave a rats *** about their (the boys) well being! maybe you should marry her sorry ***.

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i understand you dont have kids either so wtf is your problem? you need to get a real life! i have one with my boys and my fiance...we are happy as long as the mother is out of the picture! and she soon will be!

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Tell your fiance you're not going to marry him if he doesn't straighten this thing out with his ex and his kids. You don't deserve to clean up a mess started by some other ditz. Seriously, this WILL ruin you life. Get out while you can, nothing you say to those kids will make them understand you and what's best for them. Their dad needs to do it, and their dad alone. Don't make the mistake of putting it on your shoulders, it's best to STEP AWAY.
I don't know if i believe all that, there are always 2 sides in the story.

You portray her as a horrible woman and mother, how could your fiance been married to her ?

Either way, it's not your job to interfere with that. If she really is unfit to be a mother then your husband should seek full custody.

Edit: Suck it up, if you can't take someone's opinion then don't ask for it publicly. I said that there are 2 sides in the story not that you are lying. Stop sending me e-mails. The fact that went through all that just to prove your point to a stranger makes me understand why you don't get along with their mother and why you always think you're right and you are better than anyone else. By the way, you noticed that i only have 1 best answer so far but you didn't notice that i collected my points in the last 2 days and that means that the vast majority of questions i have answered are STILL OPEN. Either way i don't care, it's not a competition.
I am living with my wonderful bf that happens to be the father of 3 lovely kids. His ex is not so pleasant, but not nearly as awful as what you're describing. I suggest that you two enroll those boys in counseling and use that as evidence in court. Be sure to explain this to the counselor beforehand. Make sure it is someone with a good reputation, and preferably with court experience. If the counselor can show what you are saying is true then your bf should have no problem getting full custody. Keep everything! All those letters from school and any other evidence you can think of. Make two copies of it for court. Get a really good lawyer, and hope for the best. Counseling should help the boys behavioral problems also. Good luck.
When the kids get older they will appreciate what you are doing. Kids also play parents in this type of situation against themselves for their benefit they will also tell you at some point and time that you are not their mother and this hurts. Just hang in there it will get better as they get older. Best Of Luck.