Has your mother-in-law ever said anything nice to you?

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for 2, and have a 11 month old son.


My MIL has never said a single nice thing to me ever. I ignored it at first but lately it has really been bothering me. In fact, everything she even says is almost an insult.





When breastfeeding, she never said anything nice or any encouragement, she just told me ';her breasts were too big and she couldn't,'; she also said ';besides, breastfeeding are only for mothers with a lot of time on their hands,'; which pissed me off.





For Christmas I spent a lot of time making these beautiful candies and different cookies to make beautiful cookie trays to bring to every ones houses. I spent from 8:00 p.m. after my son went to bed to 2 am working on making these things for a week. When I brought her a tray she tells me, ';I usually always make cookie trays as well, its just this year I was too busy, I don't have as much spare time as you do.'; Then when we were at another families house when they gave me a compliment about them, she cut them off to say, ';Remember my trays, they are always nice, I just didn't have the time, you know me, busy, busy, busy.';





For Christmas for all my sons grandparents I made little plaques with his foot and hand prints, age, and first Christmas on it. I made the dough from scratch, wrestled my son forever to get good prints and a put a lot of time in care in creating these and practicing calligraphy to write on them and make them a nice keepsake. When she opened hers, she tells me, ';oh, I am really crafty as well. Isn't it nice having kids, then you can give out ';CHEAP'; gifts.'; She called my gifts ';Cheap';!!!! And I have never seen her craft a single thing!





When she calls me (which is rare), She always says, ';Hi, this is (insert FIRST and LAST name), (inset my husbands name) mom calling.'; Its like hello, you don't need to leave your first and last name, and refer to yourself as my husbands mother, I know how you are. You are my child's freaking grandma for god's sake!





The first and last time she ever hugged me was at my sons welcoming party, and the only reason she did it is because a bunch of her friends that I barely even knew came up and hugged me first.





When we leave after a visit, she always says, ';I love you and then only includes my son and husbands name.'; She doesn't have to tell me she loves me, because I know she doesn't, but she doesn't have to say it so blatantly!





She's always going on and on about how great she thinks my husbands cousins wife's are to me as well, even though she has never said a single nice thing to me or about me!





So my question is, is your mother in law nice to you? If not, how do you deal with this situation. I have talked to my husband about it, and he agrees, but when it comes to his mother he never has an easy time saying what he means to say because she hardly lets him get a word in edgewise.





I also don't want my son seeing when he gets older how she treats me. What do I do???? Suck it up to keep the piece, or speak up and possibly make her hate me more?Has your mother-in-law ever said anything nice to you?
i understand, but honey, you are so great, because i gave up trying to make my mommy in law happy after 18 months, see i made her a full king size blanket, crochetted, single stitch, it took me 5 months to make it, i stitched her name in it, i put little birds in it, she likes birds, anyway i was working at the time and it was expensive and hard to do, she opened it and said ';What am i supposed to do with this'; how bout put it up your ........anyway, girl you go, no i gotta tell you from a psychologist point of view, this is what i think is up with them, is your hubby the baby? or the only boy? see she's jealous of you, she sees you as competition for her sons love and affection, crazy but true,





my MIL calls and says ';(hubby's name) there?'; if i say no she hangs up, if i say yes she says ';well aren't you going to put him on the phone, i sure didn't call to talk to you';, every year at Christmas i get a box of chocolate, i'm deathly allergic to chocolate but my hubby gets close to 1000 spent on him,





any way i gave up on trying to please her long ago, she hasn't even bought the baby anything, if my hubby is home on sat, she stops ever time, but if he isn't she doesn't, i wouldn't let her in anyway, but when i decided after the baby to give her another chance, she said, i had to have galbladder surgery, and my hubby couldn't get off work, so he asked if she could watch the baby for 4 hours until my mom got of work and could stay until he got home, she said ';I paid your insurance isn't that enough'; that was it, i don't have to get along with her now, oh and it was my hubby's insurance, we have seperate cars and she paid his for a year, not mine, his, how sweet, but i wrote her comment in the baby's scrap book with a letter explaining how i've tried and it doesn't work, and that's why mommy and him daddy's mom don't get along,





i'm a B**%( see i did away with almost all her pictures, i won't talk to her when she's here, i tell my hubby to buy her gifts, i have nothing to do with her, i'm done, i made a black forest cake, she ate a peice and said sara lee makes them better, i turned around and said, ';Then why don't you stop eating our food and go buy your own';





but i'm lucky my hubby worships me and his mom slipped up after all these years, she always acted nice infront of him, well she said ';i only come to see you, i don't know why you ever married her';, and my hubby said to her, ';i love her and i will choose her over you every time, she's my family, i was depressed my whole childhood and you guys didn't even know, so mom be nice to my wife, or we will move far away like travis did,'; his brother who got married and his mom was mean to his wife appearently and they moved to texas, it's been 8 yrs and they still haven't came in for a visit,





but your mil sounds cruel, beyond, my advice, set down and talk to her then stop, do you want your son growing up thinking he has to go out of his way for approval from people? with my mil, i quit giving her stuff of the baby, pic, etc, we gave her a hospital pic, next week i'm walking by her car, it's in her floor board trash bag, so she threw it away, so i give the other people in the fam gifts to remember him by,





good luck, i'd say after all this it's time to talk to your hubby then set down with your mil, and just tell her you're never gonna be good enough for her but you make her son happy and you are done trying to please her, she will no longer be included in the activities you do.Has your mother-in-law ever said anything nice to you?
WOW! I thought my pill popping, boozin' MIL was bad but she's not mean to me. I think it's time your husband said something to your MIL. If you were to say it, she would think you were just picking fights with her. Honestly, your DH needs to step it up, be a man, and defend the mother of his child!





I often do nice, carefully thought over things for my DH's family but they don't know how to appreciate anything, so I leave all the love for my family, where it's well deserved and appreciated.





I honestly think your MIL is insecure about many things and is taking it out on you. However, that is not an excuse to be like this. Speak to your husband. Remind him he has balls!
Have you tried to bring this up to your husband? Maybe he can try talking to her first but if it doesn't get any where or he doesn't then I'd just speak up and ask her what her deal is. Is he the youngest or only child? I see this a lot in mother's who have only one child or their youngest or even their only boy. It sucks because I've had my issues with my m.i.l as well. We've clashed a lot and we didn't speak for like 8mths or so and the last time she saw my daughter was at like 2 or 3wks old so.... she missed out on a lot but I just couldn't handle the constant bickering and her bringing her son into it. I'd speak up personally as I've been there Yeah we didn't talk for a long time BUT it has helped us as we've both moved on... Best of luck!
She's not mean to me, but she's never said anything nice to me. Even at my wedding. Your MIL sounds like a piece of work, but I'm not sure you can change her. When we are together I try to remember that my MIL is not a particularly happy person and is jealous of the closeness I share with her son. Then I order a drink.
Yeah, sorry, but she doesn't sound very nice!


But, (not trying to get all bible on ya), but love your enemies, and do go to those who use you!


Don't dwell on it either, if it helps, don't spend too much time with her! Spend as much time with her as you can be polite and then it's time to leave!


Keep doing what you are doing, don't leave her out, but you don't have to go out of your way to impress her or make her happy!


You sound like a nice person! Don't let her frustrate you or make you feel inferior!


I'm sure you're a great mom, and NO, we don't generally have soooo much time on our hands!


PLUS, out of all the feeding options us mothers have, breastfeeding is the easiest! Mixing, and heating and shaking a bottle is much more fuss and time consuming!
Wow!





Is she one of those ';Anything you can do, I can do better'; type of people? Seems like it. It's not a competition, you're just trying to do NICE things for her. I don't know why she cannot see that.... Have you ever tried talking to her about it? Yes, you do have to pick your battles when it comes to ';family'; but there is also a point where enough is enough.





My MIL lives halfway across the country so I don't see/talk to her much. Thankfully, though, she hasn't been TOO bad(from what I've seen on here I have it pretty good when it comes to her!). She's said some things that have gotten to me such as my husband and I shouldn't have married so young(I was 19, he was 20) and that we needed to wait five years before having children(we waited 2 and a half years before getting pregnant). Other than that she's been very welcoming and accepting of me.
My MIL is the same way but she has said nice things to me. I know she likes me and respects my decisions but she does say some stuff that she should keep to herself. I don't think she realizes she does it though. When it starts to eat at me, I talk to my husband and tell him if he doesn't say something to her about it, I will. There have been times when I've asked to speak to her, privately, and just voiced my concerns with her. She was and has always been sorry for making me feel the way I did as she was not aware of the fact that my feelings were being hurt. Perhaps your MIL is the same way. I know you feel as though she's saying these things to purposefully hurt you but she's probably not. Just give her the benefit of the doubt and try to work through it. IF things don't get better, take a break from visiting with her whether it be holidays or just another day of the week.








~_~
She just doesn't express herself well, and is not the huggy type, this doesn't mean that she hates you.


She probably was raised by parents that never complimented her either. She doesn't know how. Is her son different? Is that why you married him?


Just do what you think is best as far as gifts are concerned and ignore her it's not like you live with her. Just give her respect and nods.


Avoid hugs, extra effort and you will be fine.
I understand what you are going through. My MIL was like that but now she's no longer doing that to me. Why? because I let her be the number 1. She used to be the number 1 woman in your husband's life but now that you are his wife, she feels like she's left out..what you can do when someone said something nice to you, say things like ';Yes, but my MIL is so much better in this than me'; only when she's around, cause she wants to feel included. Make her feel secure, compliment her once in a while, pretend that you want to learn from her. Sooner of later, she doesn't need to say all those things to make her feel better, cause she's already feeling better. Also, it makes me feel like the bigger person.
That sounds a lot like like my MIL (who died almost 2 years ago). She was very ugly to me. She didn't even want to meet me until after the birth of our child. We had been together for over 2 years before that happened. We lived in a different state for a while and she would invite him to come for the weekend, but didn't want me to come with. What really upset me is that he actually went. But anyway, even after she finally decided to meet me, she was still cold. She never really had any type of conversation with me. She never even gave me a chance. It was like she just tolerated me. I tried to be nice..for a while, but eventually I stopped trying.


She is never going to change no matter what you say or do. When she says something rude or mean, look the other way; pretend like you don't hear her and that it doesn't bother you. Other than that, there really isn't much you can do.


I feel for you because I know what you are going through. It isn't easy.


Good luck!
Well my MIL is nice and we do get a long, but she can be overbearing at times.





As far as your MIL goes I think it is totally unacceptable. If she is talking to you like that now I'm sure she will do it in front of your son, and you don't want that. Your husband needs to tell her either she is going to fake being nice if she has to or she will not be apart of your lives! He needs to stand up to her and tell her something, because as long as he ignores it she will continue to do it. If she sees that he is going to pick you and your son over her she will probably change her ways. No grandmother wants to be told they can't see their grand baby, but the way she is acting so totally out of line!





Good luck to you and I'm so sorry :(
My mother in law in nice to me, well now anyways. When my husband and I were younger she was not very nice. She has the mentality that NO ONE was going to be good enough for her only son. But she is better now that we are married and there were a few rough times in the family that I was there to support my husband and her





Maybe next time she says something to you like ';now you can give out CHEAP gifts'; just simply say, ';well they weren't exactly cheap I still had to buy everything and it adds up with you have (#) of grandparents.';





Just simple things like that will put her in her place with out being mean to her or starting fights. You could also ask your husband to say something to his mother when it's just the 2 of them. That way she doesn't feel threatened and he can actually speak his mind. He can just ask her if she realizes that she is not being very nice. Even if she does know it, he can play it off like that just to keep the peace.





I hope that your MIL relationship gets better!
Thank god I'm not the only one with one hell of a crazy Mother in law. Mine is mean as well. She is so jealous over the fact that I'm with her son and she cant control every little thing he says and does. My fiance doesn't say crap to his mom either! Kinda pisses me off. If my mom ever treated him like that I would tell my mom something. I have tried to keep the peace and wouldn't say anything and just bite my tongue, but now I say stuff. She always has a catty remark to make to me so I just nicely say one back. I know two wrongs don't make a right and honestly I don't care anymore I have put up with it for over three years!! Now she is kinda backing off since I tell her things.
Geesh... your MIL would drive me INSANE! How have you put up with her these past 4 years? I give you A LOT of credit for dealing with her.





I fortunately get along great with my MIL. We have also been together for 4 years and I've never had a single problem. She's a kind and extremely caring woman. I think the reason why we get along so great is because she works exhausting hours and always has too much going on to be butting into our business. (But she makes time for her granddaughter! :) Your horrible MIL makes anyone else's I know look like a SAINT!





Have you ever considered talking to her about her attitude and sly remarks? I think I would have put her in her place a long time ago... Best of Luck





EDIT::.. it also helps that my MIL lives in another state! :)
My MIL is a ***** as well. When she found out we were going to have a baby she said, ';Wow! Now you really have your hands full raising a baby and her mother.'; She later tried to convince my husband to get a DNA test because she said my business has to many male clients. (I own a debt collection business...not an escort service).





However, I am now getting my ';revenge';. She is financially strapped so she asked my husband to give her $200 a month to help her make ends meet. He told her he had to ok it with me. So, I agreed and every month when she stops by for her check I write it out with a huge smile on my face. I am laughing my butt off on the inside.





Knock on wood she has never said anything crappy (that has gotten back to me) since.





I guess all you can do is take comfort in the fact that you are a good person and if she would take the time to get to know you she would see that. Always remember, what goes around comes around!
Oh my god-you're MIL sounds like a complete *****. Poor you :(





I think lots of MIL's are like that because a lot of times they feel like you've taken their precious son away from them, or they tend to be critical of anyone their kids date/marry because they want their sons to have ';the best and perfect'; wife, sometimes they're jealous, sometimes they think you're a bad infulence, a LOT of the time they are very controlling and hate the fact they can't control their children once they're grown and sometimes they are just mean people.





Sure some people just don't get along. Your MIL doesn't have to be your biggest fan but she has NO right to say those things to you!





Both you and your husband need to make her listen up.Your husband needs to tell her that by insulting his wife, she is insulting him.


Tell her that while she is in your house she can either treat you with respect or just not visit you at your house anymore. You can't control what she says in her own house but tell her if she is insulting towards you, you will immediately leave-and you will take your son with you.


I agree with you. Your son doesn't need to grow up seeing her walk all over you. Say something like ';You are a fantastic grandma and *your sons name* loves you a lot and loves spending time with you. But we don't want our son growing up watching his grandmother insult his mother. So we need you to step up and start treating me with respect or I don't think we'll have any other choice but to stop seeing you';


It will probably scare her into acting like a decent person.





There's no reason you should have to put up with her crap.





I'm thankful that I get along brilliantly with all my in-laws (hubbys parents ar divorced and remarried). We got married and had our first child very young though and there was tension between his mom and me for awhile, but once we had our daughter she fell so in love with her she forgot all about it lol and we get along fine now.





Good luck! :)
Omg. I am soooo sorry about that and first of all I want to just tell you that you sound like an awesome mom! Breastfeeding is great, and those presents sound so cute and adorable, I wish I had as much dedication as you!





Anyways, your MIL is definitely a B****! I guess I am lucky and have a nice one HOWEVER my mom was not so lucky. my grandma stuck her finger in her mouth for the ';gag me'; sign the first time she met my mother for starters. Also my grandmother can't let anyone steal the spotlight EVER ..and this is with everyone, not just my mother. Just the other day I was showing her the hat I had made my husband and she totally ignores me not saying anything about it, and starts talking about some hat she saw the other day. THEN my husband was talking about how he has decided to go back to school and all that.. well she cuts him off (without acknowledging anything he said ) and goes... im planning on getting my GED someday (which isn't true) Then my dad is talking about my daughter and how good she is when we go out to eat and she has to say ';oh vinnie(my dad) was such an angel when we took him out..'; I mean its like the woman has no idea how to have conversations with people. On my wedding day she went up to my husband (meeting him the first time mind you) and he gave her a hug while she stood there stiff as a board and didn't say anything. Then after the wedding she comes up and tries to give him a hug...





I think some women are just crazy. My grandma i think is jealous of a lot of people and feels like she has to talk about herself so people will like her ( which has the opposite effect!) Maybe thats how your MIL is? Perhaps she is jealous that you are breastfeeding and wishes she did, or feels like less of a mom but instead of saying that tries to make herself feel better or look better about the situation. Same with the gifts. She was probably so jealous of those gifts that everyone liked and felt like she had to come up with some sort of excuse ( and I really need to applaud you for that because I know now that the only time I can do anything other than be a mom really is after she's asleep and that must have been a lot of work! )


As for what you should do about it.. my mother used to complain to my father and I think he was torn about it because his whole life he's dealt with that and accepted it and he felt bad anytime he said something to her. It always started a fight between them.. .however lately my dad hasn't been able to take it anymore and suggested she go to a therapist that can help he learn how to have relationships with people! Perhaps you should just come right out and call her out one day for all the things she's said and let her know how you feel?


I don't know what your religious stance is, but being a christian, I suggest praying for her and for your relationship and a change of heart.





God Bless you and don't let her hatred bring you down!
I am so sorry that you have to put up with a MIL like that. My MIL is has always been nice to me. My hubby insists that she is not the same woman he grew up with. She tells me she loves me and gives me great advise concerning my son and my marriage, but is not overbearing about it. Again I'm sorry she treats you that way. It's probably because she is jealous of you. She used to be number one in her son's life and now has to take the backseat. That in no way excuses her treatment of you. She should at least respect the fact that you are married to her son and that you make him happy. Hope she starts to treat you better.
Oh.. thats harsh... What a mean woman! Its time for you husband to stand up to her. You are his wife, he need to defend you! And like you mentioned its not going to be good when your son realizes how she treats you...





As for my MIL: She drives me nuts sometimes but she loves me to death and would NEVER even consider being mean to me. ... Sometimes I think she likes me better than her own son! LOL
Sounds like she has some self-esteem issues and is jealous of the thoughtful gifts that you take the time and effort to make.





I would just ignore her. You will drive yourself crazy trying to get her approval. You are better off setting your own trend and stick to your guns. don't let her make you feel little....





When your son is old enough to understand what she is doing, then let her know that she needs to change her attitude towards you or not around the kids..





The nicest thing my MIL said to me was that I was the best thing that ever happened to her son. They were a broken family and non of her kids are doing well in life. She said I brought order and stability in her son's life, and I guess that means alot to her as a mother....
Lordy....well my MIL is an alcoholic bingo playing hypochondriac whom I haven't met yet and we've been together 2 years with a 8 month old son. My husband hasn't even seen her in 10 years or so. (her 4 other children are waiting for her to go for an inheritance, I know that is bad, but she was a terrible mother)


I was all happy not knowing her, but apparently she's coming for a visit this month or next and I'm scared that she's going to be this way or worse.


I know she has a right to meet her grandson...but from the stories I have heard, I hope it is a short visit.


If I were in your shoes, I would talk to your husband again and maybe talk to her together.


You might just have to take her aside and tell her yourself that she is making you feel this way.


Honestly, it sounds like she is jealous for some reason. Good luck! oh and wish my luck with mine..lol
The way i see it is that she's just jealous! I have a son and i know i would get jealous when he would stop crying with my dad's girlfriend rather than his mommy. So i understand BUT i would get over it and try to make the best of my DIL. Lucky me my MIL lives in Mexico, i've NEVER met her, and ive only talked to her once on the phone in the 3 years my husband and i have been together! It's a bond that you create once you first hold your baby and then one day he's off and married and worried about another women. It must really hurt but that's what happens in life. Just like i moved away from my mom and married my husband my son will one day do that same. Just like i would pass curfew and lie my son will do the same.
nope mil are bit**es