For all the step mother out there? How do you deal with it when your step kid...?

constantly talking about her own mother? I mean it is o.k. if she brings her up every once in a while. But the constantly comparison is so annoying.


Though she's 5 years old, I have a feeling that she already wants to live with her bio mother full time. My fiance told me just hang in there, well, I am. But it is kind of hard to bite my tongue not saying anything, when every time without fail, she tells me ';My mom makes better chicken than you do.';For all the step mother out there? How do you deal with it when your step kid...?
I've been a step mom for almost ten years and let me tell you, It's the hardest thing I've ever done.





First, let me say, that you should never ever say anything bad about bio mom to the child. Even if bio mom is a total loser, piece of white trash skank like my steps kids mom is, don't say a thing. It will take awhile, but she will figure it out on her own when she gets older.





Next, it's really daddy's job to talk to his daughter about her manners. What she is doing is very rude, but you shouldn't say anything. Her father needs to sit her down when you're not around and talk to her about how the things she says might hurt other's feelings. I'm sure it wouldn't be tolerated if she was constantly talking trash to an aunt or teacher. If he's not willing to do that, then trust me, it will only get worse as time goes by. If she says ';My mom's chicken is way better'; say something like ';maybe your mom can share her recipe with me'; to show the child you want to have a good relationship with her mom.





So many kids are made to feel they need to pick a side, a favorite parent and that's horrible for the kid. I know it may be difficult, but if the child sees you getting along with her mom at her soccer games or whatever it really well show her that it's not one side against the other.





I'll be honest with you, my married life has been hell because of my step children, their father's refusal to discipline them or even help with their homework and their crazy mom. If your bf doesn't make the changes needed to help things along now, de won't do it later. All the parents, bio and step, need to be on the same page concerning the child. If they are not, things turn ugly. I wish I'd never married my husband. I'd leave but we have two small children together who would be devastated.





Because of the turmoil in my step kids lives they are now turning to drugs and making very poor decisions. honestly thought when I married their dad that all they needed was a routine and some stability in their lives and everything would turn out fine. I stepped in and brought them stability, but I was constantly made out to be the bad guy because neither parent would actually parent their children.





I don't mean to sound so negative. But, think long and hard about whether you want to be a part of this family. It takes way more than love to make a blended family work. Good Luck!





For all the step mother out there? How do you deal with it when your step kid...?
for you too worry about what a 5 year old thinks shows your own immaturity.


Take the guys advice and RELAX. don't obsess over it for crying out loud.





it's perfectly normal for this to happen. just be patient...and you'll get your rewards. it will take time but you need to not let it bother you.
I would say your mom is not here and that is not a nice thing to say to me. If you dont like my chicken dont eat it. She needs to know to respect yu and even at her age I think she is trying to make you mad, cause she's mad her dad and mom are not together. Dont let her do it. Just tell her nicely that you do not want to hear about her mother anymore unless she has something nice to say.
Your fiance should talk to her and tell to talk to you like that is disrepectfle and it is unacceptable. You should not be put in that place to feel like you need to defend yourself to a 5 year old. Otherwise, I'd say something like ';oh ya, well whos better at ____'; and fill in the blank with something that makes her tongue tied, something sarcastic. Use big words she can't understand and she'll eventually hush her mouth.
say ';I'm sure it is good sweetie, maybe you could help me make chicken like your mom does some night for you';
You don't bite your tongue. When she says, ';My mom makes better chicken than you do';, look at her and say, ';Does she? Well, isn't that nice?'; and continue doing what you were doing. She is too young to understand fully what is going on. Don't bow down to her by any means, but don't bite your tongue and keep your mouth shut or she will learn that she can walk all over you. After a few days or weeks of you not buying into her comparison, she'll probably stop. Just be consistent with your response of, ';That's nice';. Trust me, it will become very annoying to her.
something to keep in mind is that she is only 5. u being her stepmother can make her feel like if she likes you or something that you do then she is betraying her bio mother. it is alot for a child of her age to deal with. you should find ways to bond with her and help her to understand that you are not trying to take the placed of her bio mother but that you do care about her and that sometimes a new way of doing things can be just as nice or fun.
You need to grow up. You're an adult, and she's five, and you're bent because she talks about her mom and how wonderful she thinks her mom is?





Perhaps her mom actually does make better chicken than you do. Why are you so threatened by that?





You are within your right to say to her, ';I'm sure your mom does make good chicken, but when you say it like that you hurt my feelings. Please try not to say things that are hurtful to other people.';





Quit biting your tongue and become a positive influence in this girls life.
First of all, talk to your fiance. All three of you sit down and have a nice chat with her. Let her know, that both of you know how important ';mom'; is to her, but under the circumstances she is not with her. Talk to her about feelings, of course where a 5 yr old will understand. Let her know ';mommy'; is great, but ';step mommy'; can also do things well. Good luck!
I know your feelings are being hurt because you want her to care for you and not make you feel like you are nothing. You have to remember that this is most hard on her. Although she doesn't realize it, she is saying this because as much as she likes you she doesn't want her mommy's feelings hurt. For such a young child to have her parents split and then you come in the picture...its her way of making sure you know she loves her mom. The best advice is to try to have a great relationship with her mom. That way she knows that her mom is part of the whole family and not be ';ignored'; or not part of her life.
I hate to say it, it's only gonna get worse! You will always be the step mom. I have a 9 year old step daughter and I can not do anything good enough for her. It is a constant sour spot in our marriage. She will disobey me and when her father comes in the room is good as gold! If you find a way to deal with it please let me know!!!!!!
She's a kid, a 5 year old at that. It is pretty hard to use logic and reason with 5 year olds, plus you need to keep in mind that she probably misses her mom terribly and is finding the whole transition of having a step-mom now very difficult. Try not to take it personally, in time she will grow more accustomed to you but until then you are the grownup and you need to take the high road.