Did your mother leave you confused when she spanked you?

Hello



I still recall how confused I was when I was about 4 years old trying to figure out how to cope with not going to my mother because I was frightened, simply because she was the source of the fear. It was the spanking issue.

My natural reaction to being in fear was to get Mum; I did not understand this at all. I even remember wanting her to tell me how to stop the problem instinctively which is totally insane.

My automatic reaction to do this was challenged and I just could not understand what to base trying to come to terms with it on.

It is like being disabled and having no legs and trying to walk.

';What do I walk with?';, ';With what do I understand not getting help with, if the nature of the fear forces me to find help';. What is wrong with Mum? is she possessed?



This had led to me being frustrated all my life trying to get my head round the idea, and yes I still have problems trying to figure out what to base my understanding of this issue on still.



But when I asked people they seem to say ';Don鈥檛 you get it? You鈥檙e not supposed to be able to cope';; which bring me to asking ';I can't understand the idea of not being able to cope as a purpose, as this is exactly what a purpose is not';.



Recently in a scientific way of thinking I call 鈥楢busiology 鈥?the science of evil鈥? I realised that this is not actually due to the fact that people 'believe' in this abuse; it is due to their selfishness. They鈥檙e claims that they believe in it and all that they say about it is propaganda.

But then I couldn't understand why I never felt this selfish like the others do and how it can be the case that we can be told we have a responsibility to behave in life as good citizens, if the fundamental credentials to behave is not present i.e. compassion or love.



I am frustrated and going round and round in viscous circles trying to understand the concept that I am not meant to cope. What are the credentials for dealing with not coping?

I catch myself out saying ';With what do I not cope with it with';, but I realise that this is a contradiction in question terminology. But I have no other way of being able to comprehend it other than trying to find a way to cope, for coping is a fundamental of human need and not coping is why I ask such questions.



Knowing how selfish people are on Earth led me to my suicidal intensions in regards to the general observation of the Earth people behaviour, such as with abortion, war and steeling etc. I do not feel I belong here.

But then I kept trying to rationalise the meaning of life, understand the spiritual reasons behind people's behaviour, the idea that we are here to progress to being unselfish and become less primitive. I even concluded that I am from outer space.

I end up with an extremely elaborate reason for what the meaning of life is, the nature of the pre-mortal existence, the after-life and so on.



Why doesn't anyone else struggle with this problem, if no one is meant to cope?

What is the fundamental reason for why no one else struggles with this idea like I do for the reasons that I gave above? The answer to that question is the whole point to all of what content I wrote above was.



Can someone tell me the answer?

It is not an argument about if spanking is right or wrong, not confirmation that we are here on Earth to progress spiritually to become less abusive or barbaric, just a question about how you cope with not coping, because none of you are driving to deal with this like me.

I want to finish this quest to understand and I have been very patient (23 years searching) and I have every right to know the answer.



Snow Man

Did your mother leave you confused when she spanked you?
The reason that you both wanted your mother and were afraid of her is that you had been trained to believe that she would protect you, and were also afraid of her spanking you. You probably froze in that moment, because you didn't know what to do.



There's a part of the brain that is responsible for the fight-or-flight urge, called the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus helps us to react appropriately to situations in which quick movement is vital. It's a kind of bypass that gets trained semi-independently of conscious thought, and which can take control in emergencies.



Humans can be trained, just like dogs and horses - especially children. An adult can only break his training with careful attention to his thoughts, and it's a good thing that it's hard to train an adult, because retraining yourself is hard. When a child has spent a lot of time being protected by his mother, his hypothalumus learns that the best thing to do in a dangerous situation is to take over the brain and send the legs running toward the mother. A child can also be trained to run away from his mother when he knows that a spanking is coming.



Really, it should be called fight-or-flight-or-freeze. Sometimes the hypothalamus realizes that it's time to take over for immediate action, but the situation has two or more possible outcomes or causes. The hypothalamus is not designed to deal with multiple options. Its job is to bypass thought processes in situations that experience has taught it will always be one particular way, with one particular solution. So once the hypothalamus has taken over, but realizes that it doesn't know what to do, it has to make you freeze. The hypothalamus can't reason like a regular brain, so it has to panic. It's just like a computer that has too many things going on - it can't concentrate on all of them, so it can't concentrate on any of them.



So that's the answer to the first part of your question; the hypothalamus is to blame for your strange reaction to your mother. You weren't insane, but a part of your brain that was not designed to be smart was in control for a moment.



About coping, in general; all of life is coping. From your first breath to your final sigh, your emotions get in the way. Emotions are here to give meaning to our lives and motivations for our actions, and so we spend our lives falling from one feeling to another, just trying to tweak the fall so that we land softly. To ACCEPT that life contains suffering is to LESSEN the suffering.



Acceptance is one of the best gifts that a sentient being can give themselves. To accept each moment of life for exactly what it is, is to savor the good things to the fullest, and forgive the bad things as unavoidable and normal parts of life. Many people call the acceptance of each moment, ';mindfulness.';



Mindfulness is being, instead of thinking. To be mindful is to watch with the eyes, smell with the nose, taste with the tongue, hear with the ears and feel with the whole body. A mindful person is not thinking about anything, or judging anything - he simply experiences, or participates fully without any internal monologue. A mindful person is so close to reality that he can be his own hypothalamus, but never screw up in the way that a stupid hypothalamus can.



When you focus on the moment, on being mindful, you ACCEPT. Acceptance is the ultimate coping mechanism.Did your mother leave you confused when she spanked you?
dude... that's ******

see a psychologist
Well, no. Always knew what I was being spanked for.



Also all life is based on selfishness. Even group behavior is based on the selfish desire to have the power %26amp; protection of the group. The 'freedom from selfishness' path leads only to becoming a whiney little liberal Marxist waiting to a hand out from big brother.



And finally the whole ';I had a bad mom'; whine is a huge waste of time. Life is about making some money and having a family. It's about being the kind of parent you wish your parents were, not endless moaning about how unfair or unhappy your childhood was.



So pay a shrik if you like, I think most of them are worthless %26amp; you'd be better off buying your self a Toyota than paying for their Mercedes.



There is no elabrorate meaning of life. Just look around. Life collects energy/money %26amp; tries to reproduce. That's the game. Play or don't. It's just pointless to whine about how much your first coach sucked.



Good Luck.












I was never spanked by my parents :)
It seems to me many of your problems stem from the fact that you believe that you alone can say what is right for everyone.

A good place to start to make a change in the world would be the self.

People are basically good, and want to be good, but when they abandon reason this leads to discord.

Harmony is found in reason, for no two rational human beings will continue to disagree on a point or issue indefinately.

Being rational means being flexible and actively seeking an understanding that is achieved through dialog.

You can not expect to enter into a rational dialog as if you are going to change someone else mind, that is not reasonable. You enter a rational dialog with the intention of learning more about yourself and others, and to learn where you agree so that a mutually benificial comprimise can be reached.

Do not give into fallacy and do not cling to your ideas irrationally.

Discuss them, test them, improve them.

That is the point of philosophy.


The spanking left absolutely no confusion regarding what it was that I was not to do again. Like writing verbose drivel.