What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?

I am stay at home mom of three girls, ages 6, 4, %26amp; 2. I adore my children, I LIVE for them (which may be part of the problem, read on). So, I stopped my dazzling career for them, and I have never looked back. But in the process, I have become like maniac perfectionist mom - always saying to myself things like, ';Since I left my career to be mom, I have to do it perfectly.'; So I put a lot of pressure on myself, in a good way, but of course it's not always good. My husband has been working crazy long hours the last year or so, which means that I have no help and do a million things every day, as most mothers do. Here is the problem: I have no batteries left. From the moment I wake up in the morning and hear the first, ';Mom!'; I am already annoyed, exhausted, pissed off at my older ones for not being more independent (although I know this is my doing), I can't hear one complaint, one whine, one ';get me a glass of water'; without getting furious at them! But I love them! I know I am at my wits end. I don't spank, but I find myself yelling at them all day - which is just as bad. People say, ';you need some down time, you need a break'; but is there some practical advice people who have been there can give me? Any suggestions on how to stop it? Other than take a deep breath and count to ten...Thanks.What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?
i also have kids close in age like that (mine are 9, 8, 5, and 3). i also left a high-powered career to be at home, and i also have days where i'm frazzled and in need of a break and feel like i'm going crazy surrounded by little kids all day. i think it's useful to think of the long-term goal. what does it actually mean to be a perfect mom? ultimately it means setting the kids up to be independent, capable adults. and that means for *their* good -- not just yours -- you can't do everything for them all the time. it is not being a slacker mom to give the kids age-appropriate chores or teach them how to get their own cup of water or whatever ... it's being a great mom. giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities is good for them and good for you.





i also think living for someone else can be counterproductive. of course you love your kids above all; we all do. but carve out something for the adult you, as well. i take some time every day to read, play the piano, read books, or talk to friends. i know that's tough with a 2-year-old, but you can take some time while he naps or after he goes to bed or while he's watching tv. i'm not talking about hours and hours, but 20 minutes doing something that stimulates yuor adult brain can really make a difference and help your patience level for the rest of the day. even a great, dedicated mom is also an adult, with adult needs. once in a while my husband will take the kids (good for him, good for them) for an evening and i will go out to be with friends or go to the bookstore. i am a wonderful, patient parent the next day in a way i wasn't the morning before. it really does your kids a favor to take care of yourself.What to do when you have no energy left to deal with your kids lovingly?
I know how this can be. The only thing that I can tell you is you need a little bit of time away from your kids. If you have a relative or someone who can watch them for a night, go out with your husband and just enjoy some time to yourselves. I need this once in awhile to keep my sanity. Everyone needs ';me'; time.
I think you need to spank them sometimes. In the long run, its better than verbal accusations which can hurt their self esteem and doesn't get the message through.
when your kids what you to do stuff from them that they are more then capable of doing them make them do it, it will save yourself a lot of stress! your 6 yr old is more then capable to get there own water, even load/ unload dishes in the dishwasher or even do simple dishes. Give your kids more responsibilities and thigns will be less stressful, and dont worry about things being perfect, they need to learn to do those things on their own even if they dont ';do it right';
You need time to yourself. Just because you left your career does not mean you have to be mother 24/7. I know it isn't the same but I quit college when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.





You need to make some time to relax and have for yourself. Or yourself and your husband. Get family to babysit, or a close friend to babysit, even if it's just for an hour.
One. You should know there is no such thing as the perfect parent. We all try our best and hope it works out. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to try and reach an unreachable goal.





Two: It honestly does sound like you need some down time. At night out or something to recharge the batteries. You are not a bad parent if you go out every now and then, and have ';big people time';. Or have grandma or a friend keep them overnight so you can sleep in. You would be surprised how much getting a little extra sleep can help.





For the older 2 give them small chores that they are able to do. It will help more than you think. Let them get their own water. It will take some of the pressure off yourself, and also make your children more responsible.
Running your home is similar to running a business, delegate.


Sit down with the older ones and show them a list of chores. Let them pick the ones they wish to be responsible for. The job will not be as good as you would want but praise them the same. Institute a quiet hour. 2 pm to 3 pm, everyone must be silent, no TV, no video games,


They can read, color or participate in any quiet activity.
I think you need an actual vacation away from them for a couple days, then after that make it a habit for you and your husband to have a date night or at least a a few hours away from the kids once a week. You really sound as if you need it before you blow your top. I'm a stay at home mom too so I do know how you're feeling. And once a week you should get hubby or someone else to watch the kids so you can have some 'me' time. we take that time for granted when we're childless but it's a priceless commodity afterward lol Good luck to you
im sure with those three so close in age you are run ragged. you have turned being into a mom too much of a job, and taken all the fun out of it. yes there will always be days when you are frusterated, but you have to let go of some stuff. its going to be up to you to change your schedule and attitude about being a mom adn perfection. I have just come to terms with the fact that i cant do it all and somedays i have to pick and choose what gets done and its important to pick the fun stuff some days. For example: no one will die if you ignore the laundry for the day and spend the time on a fun outing with the girls, start enjoying your time with them, it shouldnt be all work, get back to the playground and other stuff you and they enjoy, and when yiou are there with them enjoy them, commit to yourself not to be running a list of things that need to be done later or worrying about getting that stain out of that shirt. one thing that is really important is down time for you and the kids, even if they are too old for a nap they can still ahve quiet time in the afternoon, set the kitchen timer for 45 minutes and for that time they dont need to nap but they need to be quietly playing or reading in their room. take that time for yourself to relax and reset so you have the energy to get though the rest of the evening, and it will help them do the same. on the weekends of one night a week do something that has nothing to do with your husband or children that is just fun, a bookclub. scrap booking, swimming, whatever you like. you have a lot on your plate, being super mom means being a fun, happy well balanced mom, not one who does things ';perfect';, good luck.
STOP TRYING TO BE THE PERFECT MOM!!!!





It is really that easy! Would you rather have a perfectly clean house and all the laundry washed and put up or a little down time/play time with your kids?? Do you want your kids to cringe every time they ask for something? I would rather have happy kids than a perfect house ANY day!





My husband was working insane hours (82 hours a week) until last month. His hours got cut down to 40 and now we are a little tight on money, but WOW has my stress level gone down, and the extra time with him is AMAZING!!! See if he really NEEDS to work all those hours. Even ten hours a week less would help! I am really amazed at how much we can really do without!





Can you take a nap while your little ones are down? If the 4 year old is in pre-k, have your youngest take a nap while they are in school and nap with him or her!! I nape with my son every day! I would DIE without that time. Who cares if the dishes have to wait an extra hour?? I sure as heck feel a lot more like doing them after a nap than before!!!
I've been there, sort of. I'm a step-mom to a six year old girl. She's the light of my life, but she can be rather demanding and isn't very independent. I also baby sit my almost 3 year old nephew and my 2 nieces (2 years old and 6 months old) on a regular basis. It can be exhausting.





When I found myself feeling like you are now (like everything has to be perfect but you just don't have the patience) I finally sat my step-daughter down and told her point blank that I was tired and that I needed her help since she is such a big girl now. I asked her to help me with the little ones when they're around and if she needed something from me she had to wait until I was done doing whatever it was that I was doing.





If you ask for their help, most children will try to be helpful. My step-daughter will now try to distract the younger kids when I'm doing laundry or washing dishes. We also have a drinking rule in our house. I'll fill three cups with whatever (juice, milk, water) and put them on the table. The cups are not to leave the table, but if the kids get thirsty they know where to get their drinks.





My honey was working the graveyard shift for the last year. So I was the one who got up with my daughter got her ready for school and on the bus. Then I spent the day working on the house, going to college, tutoring part time, and getting her off the bus. He'd get home about half an hour before her bedtime and finally I was at my wits end. So I went out rented a couple kid movies and that night we had a ';girls night.'; We ordered pizza, popped in a movie and just relaxed. It was perfect and it helped relieve me so much. Perhaps you and your girls could do something similar?





You're not a bad mom, you're just overwhelmed. Remember, everything doesn't have to be perfect. Try breaking your work load up into certain days. I devote one day to laundry, another day to vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms, another day to doing bills and making sure everything is okay financially (I also do grocery shopping on this day). It helps me to do it this way because when I'm done with the house work I can hang out with my step-daughter and the other children (if I have them that day) and do fun things like craft projects, puzzles, or playing some sort of game (Candyland is a favorite right now).





Good luck, hon!
start each morning with breakfast, dressed clean diapers (if still needed) and the t.v. Now they are clean, fed, and safe. Go have a bath. You time helps, I find my bath rejuvinates Me for the day. Fake happy, it will wear off on you. Join a playgroup...adult conversation helps. Give up on perfection (hard I know but you cant obtain the unattainable). Get kids doin easy chores, wiping bathroom daily by kids keeps it mildly cleaner for when you clean for real. Stuff like that. Keep toys in bedroom except for youngest child...less mes for you to see. De-clutter...clutter makes people feel stressed. A 6 yr old can do a basic sweep, and does best with those little brushes that sweep dirt into the dust pan rather then a broom. Have a basket for each family member, as you see their stuff lyin around throw it in, then before supper everyone takes it to their rooms to put away. Make sure kids have early bedtime so you have time for yourself. Have a date with your husband once a month. Have a weekly daytime visit with a friend...your house or theirs. Have weekly coofee with a friend one evening a week...husband home with kids...tiered or not; your tired too.