How would you deal with your sister dating the man who raped you?

I was raped 6 years ago, at the time he was my sister's baby daddy's brother, he told me that if I told anyone that I would never see my sister or nephew again, so I didn't tell a soul. I told my family later that I had been raped but never told them by who, they assumed I didn't know the person. I moved away and just tried to get on with my life, last year I was awoken by my phone ringing, and walked into the living room, and his voice was on my answering machine. I found out that he was dating my sister and that he was the father to my sister's second child. I told her that he was the man who raped me and she told me I wanted it, that it wasn't rape.

I've been trying to deal with it, but get upset every time my mother calls and tells me I need to start talking to her daughter. My sister is dead to me, and I don't want anything to do with her or her kids. My mother doesn't understand where I'm coming from and it irritates me that she won't listen to my side. I don't want to kick my own mother out of my life, but I can't keep talking about it every time she calls.

I've been diagnosed with PTSD and every time she brings her daughter and her daughter's kids up, I immediately think of ways to kill her and her nasty boyfriend.

How do I get my mother to understand?How would you deal with your sister dating the man who raped you?
First, Monica R... just because she didn't tell the police DOES NOT mean she wanted it! Don't be stupid about something so serious! There are HUNDREDS of rape victims who are scared into not telling. You seriously have no common sense yourself. That's an obvious fact. Read some biographies and autobiographies once in a while. Maybe it'll do you some good to research what you're talking about. And if dare say ';well she told her sister it was him, why couldn't she tell the police?'; I will rebut it this: One, she told her that just recently.. and two, because she doesn't want to see her sister hurting like she has been. Very common situation to much disbelief.



Now, I'm not quite sure how you can completely convince your mom. You could take it to the police. They could try to figure things out, but it's not a guarantee. Let them know the threats he gave to you. Tell your mother all that (calmly) and then tell her that if she doesn't care to understand then maybe the police will.



Just because you don't want your family relationship ruined, doesn't mean it will go your way. If your family is being that unreasonable, they should be hit with a heavy dose of reality to knock them upside the head to make them realize how idiotic they are being.How would you deal with your sister dating the man who raped you?
Instead of talking on the phone, get her to come visit you to talk instead.



I hope everything works out. Keep strong!
It's hard to hear that your own sister thinks that ';you wanted that!'; No one wants or ask to be raped. I don't think there is a way to make your mother understand your disgust and the betrayal you feel from your sister. I would tell your mom that if she can't stop bringing up your sister or her family, then you would have no choice but to cut communication with her also. Raped victims really need a support system, and I can only imagine how you feel since your family is not being there for you like they should. Keep your head up and try to be strong. My prayers will be with you.
You need to get into therapy. Go see a pshychitrist for counseling. This is horrible. You are completely right to be upset and scared that your sister is dating your rapist! He is a rapist and that will never change. I think the time frame for rape is 7 years so I suggest you go file charges against him. At least you will start a record for him so that if someone else comes forward they will be believed.



If your family doesnt understand now then they never will. Stay away from them. You need to tell your mother that you no longer want to talk about your sister, that she is dead to you. If she doesnt stop then cut her out of your life too.
Dang it! Monica R! You are so mean! How can you tell her that it was consensual? Were you there?
Just tell him you still are hurt by what he had done to you, alone in a room with a hidden camera/microphone, and that he shouldn't of raped you. Most likely he will rape you again maybe if you are lucky, catching that on camera would definitely be jail time for him. People who get away with that type of ****, might think they are invincible and can do it again.
The Best thing i can tell you is too just ignore them. Because you keep trying and trying to explain to them but they just seem not to get the picture. So, therefore just stop, TRUST me i was in a similar situation and i had to jot all my feelings in my diary. Trust your mom and sister will come around. I promise. Hang in there girl. If u ever need someone to talk to just email me!
Darlin, i am so sorry.



You can't go back in time, but this matter should have been reported to the police immediately, as well as you visiting the ER. I don't care what the dumb as s man told you... he'd have been arrested... and your sister and nephew would have been fine.... there is such a thing as DNA testing, and they'd have picked him up and he would have been guilty....



I hope you have a therapist? Hon, if not, please go! You need to consider setting some limits and boundaries with others, and to learn some coping skills. Sometimes it takes almost total disconnection with the people who have hurt you most... i know i had to do it.