How do you deal with your spouse's childs other parent?

I absolutely hate my fiance's daughters mother! I have tried to like her-I really have, because I know that us getting along will make for an easier life for the child. I lover the child and her father very much...but the mother is mean, rude, disrespecttful, upappreciative and assumes we do things to make her jealous. For example this summer we took a vaca to Disney world...well the mother threw a fit the night before we were to leave and didnt want her daughter to go. then when we go home she didnt even ask how her trip was (this i know bc the child told me and was upset by it)

The mother always has something negative to say about us and I'm sick of it.

How do you all deal with these issues??How do you deal with your spouse's childs other parent?
I have to deal with my stepchildren mother and it's hell. She is always so needy, helpless, and for some reason always has some sort of illness.



Also women here take it as a personal attack when we try talking about OUR issues with OUR stepchildren wicked biological mothers.



Advice I try is to stay away from her, not talk to her, let your husband do all of that work, for me it's horrible. Good LuckHow do you deal with your spouse's childs other parent?
Stay away from her.
im sure she feels the same way about you. in fact, she sees you as the tramp who is trying to replace her...so BE NICE. and stop acting like you have any rights to her child.
KILL her with kindness. Do not stoop down to her level. The same thing happened to me and now we are very ';cordial'; with each other.
don't let it get to you girl

you are letting this girl make you feel upset, mad, angry why?

she is the one so jealous of you that she cant stand it



my advise Smile laugh blow this lady off

and keep doing what your doing

don't you see by you being so sweet to her daughter and being the new wife she is just trying to have an excuse to make you and your hubby fight don't let her do it

even if it bothers you smile at her

don't let her know it bothers you
You won't like my response, but take the high road. Don't stoop to her level and reassure your step daughter that her mom isn't angry or upset with her.



Have your fiance' send some type of written corrospondence to her because in most decrees it specifically addresses negative remarks about the ex-spouse to the child. She is in default if so. I would have him adress not YOUR feelings or even HIS feelings but his concern for how the child is feeling. Do this in writing and Keep copies for yourself. She sounds unstable and you may have to present this in court to fully protect your new daughter.
You can get more bee's with honey, not with vinegar. Ever heard of that? Just be as kind as you can, keep you tone low and soft to her face and over the phone. Can you just immagine what the child is dealing with at HER home? Try to make the child's life easier and nicer with kindness. Confront the other mother with a dinner sometime in your home with the child there. Then if all esle failes TAKE HER TO COURT and document every single action, use of profanity, yelling, record conversations and type out what exactly she said to you or whomever over the phone, video tape exchanges when you pick up the child and return the child. Just protect yourself and this child. Let her be jealous, her problem, not yours. Good for you for trying to work this out. It does make a difference in a child's life. I know this for a fact.
Treat your step-daughter just as you would your own child and set a good example for her. You obviously don't need to hand the ex the rope she'll hang herself with as her behavior is doing it for her, and the daughter can see that.

And the ex is your husband's problem, so stay out of it. Too often the argument ends up being a catfight between Wife 1 and 2 and the husband is sitting back and watching. She can't have an argument with someone who refuses the bait and that will bother her worse than if you give her the reaction she is looking for.
My husband's ex is also a witch (and one with mental illness at that)--I'd say best solution is to avoid her as much as possible. If communication is necessary, try email. And no matter how mean she is to you, just be sweet as pie back. Email is also nice because you have everything in writing, so she can't go back on her word...
I throw flaming bags of dog poop at her door and then run off.
When she comes over, say hello and try to act busy until she leaves. If she says something directly to you that is negative don't go off. Speak to your husband in private about it and make sure that he knows that he needs to talk to her about it.

that's the first warning

Second time she says something to you than tell her yourself '; I will not let you talk to me like this is my house, your daughter is more than welcome here and so are you but I will not allow you to speak negatively about me or my family'; If she still continues than you and your husband need to tell her that she is not welcome in your home. This is in the case that she is really just being nasty

If she is just being a minor annoyance because she was not lucky enough to keep the man that you now have. Than let her wollow in her unhappiness sometimes life has a better revenge for people than you ever can
I feel for you. Because I am a biological mom who has to deal with my ex's girlfriend of 4 years. We were okay probably 6 months out of this entire 4 years. She hates me. She hates the way I parent. She constantly steps on me by overstepping her bounds. Meaning she will go to the school demand grades, she will go out and buy things she knows I am already doing, she went out and got my daughters 8th grade graduation outfit without EVEN consulting me. I have tried like crazy to get a long with her. We even went to blended family counceling. But our differences are too much I think. For the kids it is so much easier when things are good. You don't have to be best friends but being civil is so much easier. Be the bigger person with the mother and invite her to coffee or something and talk. Ask her how she is feeling, express your thoughts as well. You might be suprised at how well it goes. You also need to realize that kids will lie and do strange things to keep the pot stirred. I wish you much luck. I know our roles are reversed and you are going to be the step mom. But we as mom's feel pressure too. Don't get discouraged. I also WOULD not make any of the decisions that concern the child. LET HIM! If you start doing it then she will feel he has let you take over and that will make her mad as well. He is the father, he needs to remain the person who makes decisions with the mother. You of course have say. You are to be his wife. But I wouldn't advise you to speak with her about such important things as trips etc. Let him do all of that. Just try to speak to her. I honestly have found that when you confront somebody and speak openly things get worked out. Kids have a way of making more conflict which then creates hostility amoung adults.
Sounds to me like its nothing more then jealousy - that you are offering the child something more then she can at this time. (this is normal for her to feel this way)... Just try to understand her alittle more(even though its hard)...and continue being good to the daughter.

THink about what matters in the end... its definately not what the mother thinks...

but- when the child is older...what is important is what the child thinks of her childhood..... which you are a part of.