I am 21, not married and pregnant...How do you deal when your ideal has been shattered?

I always was prochoice. If my birth control failed and I got pregnant before I was ready, then I would get an abortion. Well now that its happened it isn't so easy. I feel like in no way is it natural or should it be possible for a woman to choose to have her baby or not. I feel so naive and lost. I've only been with my boyfriend 5 months, less time than even carrying a baby. At first he was saying how his life is wrecked and he doenst want a baby. Its so frustrating because I dont want a baby right now either! And to top it off now he's not sure he loves me. He'll be there for the baby, but not me. I have always wanted to be a mother and I wanted to be happily married and have a career already. I still have another year of school and I am so scared to be alone with a baby. I feel like my whole life changed the instant I found out I was pregnant, something that I always imagined to be joyous, and now it seems tainted by this situation. My heart is broken..how do I do this alone?I am 21, not married and pregnant...How do you deal when your ideal has been shattered?
I totally understand how you feel. I am also 21 and 6 months pregnant. Although my babys father and I were together for 2 years before I got pregnant (unplanned) we are no longer together. I am becoming a single mother, going to college full time, working full time and preparing to become a full time mother.





When I found out I was pregnant...my life changed instantly! I was no longer living life just for myself...I had someone depending on me. Instead of dwelling on it...I took it as a blessing in disguise. My unborn daughter is now my motivation to succeed, my motivation to accomplish things I thought I never could...every day I put my hands on my stomach and promise her that I will not let her down. I understand it may be hard to accomplish things and so forth, but it's not impossible! I know what you mean when u said you wanted to be happily married, so did I... if not married than at least be in a relationship but things happen, now all I can do is give my child the best life possible.





Surround yourself with loved ones...friends %26amp; family....concentrate on the well being of you and your unborn....I know its painful...trust me, I still find myself crying...but you never know how strong you are until you have to stand alone....you'll be fine...don't give up on yourself.





Message me if you'd like! seriously!I am 21, not married and pregnant...How do you deal when your ideal has been shattered?
If you do decide to have an abortion you will need to get counseling. It is a decision you will NEVER get over trust me! Make sure that is REALLY what you want!
Your life is not over, it's just going to take a detour. You don't have to do this alone. Talk to your family - they may be disappointed but you may be surprised about how supportive they will be after they get over the initial shock. I'm sorry that your (ex?) boyfriend can't be depended on emotionally. He may come around after some time, but don't count on him. Get yourself to the doctor and perhaps see a counselor to help work through your issues. You can still be a married woman with a career, even if you have a baby - I've met many folks who have great lives, even if it wasn't the life they were planning.





Good luck hon!
Sweetie, there is always a silver lining to every cloud.





The one thing that has helped many people, whether they believe it or not, is prayer. If they are praying, or someone else is praying for them. It motivates you to have hope and to be positive about any situation you are in.
WELL FIRST OF I UNDERSTAND WHAT U MEAN IM 19 AND PREGNANT AND IN THE ARMY IM DUE AUG AND HAVE TO LEAVE TO IRAQ NOV-DEC AND LEAVE MY SON, MY SON FATHER UNFORNANTLY IS NOW MARRIED AND HIS WIFE DONT KNOW SO IM STUCK HERE WITH HIS BABY I ALWAYS WANTED A BABY BUT DAM NOW ITS THE WRONG TIME WITH THE WRONG PERSON BUT I DECIDED TO GIVE MY CHILD A CHANCE, F^K THE MAN IF HE SAYS HES NOT GONNA BE THERE FOR U IT AINT ABOUT U ITS ABOUT THAT BABY SO AS LONG AS HES THERE FOR THAT BABY THAT SHOULD BE ALL THAT MATTERS
I can relate, though I never considered abortion. I was stupid and slept with a guy I didn't know at the age of 18. I got pregnant, told him, and never saw him again. I had to drop out of college before I even started.





If I could go back and change things, I wouldn't. There is a huge responsibility that comes with having a child, but it's a gift and I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world. Things have a way of working themselves out, though not necessarily how we imagined them.





My family has always been extremely supportive and after a few years, I met my now husband who adopted my son as his own and never looked back. Things will be ok. Just stick it out.
this happened to me when i was 17 i had a abortion...at the time it was the best decision for me and i do not regret it although it made me grow up a lot faster and i still think about it a lot.. your a lot older and if you aren't 100% sure you want a abortion then dont and about the guy forget him do not let him influence your choice...if you cant afford this on your own and do not have family support i would consider your other options. doing it alone is one thing but not being able to support you or this child is another. take your time to decided reaserch everything, i know exactly how you feel right now but everything happens for a reason. if you need anyone to talk to you can email me. good luck..and dont let anyone talk you into anything this is YOURS
Well, if you won't give your baby up for adoption, here's what you do. Just determine that here and now you will make a good life for you and your baby. That you'll handle any obstacle put in your path and if the father doesn't want to be a part of it then it's his loss and you can handle that too. I know it's scary, but you can do it. Surround yourself with supportive people, get everything into order (like where you will live, child-care, finances, etc.) and you'll be fine. Good Luck.
You just adjust your ideals. It's part of growing and maturing. Good luck, just be the best mum YOU can be!
Keep ur self away from sex if u feel this way. Kids are a blessing from God so don't destroy ur child life. U will be ok sweetie. Ur not alone ma..
don't worry honey. I've been with my Fiance for the same amount of time and we are pregnant too. You situation is a little different than mine. but I think you will be alright just be happy don't let the situation ruin the joy of having a baby. It's still exciting and many people before you have gone through worse. Good luck!
Well....you seriously need to weigh what the outcomes will be for both you and your child and the father should you decide to have this baby or not. And if you do want to keep the baby, then you will have to understand that this is what was intended for you in life and that you need to make the best of it. My mother had three children by the time she was 24 and not that she had it easy but she survived, had a sucessfull career and has raised three great kids :). Your life is what you make of it....but you have to remember that your boyfriend's life and the life of this child all depend on what decisions you are going to make. Please get some outside counseling before you make any decisions. Everyone on here is going to give you their opinions and think they are right...but the only one that can decide is you and you alone as you will be responsible in the end. Good luck.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you made your choices and now have the consequences. You could have made other sexual choices, could have decided to have a committed partner before having children, could have decided to have marriage before sex. But you had the right to choose otherwise and did.





Now you have other life choices to make. Choose wisely.
what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.Honest in a few years time you will not remember how you are feeling now
my boyfriend and i were together for 3 months before i got pregnant. at the time, he didnt want a baby and i didn't either. but now that i have my son, i wouldn't change it for the world.





we're no longer living together. he supports my son and not me. and you know what? That's okay. Because my son is all I need.





You'll be surprised after having your baby how much he/she will inspire you to want to do amazing things for them.





You don't need to depend on a man to help support you and your baby.





Dig deep mom. You CAN do this. Single parents are amazing and beautiful people. And if your boyfriend chooses to leave, it's his loss. You WILL find someone that will support you and your little one because they WANT to, not because they feel like they HAVE to.





Don't give up.
No one can tell you whether or not to have an abortion. That child is yours and it is your body.





What you should consider is what your family can do for you. I don't know where you live in relation to your family. If they are close by then you have your solution. You are never alone if family is close enough to help out.





You are close to being done with school they should be able to help you out while you finish and while you seek out a new job. It can be done if you have some support.





If you do choose to keep the child, good luck, it is hard but it is worth it.
You are not alone. I don't know where you stand as far as faith goes, but God will always be with you and he'll help you through anything and everything. I know a girl who is only 16 (maybe 17 now) who ended pregnant and had TWIN boys!!! (I couldn't even imagine that ;) ) What helped her was God, knowing she could rely on Him.





I would suggest looking into a Crisis Pregnancy Center (not Planned Parenthood or anything prochoice, because you won't find any real help there), and see what they can do for you. I know that the ones around here where I live give free parenting classes, where you can earn things for the baby and you get a mentor to help support you and some other things.





I hope I've helped, I'll be praying for you.
First off, it sounds like you have already decided to have this baby. I know it sounds scary, but you can do it, thousands of women do it. Im just a few weeks away from my due date now. I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant, and I was only with my boyfriend for 3 maybe 4 months, but we were living together. Things for us are going really well for us and we're engaged. However, it sounds like your boyfriend is a little scared.





He says he wants to be there for the baby at least, well thats great. It can work that way. There's a reason you got pregnant. I never realized how amazing the formation of life is. I did a lot of reading when I found out I was pregnant, and I found out very soon. It seems nearly impossible to get pregnant when you read about how it works. It made me realzie just how special this is.





Turn to your friends and family for mental and emotional support, and turn to your boyfriend, or father of your child, for physical support. If you're worried about being a single parent llok around your area for single parent groups so you can talk to others who have been there.





Just know that there are worse things that could have happened to you. There is a reason it happened this way, and you may not know why for a long time. it will be ok for you though. :-)
I am very against abortion and I found out I was pregnant at 17... I didn't want some other family raising my baby. So I did what I thought was right for me and my baby. I graduated high school moved out and raised my baby. I am now 20 years old I have a 2 year old son and 1 year old son. Don't listen to what everybody else tells you... just follow your heart and do what you think would be best for you and the baby.
I know where your coming from, I got pregnant at 16, but had always been pro-life. I now have a beautiful 4 yr old girl and things have worked out wonderfully for me. I'm also 21 and am currently 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. My e-mail address is taziah_21@yahoo if you ever need someone to talk to. I pray that you decide to keep the baby. You really can't imagine the blessings it will give you until you have it.
just pray everyday and you try to get child support or go to your family for help
Things may seem bad now, but believe me, after you see that beautiful little baby you'll understand why all this is happening. Sometimes OUR plans are different than God's plan. I REALLY understand this one because I'm pregnant with my 5th kid and I was trying really hard not to get pregant but it happened anyway. I was mad because I was FINALLY going to get my life back. I had circled the imaginary date in my head of when my youngest would start preschool and I'd go back to being ME. I'd get my job back(or something like it) I'd be so happy and make all kinds of money and blah blah blah. Then I got pregnant and I was crushed. It's taken me MONTHS to find any kind of happiness about it and even now I can't bare to think about picking names which is so not like me. I usually have a stack of names a mile long by this point. I became pro-life the day I felt my first daughter flutter inside my body and I've NEVER looked back, but that doesn't mean you always want what's coming when you find out.....but you WILL. You'll see. You are getting the first and hardest lesson of motherhood and that's to ';just roll with the changes'; and that sometimes our dreams take a backseat for our childrens lives for awhile. This is the time when you learn who your real friends and family are and don't be afraid to use them. You can take some of your classes either online or through distance education(maybe checking in once a week or month depending on the school) and you can ask friends or family to help watch the baby while you finish you schooling. It's not easy but you can do it. It's not your ideal situation, but you can do this. You didn't always want to be whatever it is you are studying in college, right? It kinda just crept up on you and overtook you and motherhood is the same way. You can do this.....it's just hard to find yourself in a place you didn't want to be.
you say you are pro choice, so that alone tells me you have an open mind.





on the bright side, be glad you arent 15.





you say you have always wanted to be a mother- well here is your chance, abeit a bit early, but really, who lives thier dreams exactly how they have it laid out in thier head.


life happens. quite litterally, right?





right now you have to take care of yourself and your baby.


the rest will come naturally, and i sincerely hope you have a base of support that can help and lend a hand when need be.





the old addage- where ever there is a will there is a way








the fear of being left alone with the baby warrants some looking in to. see a councelor - but try to go easy on yourself and take baby-steps! :)





and no way could I give up my baby after having carried for 9 months either.





you will have to let go of your ideal and make the best out of the situation you have been given.





who knows, in another 10 years time, you may say-


';dam, I am glad i had him when i did.. ';
Even though you don't see this as a joyous occasion now you will after a while, after it sinks in and you get some confidence and another perspective. I am 21 now and I have a 14 month old little girl. When I got pregnant I wasn't married either. I had been with my boyfriend for 7 months when I took 4 pregnancy tests and finally gave in, the answer wasn't going to change!! You can handle alot more than you think you can. I am not a religious person but I attend church on occasion and I believe that God never puts anything on you that you can not handle. It's just about getting to that mind frame. I believe you should only abort in extreme situations, I personally could never give up my child for adoption. For me I had to tell myself, this is the cards I have been dealt and I am going to make the best of it. My family was a big support for me. I am not going to tell you it's not hard. The best things in life are worth working for and are not gotten the easy way. The first time you hold your baby is unexplainable!!! Their first smile, tooth, the first time they crawl, and walk, and talk!! I am telling you from experience, it is the best feeling in this world!! I have a breaking at the seams baby book to proof it!!! I wish you the very best and hope to hear what you decided. hang in there,.
well, i dont want to say anything bad cuz ur already in trouble, well u shouldnt off u know did it with that guy. and thats not fair that the guy is backing off when ur prego, its going to be hard u alone and a baby with u. i think u should like get married with ur boyfriend or something. thats all i can say.


good luck.
If you are pro-choice, i suggest you look at those options.





Think of the future of the baby. Do you think it would get proper attention and care with one parent who is still in school?





I can only go by how I would react. If this were MY situation and my boyfriend were talking to me and treating me this way, I would choose to terminate the pregnancy.


I want to have a baby with my husband whom I love and want a family with. Not thru some 5 month mistake who doesnt love me anyway.





www.plannedparenthood.com
Sweetheart. I know it seems rough. I'm twenty four my daughter is turning 6 on June 22nd, and goes into the first grade this up coming year. You do the math. It should be a joyous occasion. It is far from the end of the world. I'm a Junior in college now and have managed to make it so far. I work full time and go to school at night. If your boyfriend is man enough to at least help with the baby, then be good with that, their are more fish in the sea that would love to be with a beautiful, educated, self sufficient mother, they call ';us'; ';milf';s for a reason. You seem like you knew where you were going from the start , just let this be your ';Road less traveled'; so to say. I'm happy for you and hope that you and your little one grow and prosper. You can always look for a group of young mothers that get together and have play dates for mommies and babies, and there is always the option of finding a babysitter to help when you have class or just need some ';Me'; time. You aren't alone. Remember that and good luck. The first few months are rough and you are going to feel like butt, sleep deprived and all, but when you look into that little face, it's all worth it. period.