How would you deal with the following when searching for your biological family?

Finding out that your mother was a teenager intentionally raped so that you could be sold to you aps.





Just trying to prepare myself for every scenario that can play out like people on here say to do.



The country I was adopted from has had many problems like this going on. They even shut down international adoption because of it.



I asked my amom tonight and she just told me to not be ridiculous. She said that never happens.



How would you respond to your Aps when they say....I didn't know and its not my fault.How would you deal with the following when searching for your biological family?
Ha! have you noticed the answerers who warn you to 'prepare for the worst' and 'what if this' 'what if that' are the ones who are telling YOU not to play the 'what if' game? Interesting. and SO incredibly hypocritical!



It's good to prepare to for any scenario, but in the end the truth is the truth and that's all you're asking for. The truth puts an end to the 'what ifs' and you will no longer be left holding a bag full of questions.



Like they say, ignorance is no defense . . .



All the best find the truth. Take care of you :)



I found my people in a closed and secret State, with nothing more than my date of birth. Never say 'never'



ETA: My own adoptive parents were told absolutely nothing about my natural family. My natural mother was actually told I was dead. I guess the people who say 'it's the mother's fault for putting you up for adoption would find a way to blame my mother too LOL. Nobody knows who is to 'blame' until you get to the TRUTH. But most here would prefer to blame the natural mother anyway :(How would you deal with the following when searching for your biological family?
I was just talking to my amom last night about me trying to find my ';real'; mom and she tensed up. She shut me down and told me that it was a closed adoption and that it would be impossible. So by reading your answer %26amp; realizing that it is possible i wanted to ask you how you went about finding them

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I know you are really upset about not having any information, and I don't blame you. But coming up with hypothetical situations is not going to help your situation. Try not to imagine ';what ifs'; and work on where you are now, which is, you need to somehow convince your parents that you are mature enough to handle the truth.



As a parent, if my child came to me with the scenario you describe, I would come to the conclusion that you are not mature enough. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have information, I just think you need to try and view this from a parent's view. The more you rant and rave and throw tantrums, the LESS likely they are going to open up. I suggest you read a couple books on Adoption. Heck, buy them one or two and ask them to read them (email me if you want suggestions). This will show them you are serious.



I think you deserve the info. I am an adoptee and I know what it is like to live in the dark. But you have to convince your parents you are rational, and mature and capable of handling the most difficult info. It seems like you need a new approach.



ETA- Then you need to educate them. I know you are angry but you need to help them understand. A lot of us have been in denial about the realities of adoption and we changed our perspective. They can too. I am raising five kids, and I'm just saying that ranting and raving rarely gets kids what they want. It doesn't sound like they are bad people just that they need to understand your perspective. If they think you are being immature they will tune you out. Get the book

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew-read it and share it with them. Find some books on international adoption. It appears they are not taking you seriously. If you educate yourself and them, they just might.
Playing what if is not helping your situation. It does no one any good.

The truth of the matter is it isn't their fault you were put up for adoption. It seems like you are blaming them because you were adopted. I can kinda see why they don't want to talk to you about it. You don't seem mature enough mentally or emotionally to truly be able to discuss it in a reasonable way. You are making things up in your mind then asking them expecting them to respond. Why would they? I seriously think you need to seek counseling to get a grip on your anger and hostility. Then maybe when you get your emotions in check they will be more willing to have a serious conversation with you. You also need to grasp the fact that maybe they really don't know anything about your bio family. When adopted internationally most ap's don't know them or about them. They know your adopted they adopted you. NO one said play out a bunch of silly scenarios. All anyone is saying is be prepared for the fact that your story could be one you really don't want to hear. And there is the possibility that you're bio mom didn't want to parent. If you came from an orphanage there is the possibility that they don't even know who your bio's are.
Most of the worst thoughts that go through a persons head NEVER happen. I was adopted, and I think what happened to her was the worst case scenario! I found my sister, who told me my mother had been killed 20 years ago!
No offense to your aparents but the only one who can tell you the whole truth is your natural parents. Aparents believe what they are told whether it's the truth or not and there is nothing wrong with that.



My son's adoptive parents were told I wanted to surrender as I wasn't ready to parent and I wanted him to have two parents. The real truth is that I wanted to parent. It's not their fault they were lied to they only told him what they believed was true. All three know the truth now and have accepted it.