How can I make this part in my story better?

Tell me how I can reword it:





My life was shredding piece by piece by piece by piece as the seconds flew by.

``Melina, honey are you alright talk to us, what are you thinking?`` mother struggled to sit up in the condition she was in.

``Um, I honestly have no words tell you.`` I was just drenched in confusion.

``Do you want to talk about it sweetie?`` asked my dad who still had this pitchy effect in his voice that gave me goose bumps.

``No.`` my hands were trembling with anger, I just wanted to break something so all this pain could go away.

``Well aren鈥檛 you going to say anything about the special news Melina?`` mother had one eyebrow raised, both feet propped up on the recliner, and one hand in my dads.

``Um, congrats now can I be excused?`` what I said was rude but this was way to much to store up right now.

``Excuse me? How dare you, is that all you can say, its like I don鈥檛 even know you anymore Melina. Its probably those demons that are associated with that Twilight poster of yours!`` she snatched her hand out of dads and walked into the kitchen.

``What your deal today Lena, you need to slow your roll before all hell breaks loose.``

``Oh trust me hell has already entered the building dad, its pretty obvious.`` he just left the room and never looked at me once. Screw him! Screw her! Oh and screw the baby too! The paramedic men were past gone by now which I was glad. I鈥檓 in no hurry for school tomorrow though I do miss my friends, Torrie, the really preppy one that always ditches 1st period and likes to brush her hair in between classes. Kim, the straight A student that never eats after 8:00 pm, and last but not least my best friend Josline. We met in 1st grade when I accidentally spilled apple juice on her Barney book and her frilly pink skirt. The teacher made me take her to clinic and the rest is history-not really-. Ring! Ring! Great the telephone rings. Ring! Ring! Ring!

``Damn it Melina get the phone! Mother yelled forcing down a couple of aspirins. I wasn鈥檛 in the mood to argue so I just answered it.

``Hello`` gosh now I was getting that same pitchy sound in my voice like my dad, darn!

``Oh good evening Melina this is Pastor Benedict from Faith Hill Church, is your mother home?`` Shoot! I just remembered he coming over later to ``cleanse`` our home. Why do I have to deal with all this shi鈥︹€?

``Hello? Melina are you still there?``

``Yes Pastor, I鈥檓 here, hold on a sec okay I鈥檒l go get my mother.`` my breathing accelerated, Thud! Thud! My heart pounded through my chest. Drip! Drip! I was sweating so bad that it ruined the floor- no not literally-

``Mom, Pastor Benedict is on the phone, its probably about coming over later.`` this is exactly why I鈥檓 not good at keeping secrets, I can鈥檛 even go an hour without getting myself in trouble.

``How did you know about that Lena? Were you eavesdropping?`` mom covered the little speaker on the phone so Pastor Benedict wouldn鈥檛 hear.How can I make this part in my story better?
Whether it's good depends upon your age. If you are in fifth or sixth grade, it's pretty good. Capitalization is distracting. Take pride in every part of your work. And, don't make the reader crazy and leave him struggling with awful punctuation.Watch out for the overuse of adverbs. You should suggest rather than just tell everyone what the characters are doing. If you are young, I apologize for how ';harsh'; this sounds. If you are older, clean it up and see how it goes. You have some underlying talent there. Read books on what authors suggest about writing. Elmore Leonard has a really good one that applies here.