Has anyone had to deal with pushy mother in-laws?

Ok so next year I will be ttc and I'm thinking about how controlling my mother in-law tries to be, she's the boss of her whole family and gets mad that I don't learn to speak spanish and I'm afraid when I have children she'll constantly challenge me, also my husband wants her in the delivery room when ever we have kids and I only want him and my g-ma there, she changed my diapers when I was born and I don't want his mom seeing me naked, lol, so does anyone have any experience, stories, or tips for dealing with this kind of woman? How do you involve your mother in-law in things?



Note: She only speaks spanish and I only speak english and she says our kids HAVE to speak spanish, so what am I not allowed to understand my own kids?Has anyone had to deal with pushy mother in-laws?
haha sounds like my mother in law! She is from mexcio, and convinently only speaks spanish...even tho she really can speak english she just like attention and to be defficult. I know spanishl, its my second language, and i never lived in Mexico, only visited. She says that im ';white wash'; and that i have an american accent when i speak spanish! HAHA well duh im american! I really dont think its up to your husband to choose who is in the room, you need to be comfy and able to focus on getting your baby out! It would stress me out to have my mother in law in there, b/c she is so controling and thinks she knows everything about anything. Hell, she would probably say i got the wrong wax! HAHA. My mother in law is comming after my son is here and after my mom leaves. My mom will be here for the birth and 2 weeks after, then his mom will come to help me after those two weeks. Ofcourse we have to pay for her plane ticket?!?!? SO controling! She has my hubby wrapped around her finger and she takes complete advantage of it. She wanted to come to my house for a few weeks this month, and im a high risk pregnancy, on bed rest. I told her that if she came i would leave. (she has two younger daughers age 1 and age 3 so i know i would end up taking care of them) I have just learned to be flat out with her b/c even if im nice about things she is still pissed at me, so i miswell say what i want b/c im still going to have to deal with her being pissed. Good luck!! oh i forgot to add she said she does not want me to teach my son spanish b/c she does not want them to pick up my accent! haha.Has anyone had to deal with pushy mother in-laws?
lol, never would i or could i deal with a STEP. - Right!
YOU STEPPIN'?

just be pushy back, pushy'er right down the stairs
Heres the thing, this is your baby, your husbands baby, YOUR family. So you need to explain to your husband who you want in there.Who you would feel more comfy with. I suggest getting this ALL out before you try to concieve, these kind of problems can only make matters worse, and you dont want to be pregnant and going through this. Tell your husband how it is. And how it needs to be. Explain this is your family you are making with him. Good luck
It will never end and your life will be years and years and years of misery because no matter what you do, you will always be second place to her.



Is any man really worth a lifetime of misery?



I ended my MIL issues with a messy divorce. Now I am #1 in my own home and not a second class citizen.
about the whole kids speaking spanish thing.. cant they be bilingual? i mean you have to take in to consideration both cultures. but anyways.. i have made it know that who is to be in my room when i have my baby.. and i have been very clear and blunt about it.. i only want my best friend whom is a RN and my husband. That's it! everyone else can wait until i am done to see the baby. i think it would be weird to have my MIL in the room with me, even though i love her to death and we get along great!



i would just be up front with your husband and express why you don't want her in there.
Your biggest challenge is going to convince your husband of your wishes. There are many many jobs available to bilinguals. That is one I'd go for. In fact, maybe you could compromise. She stays out of the delivery room and the kids learning Spanish.
well i say its more of your say than your husbands for the delivery(and the hospital will want you to be comfortable so if you are uncomforatable with her there during delivery they wont allow her in the room, she could however be there during your labor and after the babe is born, as for your children learning to speak spanish , i think it is a good idea, they can learn BOTH spanish and english so both you and her can communicate, remember she is your childrens grandma, maybe you could learn some spanish too, like idk COMPRIMISE, speak spanish at her house when your family is at her place for a visit, and only english at your house, also maybe she could learn english(be you should know english is the hardest language to learn.)
Unfortunately for your husband in all hospitals it is moms choice who is there. In fact if someone is bothering you, you can politely tell the nurse that you need them to leave. Then the nurse will handle it and tell them something like she needs only two people and g-ma and hubby can stay. Also as far as the language thing goes it can never hurt to know two languages. Its a plus in the work environment. Good luck and don't let her bother you so much but at the same time respect her place in the family. Sometimes it can be hard for moms to let go of their kids and except they have grown up. Good luck!
My best advice... look in the yellow pages under moving... and find the number to a long distance mover. That is the only way you gonna solve this one.



If traveling is not in the cards. look under Lawyers under divorce attorneys.



If you do not like those options, stick to your guns and be ready to butt heads over and over. I had to deal with it with my ex father in law.

Now I am dealing with it with my gf's mom, but I cured her by blocking her numbers and since she has no transportation and does not know our address, we get along fine now.. lol
she's being unreasonable. i think as a courtesy you could learn to speak your husband's language. bi-lingual kids are awesome and for their sake, i think speaking both in your home is a good idea. that stated, your husband or your mil don't have a say in who attends any births, that's all you girly. i have a witch-in-law and i just remind her of her place when i have to then keep it moving. let this lady know that she's not your mom so all that bossiness can just stop because you are grown.
I don't know about the mother-in-law thing, but it sounds like your a little closed minded about your kids learning Spanish. If your husband is Spanish then that language is part of their ethnicity and you should encourage them to learn it. There is no reason you won't be able to ';understand'; your own kids. They CAN learn both languages! I do not speak Spanish, but my boyfriend is Nicaraguan and does speak Spanish. We have already decided that we will speak both languages to our child and it will be put into a Spanish day care. I want this not only so my child will retain a part of it's ethnicity, but also because of the opportunities that being bilingual will present to my child. If your child has the opportunity to learn Spanish and you deny him/her of that you will be taking something from your child that could provide opportunities in it's future. As for who's to be in the delivery room- that should be completely up to you- not your husband!
wow i have an over powering mother in law too! If u dont want her in the delivery room then just tell her dont ask ur husband to do it cos then it may look like ur trying to push a wedge between them. U absolutely have to stand up to her and tell her she is not your mother and cannot tell u what to do or not to do!Grown men r funny when it comes to their mother so b careful tell him how u feel and try to get him on ur side b4 u get pregnant. Perhaps a middle ground would b to try and learn some spanish that way u will look like u r trying to make some kinda effort for her familys sake and to b honest being pregnant can drag in so it wld give u something to do plus having bi lingual babies will benefit them greatly in the long term not many kids spk a 2nd language until they go to secondary school so it wld b a huge step ahead for them. Good luck in ttc and all the best for the future x
Honey,



Either you have to stand up to her now, or let your hubby know how you are feeling, and let him deal with his momma. You might also let him know that it is your choice who to have in the OR. If you don't want your MIL there, then tell him. When it comes to language, make sure if you have to teach the children english away from your MIL, being bilingual is not bad these days. Remember your MIL does not control you, you are your own person, and she does not control your children, you had them, you are raising them with your husband, so don't let your MIL run your life. Also remember, if you don't stand up to her, or your hubby won't, then who will? In the end though the final decision is all yours. Good Luck.
Okay



I am married also to some one who speaks another language. My husband speaks Amaharic (Ethiopian) and I have tried soo much to learn how to speak it, and I am still in the process of learning. I am 23 wks pregnant and we have decided to raise a bi-lingual family,



I thankfully dont have a pushy mother in law, on the other hand, my family are the pushy ones, they try to impose their beliefes/ideoligies.. etc on our family all the time. But, I as the child of the pushy parents, have to interceed and say when enough is enough.



It's never easy when you have parents or in-laws telling you whats right for your family, but that's just it...



It's your family, and



-If you dont want your mother in law in the birthing room, then you need to be stern with your hubbie and tell him that, that moment is just for you two, not for any one else. I dont blame you! Thats how we want it.



-If you want your children to be bilingual then you should encourage that. Your children should not be confused about their heritage/identity, it should be something that is foundational and basic like a sort of comfort . That means your heritage and your husbands,



- You have a mental block against your mother in law (it's not your fault) in other words if she makes a valid point, your subconscience tells you that it is a horrible idea...

Just because your mother in law wants your children to speak spanish doesnt mean that they shouldnt. You and your husband need to be united about your family more than anything else. So if that means he tells her no to being in the delivery room, than thats it. But you also need to be fair to your children and let them embrace both heritages (this is the main difficulty on bi cultural relationships, but if you and your hubbie remain close their should be nothing to come between you two, which means giving into things here and there)



- So Mommy do you hate learning a different language, soo much that you would risk your childs heritage/identity? They should be able to learn both. And if that means you learning the numbers as they do, and you learning the colors when they do, and you learning how to form sentences when they do, then you should...



I donteven know the basics yet, but my husband and I have decited that with every child we have we will speak 2 times both in English and in Amaharic, so that I and the child learns both languaes. But when the child gets old enough and he learns how to speak Amaharic we will speak only Amaharic in the house, and English every where else.



No one can help who they fall in love with, but when you do fall in love with someone from a different language/culture yo should know that you have to be stronger than any other relationship. You need to be together so you feel whole, and so your children arent confused.



Your children should have a firm foundation at home, that means knowing themselves and their family. Depriving them of half of their heritage would be a tremendous mistake and I believe that it i the streangth of the parents that give the children theor identity,



So mommy since this question is an opinion I hope you dont take it personally when I say, You and your hubbie need to pucker up and get a back bone, your family needs to be united and that means your



husband telling your mom in law the barder line of intrusion



and you getting a hold of whatever fear... of your mom in law running your household, and decide that a bilingual family is a commitment you are willing to put effort foward for.